A Fool's Revenge.

I woke up and, you know that feeling when you wake up after a night of just full out bawling? That was what I felt. My eyes stung and my face felt bloated but I felt better. I had let it out; I didn’t bottle it as much as I usually do so I felt somewhat relieved. Priscilla definitely made it a lot better by bringing me to MIW’s bus, I don’t know what I would do without that girl. She always knew the right things to say or do when I was upset and she never ever threw the fact that she always took care of me and helped me in my face when we got into our little spats. I knew she thought it but she would never say it. She’s definitely the best friend anyone could ask for. She’s not even my best friend, she’s my sister; the only family I have that really loves me.

I carefully got out of my bunk and held my head as it throbbed as I walking into the bathroom to do my business and get some Advil. I washed my hands and walked out to get my coffee before I got ready. I started the coffee pot and grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fried to chase the pills down with. I took a few sips before I tossed it in my bunk and made a cup of coffee.

I walked to the back lounge and searched the channels aimlessly looking for something that would peak my interest. I settled on the news. I heard a door close and figured Danny was up.

He always was the one who got up around the same time I did. I was soon proved wrong on my assumptions when the door opened revealing James. I sat there, paralyzed in fear of what he might say. I knew he was pissed at me but I really didn’t know what he would say to me or if he would just ignore me. He sat on the far side of the couch away from me and silently watched TV. I let my head drop in shame and just stared deeply into my light caramel colored drink.

“Why?” he cleared his throat and spoke timidly. I could tell he was hurt by the look in his eyes. At least they didn’t hold the anger they did yesterday.

“I swear I didn’t. He came up to me, I didn’t even kiss him back, and you have to, just please believe me.” I mumbled and whined a bit. He looked at me skeptically and pondered what to say next, I knew it couldn’t be good as I saw his jaw tense up along with the grasp on his own cup. I he went to say something but stopped before any words reached the air between us. I looked at him anxiously waiting for him to say something but every time he went to, he stopped.

“James, I really didn’t do anything. I honestly tried to ignore him and in no way wanted to kiss him.” I said and he just nodded.

“I just don’t get it.” he mumbled, barely audible to my own ears but I looked at him in confusion.

“I don’t get how no matter what happens between us, a piece of you will always love him. it kills me to know that.” He sighed and at that moment, I could’ve easily burst into tears but I refrained.

I moved closer to him and looked him directly in the eyes.

“Part of me will always like him. James, you can’t tell me that the first girl you ever really loved doesn’t still cross your mind from time to time. Mike to me is just a friend. Him and I never work.

I have to talk to him so I can tell him that but I don’t want to ruin a relationship, your friendship, by choosing you over him of him over you. I just really don’t know what to do anymore. This is one of the reasons I left SD in the first place. You don’t know how bad I just want to run away and go home right now. The only reason I don’t is because I have a job to do and this is one of those opportunities for me, personally, to have to deal with all the shit that I have to. I can’t run forever.”
I wiped away a tear and sat back and just stared at the ceiling of the bus.

“I guess your right but I just hate the fact that it’s always a competition and there’s always a decision between me and Mike. I know the night we slept together didn’t mean much but” I stopped him immediately.

“James, that night meant a lot more than you know. That was the first time I ever woke up from sleeping with someone and didn’t regret it.” I chuckled at his ignorance and shook my head in disbelief. He really thought it meant nothing.

“I think we should just be friends.” He said out of the blue and totally off topic.

“Why?” I said with a little bit of hate dripping off my tongue.

“I don’t want to pull you in two directions. Look at what’s going on now! We’re bickering about stupid shit. I really like you and all but I can’t do this to you let alone myself. I’d rather be great friends than leave each other heart broken and never speak.” He smiled weakly but I could tell this conclusion broke his heart.

“James…” I said and tried to figure out what to say

“Jayme, let’s face it, we may like each other but with you having second thoughts and my record with girls, we would never work. I am nice but only to you, you’re different. I will always look out for you but I really think we should keep this--- as just friends.” He had some good points but I didn’t want to hear it. I got up and left the room. I emptied my coffee into the sink and got dressed before walking off the bus, camera in hand. Had I really just been dumped by someone I wasn’t even with? I literally just got friendzoned.

I stormed into the venue, fully ready to rip someone’s head off if they fucked with me, and sat in a seat in the arena. It was very quiet seeing as doors still had a good six hours before the opened. I watched as some of the crew set up the stage for the handful of bands that would play in here today.

I violently kicked the back of the chair in front of me repeatedly until I felt a little better. I wanted so badly to just scream out my frustrations but since there were people in here, I couldn’t. They looked at me briefly as I kicked the chair but soon went back to work.

“What are you doing up so early?” I jumped at the voice that was calling me out and looked to my side to see a worried, but smiling, Chris Motionless. Did shit like this always have to happen when I was pissed or sad?

“I guess I could ask the same.” I chuckled but it was worthless as it only came out as more of a sigh.

“I always walk the venue early with a cup of coffee. Just chill out before the madness begins.” He hopped over the row of seats skillfully and sat down next to me. He didn’t have his stage makeup on or at least less of it; he still had a slight ring around his eyes from it though.

“I try to do the same.” I smiled and relaxed a bit.

“It’s nice to get away from the people you have to see twenty four, seven for a while. I hate being cooped up on the bus all the time.” he sighed happily. I nodded and let my eyes wonder the arena. The guys that were previously working on setting up, had finished so it was quiet again.

Chris and I sat in a nice silence for a few moments but my blood was still boiling from James saying we should just stay friends. Like what the fuck do I do now? It’s just gonna be an awkward next three weeks on the bus.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, if you don’t mind me asking” he asked as he swallowed his coffee and looked at me waiting for an answer.

“Nothing, everything, anything.” I chuckled but refrained from looking at him. He seemed like the kind of guy that could read people like a book and I wasn’t looking for that; I didn’t want to be read like an open book.

“Whatever it is, it’s pissing you off. Don’t stress about it too much. Most of the time it’s not worth it.” I took in his intellectual words and figured he was right. At some point things would have ended between James and I, maybe we were better off this way.

“I wish it was that easy. It’s like my life is a fucking unsolvable puzzle and I’m stuck here waiting for someone to come along and put the pieces together.” I chuckled and shook my head at the ridiculous metaphor that had had come up with.

“I would say I could put the pieces together but I got a girl back home.” He smiled sorrowfully and I shrugged.

“Thanks, I guess.” I smiled weakly and looked away. Chris is someone I would rather stay friends with, not James or Mike. He was a lot like Priscilla, always knowing the right things to say to make me feel even the slightest bit okay.

“So what is it that’s got you so… upset?” he asked cautiously after a moment of lingering silence.

“Love. Or lack of, I guess. Well, not really. Just the shitty confusing and angering part of it.” I sighed and let y head rest on the back of the seat.

“What do you mean?”

“Have you ever liked two people at once, maybe one more than the other but not be able to decipher your feelings for them?” I asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, I liked two guys, friends of mine. I slept with both of them. I’ve known one since high school and the other for a few months. Well, the one from high school is mostly a dick to me, was really, but has a nice side. The other has always been sweet to me. This morning the sweet one told me we should just stay friends because I still don’t exactly know my feelings and he is a player. ‘Because we wouldn’t work’ I just don’t get it.” I kicked the seat again, harder than before, making Chris jump a little.

“Neither of them seem worth it. You could honestly have anyone you wanted; you shouldn’t kill yourself over two douchebags who confuse the fuck outta you, Jayme. You just have to do shit for yourself and not give a fuck about what other people think, do or say about it. You’re too pretty to get yourself all worked up.” he comforted but it just pissed me off a little more.

“I hate when people say that. ‘You’re too pretty to get upset’ like no, fuck you. It pisses me off how society thinks that just because you’re pretty that everything in life should be fucking peachy. I know you mean well with it but seriously, if I hear it one more time, I might punch someone in the fucking face.” I growled and ranted. He chuckled.

“I get that. Society is a fucked up place but you shouldn’t worry about it. if those two guys don’t want you and don’t realize how nice you are, then screw them! You’re a hot piece of ass and can do way better than them.” If I had drink, I surely would have spit it out because I cracked up.

“You know, I just wanted to sit here till doors opened and be pissed off and you have me fucking laughing. Screw you. You’re right though, I’m not gonna get all pissed off because James and Mike don’t realize how great I am, fuck them.” He looked at me with wide eyes and I realized I named names. I cursed under my breath multiple times. He just nodded and smiled. He knew me, more than he ever thought when he met me yesterday.

“There ya go! If James and Mike can’t realize how amazing you are then oh-fucking-well. You have people like me and others who will be friends with you no matter what.”

“So, we’re friends now are we?” I chuckled and he rolled his eyes.

“Yes. Any friend of Priscilla’s is a friend of mine. Especially a best friend.” His smile could literally brighten any day and it surely brightened mine.

“Well, you know what that means right?” I smirked. And he shook his head with a sheepish smile.

“We’re best friends now.” I nodded and smiled.

“You and Priscilla are way too alike, it’s scary. Good, I don’t have many girl best friends. I have to get going but come to our set tonight, okay?” he chuckled as he looked at the time on his phone.

“Were connected, I swear. When do I not come to your set, I have gone every damn day so far.” I stood up with him, fully ready to go back to the bus now that I was in a good state of mind.

“Very true. So, I’ll see you late then?” I nodded as we reached the exit of the venue.

“You will.” I smiled.

“You know where our bus is if you need to get away for a while!” he yelled and I nodded, waving as I got to the door of the AA bus. I stepped on and was faced with all of the guys sitting in the front. I sat down and smiled.

“Good morning?” Danny said as I question.

“Great morning.” I smiled and leaned back. They looked skeptical of my happiness but after talking to Chris, I was happier. I felt better to let it out. Bottling it up would have gotten me nowhere besides a mental fucking breakdown.

We sat around for a few more hours until their set time neared. I followed them out and had kept a smile on my face. James didn’t look too pleased but it wasn’t my problem anymore. He wanted to just stay friends, not me so it was all up to him from now on.


I did my job and left. I enjoyed the show as always but it was different. I felt like a weight had been lifted. Maybe James had realized that I was slowly burning myself out with the drama that stewed within our group of friends, mostly between him Mike and me.
I walked around for a little while after saying goodbye to the guys, I had a little while to wait until Motionless went on so I just sat around and listened to the music and took pictures as people walked by.



I spent the rest of my day hanging around with a few bands and Priscilla. It got my mind off of a lot and kept me in the good mood Chris had put me in this morning. I just had to keep this outlook up for the next three weeks and I would be all set.

Notes

I'm not too satisfied with this update but at the same time I am. idk.

No more James+Jayme and crushed the Chris+Jayme things(I wanted it to happen but, ya know. it's a Mike story)

Thanks for reading/commenting/subscribing! <3