Glimmer Of Hope

You alright?" Marien asks, putting her arm around me.

"I'm fine" I lie, smiling.

She nods her head and grabs her bag. I wait for them to walk a distance and grab my bag. The tears were starting to spill over and the last thing I wanted was for them to see. I took a deep breath and staggered toward the motel. I walked in right when they got the keys and I heard the lady at the front desk whisper "freaks". I shot her a dirty look and she averted my gaze. I kept my way to the motel room and immediately went to the bathroom.

"I gotta go to take a shower" I said, avoiding any eye contact with either of them.

I turned on the water and slipped out of my clothes. I got some toilet paper and wet it with warm water to clean the lacerations on my arm and face. It stung, but it needed to be done. They looked infected but I couldn't risk going to a hospital and exposing myself. I glanced over to my bag thinking about my blades.
Get them. You need them...

I didn't want to give in, but in the ind, I ended up doing so anyways. I sat on the floor of the shower and held the box in my hand. I could feel my heart racing under this pressure and indecisiveness of whether I should or not. I'm drowning in the déjà vu. I grabbed my favorite blade and held it between my fingers. On each of my blades I put a piece of tape and on it reads the names of my idols. When I think about ending it all, I just read the names and it calms me down. But not enough to stop me from my self harm...

One cut...

Two cuts...


Three cuts...

Four cuts...

Five cuts...

The blood just started dripping from my arm to the floor. Spiraling down into the drain, in a beautiful melancholy dance.

I counted them by the dozens, each becoming deeper than the last. The water began to run cold, sending shivers down my spine. I've run out of room on every inch of my upper body. Some were gaping but in this moment, I just can't find a fuck to give. I started again on my thighs.I heard an irritated knock on the door.

Knock, knock, knock.

More, I need more. Yelling of Emilie and the pounding at the door.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Alex! What the fuck are you doing in there!? Get out! Now!" She screamed.

"I'll be right out!" I yelled back, in a nervous tone.

Knock, knock, knock.

I've covered every inch from my arms, to my chest, to my stomach, and to my thighs.

I don't know what to do!

"Fuck, I'm coming in!" Emilie yelled, bursting through the door.

She found me in a bath robe stepping out of the shower. I had made sure to cover my face with my wet hair.

"I said I'd be right out" I said, with a touch of sass. The robe was black so you couldn't see the blood coming through the fabric. I felt the cloth sticking to my skin and I hissed in pain.

"Whatever just get ready" Emilie spat, storming out of the bathroom.

"I'm glad you're fine" Marien whispered, with a smile, walking out of the room.

"How long was I in there?" I asked.

"About three hours." Marien answered putting her mascara on.

"What?!" My jaw dropped. That couldn't have been three hours. It just couldn't.

"Yeah. We went to go eat and hung around for a long time"

I didn't respond. I didn't know what to say. We were all in our dresses and putting on our makeup. I did a simple smokey eye with little red rhinestones around the edge. A deep red lipstick tied the whole thing together. I put my hair up into a high bun letting my bangs fall down one side of my face. The side...
After we finished, we gathered all of our things and head out the door. It was about eight thirty and the dance started at nine. We hoped to get there in time. I need to get my mind off all this shit...

Notes

Ayeeyoo! Was the self harm part too much? Please please tell me if it was! Well did you like it? How was it? Title credit: Pierce the Veil my babes <3

ily guys so much ya know? Just rant to me if you need, I'll always listen <3

-Patryce/Kelci <3