A Fool's Revenge.

I had done nothing yesterday besides go to the city morgue to see if it was really true. It in fact was and when I got home, I just lay in my bed, emotionless and listen to music. I didn’t respond to anyone’s texts or calls, most of them were just saying they got home okay so it wasn’t majorly important to me to respond. I still felt like it wasn’t real as I made arrangements to have her cremated.

I didn’t want to have a service or anything because I didn’t want to get the look of pity from people and friends who knew her. I had to make all of the calls to family and friends to let them know but they all questioned why I wouldn’t be burying her or having a service of some sort and after the fifth time of saying the same thing over and over again, I ended up screaming at my aunt who lived in North Carolina.

I knew the family was talking shit as soon as I hung up but this was MY mother, we may not have had the best relationship or any at all but they had no right to criticize me on what I was going to do with her remains. It’s not like any of them liked me anyways; only my cousin in Georgia, Scottie. He said he sent me something nice as soon as he heard and told me to expect it sometime tomorrow. He and I always got along because we had the same problems growing up. We were bullied pretty bad but knew we would make something of ourselves and now he said he was editor in chief for a magazine, didn’t say which one though.

I forced every sad emotion down into the depths of my mind as I got ready for work and made sure my ‘smile’ was on point. The only thing I couldn’t seem to control was my voice; it wavered and cracked whenever I spoke so it would be hard to hide that. I know I would be questioned as to why I wasn’t eating or answering my phone or really talking.

I soon walked into the little shop after a few calming breaths. I had started to cry as I parked my car but I calmed down before my makeup got fucked up. I just hoped today would go by fast. I knew I still had my Saturdays off so I could go home, fix myself a nice strong drink and drown the sadness.

“Good morning, Jayme!” Casey sang and I just forced by best smile. I set my bag down and almost instantly, my phone rang. I sighed and saw that it was Chris. I couldn’t ignore him forever but as of right now, nobody’s gonna get through to me nor make me happy. It was like I had a tiny black storm cloud right above my head threatening to rain at any minute if someone said the wrong thing.

I went all day without as much as a question as to why I wouldn’t answer my forever ringing cell or talk louder than a mere whisper. It was finally the end of the day and I smiled slightly and said goodbye to Casey and Dave. I watched as they both pulled out of the lot, waving to me as they did, before I beat the shit out of my steering wheel. I took all of my pent up emotions out and felt a little better. I quickly made my way home and stuck to my original plan to drown my sorrows in cinnamon flavored whiskey.

I stepped in my unlocked door and closed it, fighting the urge to slid down and let it all out then and there. I had never felt this consumed by sadness, not even in high school.
I grabbed the bottle and placed myself down on the couch. I took my pants off and pulled the throw blanket I had always hanging on the back of the couch over my legs and took a long swig of the toxic drink. I snatched my phone from my pants pocket and decided to go through all of the messages and voicemails. The majority of them were from Mike, Chris, Priscilla, Ricky and Vic.

I went through them all regardless of who they were from and just burst into tears when I heard the hurt voices of the people, my friends, whom I haven’t talked to since I left.
I dialed one number that stuck out the most when going through my voicemails.

“Jayme? Why haven’t you answered anyone in two days! Are you okay?” he bittersweet voice sounded through the phone.

“Can you come over?” I sniffled and covered my mouth to cloak the croak on my voice.

“Yeah, I’ll be over in a few minutes.” He said and hung up. I took a very long swig, a chug almost, and set the bottle close to my side. No matter how hard I force the tears back, they seemed to fall harder. My body shook from the held back sobs as my front door opened and Mike rushed to my side.

“Jayme, what’s wrong?” he tried to pull the bottle from my grasp but I tucked it under my side.

“She’s… S-she’s gone.” I broke and let the dam burst. He pulled me close and rocked me back and forth until my wracking sobs were nothing but an occasional sniffle.

“Who is gone?” he asked softly as he pet my hair. I was laying with my head in his lap and I could feel the tears build up again.

“My…. My…. My mom!” I cried out and he calmed me yet again. I sat myself up and took a swig from the bottle and set it on the coffee table.

“I know I used to hate her so much for not giving a fuck about me and now that she’s gone… I don’t know what to do!” I said through a cracking voice.

“It’s okay. I’m sure she knows you would have forgiven her eventually. I’m sure you two knew you loved each other no matter what.” He cooed. I curled my legs up to my chest and sighed.

“She was murdered and I never even got to say goodbye. I never even said goodbye when I went to college. I’ll never get to say goodbye and now I have my ‘family’ bitching at me for cremating her and I fucking cant even function. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone without wanting to cry. I can’t-” he shushed me and tried to calm me down from my panic attack. I was hyperventilating and couldn’t calm down.

I could feel myself slipping out with the mixture of lack of oxygen and alcohol. I didn’t mind though, in fact, I welcomed it. I just wanted to be gone, disappear from this terrible world without a trace.

I felt my breathing regulate but my eyes drooped to a close but I was still awake. I felt Mike lift me up and walk me up to my room and place me in my bed. I felt the covers warp around me and a soft kiss land on the fragile skin of my forehead and I drifted off into a well needed sleep.

Notes

I'm sorry I haven't updated in a couple days but school has been getting the best of me along with not knowing how to write this chapter and just being tired. but here it is!

Mikey to the rescue though!

Thanks for reading/commenting/subscribing<3 :*