I woke up in a haze. My head was pounding. I wiped my nose with my sleeve and sniffed; my nostrils were on fire. I had over done it last night, I knew that much. Ever since the fist night of trying out coke, it became a regular thing. And with all the other drugs, my body built up a kind of resistance to it. So I had to keep taking more and more in order to feel something—or, rather, in order to not feel something.

I picked myself up from my floor, shaking my head. I wiped my face with a cold cloth in the bathroom and walked into the main part of the apartment. Jon was passed out on the couch, some bitch on top of him. There was another girl on the other couch, completely naked and passed out, too. I walked over and made sure they all had pulses before I carried on with my own business.

I snatched my phone from the counter, yawning as I scrolled through my messages. I had one from Drella, which surprised me; she has been ignoring me ever since I blew her off when Vic was really sick—rightfully so, too. I deserved her cold shoulder.

“I really need my best friend right now. Where is he?”

“He’s not here anymore,” I muttered. “What’s up?” I texted back instead, curiosity getting the best of me.

“Thank God,” she replied almost immediately. Suddenly I grew worried—was she in some kind of trouble? “I need to talk to you. I’m freaking out Mikey. Please, can we meet somewhere?” My eyes widened. I didn’t want to see her but I felt like I needed to. Not seeing them was slowly driving me insane. She was like a drug I couldn’t resist. Like, cocaine.

“Sure. Where?” I wrote back. I went back to the bathroom and stripped, checking myself out in the mirror. My face was pale and my eyes were baggy. My nostrils were bright red and I subconsciously sniffed looking at them.

“Uhhh, I don't know, Mike. It doesn’t matter. How about the Starbucks closer to your complex and we can walk around a bit?” she suggested.

“Sure.” I replied blandly. “An hour and a half?”

“Yep. Thanks Mike.” I clicked my phone off and set it on the counter. I hopped into the shower, my mind was like a blank canvas. I made sure to wash myself really well, to get rid of the smell of smoke and drugs and three days without showering. I washed my face and hoped the redness in my nose would face away, or at least blend in with the rest of my face.

For the most part, it did. If she asked I could just say I came down with a little cold. I checked the time, seeing that it was basically time to go. I put on a hat and grabbed my phone, wallet, and keys, stuffing them all into the dark depths of my pockets.

“Where you goin’ Mike?” I heard Jon stir.

“Out,” I said, turning on my heels to face him. I chuckled. He was so out of it, he didn’t even see the half-naked girl on top of him. “Do I need to get you anything?” I laughed a little.

“Nah, I think I have all I need here,” he said, noticing the girls. I laughed again and rolled my eyes.

“Okay, man. See ya later.”

With that, I turned away again, exiting the apartment. I jogged down the two flights of stairs and winced when I stepped outside. My eyes were sensitive; I had forgotten my sunglasses. I looked up at the sky though and saw that it was a cloudy day. I rolled my eyes and huffed, walking towards where I was meeting Drella.

My heart started to beat in my throat, though. I was about to meet Drella. I haven’t seen her in so long; I’ve always tried to keep my distance. It was hard at first, but gradually, over the course of a few years, I kept coming up with more and more excuses.

But I was so nervous. How would I act? I felt so guilty; I had betrayed both of them—Vic and Drella.

When I got to the Starbucks, I saw her sitting down inside already. My stomach flipped and I walked in, pretending to look for a moment before I spotted her. I smiled weakly and slid into the booth, sitting across from her.

“Hi, Drella,” I said.

“Mike,” she said with a sigh.

“What’s up? Is everything okay?”

Drella bit her lip. “I… I don’t know, Mike,” she said. She started to tap on the table anxiously with her fingertips.

“I miss you,” I breathed out without even meaning to. Drella looked up and furrowed her eyebrows.

“That's a lot to say, for being the person that left,” she said with a frown.

“I know,” I said quietly.

“C’mon, Mikey. Let’s go for a walk,” she said. She slid out of the booth and extended her hand. I stared at it quizzically, my heart throbbing in my chest. Why did I have to feel this way? Why couldn’t I just stay her best friend, how things were supposed to be?

“I don’t bite, Mike,” she laughed. Oh, but you do, I thought sadly. I sighed and slid out of the booth, taking her hand loosely. She slid her arm up and hooked it around mine, leaning her head on my shoulder.

“I missed you, too,” she said softly.

I sighed and turned my head, closing my eyes and lightly kissing the top of hers. “I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I’ve been a dick lately.”

“You’ve been a dick the past four years,” she corrected. I nodded.

“I know.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Whatever is going on with you, you know you can talk to me, right? And Vic, too. He misses you so much and he’s going crazy.”

But I can’t, I argued in my head. “I know, thank you Drella.” I pressed my palm to my forehead. “The band,” I sighed.

“Don’t tell me you forgot, Michael,” she scolded gently.

“I didn’t forget… I just… I…”

“You forgot.”

I nodded. Truth was, I didn’t forget. It was on my mind every time I was sober. But I wasn’t about to admit that I purposely blew Vic off, just so I didn’t have to affiliate with them. Drella narrowed her eyes at me and I sighed.

“What have you been up to?” she asked with a frown. I shrugged my shoulders.

“Drella, what’s going on with you, though? We’re here because of you,” I reminded her gently. She nodded.

“I don’t know how to say it, Mike,” she said. Suddenly she stopped walking and unhooked her arm from mine, burying her head into her hands.

“Drella… are you okay?” I asked with concern. Forgetting everything, I placed my hands on her shoulders gently, ignoring the way my palms burned from the contact. Her shoulders shook as she cried and I grimaced. I pulled her into me and held her carefully. “What’s wrong, baby? Please don’t cry,” I said softly, rocking her back and forth.

She sniffed and pulled away, wiping her eyes. “I’m s-sorry. I’m just really emotional,” she said. “I don’t know what to think.”

“Think about what, Drella? What’s going on?” I asked softly, stroking her cheek with my thumb.

She smiled weakly. “I didn’t know what to do. I used to always come to you when I didn’t know what to do,” she said, sniffling. I grimaced a little; I missed those times.

“What is it, kid? What’s going on?”

“Mike…” Drella sighed. She smiled a little. “Mike, I’m… I’m pregnant!” she said. She was smiling, but then she started to cry again.

It was wrong of me to feel so heartbroken. Why did it feel like the air had been knocked out of my chest?

I quickly sucked it all back in though.

“Drella! Drella, that’s great,” I said warmly, biting my tongue. “Or… is something wrong? Is it not a good thing?” I asked worriedly. Was it not Vic’s? Did she not want to keep it? Was he angry about it?

“No, no,” she shook her head. “It’s—it’s a good thing. I mean, I think it is. I’m happy, Mike. I’m so happy. But I haven’t told Vic, yet. I don’t know how he’ll react. But I needed to tell someone,” she said, blinking away tears.

“Oh, Drella,” I sighed, closing my eyes briefly. “You have to tell him. He’ll be so excited,” I said, swallowing a pit in my throat. I knew this would happen eventually—why couldn’t I just get over her already?

“I’m afraid, Mike. I don’t want to lose him,” she said, crying quietly.

“You’re not going to, Drella,” I sighed. “Come on,” I sighed again in defeat. It hurt but I had to mask it as usual. I would do anything for her—I would feel a thousand bullets in my chest for her. But I knew Vic would feel a million more and then some. That was why it hurt so much, but that was also why I couldn’t do anything about it, except pretend like I didn’t care even though my insides were eating away at me. “I’ll help you.”

Notes

Oh man, she's pregnant! What do you guys think of all of this? Let me know you're thoughts!! :)

THanks for reading! xox