Shattered

For the second time today, I went through everything with not a detail left out. By the end, I made Chris, Ricky, Ryan, Balz, and Ghost’s mouth drop to the floor. Fiddling with the collar nervously, I awaited their reaction.

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry about that. You’re one tough girl.” Ghost murmured. I gave him a weak smile. Ire and Quinn came to sit next to me. My fear was eased in their presence.

“So you’re headed off to Denver?” Ryan asked, still looking at me curiously. I nodded shyly.

“Yes, sir.” I responded softly. Chris folded his hands together.

“Well, since we own this train, or at least this car of it, you can stay here as long as you want, and can take what you need.” He told me. I was extremely thankful for their hospitality, but still a little surprised they owned a passenger car.

“So you own this?” I asked him. Ricky stared down at me and smiled. His cheeks glowed pink as I looked back up to his open eyes.

“Ghost over here wanted was surfing the web one day and found this, so he bought it without telling us-“ He started before Ghost glared.

“I told Ryan!”

“Did not!” Ryan countered. I grinned with their antics. Quinn was right. They all really were just boys in men’s bodies.

“ANYWAYS….Ghost bought this as his own little project since he found it cheap. He fixed it up and remodeled it. The rail company let us attach it to this line. After meeting Iren and Quinn, we let people hop on if they want.” Ricky finished. Ghost huffed in the corner.

“It was a good buy!”

“It was, don’t worry Ghost,” Chris calmed his friend. “We’re taking the line to Casper, where we’ll be staying for a few days. We’re playing a show in the area, so we decided to use the car. Occasionally we pop on to ride it around and get use out of it.” The boys then got into a heated debate about if Fallon, the next stop, was spelled with two ‘L’s or one. We joked around for the next hour and got to know each other a bit more.

Despite their scary appearance, I really warmed up to them. Quinn was right; they were nothing to be afraid of! Ghost and I really hit it off. He was a jokester and very friendly. Chris and Quinn like to talk about anything. I overheard them having a rousing conversation about the inflated prices of toothpaste at once point.

“So why do you still wear this collar?” Ghost touched the silver chain as we sat together on a couch. I shivered a little at his careful brush.

“Sorry, I’m still a little sensitive from Miles.” I apologized. Ghost ducked away with a frown.

“No, I’m sorry about that. I should’ve remembered.” He murmured, thinking back to what I told him about my first owner choking me until I passed out. I refused to think about Austin nearly doing that.

“I honestly don’t know why I wear it. I guess I should take it off.” I thought for the moment, but knew my fingers couldn’t take it off by themselves. It was like they weren’t connected to my body but controlled by another invisible force.

“Can you take it off?” Ghost chuckled a little. His shoulder brushed down near me as he leaned down, closer than before.

“I don’t think so.” I let out a light sigh with a smirk. No, I definitely couldn’t!

“Do you want me to?” He whispered as Iren and Quinn passed by. I let out a small yawn, suddenly sleepy. A wave of tiredness washed over me as I saw Quinn stretch out on a hammock tucked into the back corner and fall asleep. The last time I actually got to dream was two days ago for only a few hours.

“S-sure.” I agreed. Ghost’s dark hair brushed my forehead as he leaned over and grasped the clasp. After a moment of fumbling for it, the chain slipped from my neck.

I took a double take as I finally breathed easy for the first time. It was like the final part of the black market me was gone. Yes, I was still broken and shattered from Austin’s little stunt, but this seemed to help ease the pain.

“Do you want me to toss this?” Ghost asked, holding the dirty metal. It once sparkled, but flecks of dirt had flecked parts of the links.

“No.” I took the chain in my hands, still wanting to keep it with me. Something refused to let him toss what seemed worthless and tainted with bad memories.

“Ghost, take it easy.” Chris chuckled as Ghost rolled his eyes. I stood up and threw the chain with my pack in the overhead compartment. Without warning, the train rolled to a stop.

“Looks like we’re at Fallon. I’m assuming no last minute get-offs?” Ricky asked. No one moved to get up, so we all stayed in our position. After talking to Ghost for a little about their band, Motionless in White, I learned more about what they did. The rest of the band members moved to different areas of the train, occupied with their individual thoughts and motivations.

“You’re pretty quiet, aren’t you, Kynder?” Ghost smiled down to me. I shrugged and looked away, refusing to meet the wide eyes that always seemed to read my soul. Should I tell him why I don’t talk that much? I had already given a very brief explanation to the others, so I could go more in detail if I wanted.

“Miles used to beat me if I talked out of turn. I would get five lashes if I didn’t respond with the correct answer, either.” I reached to play with the silver collar, but realized it wasn’t there. Ghost took my hands. I shivered a bit under the contact, but the man didn’t let go.

“I’m sorry about that.” He murmured, looking down against at me with eyes full of tender softness. My chest felt lighter with the confession! This feeling was great! What freedom I now possessed!

“He told me I deserved it.” I whispered. His hands squeezed mine together gently.

“No one as spectacular as you deserved that.” Ghost put firmly. I could feel the blood rush through my cheeks to the tips of my ears.

“He made me say that I was worthless and stupid ten times a day. If I didn’t do it correctly each time, he would whip me again.” Pulling away from Ghost’s grip, I unzipped my jacket and threw it on an empty seat. It was getting hot outside anyways. The bandages that were splattered with blood and mud were wrapped around my arms.

Ghost came up behind me and I nearly ran into him as I turned around. He took my hands and turned them over. His eyes never lost contact with mine. Carefully, he unwrapped each bandage. The wounds had scabbed over and were turning into scars or fading. Each dirty wrap dropped on the table as he inspected my arms. His cool fingers traced the older wounds that were red and white marks on my skin. The only bandages tight around my body were the ones on my chest that held my stomach together.

Moving away from him, I took a few pain pills and swallowed them with a gulp of water. The aches had started to crawl into my body once again, and I took the white pills to chase them away. Yawning again, I closed my eyes.

“Kyn, what else did he do to you?” Ghost asked. Taking a sudden interest in the carpet, I didn’t want to reveal what had happened to him. His finger slid under my chin and tilted my head up. The heart beating in my chest skipped a beat or two.

“N-nothing.” I choked out. He raised an eyebrow. Wincing away, I relented.

“Sometimes, he would get too drunk and take a fire iron, heat it up, and burn my sides and back with it.” I whispered. He grasped my waist and I caught my breath. His fingers scratched the fabric of the gauze from above my shirt. His sudden movements made me freeze. Balz looked up from sleeping and winked at Ghost. I ignored it.

“Why do you have the bandages on, if the wounds are old?” Ghost asked me seriously. I felt the tears prick at my eyes.

Because the man I loved hurt me, tore me to shred. I have them on because the man I used to know took what he knew I hated and used it against me.

“I told you already.” I answered simply. The bandages were the only thing that seemed to hold my chest together. Ghost raised an eyebrow and moved his hands to the small of my back, holding me closer against him. My breathing hitched.

“You said that the man, Austin, burned you.” Ghost repeated what I told all of them. I nodded. The tears began to fall and I ducked my head. The man holding me sighed. His strong arms pulled me into his chest. I didn’t want to relive the moments of the past, I didn’t want to think about what Austin had done.

I didn’t want to think about the last three words he said to me, or how I might still love him as well. The fact I constantly thought about him, not just what he did, but how he used to be, made it obvious that some part of my brain still cared about the man.

The black make up around his eyes made him look all the more tired and sad. The train moved up as another car was being unloaded. I yawned into the bassist’s chest.

“I won’t make you tell me.” He murmured into my shoulder. His warm sigh traced fingers of invisible air down my exposed neck.

“I’ll show you sometime else.” I promised, knowing that I really would. He deserved to know. Ghost was honest and had a sincerity I hadn’t heard in a while. I might as well pay him back and let him know what had happened at some point.

We settled back down on the couch. He let me stretch out over the brown piece of furniture so I could be more comfortable. Instead of taking another seat, Ghost sat next to me, closing his eyes to the rocking of the train starting up again. The movement and Ghost’s pure tenderness rocked my mind to sleep.

Notes

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