Shattered

My eyes blinked open from the three hours of sleep I had been blessed with. The afternoon light greeted me as I swung my feet over the edge of the light green covers. They complemented the blues walls nicely. With a final stretch, I forced my aching joints to move.

Outside, I heard footsteps climb the stairs, I went over to my mirror, smoothing out bumps in my ponytail of dirty blonde hair. I squeezed into the edge of the room’s corner, trying to blend in with the angle as a man stepped through the door. I feared it wasn’t Austin.

Alan’s head popped through. I immediately ducked my head down in surrender and looked away. The corner suddenly felt trapped, as if there was no room to move away from the ginger’s stare that read me like an open book.

“How are you doing?” He asked, kind of awkwardly. He started blushing as soon as the comment left his mouth. I glanced up, trying to hold eye contact. Just like I had been broken to do.

“Good, sir.” I responded quietly. He stood too close. I just wanted him to back away. I squeezed tighter into the corner. Alan read my movements and backed up.

“Um, so do you want to come downstairs?” He asked quietly. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

Was this what it was like to have a choice?

What did he want me to do? Did he want me to stay upstairs or go downstairs? My brain rushed into a panic and I nervously bit my lip. I had to choose the right answer, I had to!

I really, really, really didn’t want to, but I HAD to follow orders! This was enough to send me into an anxiety attack. The tips of my fingers went numb.

“You, you don’t have to. I’m just thinking that Austin might want to see you up and about.” Alan stuttered before quickly exiting the room. As soon as he was gone, I slid down the wall to the floor, putting my head in my hands and taking deep breaths. Okay, okay, I had to regain my posture.

As soon as all anxiety was gone, I sat against the wall. Pains racked my stomach, but I still wouldn’t eat. If I had to starve myself away from existence, so be it.

Voices whispered from the other side of the door. It seemed to be Austin and Alan. I listened in to their not so silent conversation.

“Alan, you seriously gave her options?!” Austin hissed to him. I guess he was right. I don’t deserve options. I don’t deserve freedom.

“What?” Alan asked incredulously.

“She was broken to only answer to orders, not options! She’s probably freaking out right now!” Austin sighed. It was true. I was shaking pretty badly and the world seemed to be in and out of focus. They were going to punish me just for not choosing, I just know it!

“Oh geez, I didn’t mean to! What do you want me to do?” Alan asked sadly. The rest of the conversation faded as I closed my eyes. The vision of the alley, the familiar twists and turns of the darkness, came back to me. I missed it so much. Wrecker, oh the old man, was always so kind to me. When I was about twelve, maybe thirteen, I had to move onto the streets. The house was sold and I only had a pack on my back. Wrecker took me in after the first night when I was sleeping in the open. Since then, he taught me all about being an alley runner. I had survived because of him. It was bittersweet memories of a forgotten life.

A hand that touched my cheek shook me from my thoughts. I let out a started cry and leaped away from the cool touch, curling into a ball. All I could see was the hot fire iron coming to burn my ribs. Miles was standing above it smiling.

“Kynder, you’re okay, you’re okay.” A soothing voice whispered to me. It was Austin, not Miles. I sighed and bowed my head into my hands.

“I’m sorry, Master. Please forgive me.” I begged to him. How long could a person’s kindness last? Maybe one minute it was tucking me into bed, the next it was whipping my skin raw. Who knows? It could fluctuate like the tide of the ocean.

“Kyn, you’re okay.” Strong arms picked me up from the floor and held me close. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and curled against the warm chest. I could enjoy the kindness while it lasted, in the least. It might be the only kindness I would receive for a while.

“I’m sorry sir, I thought you were someone else.” I murmured. Austin pressed his cheek against my hair. I shivered from the contact. At least he wasn’t attempting to strangle me. There was always a positive.

“Miles was the one who burned you, wasn’t he?” Austin asked softly. I nodded, feeling as fragile as glass right now.

“Yes, sir.” I whispered so that I almost couldn’t hear myself. Would Miles come back to take me away? In this business that I had been forced in to, I could be sold back to the old Master on a whim. He would come back and kill me, like he had threatened. It would at least bring a smile to his day. My stomach complained in protest of being ignored. I was already on my limit day.

“I’m going to get you some tea, okay?” He said. There was no option, just agreeing. I nodded my response.

It wasn’t food, but it was a start. It was better than trying to gulp water from the sink in the bathroom. The bathroom was connected to the hall and had been my main source of drink since I was too scared to get water downstairs. There had been a couple long nights where I had woken up thirsty, but my door was locked.

A soft knock at the door made Austin turn his head. I spotted a flame of hair peeked into the room. He settled in next to Austin who held my light, limp body. I shivered and huddled closer to Austin. He kissed my forehead lightly.

“Alan is going to watch over you.” Austin told me firmly. I squeaked out an ‘okay’ as I switched hands. Alan leaned against the wall, holding me firmly. It was as if I was a small, scared child. Well, I was scared, but not a child. I watched Austin get up from the floor and out the door.

Being in anyone else’s arms but Austin frightened me. Austin was warm and reassuring, for now at least. Maybe it would change, but the warmth was something I relied on. Alan’s were arms hard, yet gentle fingers ran through my hair. I lay back, rigid in his arms until I started to calm down.

When Austin came back with a mug of tea in his hands, I breathed a silent prayer of relief. He knelt down and held it out for me. With a grateful smile, I took it from his grasp and sipped the warm drink. It wasn’t so hot to as burn my throat, but felt good against my hungry stomach.

“Feeling better?” Austin questioned, taking the mug after I was done.

“Yes, sir.” I responded quietly. He ruffled my hair gently and walked back downstairs. The door closed with a soft click behind him.

“Kynder?” Alan asked. I glanced into his soft brown eyes, expecting something other than the kindness he was showing me. You could never be too careful, too cautious with these boys.

“Yes, sir?” I responded back, the way I was “taught”.

“I’m sorry about what Tino and Phil attempted to do. They can get angry very easily.” Alan responded sadly. My face filled with confusion that reflected my thoughts. Why was he sorry? It seemed like my world was turned upside down and split in half. Alan and Austin were kind. Tino and Phil had a shorter temper. Aaron was pretty neutral. I didn’t know too much about him.

“It’s okay, sir. I was supposed to be punished anyways.” I responded with the usual response. Alan ran his fingers through my hair and accidentally brushed the back of my neck. I froze and shivered. The door opened at the perfect moment. Austin came back in and Alan promptly left. I watched the ginger disappear.

“Feeling better?” He asked again. I nodded, the tea already making my thoughts fuzzy with day dreams. The images of a better place, a new home, being with Wrecker or my parents, and not being abused all taunted me. I closed my eyes with a yawn. The lack of sleep was starting to be a burden. Aches and pains kept me up at night.

Austin started humming a soft song to me, lulling my brain to a rest. I fell asleep in his arms, clutching onto the small thread of kindness he tossed me.

Notes

Awwwww....Austin's actually being nice!

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