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Bulletproof Love

What Did I Do?

Ellie's POV - 1 month later

This month has gone so quickly, it's been lonely without Jaime and the guys but Josh has kept me and Megan company. Megan misses her daddy a lot, she's asked me every week if he's coming home soon but we still have another month without him.
For the first few weeks away Jaime would call or Skype me and Megan everyday, it used to make both of our day seeing his face or hearing his voice but recently he's not been calling or he's been making excuses for not Skyping us, I can't understand why. Megan's been upset because she hasn't seen or heard from Jaime in a week and so have I. Also Josh is leaving to go back to his own home today so it's going to be so quiet.

"Mummy, can we call daddy please?" Megan begged. I looked at the clock, it should be about 10am where he is so I guess we could.

"Sure we can sweetie" I smiled and grabbed my phone. We sat down on the couch and I placed Megan on my lap. I dialled Jaime's number and pressed the call button.

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.

I waited and waited till it went to voicemail, fuck sake.

"Baby, daddy is probably busy right now so he can't pick up, maybe I'll try another time" I forced a smile. It's really starting to piss me off, he's basically ignoring us.
We had nothing to do all day, then an idea came into my head, call Alex. We've been meaning to meet up again, so why not today? I got out my phone and dialled Alex's number.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Hey Alex, it's Ellie" I smiled.

"Oh hey Ellie, haven't spoke to you in a while" He said.

"Yeah I know, where are you today?" I asked.

"Us guys are in San Diego for a while why?" He asked. Perfect.

"Wanna hang out today, I have nothing to do and I'm bored" I pouted even though he couldn't see.

"Sure" He said cheerfully.

"Cool, you wanna come round mine?" I asked.

"Sounds like a plan" He replied. We then arranged times and all that lot then we hung up. I turned to Megan who was engrossed with the TV.

"Sweetie, a few of mine and daddy's friends are coming round, so be a good girl for mummy okay?" I said to her, she just nodded with a grin.

~~~~

About 20 minutes later the door bell rang. I walked to the door and opened it to see 4 smiley familiar faces in front of me.

"Hey guys, it's been a while, come in" I smiled and they all walked in to my house.

"You've got a really nice place" Jack said as he looked around admiring the hall.

"Thanks, come in and follow me" I smiled. I walked in the lounge with the guys not far behind me and I saw Megan sitting there still staring at the TV.

"Princess" I caught her attention and she looked at me, "come here I want you to meet some people" I smiled. She hopped off the couch, walked towards me and I picked her up in my arms.

"Guys this is my daughter Megan, Megan this is Zack, Jack, Rian and last but not least Alex" I said pointed to each of them so she could place the names with faces.

"So this is the little one I never got to meet" Alex said as he waved to Megan.

"Oh yeah sorry about that, I was going to ring you after but being in a coma for 2/3 months it was kinda hard" I said. The guys just looked at me in shock and confusion, oh crap . I forgot they didn't know about that.

"What? You were in a coma? How?" Alex asked completely shocked.

"I forgot you guys didn't know, um.. I was in a very serious car accident, in a coma for at least 2 months so I was told and that kinda explains this" I said lifting the leg with the boot on.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry Ellie" Rian said sympathetically.

"It's fine, if I'm quite honest I don't even remember it" I shrugged, "now let's change the subject and let's do something fun" I grinned. Everyone happily agreed and we all sat in the lounge, just catching up since the last time I saw them was their concert. Megan was sitting with Alex, she found a liking to him quite quickly, more than the rest. Everyone was talking and I was just listening in to their conversation.

"Lexy" I chuckled when I found out she called him that now,"why do you have a skeleton on your arm?" Megan asked him as she traced the tattoo on his forearm.

"I like skeletons and Halloween so I thought why not?" He smiled.

"Mumma said I'm not allowed them yet" She pouted.

"She's right, you have to be a big girl to get one because they hurt and we don't want you getting hurt now do we?" He said while poking her stomach which made her giggle. After that I zoned out, I can't help but think something is happening with Jaime and he's not telling me. I trust him but him ignoring me for a week isn't helping me think otherwise.

"Ellie?" Jack said to me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?" I asked.

"I said do you wanna order pizza?" He asked.

"Oh, yeah sure" I forced a smile.. I've been doing that a lot recently. He nodded and went to order the pizza.

"You okay Ellie, you've been really quiet?" Rian asked.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine just thinking" I replied convincingly. Jack came back in the room with a massive smile.

"Pizza is on it's way" He cheered. Megan was excited because pizza is her favourite food. I went back to my thoughts and everything seemed to suddenly stress me out.

What if Jaime's cheating on me?

What if he's ignoring me for a reason?

What if he's changed is mind about us?

All the bad though wet through my head over and over again and it was making me start to panic. I quickly got up and fled the room, but I mumbled a 'be right back' so no one worried about me.
I got to the bathroom and just looked at my reflection. I felt sick just looking at myself, I was never a self conscious person but ever since the accident I am. I see all the flaws and scars, it all makes me hate everything about myself. I hate thinking like this, I wasn't like this 6 months ago..
I didn't realise how long I was in the bathroom till I heard someone knock on the door.

"Ellie you okay, you've been in there quite a while?" I heard Alex ask on the other side of the door sounding worried.

"Y-yeah, hold on" I took a deep breath and shoved the thoughts in the back if my head. I opened the door slowly to see a worried Alex in front of me.

"You okay? You look really panicky" Alex asked with concern in his voice. I nodded because I didn't trust my voice.

"I don't believe you" He said, "come here!" He added and dragged me to a random room. He sat me on the bed and sat next to me.

"Spill, what's wrong with you?" He asked. I knew I had to tell him, he wouldn't let me go if I didn't. I just sighed heavily.

"I'm just stressed Alex, I'm fine" I said.

"Why you stressed for?" He asked. I explained everything to him from being self conscious to the Jaime situation, all the way through he just listened to me and watched me with care and worry in his eyes. When I was done talking I was nearly in tears.

"Ellie, first of all you are one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen, why would I have asked you on a date a few months ago if I didn't like you?" He said. I never thought of it as a date but now I come to think of it, I would have liked that, "also the Jaime situation you don't need to worry, Jaime is a really good guy he would never cheat on you, he knows better than that" He added, making me feel a bit better, but I still have my doubts. Me and Alex just hugged for a while, he made me feel safe.

"Thank you Alex, it really means a lot" I smiled.

"It's fine, I wouldn't want to see you upset" He said looking into my eyes, you could seriously get lost in his eyes. Before I knew it he leaned down and kissed me, the problem is, was that I kissed back. What made it worse was that I liked it. Before it got heated I then pushed him away and started to panic even more. What have I done?

"I can't Alex, I have Jaime" I said as I stood up.

"I'm so sorry, I got carried away with myself" He said looking down. I'm such a hypocrite, I moan and accuse about Jaime of cheating and I actually did.

"I'm such a hypocrite Alex" I said to him.

"It's not your fault, there's nothing to worry about Ellie" He said calmly.

"You don't understand, I kissed you back and I accuse Jaime of cheating, how much an idiot can I be?" I raised my voice but not nastily.

"Calm down Ellie, he doesn't need to know, it was hardly anything bad" He said.

"Any kind of cheating is bad Alex" I said trying to stay calm but it really wasn't working.

"I should go I guess, I'll go get the guys" He said sadly and left me alone. All I could think of was how much of a hypocrite I feel right now. That fact that I liked the kiss made me cry, I shouldn't have done that. I don't want to loose Jaime.

You're such a screw up Ellie.

I sat there just crying, I didn't realise how long I was sitting there until Megan came in and looked at me with worry laced in her expression.

"Mummy what's wrong!?" She asked sadly as she came running in and sat next to me.

"Just miss your daddy baby" I lied.

"I miss daddy too" She said.

"I know you do baby, come here I need a hug" I said as I pulled in my lap and cuddled her.

"I love you mummy" She whispered. That made me cry even more.

"I love you too princess" I replied and we just sat there and hugged.
The rest of the night I just panicked and couldn't think straight, any kind of cheating is bad and I was a cheater.