My World is You

Vic knelt down next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder; I shrugged it off and raced up to the bedroom. I know I was thinking selfishly again but how could I help it, he was going to miss everything.
“October open up.” He said
I shook my thoughts and decided to only be upset about this when I was alone or with my family or Lindsay or Ray. I put on my ‘I’m happy for you’ face and opened the door.
“Look I know you’re upset.” He said
“I’m not upset.” I lied
“I know you’re lying.” He said
“I’m really happy for you.” I said
“Come on tour with us.” He said
“I can’t intrude on you.” I said
“Lindsay is coming and Ray might be as well.” He said
“That’s a lot of people on your bus. I can’t intrude like that.” I said
“But Lindsay and Ray are coming.” He said
“And they’ve been with their member for what a week or a few hours? I’ve been with you for eight years, I’m not going to intrude on your fun okay? I can handle being alone.” I said
“Whatever you say but you’re still getting you surprise birthday performance.” He said
“From who?” I asked
“You’ll see. They are going to show up at Dallas and the others house at ten. And you’re staying at their house the night before we leave.” He said
I nodded and laid my head into his lap, he stroked my hair and I calmed down a little.
“Are you excited?” I asked
“Yeah but I really wish you would come with us.” He said
“Well I don’t want to cramp the bus.” I said
“You wouldn’t.” He said
I just turned my head slightly to look at him and his brown eyes concentrated on my blue ones.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked
“You.” He said
“What about me?” I asked
“Just how perfect you are and how lucky I am that I have you.” He said
“I have my flaws.” I said
Which was true, I had flaws that somehow he looked past.
“Like?” He asked
“Scars, I’m supposed to take anti-depressants on a regular basis, I’m white.” I said
“How is being white a flaw?” He asked
“Your parents would like it better if I had some Latino in me and you can’t deny that.” I said
“That’s just my dad’s opinion my mom fucking adores you.” He said
“But your dad seems to have issues with me.” I said
“He’s a grumpy Mexican.” He said
I couldn’t help but laugh a little.
“And as for the scars and the depression. Those aren’t flaws they are what make you, you.” He said
I pursed my lips and he leaned down and kissed them.
“Well I'm not a vampire but I feel like one, sometimes I sleep all day because I hate the sunlight! Hands are always shaking, bodies always aching in the darkness when I feed!” Sang from my phone out in the living room.
I hopped up and raced to get it.
“June?” I answered
“Hello is this October Moore?” Someone asked
“This is she.” I said
“You were in June’s emergency contacts; we would like to inform you that she is in the hospital in our care. We would like you to come down please.” The nurse said
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” I said
“Thank you.” She said
She hung up and I dropped my phone onto the floor and raced back up to Vic’s bedroom.
“I’m going to borrow some clothes.” I said
He nodded confused as I pulled open his closet door. I grabbed a pair of his black skinny jeans and pulled them on, he handed me a belt and I raced to put that on. I pulled one of his Pantera shirts off the hangers and ripped Mike’s tank top off of my body and replaced it with Vic’s.
“Whats going on?” He asked
“June.” I said shoving my shoes on
“What about her?” He asked
“She’s in the hospital” I said.
“I’m coming.” He said
I nodded and I raced downstairs and grabbed my phone off the floor and walked out to his car. He was there about thirty seconds later getting in, I got in and he drove like a mad man to the hospital. When we got there I sprinted up to the sign in counter..
“Hi uhm I was just called and told my younger sister is here.” I said
“Last name?” The male nurse asked
“Moore.” I said
“Your sister June?” He asked
“Yes.” I said
“Room one-eighty-three.” He said
I nodded and he gave me two visiting stickers with the room number on it, I rushed over to Vic and stuck mine to my shirt as he rifled with it to get the paper off the back; I took it and did it for him. I walked faster than him to get to the room well because she was my younger sister, and I’m the closest to her. I opened the door and the nurse looked up.
“October?” She asked
“Yes now what happened to my sister?” I asked
“Her neighbor called the squad and said she was going to check on her and found her in the upstairs bathroom surrounded in blood, cut up, and barley breathing. She’s under anesthesia right now and she’ll come to soon, I’ll be back to check on you guys.” The nurse said
I nodded and took a seat on one of the uncomfortable couches in the room, Vic came over and sat next to me placing his hand on me knee.
“She’s going to be okay.” He said
“This is my fault.” I said
“How?” He asked
“Three times.” I said
“What?” He asked
“You remember. Once when I was ten, again when I was sixteen, and again when I was eighteen.” I said
He nodded.
“October?” I heard June say
I got off of the couch and walked over to the bed. Her arms were bandaged and she looked so miserable.
“I’m here J.” I said
“I’m sorry.” She said
“It’s fine, this is my fault.” I said
“No.” She said
“Where was mom?” I asked
“She’s in Florida for work.” She said
“That’s across the fucking country.” Vic said
I nodded.
The nurse came back in.
“It’s good to see you awake Miss. Moore. How are you feeling?” She asked
“Trapped.” June said
“Drink this.” She said handing her a cup of water.
June nodded and I looked down at my feet.
“We’re putting your sister on suicide watch and she’s going to be attending San Diego Psychiatric Hospital.” The nurse said
I looked at June and she started to cry
“No she’s not. I’ll watch her.” I said
“You don’t have the experience to watch her.” The nurse said
“Really? Take a look at my medical records.” I said
The nurse gave me a funny look.
“I’ve been to that place three fucking times for my suicide attempts so tell me again I don’t know how to watch her. She’s not going, I can take care of my little sister.” Is aid
“Fine.” The nurse said
I glared at her and I felt June’s eyes on me.
“Do you know how to change and clean her bandages?” The nurse asked me
“Well that’s common sense.” I said
The nurse shrugged.
“I’ll go get her discharge papers.” She said leaving the room
I sat on the edge of the bed and put my head in my hands.
“Thank you.” June said
“No problem kid.” I smiled
Vic sat down next to me and took my hand.
“Why am I in your emergency contacts instead of Dallas?” I asked
“Because I’m closer to you than I am to him and I knew you would come. Dallas would tell the nurse off. And you were there four times.” She said
“It was four only because I escaped and tried to run away and they tazed me down.” I said
“Do the guys know anything about you?” Vic asked
“Mike does because when your forced your mom to bring you here when I did it when I was sixteen he came too.” I said
He nodded
“June I can’t help but to blame myself.” I said
“Why?” She asked
“Cause you were the one to find me in that same bathroom each time I did it.” I said
“This isn’t your fault I promise.” She said hugging me
I nodded. “Do you want me to take that I.V out?” I asked
“Please.” She said
I untapped the needle and pulled it out carefully.
“You’re the best.” She said
The nurse came in and handed me the papers and I signed them and the three of us made it out to the car and Vic dropped me and June off at my apartment.
“I love you, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said
“I love you too.” I said
He went to leave.
“Wait.” I said
“Yeah?” He asked
“Please take Kellin’s shoes back to him.” I said
“When did he leave them here?” He asked
“The night I was sick and we all watched Star Wars.” I said
“Wow a while ago.” He said taking the shoes
He left and I closed and locked my door.
“Are you hungry?” I asked
“I could use some Mac n’ Cheese.” She said
I nodded and we walked into the kitchen
“Mind sharing why you did this?” I asked while waiting on the water to boil
“Mom.” She said
“What did she do?” I asked dumping the SpongeBob shaped noodles into the pot
“It was about thirty minutes before Mr. Lang came into check on me, I was on the phone with her and she asked what I had been up to for the week that she had been gone and of course I went to your graduation party and hung out with friends. She yelled at me for not doing any chores even though the house is clean and she told me I was one of the most useless daughters she’s had and that every one’s lives would be easier if she had gotten the abortion and not had me so I should just be dead. I let it sink in and it took over.” She said
I walked around the island counter and made a mental note to hug Mr. Lang. I hugged my sister.
“I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.” I said
She hugged back, I finished the Mac n’ Cheese and we sat around the rest of the night talking about random shit and watching sappy chick flicks.

Notes

Another small on