|June 2014|

---

“Beau, I can’t,” I said as I handed a fan a Savages Vinyl.

“Why?” He asked, irritated as he handed a fan a muscle tee. The heat was making his hair all sweaty and clingy to his shoulders. The heat was also bringing me one step closer to suffocating Beau with a T-shirt if he doesn’t drop the conversation.

“Well, for one; hi, how can I help you?” I breathed as I cut opened another box of t-shirts.

“Can I get a number 13 and two number 1’s?”

“Yeah, sure; I can’t because that means explaining my feelings.” I said as I handed the fan his album and bracelets. “10.50.” I cut a glance over at Beau who had a very pissed look on his face.

“Why won’t you explain your feelings then?!” He whispered-yelled as a fan (who, by the looks, was very flirtatious) gave him a dreamy look while twirling a strand of her hair.

“Because I can’t,” I hissed as I turn to smile at the boy, taking the money. “Thank you, come again; you asshole.” The fan turned around and my face dropped. “No!” my face bloomed with embarrassment as the boy was tearing up.

“No what?!”

“Not you, look, teenage boy, I was talking to him, not you. I’m so, so, so fucking sorry.” I don’t think he bought it. “Here, I reached down and grabbed a random t-shirt. I gave it to him. “I’m so sorry. The real asshole here is Beau.” The fan nodded and scurried off. “Look, Beau, I just can’t okay? Okay, hi, how can I help you?”

“Why can’t you explain your feelings?!” he yelled, aggravated as he shoved the small (three sizes too small for her boobs) t-shirt to the flirty fan.

“Because,” I gave the girl her order and turned to face him. “Explaining my feelings means losing you, dead or alive like Daniel and Austin.” I snapped. I threw the box down and sighed once the commotion had finally died down.

“What does, who the hell are they?” he asked, standing up.

“I fell for Daniel, he died, I fell for Austin, now look at us.”

“What-” I cut him off with a look.

“Explain my feelings means losing you.. And I can’t afford to lose you Beau.” I said, finally meeting his gaze for the first time.

“Li-”

“I love you!” I cried out. “I love you way too much to let anything happen to you.” Tears started to slip, but I wiped them as fast as they came. “You’re the best thing that’s happen to me since Austin and without you, I don’t see how I will be able to function,” I was talking more with my hands than my words, but my hands were frozen in midair as I started to sob.

Beau pulled me against his chest by my head and I continued to cry. It made my head hurt, but now that everything was out there, it’s only a matter of time before fate fucks this up and takes away this.

“Shh. It’s not going to happen. I love you. Shh. I love you,” he murmured as he kissed the top of my shaking head. I didn’t respond, even if I could. I continued to cry.

---

It was silent. Well, not dead silence, considering there was people around us, but silent between the two of us. I didn’t mean to run into him, actually, I didn’t want to run into him at all.

I fiddled with the ends of my shirt, rocking on the edge of my toes, waiting for him to say something, anything.

“So,” He spoke, looking around.

“So……” I looked up at him to see him already staring at me. I quickly looked back down at the ground.

“I uhm,” he cleared his throat. “I see you’re back in the process of writing.” He motions to the guitar secured around my shoulders.

“I guess.” More awkward silence.

“Look-” we both say. I sigh with a grumble. “Stop-” I slap a hand over my face.

“Will you shut up?” I asked. He puts his hands up in defeat. “I’m sorry things are like this. It shouldn’t be. We were friends before we started dating Austin,”

“It wouldn’t be like this if Alan hadn’t blurted out that you slept with my ex-bassist.” He said as if I was offending him.

“Look, what happened between Shayley and I was a mistake. And it’s not like you have the right to know,” I sigh again. “I didn’t come here to fight, okay? I didn’t mean to come here at all, but now that I am, I just want us to get along, even with my secret blabbered out to the world.” Austin snorted.

“Does your boyfriend know about your hook up with him?” he snaps. How does Austin even know Beau and I are dating? I bet Alan found this out too and blabbed his mouth.

“Yes. Yes he does, thank you very much. Listen to me though, I don’t want to fight. At all.” I begged. My last ditch effort.

“No, Ellie, I think we’re way past not fighting.” He puts emphasizes on Ellie as his eyes tower down to me. “What made you want to hook up with Shayley? What’s wrong with you? What happened to Ellie?” his voice was calm, but his words not so much.

What happened to Ellie?

What happened to Ellie?

What happened to Ellie?

Notes