Glimmer Of Hope

The day is here! We're leaving early tonight to get there with enough time to get ready. It takes 2-3 hours to get to LA from San Diego so we need or leave at around 4:00pm. Today was Saturday so all I do is pack my dress and stuff and recheck that I had everything. I was planning on leaving at 1:45 but that whole plan was jeopardized as soon as I reached out to open the door.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" I heard a familiar slurred voice.

Shit, shit, shit! No no no not now! Why now?!

There she stood, a bottle of Jack in one hand and a rolled cigarette in the other. My breath became uneven as my heart beat out of my chest. My arms went weak as I dropped my bags on the cold floor. I turned around and faced my mother, my eyelids flickering. Right in front of me stood the destruction of everything I held dear. My pain was standing right in front of me. I swallowed hard before replying.

" I-I'm going to a-a dance th-thing tonight I-in LA. I didn't th-think I would see you I-I'm sorry." I rushed trying not to let a tear fall from my face.

I inched back trying to get farther away from the witch but it was inevitable. She took a few steps closer and I could smell the alcohol from her breath across the hall. Every breath stung like acid. She took the last drag of her cigarette and flicked the butt at me. It hit my hand burning me but the pain of seeing her was far more severe.

" You're going to a dance? I wouldn't see why anyone would invite you. And why the hell didn't you tell me?" she said taking a large gulp of her whiskey.

Can I slap her? Please? Cause I really really want to. Pretty please?

You know what? I'm not going to let her push me down further anymore! I've had this rage build up in my body for years now and I think I'm about to explode. She can't take my happiness from me anymore. I feel tears well up in my eyes and my vision grows blurry. I've had enough of this shit.

" How can I tell you when you're stoned all to hell and passed out on the couch like a fucking dead animal?!" My cussing has never made sense.

Oh boy here come the tears rolling down. Who the hell invited you? Stupid tears.

Her face grew angrier and she was about to say something but I cut her off. I needed to let out all this rage.

"I'm not finished! I never see you, awake at least I have to fucking take care of you like a child! You have never been there for me! You haven't been the same since daddy died. I know you're hurting but you need to let the fuck go!! Mourning won't bring him back! You were never there for...for.." My voice grew weak. "You were never there for Andre..." I was broken down crying by now.

Now what have I done?

Her anger turned to guilt but then into this demonic rage. Fuck. She threw an empty bottle of whiskey at me and it fortunately hit the wall glittering off the floor.

"I have been there for you from the start you little shit! How retarded are you?! I ha-" I cut her off all of this was simply bull-shit.

"Bullshit!! Guess who has to pay all the bills?! Me, that's who! Who needs to clean this shit-hole?! Me! All you do is drink and smoke and ugh I can't take this anymore! You don't know how it feels! You don't know how it feels to have three brothers that God knows where they're at, having a mom Like you,daddy and Andre were my only happiness and now they're gone! And it's all because of you! I don't know why I stay here! It's just dragging me down further into a fucking hole! I don't know what I'm doing!"

Tears were streaming down my face by now one by one and silently hitting the floor.

I knew my life wasn't even close to being hard, I mean come on. I'm grateful for everything that I have and I know it's not even close to being the hardest. But there was always this empty feeling inside me.... Something that nothing could replace.

I felt a stinging in my thighs and arms. Shit. My cuts. After all this excitement I just forgot about them. But they were there taunting me and taking me away from my happiness the moment I would walk through the front door. I felt like I had no control over what I'm about to do next, but it's something I never thought I would do..

I pulled off my bracelets not caring if they tore and I speed-walked up to her. We were standing almost nose to nose my breathing was still uneven. I could feel her hot breaths hit my face like a bulkier through the chest. I put my wrists up to her face and I knew I crossed some sort of line.

" This is you! You did this! You drove my brothers away, you drove daddy into drinking, you cost his and my brothers life! You're the reason why they crashed that day! How can you do that without shedding a fucking tear!?" Every word echoed throughout the house and I didn't care of the neighbors heard.
I started marching for the door but she walked over to me tripping over herself every step. She turned me around and slammed me against the wall. I saw her eyes... They were filled with pain. I actually felt bad for her. I want to help her I need to get her out of this. I still loved her after all the hell she's put me through. But that pain turned to rage and I swear to God her eyes turned red. She kept me down with her left hand making sure it would leave a bruise and swung her arm and clawed my face. I felt the blood rush down my face and my tears burned the lacerations like acid. I winced and with with all the strength I could muster up, I pushed her away. It wasn't a hard push, but it was enough to have her land on her ass in her drunken state.

She was about to get up but she slipped on the broken bottle and fell once again. I scoffed and shook my head. I grabbed my bags and head out the door. She grabbed my arm with her nails leaving another three deep marks on my arm. I hit her with my bag and slammed the door. Once I was out of the driveway, I broke down. I felt bad for hitting her. She doesn't know what she's doing... She's drunk and high. I was on the floor just sobbing.. Why am I not used to this now? Why do I even try to help her?

I was really late. Emilie's going to be pissed. I covered my cheek with my bangs and took my sweater out of my bag and wore it covering every cut, bruise, and scratch. I left the house, my hands still shaking and walked to Emilie's house. As I've said before, this day better be fucking perfect...

Notes

Hey loves! D.R.A.M.A huh? Did you like it? Was it better than the original? I hope so! Title cred: My Chemical Romance XD love that song Anyways thank you Ily guys!

Stay strong lovies ❤️

- Patryce/ Kelci xoxo