Anatome (Jaime Preciado/Pierce The Veil)

?'s POV

It's been one week since the fire at Target and everything has been hell. The journey to the hospital was awful as I watched the paramedics work on you, keeping you breathing and checking your vital signs. I held your hand the entire way and was reluctant to let it go as we entered the ER.

I was there when I saw the light fade from your eyes, your breathing hitch and your heart stopped beating. That moment was when I felt my whole world collapse and I let out all my emotions at once. All the words that many tried to comfort me with were useless as I felt as if my heart had been ripped from my body. I felt empty. Lifeless. Like a ghost. I didn't feel alive, I felt as if I was just a walking skeleton. I didn't dunction properly, unable to process the events that had occured. I felt like I wanted to die.

~

It's the day after your funeral. The service was beautiful, as was your burial. So many people said kind words about you and told me stories that I had never heard about you. They gave their condolences to myself and to Shyloh, who I am now raising alone. I do have plenty of help but it feels weird not raising her with you. I feel awful, knowing that our daughter is being raised, only having one parent. How am I supposed to tell her what happened to you when she's older? Do I tell her that you were murdered? Died in certain circumstances? What do I do? I need you. Please come back. Please.

~

It's been three weeks after your death. It turned out that the fire was deliberate and it was caused by Britany and Jared. Britany had died in the fire, somehow managing to lock herself in the room where the original fire had been made. Jared, on the other hand, escaped but was arrested after being on the run for two weeks. He's been given a life sentence with no possible chance of parole. I attended his sentencing and he was emotionless. He showed no remorse and shouted to me that he was glad that he managed to kill one of us and told me that he would make me pay for Britany dying in the fire. Truth be told, I'm already paying for that, knowing that I'm spending the rest of my life without you.

~

Six weeks and I'm slowly becoming stronger. I'm still cautious around the house, trying hard not to set off any land mines but failing miserably. Everything in our house reminds me of what you were like. I look in the kitchen and imagine you looting the cupboards, searching for your favourite snacks. I sit in the living room and imagine you watching your favourite TV shows and complaining everytime I changed the programme. I've still not overcome the hurdle of going into our room, that holds too many memories. The hardest part is going into Shyloh's room. I still have countless memories of you cradling our daughter, singing to her when she's restless, trying to send her off to sleep as she starts fussing in the early hours of the morning. Even though you are dead, you are living through Shyloh.

~

It's been three months and I am slowly becoming stronger. I felt a bit better when I was informed by the police that Jared had hung himself in his cell, unable to spend the rest of his living days in a prison cell. I showed no sympathy as I was informed of this, in fact, I was relieved. The two people that made our life a living hell are now gone, for good. Not in our memories, but they're physically gone and they can no longer harrass me. Shyloh is learning something new everyday and it pains me knowing you're not here, experiencing this with me. Even though you're not here in physical form, you're watching us from above, proud of our beautiful daughter.

~

Shyloh has turned one today and she also spoke her first word: Kitty. I felt my heart swell with pride and I started crying uncontrollably as I heard her speak her first word. She is growing every single day and is showing her intelligence every day. Shyloh's progress is making me happy, but not having you by my side, experiencing this too breaks my heart. Shyloh would love for you to be here, as would I. I keep saying to myself that this is a dream and I would suddenly wake up and see you by my side. It pains me, knowing that you're never coming back, but I'm slowly starting to accept that. Shyloh and I visit you every day in the cemetery, Shyloh cooing every time she sees your gravestone and attempting to grab at the flowers that have surrounded the gravestone.

Even though you're living through Shyloh, I want you to come back. Not want. Need. I NEED you to come back. Even though I've come this far, I don't think I can go on any longer. I love you Alexis. I miss you every single day, I love you with all my heart and I am never going to forget you.

Notes