I Said I'd Never Let You Go

As I sat in the front lounge of the bus with knees to my chest and my head on top of my knees I thought about everything that had happened over the last two years. Three of the people that I had trusted the most had eventually screwed me over. I know that with Tony I was partially to blame though.

Things had been so great at the start of tour. I had an amazing boyfriend, a relationship that was going really well, a successful career, and a group of friends that were extremely supportive.

How had things changed so much in such a short amount of time? I shook my head and stood up. I needed a distraction from all the thoughts swirling in my head. I needed to think of something other than the betrayal. I pulled out my phone and texted Chloe.

[b]Chlo-bo the hobo <3 12:26PM
[i]Going for a walk. I will be back later. Love you![/i][/b]

I shoved my phone back into my pocket and walked off the bus. The sky was gloomy and looked like it was going to start raining at any second. The gloomy weather definitely matched my gloomy mood. I was honestly hoping that I would have some kind of epiphany that would make things clear to me, but I knew that that kind of stuff didn’t happen in real life.

I loved tony and we had an amazing relationship, but I knew I had the same with Austin. There were things that worked in both relationships and things that needed to be worked on. Tony and I had been together long enough for me to know that if I did choose him that we would make a great married couple. I saw us working out that way. Things with Austin however were so short lived that I wasn’t sure if we would work out in the long run.

I didn’t want to give up what Tony and I had on the whim of what Austin and I could be, but I also didn’t want to live my life wondering what Austin and I could have been because I went back to what was safe.

I let out a frustrated sigh and ran my fist through my hair roughly. I felt my ear perk up at the sound of music. I started to walk in the direction it was coming from. It was just an acoustic guitar from what I could tell and the tune sounded very familiar. My heart clenched at the chords that flowed from the instrument. I round one of the busses and saw Austin sitting under a tree strumming at the strings.

“Pretty little lady with swollen eyes would you show them to me? I know I’m not that perfect but stay awhile Baby, then you will see. Don’t give up, baby I know that it’s shaky. Just let love consume us. Consume us.” He sang softly.

Seeing him there made my heart flutter. He was such an amazing person and I did love him, but could I trust him not to run again if I decided that I wanted to try us again. I stood there and continued to watch him play and sing to himself. I couldn’t help but let the words wash over me.

Neither of us was perfect, but when we were together we tried so hard to be better for each other. I had read somewhere that when you fall in love you stop seeing someone’s faults as flaws and you start to see them as what makes them unique. Not a single thing about Austin made me think less of him. Every single thing about him made me love him that much more.

I bit my lip in realization. I wanted Austin. The good, the bad, and the unknown. I wanted it to be him that I told all my problems to and that picked me up when I was knocked down. I knew that I loved Tony but I knew that it was never the heart stopping, make my knees weak, fairytale love that I had with Austin. It was possible that Tony is who I am meant to be with, but I knew that for now I needed to be with Austin. I needed to know if what we had was real or if it was one of those relationships that burn hot and bright but ultimately end.

I took a few steps forward as the closing chords to the song rang through the air.

“You should really sing more. You have a great voice.” I say quietly trying not to startle him. He jumped and clutched at his heart showing me that I had not succeeded.

“How long have you been standing there?” He asks standing up and looking at his feet to hide the blush on his cheeks. It didn’t work very well since I was about a foot shorter than him.

“Long enough to have one of those cheesy romantic comedy epiphanies where the confused lead actress realizes who she is meant to be with.” I say looking at him. I see his eyes spark and his gaze intensifies.

“And? How did your epiphany turn out?” He asks tentatively.

“Oh I am totally turning into a lesbian and moving to France.” I joke. He chuckles softly and takes a step closer. “Does it tell you anything that I haven’t gone running off yet?”

“It gives me a slight inclination of the possibility. Would be nice however for you to tell me and put me out of my misery.” He says taking another step toward me. I look at my feet and can’t help but smile. I look back up at him.

“I am still in love with you Austin. I want to see how things turn out with us.” I tell him softly. The look in his eyes changes and he takes the final step and closes the gap between us. He grabs my waist and pulls me to him crashing his lips onto him.

Every feeling that I have ever had for Austin comes back full force during this kiss; the lust, the hated, the betrayal, the forgiveness, and ultimately the love. I rest my hand on his jaw as we lean our foreheads together. I know I said that those epiphanies only happen in movies but I guess the simplest of things can make us see the bigger picture. Something as simple as a few lines from a song made me realize that the person I wanted to needed to be with was the one that it all started with.

Notes

LOVE YOU ALL <33

Josie