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An Alternate Ending

Buried Yourself Alive

A week ago I stupidly slept with Oli and everything since then has been overly awkward but strangely sexual. I can’t help but feel extremely attrackted to him whenever he is in the same room as him. I thought he would try to avoid us being near each other but things didn’t work out like that. We went to Matt’s a few nights ago for dinner, as we all sat eating dinner, listening to Amanda and her stupid pregnancy stories Oli put his hand on my thigh. I obviously had to act like it wasn’t happening; which I was awful at. Since I’m extremely ticklish I kept giggling at random moments. Eventually I pushed his hand away and he became cold with me. I don’t understand him. He was the one who didn’t wanna cheat on Amanda back in December but now he’s all up for total adultery? I have no idea what to do with him. But as far as things go, he needs to end it with Amanda before he breaks her heart. Baby or not, he can’t fuck around like this. I know I shouldn’t have slept with him but I’m not the one in the relationship.

But that was then, and this is now. And right now he is a wreck. An hour ago he turned up at my door, crying his eyes out. Amanda lied to him about being pregnant, he was looking through her phone for a number and found a text thread to a friend of hers which included a conversation about how she can keep pretending to be pregant, Oli confronted her and they argued. She came clean about lying for the past 3 months. He threw her out and then came to me. The thing that really broke my heart is the fact he feels stupid for believing her without much proof. She only did it so that she could keep him away from me, which really breaks my heart.

I know for a fact that Oli loves me and I him but to know that someone deliberately lied about something so damn serious to keep us a part is fucking disgusting. How on earth she honestly thought she would get away with it is what bothers me. I mean I did make a point of saying she didn’t look pregnant, it did cross my mind but I didn’t think she was capable of it. How wrong I was.

The first twently minutes was spent with him pacing up and down my livingroom, shouting and waving his arms around as he called her every name he could think of. “She’s so fucking selfish” He burst out again. “I’ve never known anyone more selfish than her in my whole life. And I know myself” He turned and shook his head.

“The only thing I can really say is that maybe she loved you that much, she knew she was losing you and that scared her. The lie was too big for her to comprehend how awful it would be” I tried to explain. I wasn’t defending her but I was trying to wrap my own head around why someone would do something like that in the first place.

“I don’t want her love. She is nothing but a shit memory to me” He spat, venom thick in his voice. The guy really hated her now, which is understandable. He walked over and sat down next to me.

“I’m really sorry Oli” I whispered. He looked at me and sighed. “If I could make it all better then I would” I didn’t really know what to say if I’m honest.

“I bought some clothes for my made up child. I honestly can’t believe how much I wanted a baby until now. It’s heartbreaking Casey” He moved over to me and cuddled into my neck. I felt butterflies in my stomach.

“I know, but it might happen one day. When things aren’t complicated and you settle down for real” I explained.

I felt his head lift up and I looked down. He looked like he wanted to say something but then didn’t. He just stood up and felt around his pockets. “I have to go, I’ll be back, don’t go anywhere” He said swiftly then ran out my flat, leaving me extremely confused and bewildered.

I decided to call Jordan and tell him the events of the day. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and clicked on Jordans contact and hit dial. It rung for a few seconds then he picked up. “Hello Casey” He said softly, in the typical Jordan voice.

“Jordan honestly this day has been an emotional rollercoaster, I need to vent” I laughed. He just laughed softly and then told me to go on. “So basically Amanda lied about being pregnant and now Oli is freaking out. He turned up at my house almost crying and then suddenly up and left, saying he’d be back soon. I have no idea where he is and when he’ll be back” I explained.

“Well it’s no shock that Amanda wasn’t pregnant but now Oli knows for sure, it’s just totally unacceptable. But now it means you can be with him right?” I went quiet. I don’t know what this means for me and Oli.

“I don’t know what this means at all if I’m honest” I sighed. “I have no idea what to do or say, I don’t know how to comfort him in this situation” I laughed nervously.

“Just try to be his friend. That’s all you really can do” Jordan told me. “If more seems to happen then let it, if that’s what you want. Honestly, he needs someone like you. Amanda was a lying, scheming bitch and this is evident. Just do what you do best, and try to avoid sleeping with him tonight if it can be helped” He explained.

“Okay Jordan, thanks for listening to me moan” I said softly.

“It’s no problem Casey, I care about you two” He told me.

“I’ll speak to you later Jordan” I smiled, hopefully he could tell.

“Bye Case” He said and hung up the phone.

I put my phone away and stood up. Not really sure where I was going but I just felt trapped. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere out of the building in case Oli came back. So I grabbed my cigarettes from my jacket pocket and left the flat, going up to the roof. It’s became my safe place since I’ve been here and strangely every time has been something connected to Oli.

Maybe he’s too fucked up for me, or maybe we just really aren’t meant to be together. And that’s what scares me the most about all of this. I want to make things work but nothing seems to be going right between us.

I pulled a cigarette out, placing it in my mouth and lighting it up. I put the lighter back inside the pack and stuffed them in my hoody pocket. The inhale I took filled my lungs and soothed the panic in my mind. It’s funny because I have no reason to be panicked. I shut my eyes and sat down on the ledge like I ususally did and looked out into the busy Sheffield city. Everyone out there has their own problems, own shit to deal with but no matter how difficult it sounds, you always feel like your problems are much worse. It’s a selfish concept, I don’t get it. I would rather know that I’m not going through the worst but glad to know someone else out there is happier than me.

After I finished my cigarette I went back into my apartment and lay on my bed, thinking of all the times that Oli and me had shared. When we were in school, we both hated each other with a burning passion. Well I hated him. He was just a typical scene kid with a huge ego. He just thought everyone in the world fancied him. And honestly he wasn’t even attractive back then, the dyed black hair and piercings just didn’t cut it for me if I’m honest. But in hindsight I can definitely agree he was cute, the effort her put into his looks. I do miss those days, at school and seeing him every day.

But that’s the beauty of growing up. You have to find a way to keep those people in your lives and I think I shat out it. I left them all behind, and even now I can feel the small pressure of tension on the relationships I left behind. I missed out on so much of their lives, and they mine. It hurts to know I just abandoned them. Matt told me in great detail about the depth of Oli’s heartache when he finally realised I was gone. They couldn’t get a hold of him for weeks, fearing he was dead. Turns out he just locked himself up and didn’t want anyone else to see how hurt he was. It literally broke my heart to know how much he loved me, even back then.
All the thinking of my past made my head hurt so I got up and went into the kitchen, getting some painkillers and took them. I walked back into my bed room and fell onto my bed, climbing under the covers and falling asleep and forgetting my worries for a while.

----

Banging on my door woke me from my sleep, making me feel a strange sense of deja vu as this is exactly how things went last week after the photoshoot. I forgot that Oli said he would be back and locked my door when I got back in from having a cigarette.

I walked out into the hallway and then unlocked the door and pulled it open. I looked straight ahead and couldn’t see anyone. I looked down and was shocked to see Oli kneeling on the ground infront of me, his hand extended with a box. A huge ring displayed in the box. I felt the breath in my throat hitch and just stared at him in utter shock.

“Casey, listen to me. It’s taken me so fucking long to realise that we’re meant to be together. I don’t understand why and I feel like I’ve missed out on so much of a life we could have together but that’s just it. We have never really been together and I already know that my life with you is already a million times better than a life without you. Words genuinely can’t even begin to comprehend how much you mean to me and knowing that I could wake up every day with you by my side gives me chills every time I think about it. Just marry me please?” His little speech brought me to tears. I fell to my knees in front of him.

“Why?” I sobbed out. He looked confused.

“What? Why are you asking why?” He shook his head. I could see fear in his eyes.

“Why are you doing this Oli?” I asked. “I love you, so much but this isn’t right” I tried to steady my breath.

“You don’t want to marry me?” He sounded heartbroken.

I wiped away my tears and stood up, holding my hand out for him to pull him up. I closed the door behind him. “You just found out you’re not going to be a father today, and now you’re asking the had an affair with to marry you. Oli you mean the world to me. You are one of the most important people I’ve ever encountered in my entire life and nothing will ever diminish that at all. But I can’t accept this proposal, not now. It’s too soon, you need time to think. I don’t want you to rush anything” I explained to him. He just hung his head and sighed.

“So it’s a no?” He mumbled.

“It’s a not right now, I’m a mess. My life is a mess, I have no idea what I’m doing. When Amanda told everyone she was pregnant you didn’t even come after me, you took a while to confront me. I had to deal with that shit on my own without your input. How’d you think that felt for me, after the speeches about loving me? It was heartbreaking. Until we’re fully past everything to do with Amanda then I can’t accept marriage proposals or trying to help you out. I just want you to understand Oli. I love you so much, but it’s not the right reaction to what has happened to you today” I have no idea how to get through to him without hurting his feelings.

“I get it Casey” He nodded, I didn’t know what to say to him. “I’m gonna go actually” He turned and left before I could say anything else. Leaving me heartbroken and disgusted with myself.
But deep down I know it’s for the best.

Notes

Comments

I. LIKE. IT. I. WANNA. RREEEADDDD IT

Please update. I've been hooked on these stories and starting to read them a second time

@Janelle


It's slowly becoming mines too, thanks for reading and commenting

This story is life

@Madness


Thank you!