The Throw-Aways
Feels Like Forever is Crashing Down on Me
Happy birthday to you,
Your father is dead,
And you’re dying to.
Happy birthday dear Raven,
Happy birthday to you…
Voices, there and gone. Ghosts in the void, a simple noise amongst screaming agony. But beyond these shrieks, the calls that I was fading fast, I heard a soft voice sing this.
“Happy birthday to you…” He sang over and over again. My right hand moved up to cover my ear, but my left hand wouldn’t move. It was like the arm was stuck in cement, and I could feel nothing.
“STOP!” I screamed. Dad couldn’t be dead. He just couldn’t!
And that’s when I woke up.
My eyes popped open to reveal a sterile, white hospital room. I was tucked under blankets up to my chin, yet I still shivered. With gasps, I felt my chest wrack in pain, faint but visible all the same. An IV was hooked up to my arm and my half open eyes were forced open.
It all came back to me. The car wreck. The blood. The bones. The hunk of metal. My dad.
“Dad? Dad!” I called out. Nothing. There was nothing. I started to panic. Everything felt like it was closing in on me. I just wanted Dad by my side. I struggled, but the pain killers and sleep meds were in full effect. I turned and shuffled, trying to find a way to escape. I don’t care how much pain I was in, I just wanted to be out of here.
“Daddy! Please help me!” I called. My right arm twitched nervously, but the entire left half of my body seemed to be numb and without feeling. What was wrong with me? As soon as my voice went hoarse, I could hear footsteps quickly walk to my door. I twisted as best I could, wincing against the white hot pain in my chest. There must be stitches hold me together.
The thin blue sheets fell off my chest, exposing two things. First, I was wearing a green nightgown. Bandages were wrapped around my legs from multiple wounds. But that wasn’t what sent me into a frozen state of panic and screams.
Where there once was a fully functioning arms with muscles that ached after every performance, after every signing, a nub was left in its place. Tears streaked my face and my breath was hitched.
“Would you rather lose your left arm or your right leg and explain.” Jack said.
“Oh, my right leg!”
“I can’t play without an arm and if I can’t play, I can’t live.”
My left arm was gone.
Your father is dead,
And you’re dying to.
Happy birthday dear Raven,
Happy birthday to you…
Voices, there and gone. Ghosts in the void, a simple noise amongst screaming agony. But beyond these shrieks, the calls that I was fading fast, I heard a soft voice sing this.
“Happy birthday to you…” He sang over and over again. My right hand moved up to cover my ear, but my left hand wouldn’t move. It was like the arm was stuck in cement, and I could feel nothing.
“STOP!” I screamed. Dad couldn’t be dead. He just couldn’t!
And that’s when I woke up.
My eyes popped open to reveal a sterile, white hospital room. I was tucked under blankets up to my chin, yet I still shivered. With gasps, I felt my chest wrack in pain, faint but visible all the same. An IV was hooked up to my arm and my half open eyes were forced open.
It all came back to me. The car wreck. The blood. The bones. The hunk of metal. My dad.
“Dad? Dad!” I called out. Nothing. There was nothing. I started to panic. Everything felt like it was closing in on me. I just wanted Dad by my side. I struggled, but the pain killers and sleep meds were in full effect. I turned and shuffled, trying to find a way to escape. I don’t care how much pain I was in, I just wanted to be out of here.
“Daddy! Please help me!” I called. My right arm twitched nervously, but the entire left half of my body seemed to be numb and without feeling. What was wrong with me? As soon as my voice went hoarse, I could hear footsteps quickly walk to my door. I twisted as best I could, wincing against the white hot pain in my chest. There must be stitches hold me together.
The thin blue sheets fell off my chest, exposing two things. First, I was wearing a green nightgown. Bandages were wrapped around my legs from multiple wounds. But that wasn’t what sent me into a frozen state of panic and screams.
Where there once was a fully functioning arms with muscles that ached after every performance, after every signing, a nub was left in its place. Tears streaked my face and my breath was hitched.
“Would you rather lose your left arm or your right leg and explain.” Jack said.
“Oh, my right leg!”
“I can’t play without an arm and if I can’t play, I can’t live.”
My left arm was gone.
Notes
Excuse me, I must go cry now....
For Raven, music is life. If she cannot play music, she cannot have the will to live....
What will she do now with only her right arm??
Please don't forget to leave a comment! I would love to hear what you have to say about this life changing chapter!
tfw you don't cry when her dad dies but when the dog dies, it's game over.
7/18/15