always have a part of me

With Tony, I was safe. He truly cares about me, just like he does with the guys. And he's really good for me. Someone who I know will be there when I needed it, whether friendly or sexually, he just liked being with me, and I him. We weren't complicated, we were best friends who slept together because we were comfortable enough with each other that it wasn't awkward afterwards.

Then there's Victor. I love the way he's a total teddy bear and then a total freak in the sheets. But he also has Danielle. His long time, recently pregnant girlfriend. They're polygamists, so they both date and fuck other people, then come home to each other like that's okay. And I know, I'm sleeping with a few guys, but we don't pretend like it's more than that. At first, I thought I'd be okay with his situation, I'm seeing other people too. But then I realized I'm head over heels in love with him, and would leave everyone else to be with him. For him, Dani will always come first.

I fuck around and pretend like I'm not hurt by Vic, which is how I ended up with Michael. His younger brother. The egocentric asshole, and my best friend since I was in diapers. We started things because he's always looking for a good lay, and I'm looking for something to get my mind off of his brother. And for a while, it was really good. He's not afraid to get rough, and shit, half the stuff he does to me I didn't even know existed. It was really good until the night I tried to kill myself because I let my depression get the best of me. He found me in the bathroom and saved me, admitting that he was in love with me and he wanted to be with me.

Any sane person would think I should pick Mike because he actually loved me. But he loves to talk about the other girls he fucks or wants to fuck. If I tell him I'm busy because I'm going out with another guy, he freaks out and yells at me for being so inconsiderate. So I should pick Tony, right? He's safe and he's my best friend. The last time I picked safe, I ended up with Jamie, my ex best friend. He got incredibly attached within a week and told me he loved me. I did what i did best and left. We don't speak anymore. And I could never go through that again, especially with Tony.

I can't get rid of Vic because even though I hate him and Dani, I'm in love with him. So I'm stuck.

Notes