Dear Austin...

“RAE!” A hiss escaped from behind me. I was slowly walking along the hall. Today I wore my Bring Me the Horizon shirt. The person calling my name was adorned with an Asking Alexandria shirt. I didn’t turn around, but a broad grin escaped and plastered itself on my face.
“RAELYN!” A voiced hissed a little louder. I whipped around, facing one of my best friends.
“SARA!” I hissed back. We burst out laughing. Our mornings usually were like this. One whispered the other’s name louder than needed.
“Hi.” She waved. I shook my hand back at her and went over to talk, while dropping my backpack against the hall’s cold wall. The high school was unusually cold this time of morning.
“Hey. Have you written your letter yet?” She asked me curiously. I told her that I was writing a letter to Austin Carlile.
“Nah. I haven’t figured out how to start yet.” I explained sheepishly. My best friend rolled her eyes in exasperation.
“This is week three that you haven’t written the letter yet!” She exclaimed. I shrugged my apology.
“I’ll write my letter when you listen to Second and Sebring!” I teased her. She stuck out her tongue. I’d been trying to get her to listen to the song since I told her about the letter.
“Have you listened to The Drug in Me is You by Falling in Reverse?” She questioned. Our mornings usually went like this.
She’d ask me about the letter.
I’d tell her I hadn’t finished it yet.
She’d shame me.
I’d ask her if she’d listened to Second and Sebring.
She would say no and then ask if I’d listen to her newest favorite song that switched by the day.
I’d say yes and we’d obsess over the band just a little too loudly.
Sara was my band buddy because she’d been the first to introduce me to the genres of hardcore/metalcore/metal/etc. I’d had listened to Sleepwalking by Bring Me the Horizon after she given me the ear bud. After that I was hooked on any song she fed me.
“Just, listen to the song!” I told her. She promised me for the twentieth time to listen to it (But I knew she wouldn’t) before I hoisted my backpack up onto my shoulders and walked back through the densely packed halls.
Maybe today was the day for my letter.
I took my load of books and journals to my locker. Emptying the pack on my shoulders so it was half the size it was with at least fifty pounds of papers now crammed into the squat locker.
The first few periods of the day passed by in a breeze. Woodshop was easy. I felt at peace in that class, along with band. Band was my home and I love to make music with my friends.
After that my mind became preoccupied with thoughts of the letter. I tried to write and rewrite the beginning again and again. Nothing came to mind.
Math and Science passed in that glossed over state of preoccupied thoughts. Then the last bell rang and I ran out to my mom’s car.
I popped into the passenger’s seat with an extra spring in my step. I think I finally knew how to start my letter. Also, I’d gotten a perfect score on my math test!
“Hi, mom!” I smiled to her. A worn look filled her face, yet she managed to bring up a forced half grin. That look made me worry.
“Hello Rae.” She started wearily. I noticed the bags under her eyes and my suspicion started to rise.
“What’s wrong, mom?” I asked her. My memories flickered to my father. Was it something with him?
“Raelyn, I don’t know how to go about this, but I found out today that I have Breast Cancer.” She told me. I stared forward in shock. All I could do was attempt to swallow the knot that was formed at the back of my throat. My stomach formed itself into a square knot as well.
“Don’t worry too much because it’s only early stages of Breast Cancer. It’s Cancer with a little ‘c’.” She tried to explain. I sat silently in the seat while she dodged the screaming high school kids and random cars that flew out of nowhere.
I didn’t speak until we pulled into the drive way.
“It’ll be okay? Right?” I asked her calmly. Tears threatened to spill but I held them in.
“Right.” She confirmed, but I felt the doubt that crept into my head.
I knew how I’d start my letter.

Notes