Shattered

According to the broken watch on Amity’s wrist, it was 10:48 on Saturday morning. Eleven minutes until we rolled into the station in Moab. I had gotten to know Hope, Amity, Anarchy, and Craig a little bit more.

Turns out Craig used to be a school teacher until the district went corrupt and he was put out of the job. Unable to find a new place to work, he had to file bankruptcy and go to the streets. He’s going to Moab to find a job there.

Amity had finished high school when her parents divorced. Her mom abused her and so she took off to the streets. She was alone when Anarchy found her. He was put on the streets after he had reached the age limit of the orphanage he was raised in where the guardians there were abusive as well. Both had stuck together ever since and ride the rails between towns and jobs.

Hope had family ties on an Indian reservation out in Wyoming, but fell into another bout of depression and had to go to the streets. She now rides these rails and provides shelter to those who need transportation.

Everyone’s stories touched my heart and made me feel their pain all over again. I could especially relate to Amity and Anarchy, who were just about the same age as me. Anarchy seemed quiet and reserved, while Amity was welcome to chat up a storm.

“So you’re from Denver? I’ve always wanted to go there, but Anarchy and I need to go just south for meeting up with some friends.” Amity shrugged. Her brown hair glowed with an inner happiness in the dim light of the three lanterns. We both sat on crates in the far left corner. I started to collect my stuff and put it back in the bag.

“You should come stay with me and my old man, Wrecks, for a day. He’d love to meet you.” I smiled. She grinned in return, happy for a place to stay. Between homeless people, the greatest gift you could give them was shelter for a night. It was even more valuable when you’re an alley runner or iron rider, someone who is constantly on the move. We don’t always know where our next shelter will be.

Amity tugged at the hood over her head before nudging Anarchy. “What do you think about staying with Kyn for a day before we go see Tricks?” She smiled. Anarchy glazed over with a thoughtful expression before nodding. His chocolate brown hair was messed up after Amity ruffled it playfully. He grasped her wrists and grinned as she wriggled and struggled in his grip. Anarchy only seemed to be smiling when Amity was around him. They balanced each other out perfectly. At the sight of the playful two, I felt my heart ache for Austin.

Anarchy released Amity’s wrists and then moved to a back, dark area and lay down. Amity sighed and laughed softly. She stuck her tongue out to Anarchy before turning to me.

“So you’re all alone?” She questioned. I bobbed my head as she pursed her lips.

“How do you live alone on the streets?” Amity inquired. I thought back to Wrecks and his constant lessons of the streets.

“Being an alley runner is all about relying on yourself. On the streets in the city, it seems like everyone is against you or wants to use you. I was rely on yourself first, and then trust others. No matter how hard you try, you cannot lie to yourself.” I nodded. Amity’s lips curled into a slow smile.

“Sounds harsh.”

“It is.” I thought back to life, but I had Wrecks. He was the only other one I could trust.

“So do you have a special boy?” She pried with a devilish gleam. We might be homeless, but we were still teenage girls. We liked to have our little bits of street gossip! It made us feel normal for once.

“It’s a bit complicated.” I sighed in exasperation. A bit didn’t even cover it.

“Oh, do tell.” She whispered. Hope laughed from the corner, grumbling about Amity and her gossip.

“Well, I was taken from the streets…” I started out and went with my story. I gave her brief details about being beaten and shattered. Her eyes widened as she learned about my second owners and of Austin. I pulled out the letter and handed it to her to read. Her hand flew up to her open mouth at the words.

“Now I’m just confused. He hurt me badly, beyond belief. I know he was drunk and he says he regrets every moment. I felt so horrible, worthless, and destroyed after that because I had trusted him and I felt like I couldn’t. The thing is, no matter how much I think about what he did, I can’t stop thinking about him and I think I still love him. The only thing holding me back is that I don’t want to go back to him and be broken again.” I explained to her. She leaned back against the crate, wiping away a single tear.

“Dude, that’s harsh with what you’ve been through. You are one badass for escaping!” She laughed. I grinned at her antics.

“But what should I do about Austin?” I asked her opinion. She sighed and fumbled with the strings of her hoodie again.

“Austing hurt you, shattered your will and trust after you gave it to him, but now he wants to make things better. But you’re still having trust issues,” She started, giving broad hand gestures. Anarchy raised a brow with his eyes still closed. “If I were you, I wouldn’t go straight back to him immediately. Who knows? He might be pulling the trust ruse.”

“Immediately?”

“Well it sounds like you’re not about to let him go! If someone truly cares about you, they will go to the ends of the earth, chasing after you just to prove they really do care. It’s not out of desperation…no…but out of the fact that they care so deeply about you that they want to correct what they did wrong and are dedicated to showing you they can improve.” She patted my shoulder reaffirming. I nodded, thinking on her comments.

“So you’re saying that if Austin really did love me, he wouldn’t just let me escape, but chase after?” I pondered aloud.

“Exactly.”

“What happened to the saying, ‘If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours; If they don’t, they never were.’?” I asked her. She shook her head and put on a disgusted look.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m an independent woman who don’t need no man! I ain’t crawling back to some man who’s waiting so see me weak and beg for their mercy!” Her voice was laced with sass and I couldn’t help but laugh. Anarchy sat up.

“What about me?” He whined. Amity fell back beside him, plopping on his chest.

“You know that I need you and vice versa. It’s a mutual relationship.” She giggled. My heart broke all over again at their great friendship. That’s what Ghost and I were like, even though we knew each other for two days. That’s what Austin and I were like, even though everything that had happened was still linger over our heads.

“You’re too badass to wait for him to catch up to you. Keep ahead on your path and if he really loves you, he’ll realize how spectacular you are and come begging for you to come back!” Amity giggled as the train lurched to a stop. Hope stood up with Craig. One by one, the lights were extinguished.

“What’s going on?” I asked. Amity and Anarchy were already crawling into a box, sealing it tight.

“We have to hide in the boxes in case anyone comes to inspect the cars. The doors lock from both sides, but I have to make sure it’s locked.” Hope directed me to a box, helping me crawl in and sealing the top. I could breathe out of small holes in the wood, but couldn’t see out. As I fumbled in the dark, I heard Craig whisper goodbye to Hope as he left for the town.

Oh no. My first aid kit was still stuck on the box where I had emptied out my things. It was the only item I had missed!

Hope had gotten in her own box and the entire car fell silent. I couldn’t hear anything outside and it was dead in the stuffy, cramped space.

A rattling of the door nearly made me jump out of the wooden crate. Muffled voices outside ensued as they grumbled that the door was locked. I stopped breathing as soon as the door creaked open.

Whoever it is was silent the entire time. Only the faint footsteps could be heard on the metal floor. They sighed deeply before getting out. The two minutes they walked around the interior of the car turned into what felt like an hour. As soon as the door was closed, we all patiently held our breath, waiting until the train started moving again.

Anarchy lifted the lid off my box as I took his hand and crawled out. The electric lanterns flickered on once again. Now there were four passengers. Three stared at me as I rushed to the crates where I had been sitting.

The box was missing.

Notes