The Only Medicine

My eyelids feel like sandpaper. I reach over to Vic’s nightstand to check my phone; it’s seven o’clock. I can already tell that my eyes will be swollen to the size of golf balls from crying all night.

I sit up and look over to the fold out bed, but Vic’s still asleep. I quietly get to my feet and tiptoe out of the room, praying that no one else is awake this early. Thankfully I don’t meet anyone on my way to the kitchen. I scoop some ice out of the freezer and hold it to my swollen eyelids. It feels like I could burst into tears at any moment.

I keep the ice on for as long as I can muster, then head down to the bathroom to run a flannel under the cold water. Mama taught me this; she used to do it every day before work the year that my Papa passed away. I was too young to remember him, but I keep a photo on my nightstand at home.

I squeeze out the flannel and take it back to Vic’s room, and promptly fall asleep with it on my face.


“Hey, Mia, wake up,” comes Vic’s gentle voice.

I try to open my eyes, but the flannel, now lukewarm, is still on my face. I reach up and pull it off my face to the sight of Vic on the bed next to me.

“What time is it?” I mumble, sitting up.

“Eleven thirty. Are you okay?”

“I cried last night,” I admit.

“Aw, Mia … what’s wrong?” he asks, propping his head up on one hand. “Is it Jane?”

I pause imperceptibly, then nod.

“Aw, Mia. Maybe you should text her and meet up?”

I sigh. I know that I probably should, but I don’t think meeting up with Jane when I’ve been crying is such a great idea. Actually, that might work in my favour.

“I might see if she wants to grab coffee this afternoon.” I grab my phone to text her.

“That’s probably a good idea.” He pauses. “I really hate seeing you hurt, Mia.”

I smile. “I know.”

“If I wasn’t such a gentleman, I’d punch her in the face.”

I snort. Imagining Vic hitting anyone, let alone Jane, is hilarious at best.

“Hey, no, I would!” he laughs. He gets to his feet. “Okay, I’ll leave you to get dressed. Do you wanna go out for lunch?”

“Sounds good,” I agree, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. “Can we go to the Loving Hut?”

“Yeah, okay. I might see if Mike wants to come, too. If he’s awake, that is.”

“Uhh … Mike has company.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I bumped into her last night. Her name’s Jessica; she’s in Mike’s biology class,” I say, trying to keep my voice neutral.

“Uhh … okay. She must have snuck in.” Vic pauses. “I wonder if he’s kicked her out yet.”

I shrug, trying to look apathetic. “If not, we could always invite them both to lunch.” Ugh, god. Why did I say that?


It turns out Mike hasn’t had a chance to kick Jessica out—in fact, he’s more than keen to bring her to lunch with us. I don’t want to read much into it. So pile into Vic’s car, with Vic driving, me in the passenger seat, and Mike and Jessica in the back seat. Vic keeps firing questions at them to stop them from canoodling.

“So, Jessica, how did you meet Mike?” Vic asks, looking in the rearview mirror. Oh god, he sounds like such a Dad.

“We’ve got a few classes together. Biology and English,” Jessica replies. She’s wearing presumably what she wore to our house last night when she snuck in: a long-sleeve blue dress and brown boots. Her hair is pulled up in a messy bun. She’s beautiful and it annoys me.

“Ah, yep. Mike didn’t say you were staying last night,” Vic says, meeting Mike’s eyes in the rearview mirror.

“Whoa, chill out, Dad,” Mike says sarcastically. “Didn’t realise I had to check in with you.”

Jessica giggles. Vic seems to run out of questions and the silence is broken by the sound of Jessica and Mike kissing.

“I like your dress,” I say. I don’t. I don’t understand why it has long arms when it only reaches mid-thigh. I just want them to stop kissing.

“Thanks,” she replies. Silence. Then, “I like your gauges.”

“Uh, thanks.” I’ve just got my plain wood pair in again. I hate it when people call them ‘gauges’.

We reach the restaurant; Vic parks just outside and we head in and snag a table. I’m actually surprised that Mike would agree to come to lunch with us—he usually always complains about vegan food and he’s never eaten here before.

“So, uh, what do they serve here?” Jessica asks as we sit down.

“It’s all vegan,” I reply.

“Oh, okay. So, like, salads and stuff?”

“Uh, there’s wontons and soups and stuff. It’s pretty awesome.”

“Yeah, I’m not vegan and it’s actually pretty good,” Vic adds. “Some of it even tastes like regular food.”

“Oh, right.”

We all peruse the menus in silence. Every so often Jessica asks me about a menu item—generally anything she thinks should be made out of animal products, like cheese—and I have to explain that it’s a vegan version. I feel like a vegan encyclopaedia. The waiter comes over and we order a bunch of things to share, since Jessica and Mike are worried about ordering something they don’t like.

“So, Mia, where abouts are you from?” Jessica asks while we wait for our food.

“Um, America?” I reply.

“Oh, but where are you really from?”

“Why, because I’m not white?” I want to reply, but instead I say, “My mother is Dominican.”

“Oh, okay.”

We sit in awkward silence. My life is filled with awkward silences nowadays. Vic excuses himself to go to the bathroom and Mike and Jessica just talk amongst themselves and, oh my god, it’s so awkward. Why did we invite them? Luckily the food doesn’t take too long to come out, so I can busy myself with eating and not thinking about how much I hate Jessica and wish that she’d never met Mike.

As soon as we’ve all finished eating, I get to my feet. “Um, I have to go. I’m meeting someone for coffee.”

“Do you want me to drop you there?” Vic asks.

“No, it’s all good. I’ll just walk.” I give Vic some cash for the meal, which he tries to refuse, but I insist. Then I leave as quickly as I can.

I’m actually not supposed to meet with Jane for another half an hour—I’m surprised she even texted me back, considering she probably hasn’t been drinking yet—but I decide to head to Starbucks early and just compose myself. It doesn’t take long to walk there. I order myself a soy flat white and find a cosy corner.

Jane arrives late, as expected, but smiles when she sees me. She’s wearing a grey tunic and black yoga pants. I don’t want to tell her that they’re slightly see-through at the back.

“Hey,” Jane says, sitting down in front of me once she’s ordered.

“How are you?” I ask, trying not to sound nervous.

She yawns. “Pretty tired. I was at a party last night—you know David Saint Cloud?”

I shake my head.

“Oh, okay. He’s in our year. Anyway, it was his party.”

“Was it good?”

“Yeah. I can’t remember much, though,” she giggles. She has a pretty laugh and it makes me want to cry.

I force a smile and take a sip from my flat white. The barista calls Jane’s name and she jumps up to grab her beverage, a Grande chai latte. I can never understand how people can drink anything bigger than a Tall—I’d be bouncing off the walls.

“So, how are you?” Jane asks, sitting back down. “I haven’t seen you all week.”

Jane and I don’t have any classes together this year, but I often see her at school anyway. Her friend group is separate to mine, though. And by group, I mean me and Mike, which could grow to mean me and Mike and Jessica soon, or even just me by myself and Mike with Jessica and her friends. I shake my head to clear the negative thoughts away before they accumulate.

“Um, I’m okay.” I take a sip from my coffee and try to stop my hands shaking.

“Are you all right?”

I sigh. “Um … I’ve got something to ask you.”

“Okay?”

“Um … what exactly is this? Like, what are we doing?” I finish talking and take a breath.

“Uh, I dunno,” she smiles shyly. She has a really cute, dimply smile. “You mean, like, us?”

“Yeah …”

She shrugs. “I dunno. We’re just having fun, right?”

“Yeah … about that …” I sigh. “Um, I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

I hadn’t realised how much I was fidgeting. I smooth my hands down my thighs. “I don’t think we should hook up anymore.”

“Oh, okay.” Her smile fades a bit.

“I just … I feel like you only want me when we’re at a party or something.”

“I don’t,” she insists. “Honestly. I do really like you. I just … I’m a bit weird with the whole relationship thing, you know?”

I nod sadly. “Yeah, I know.”

She reaches across and grabs my hand. “Hey, but I do really like you. We can just be friends, if you want?”

I fix a smile on my face. “Yeah, sure. Yeah, that sounds good.”

She grins. “Cool.”

I polish off the rest of my coffee. “Okay. Um, well, I gotta go. I’ve got a thing. Band practice.”

“Sure. I’ll see you around.”

I get to my feet and we embrace clumsily. She sits back down to finish her coffee and I scamper out of the coffee shop. I’d expected to feel upset, but it actually feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Maybe Jane and I can be friends in the end, but for now, I think we should spend some time apart.

I walk to clear my head and then call Vic to pick me up.

Notes