Dear Austin...

Sunday morning, I woke up feeling foggy and as if I was lost in a dream. Although I remembered the conversation I had snuck into since last night. Looking on my arms, I saw the red lines I had traced onto my arms viciously last night. They were now raised and a flushed red. As I got out of bed, I closed the door and switched shirts, changing into my Of Mice and Men shirt. I think Austin and Alan would have an appreciation of it.

As my feet carried downstairs, I heard Alan, Austin, and LP all scurrying around in the kitchen. As I peered through the hallway into the kitchen, I saw Austin sitting at the island with the other two bustling about. Instinctively, I tucked my arms against my side as I walked in. Austin smiled to me as I pulled my chair up to him.

“So how’d you sleep?” He asked casually while ruffling my hair. I plastered on a fake smile and even managed to convince myself.

“Pretty good.” I answered, leaning into his side. He smiled down at me as I watched LP discuss with Alan on what to make for breakfast. Currently, it looked like they were tickling each other more than discussing. Footsteps caught our attention as they appeared from out of nowhere. LP hid by Alan as the ‘big brother’ put an arm around her.

My mom came walking down the hall. She had a smile arranged under tired eyes. No one, except I, knew what was wrong. My mother over the past few days had often referenced the band members as ‘her boys’, and now knew them as hers. They didn’t mind. Every time Austin heard her say that, a spark lit in his eyes and I knew that he treated her as his own mother.

“Hi boys, Rae, LP. What are you doing?” She asked. I turned to face my mom. Alan and LP stopped playing around to face her. Alan grinned in his childish sort of way.

“Hi mom. We’re apparently trying to figure out breakfast.” I responded. Mom shook her head as she saw that nothing was out. Alan and LP stood like children caught doing something they weren’t supposed to do.

“Step aside, children. Let mom show you how it’s done.” She made a shooing motion to the ginger and little sister. They pulled up chairs next to Austin and my own while we watched our mom skillfully finish making us a breakfast of bacon, eggs, and pancakes. As we ate in gleeful silence, LP suddenly had a great idea. She poked me in the shoulder and whispered in my ear. Austin looked at me a little funny, but I tossed the thought away. As we finished, I pulled on my shoes.
It was about noon when we all tromped outside. Austin had caught onto the idea of the hunt we were on, but Alan remained clueless.

Lily-Pearl took my hand and led me to all plausible spots for the creature we were looking for. The cool of the day wasn’t the best possible day for a hunt, but it would do.

At the front of the house, LP checked behind a bush to see the creature there. She pointed to it.

“What is it?” Alan asked. LP shushed him as I stalked my prey. In a swift leap, I took the tail end of the creature. Alan peered over my little sister’s shoulder for a good look. Austin covered his mouth to stop himself from bursting out with laughter. Still hiding my prize, Lily-Pearl moved out into the drive way, taking Alan and Austin with her.

“Here you go, LP!” I told her, swinging around, a large garden snake in my arms.

Alan’s reaction made my day, no, my week, no, it made my entire year! He threw his arms up and screamed like a small child, dancing backwards with a shriek. Austin burst out with laughter. I came around the bushes with the calm snake in my arms. It wrapped around my wrist, trying to free itself.

LP wandered curiously over to the calm creature. The snake flicked out its tongue. Its tiny little head touched the back of my left hand. Lily stroked the scales of the creature, totally unafraid.

“Its snake kisses!” She smiled. I nodded. The tiny head of the reptile ‘kissed’ me again. I handed the snake to LP, who cradled it carefully. Austin came over and stroked the back of the snake. My little sister had to hand it back to me and dragged the ginger princess over. She had to hold his hand for him to touch it.

As soon as we were done holding it, LP walked me up to an area where we released snakes. With no surprise, Alan hung out at the house. Upon returning to him, he seemed to have chilled down a little. LP and Alan went into the house, Austin trailing behind with me. As the door closed, Austin pulled me to my front yard.

“Raelyn, I don’t think you slept very well last night.” He told me softly. I couldn’t meet his eyes.

“I slept fine.” I forced my head to rise. With a quick motion, before I could even register to pull away, he took my left wrist, holding it up. With my right hand, I dug my nails into my palm at being revealed.

“Rae, look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t cut yourself.” He whispered to me. I looked at him with all honesty and repeated it back to him.

“I promise I didn’t.” I told him. His index finger gently rubbed the small lumps cautiously. A shiver went through my spine. I could see the sadness filling his eyes. An ocean of pain should’ve filled me, not him! He looked down to me and I couldn’t help but want to shy away, but his grip held me tight.

“What happened?” He asked me, all tenderness in his voice. At that moment, I spilled, not wanting to keep secrets and hurt him further. I honestly didn’t want to do that to him.

I told him how it started, how it was purely a habit I did when I was stressed and going through a lot anxiety. Through my story, I told him how it was something I did without think, I never wanted to leave a scar or draw blood because I want anyone to worry about me. All that I didn’t tell him was about my grandma.

When I was done explaining, little drops of sadness clung to my eye lid. He wrapped me in another enormous hug. I felt his face fill into the side of my neck, letting out a shaky breath. He finally released me, cupping both hands against my face.

“If you ever, ever, feel stressed to that point or feel yourself doing that, you tell me, okay? You have to promise me.” His big brown eyes went soft and man, did my heart stop beating. I could only nod back to him. His thumbs softly stroked the tears away from my face. Then he leaned down and kissed my forehead, gently trying to pull away all the pain with it.

I fell back into his hug. For a moment, I thought it was okay.

Notes

Awww...How could you keep a secret from Austin? ;_;

Things are about to get interesting in this 'perfect weekend' with Austin and Alan...

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