Rage, Rage Against the Dying of the Light
Today Was a Time to Run Away, Run Away from Pain
Two weeks later on a Thursday night, 9:03 P.M….
Yep, they talked about it. They had discussed every fine detail but never the name. It was completely and utterly official.
I was being sold.
No longer was I a human. No longer did I have rights. No longer did I try to yell. No longer did I have a fight.
I was going to be gone from here, but I was going to someplace just as bad or worse.
We were in Utah, or at least I think it was Utah. The boys were all discussing around a table as I lay in my bunk, trying to listen to them. The silver collar hung heavy around my neck but I didn’t touch it.
I hadn’t eaten, hadn’t slept, and hadn’t said a word in the past week.
Yes, the BMTH boys had used my weakness against me time and time again. They beat me on the littlest whims and I had scratches littered down my body along with bruises of varying sizes and colors. They would run their hands down my back just to see my freaked out reaction.
The supposed clients were going to meet the band somewhere close by in a couple of days. I was supposed to act like ‘a good little kitten’. I was supposed to impress the buyers. I was supposed to go away.
There were so many ‘supposed to’ statements that it made my head spin.
The dark sky outside was so beautiful. It called to me, the desert did. Oli knew that I’ve always wanted to be out under the stars in Utah or Arizona. I think he was just torturing me now.
I barely saw the edge of Orion’s belt. It was my favorite constellation, the place I got my name from. Now I wanted to be up in the sky, dancing among the stars. I wanted to be anywhere but here.
I heard their conversation finish. The bus was stopped on the curb of a road in the middle of the desert. I had the ipod clutched close in my shorts pocket. As I stared at the stars, I felt the sudden need to be outside.
And then I saw it.
Yes, I saw the northern star. The one that always shone brightest. If I craned my neck hard enough, I could barely glimpse it if I wanted to. My heart longed to be at home, in my driveway, staring at the night sky.
I thought to my mom and her love of poetry. She would recite me all her favorite poems every night when I was little. Although I loved Edgar Allan Poe the most, one of my favorite poems was by Dylan Thomas.
I would say it to myself every night I went stargazing. I would recite it over and over, like a mechanical rhythm. It was the one thing that could calm me down from anxiety attacks, the one thing that could get me moving forward again.
Do not go gentle into that good night….
And so I thought this one line. I thought about that night. I went gently into their bus where I was now stuck. I was in the middle of that good night and I didn’t do anything to resist the temptation.
Do not go gentle into that good night…
I sat up in my bunk, thinking these things. A slow smile tinged my lips. Night was the most dangerous time. Night was also when I flourished. It was like my other skin that I wore. Night could surround me and I wasn’t afraid.
Night was my friend.
Do not go gentle into that good night….
So I would NOT give up easily. I would NOT go gentle into that good night.
I stood up, walking out to where the boys were all gathered on their couches. Drinks were balanced on their sweaty palms. They all stared at me as I broadly stood in their aisle way. Oli looked me at in surprise.
“’Ello, love.” He spoke pleasantly in his familiar British accent. I smiled a little. I’ve never been one for rebellion with all that social anxiety I have. Going out of my comfort zone wasn’t in my nature. But when I did, it was certainly an experience.
“Hello, sir.” I responded curtly.
“Sit down, Kitten.” Jordan came and gestured a spot between him and Oli. I smiled to him but stayed silent. I took a quiet position two feet from the door. They all seemed pretty comfortable. Lee’s legs were kicked up on the table. Matty was chilling with a bag of popcorn.
“Actually, sir, I was going to ask you…” I trailed of, starting to shake. No! I had to remain strong and not balk.
“What is it?” Matty asked. The other Matt just looked surprised.
“Can I go outside?” I questioned softly. Oli looked at me for a moment before shaking his head. I followed his glance to the clock on the opposite wall before I made a quick glance to the door. There was a little label over the lock that stated if the door was locked or unlocked, if it was green or red.
It was green.
“No, darling. It’s too late.” Oli shook his head, taking a sip of the beer. I mocked a sigh, looking down to the ground with my hands loosely hung at my side.
“Well, that’s just too bad.” I looked back up to them.
And with that, I sprinted to the door and threw it open. In an instant, I had it slammed closed behind me and was sprinting for the wide open desert. There was yelling, much yelling, behind me. There was footsteps and the bus starting up, but I was already gone.
I had played a daring move back there. I had back talked the men and if I was still on the bus, I would be punished for making an escape and back talking them. There would be harsh beatings to make up for what I did. If I was ever caught, I would soon be beat. There was no way around it.
So I knew, as soon as I stepped out of the door, that I had to never be caught.
So I kept running. So I didn’t stop. So I didn’t care that despite the bus trying to follow me, I never looked back.
So. What.
Do not go gentle into that good night…
No, don’t go gentle into that good night. With the stars above me, I sprinted hard into the desert. With Taurus the Bull, with Virgo the old woman, with the Gemini twins, and with Orion, I kept going. I felt as if the energy of the stars was being pulled into my own veins. I never stopped.
Old age should burn and rave at close of day…
The bus kept going along the road. I ran a straight path north, trying not to trip over the cacti. As soon as I found myself a good distance out from the road, I started to follow it. The bus disappeared into the distance. It trolled the roads, going slowly on the tar. I slowed down to a walk to catch my breath. Luckily, I hadn’t stepped on a cactus or in a hole and broken my foot….thank goodness!
Maybe a half hour passed by but I kept on walking, the dead ipod feeling heavy in my pocket. What I wouldn’t give for a little music right now. I still hand my headphones curled around it, but they were of no use with no power or wifi signal. It was only an ipod, not an iphone. Besides, I doubt that there was much cell signal out here…
And that’s when I saw their flashlights.
RAGE, RAGE AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT!
Their bus had stopped, a dark vehicle in a darker night. No wonder I hadn’t noticed it! I was too busy watching where I was going to pay attention to where they were. I hadn’t heard the figures until they were at least twenty feet away. I was stuck near some dead bushes when I was clumsy enough to run into one. Their flashlights turned on like bright beams all at once.
“There! She’s there!” I heard Lee call out. A beam turned to me and I booked it. There was more crashing as they tumbled after me.
All I could do was just to out run them.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right…
Dark, stay in the dark. I had to avoid all light. Their lights found me but with each turn I made, they lost sight of me. The BMTH band was too busy trying to keep a light on me to look where they were going. I heard one of them go down, but the rest pushed forward. I leapt a broken tree branch from a lone tree before continuing my path.
Because their words had forked no lightning…
“Rory!” Oli called. I stumbled, twisting my ankle as I bit back a yelp of pain. I don’t think it was broken, but it was certainly painful. The lights kept sweeping the landscape as I suddenly disappeared behind a cluster of bushes.
“Come on, darling!” Matty called. No way would I reveal myself! I had two options: Hobble away slowly and possibly be caught, or lay still and hope for the best.
I chose the latter.
I ducked as close to the bush as I could without disturbing the dry plants. There was more yelling and more blood as I bit my lip to hide gasps of pain.
They do not go gentle into that good night…
I wouldn’t give up. I wouldn’t go easily, I wouldn’t go gently. There would be no giving up this time. There is no easy submission. The thing was, the boys weren’t going easy either. I knew that they thought of me as a valuable prize. They all wouldn’t give me up so easily.
“Come on our, Rory! We just want to help you!” Oli called. I nearly passed out as I tried to move. Soon, their flashlights turned around and made their way back to the bus. I heard murmurs of disapproval, but made no notion to listen closer or to move. As soon as I heard the bus turn on, I adjusted my position so I was more comfortable. One thing I had been pretty proud of is that I had my good hoodie with me. It was dark black with a yellow stripe down each arm sleeve. It was from my high school’s music program. I loved this hoodie and took it everywhere. Thankfully, I had been wearing it that one night I had been kidnapped.
So as the night rolled on, I turned over and tucked my head on my arms. Pain flared up every time I moved my ankle, but as long as I wasn’t on that bus, I would be fine.
I would be fine.
Right?
Yep, they talked about it. They had discussed every fine detail but never the name. It was completely and utterly official.
I was being sold.
No longer was I a human. No longer did I have rights. No longer did I try to yell. No longer did I have a fight.
I was going to be gone from here, but I was going to someplace just as bad or worse.
We were in Utah, or at least I think it was Utah. The boys were all discussing around a table as I lay in my bunk, trying to listen to them. The silver collar hung heavy around my neck but I didn’t touch it.
I hadn’t eaten, hadn’t slept, and hadn’t said a word in the past week.
Yes, the BMTH boys had used my weakness against me time and time again. They beat me on the littlest whims and I had scratches littered down my body along with bruises of varying sizes and colors. They would run their hands down my back just to see my freaked out reaction.
The supposed clients were going to meet the band somewhere close by in a couple of days. I was supposed to act like ‘a good little kitten’. I was supposed to impress the buyers. I was supposed to go away.
There were so many ‘supposed to’ statements that it made my head spin.
The dark sky outside was so beautiful. It called to me, the desert did. Oli knew that I’ve always wanted to be out under the stars in Utah or Arizona. I think he was just torturing me now.
I barely saw the edge of Orion’s belt. It was my favorite constellation, the place I got my name from. Now I wanted to be up in the sky, dancing among the stars. I wanted to be anywhere but here.
I heard their conversation finish. The bus was stopped on the curb of a road in the middle of the desert. I had the ipod clutched close in my shorts pocket. As I stared at the stars, I felt the sudden need to be outside.
And then I saw it.
Yes, I saw the northern star. The one that always shone brightest. If I craned my neck hard enough, I could barely glimpse it if I wanted to. My heart longed to be at home, in my driveway, staring at the night sky.
I thought to my mom and her love of poetry. She would recite me all her favorite poems every night when I was little. Although I loved Edgar Allan Poe the most, one of my favorite poems was by Dylan Thomas.
I would say it to myself every night I went stargazing. I would recite it over and over, like a mechanical rhythm. It was the one thing that could calm me down from anxiety attacks, the one thing that could get me moving forward again.
Do not go gentle into that good night….
And so I thought this one line. I thought about that night. I went gently into their bus where I was now stuck. I was in the middle of that good night and I didn’t do anything to resist the temptation.
Do not go gentle into that good night…
I sat up in my bunk, thinking these things. A slow smile tinged my lips. Night was the most dangerous time. Night was also when I flourished. It was like my other skin that I wore. Night could surround me and I wasn’t afraid.
Night was my friend.
Do not go gentle into that good night….
So I would NOT give up easily. I would NOT go gentle into that good night.
I stood up, walking out to where the boys were all gathered on their couches. Drinks were balanced on their sweaty palms. They all stared at me as I broadly stood in their aisle way. Oli looked me at in surprise.
“’Ello, love.” He spoke pleasantly in his familiar British accent. I smiled a little. I’ve never been one for rebellion with all that social anxiety I have. Going out of my comfort zone wasn’t in my nature. But when I did, it was certainly an experience.
“Hello, sir.” I responded curtly.
“Sit down, Kitten.” Jordan came and gestured a spot between him and Oli. I smiled to him but stayed silent. I took a quiet position two feet from the door. They all seemed pretty comfortable. Lee’s legs were kicked up on the table. Matty was chilling with a bag of popcorn.
“Actually, sir, I was going to ask you…” I trailed of, starting to shake. No! I had to remain strong and not balk.
“What is it?” Matty asked. The other Matt just looked surprised.
“Can I go outside?” I questioned softly. Oli looked at me for a moment before shaking his head. I followed his glance to the clock on the opposite wall before I made a quick glance to the door. There was a little label over the lock that stated if the door was locked or unlocked, if it was green or red.
It was green.
“No, darling. It’s too late.” Oli shook his head, taking a sip of the beer. I mocked a sigh, looking down to the ground with my hands loosely hung at my side.
“Well, that’s just too bad.” I looked back up to them.
And with that, I sprinted to the door and threw it open. In an instant, I had it slammed closed behind me and was sprinting for the wide open desert. There was yelling, much yelling, behind me. There was footsteps and the bus starting up, but I was already gone.
I had played a daring move back there. I had back talked the men and if I was still on the bus, I would be punished for making an escape and back talking them. There would be harsh beatings to make up for what I did. If I was ever caught, I would soon be beat. There was no way around it.
So I knew, as soon as I stepped out of the door, that I had to never be caught.
So I kept running. So I didn’t stop. So I didn’t care that despite the bus trying to follow me, I never looked back.
So. What.
Do not go gentle into that good night…
No, don’t go gentle into that good night. With the stars above me, I sprinted hard into the desert. With Taurus the Bull, with Virgo the old woman, with the Gemini twins, and with Orion, I kept going. I felt as if the energy of the stars was being pulled into my own veins. I never stopped.
Old age should burn and rave at close of day…
The bus kept going along the road. I ran a straight path north, trying not to trip over the cacti. As soon as I found myself a good distance out from the road, I started to follow it. The bus disappeared into the distance. It trolled the roads, going slowly on the tar. I slowed down to a walk to catch my breath. Luckily, I hadn’t stepped on a cactus or in a hole and broken my foot….thank goodness!
Maybe a half hour passed by but I kept on walking, the dead ipod feeling heavy in my pocket. What I wouldn’t give for a little music right now. I still hand my headphones curled around it, but they were of no use with no power or wifi signal. It was only an ipod, not an iphone. Besides, I doubt that there was much cell signal out here…
And that’s when I saw their flashlights.
RAGE, RAGE AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT!
Their bus had stopped, a dark vehicle in a darker night. No wonder I hadn’t noticed it! I was too busy watching where I was going to pay attention to where they were. I hadn’t heard the figures until they were at least twenty feet away. I was stuck near some dead bushes when I was clumsy enough to run into one. Their flashlights turned on like bright beams all at once.
“There! She’s there!” I heard Lee call out. A beam turned to me and I booked it. There was more crashing as they tumbled after me.
All I could do was just to out run them.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right…
Dark, stay in the dark. I had to avoid all light. Their lights found me but with each turn I made, they lost sight of me. The BMTH band was too busy trying to keep a light on me to look where they were going. I heard one of them go down, but the rest pushed forward. I leapt a broken tree branch from a lone tree before continuing my path.
Because their words had forked no lightning…
“Rory!” Oli called. I stumbled, twisting my ankle as I bit back a yelp of pain. I don’t think it was broken, but it was certainly painful. The lights kept sweeping the landscape as I suddenly disappeared behind a cluster of bushes.
“Come on, darling!” Matty called. No way would I reveal myself! I had two options: Hobble away slowly and possibly be caught, or lay still and hope for the best.
I chose the latter.
I ducked as close to the bush as I could without disturbing the dry plants. There was more yelling and more blood as I bit my lip to hide gasps of pain.
They do not go gentle into that good night…
I wouldn’t give up. I wouldn’t go easily, I wouldn’t go gently. There would be no giving up this time. There is no easy submission. The thing was, the boys weren’t going easy either. I knew that they thought of me as a valuable prize. They all wouldn’t give me up so easily.
“Come on our, Rory! We just want to help you!” Oli called. I nearly passed out as I tried to move. Soon, their flashlights turned around and made their way back to the bus. I heard murmurs of disapproval, but made no notion to listen closer or to move. As soon as I heard the bus turn on, I adjusted my position so I was more comfortable. One thing I had been pretty proud of is that I had my good hoodie with me. It was dark black with a yellow stripe down each arm sleeve. It was from my high school’s music program. I loved this hoodie and took it everywhere. Thankfully, I had been wearing it that one night I had been kidnapped.
So as the night rolled on, I turned over and tucked my head on my arms. Pain flared up every time I moved my ankle, but as long as I wasn’t on that bus, I would be fine.
I would be fine.
Right?
Notes
Hello everyone! I've returned from hiatus! I'm hoping you love it so far! Wow, there's a lot of subscribers!
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Thank you, lovelies!
Hahaha thank you! Sorry I was watching Jane Eyre with my mommy
5/10/15