Austin’s POV

All I remembered was waking up with a tight feeling in my chest. My heart seemed to hurt with each slow beat. A recollection of faint pictures of my yelling, angry flicks of my wrist, and lots of blood. The last clear memory was Aaron pushing me into my bed room and slamming the door as I fell on my bed.

Oh man, I had gotten drunk. I just want one beer, but my sadness must’ve gotten ahold of me. What had even happened? Walking out of my room, I placed a hand on the wall to steady myself. The memories were starting to appear as fuzzy thoughts. As I went into the living room, I saw two things: Blood on the floor and the fire iron. He fire was smoldering out.

Kynder.

Oh please God, not her. Please, anyone but her.

My knees trembled as I collapsed on the floor, just staring at the evil weapon, a coat of blood dried on the tip. Why, why had I had gotten drunk?! Mom wouldn’t be proud of me today. How badly did I heart my precious girl? Please tell me it wasn’t bad, please tell me she was still alive.

Aaron. Alan. They would know. Tino and Phil were still sleeping off their drunken state. The other two weren’t there. That was all I could recall.

Thunder rumbled low and loud overhead. Even the weather seemed to be hating me. It was eight in the morning and cloudy. My life was miserable.

I was so lucky to make it to the next day with my life. I could’ve killed myself. My heart would’ve been beating so irregularly that it could’ve just given up, but instead it hadn’t and carried me far enough to see the damage I had caused.

“Austin.” Alan glowered at me as he came down the steps. I ducked my head in shame. He came to my side, motioning me for him to join me outside. As soon as the door closed, my friend sat down on the front step and sighed. The rings around his eyes showed he hadn’t had much sleep and had been up bawling the entire night.

“What happened?” I asked him. Alan refused to answer me for a moment before looking up at the hills. The boy couldn’t even meet my eyes.

“She told me last night when she woke up crying. You were drunk and she told you to stop hurting yourself and put down the bottle. When you told her that you wouldn’t, she took it out of your hand and told you to stop killing yourself. After that you beat the nonsense out of the poor girl.” Alan shook his head, clutching his knees to his chest. A light rain started outside but we made no move to head back inside and out of the soaking wet drizzle.

“What about the fire iron?” I asked softly, already knowing the answer. Alan took a trembling breath before staring me down. Anger filled his eyes.

“You burned her. Badly. Aus, I had no clue what you were thinking, but you stabbed her with it! It was deep enough to burn right to her stomach and she NEARLY DIED!” Alan screamed out to me, tears streaming down her face. I dropped my own head and let the agony flow out of the corners of my eyes.

How could I do this? What was I thinking?!?! Oh wait, I wasn’t!

“She trusted you! Kyn knew that you wouldn’t hurt her like Miles did! How could you break like that? Austin, you were the only one that she really loved. You could see that in her eyes! Why would piece her together from being shattered, only to obliterate any sense of confidence she had!” Alan yelled in my face, hands clenched by his side. I sobbed over and over. How could I do this to the girl I loved?!

She was beautiful and intelligent. Anyone could see that. Her life was precious and a priceless wonder. I loved her and promised myself I would protect her no matter what.

How could I keep her safe from myself?

The night came back to me piece by piece. I lost count of the number of times I called her worthless, ugly, or worse. I told her that she deserved to die. All I wanted was to have her in my arms once again and now she might die!

But I told her to die, that she deserved to be dead like her parents. The tears fell quickly as Alan kept screaming what I had done. He questioned me, he questioned the world about why this had happened to the girl that we were supposed to love and care for.

The thunder boomed angrily and the lightning flashed the like whip I held last night.

“You choked her! She told me that you knew she hated it, yet you continued to do it!” Alan was on his knees with his hands pounding the pavement, wailing to the world.

“I’m no doctor! I can’t patch her up! She can’t walk! Kynder can’t breathe! I wasn’t there for her! She needs the medical attention we can’t give her!” Alan sobbed. Aaron’s reflection was at the door, but he never came out.

“She might die!” I wailed in chorus with Alan’s tears. It was all I could muster out. I can’t stand to go back inside and see the face of Kynder. It would be full of fear. The girl wouldn’t ever want to go near me again. She had every right to hate me.

I couldn’t bear to see my mistakes.

I was a monster.

“Don’t expect to see Kynder for a while because I’m keeping her upstairs for a few days until she heals.” Alan choked as he stormed inside. I sat on the steps, feeling helpless.

I was the worthless one. I was the ugly one. It was never Kynder, It was me.

What had I done?

Notes