“Hello?” I answered my phone, blowing out a puff of smoke simultaneously. It slithered past my lips with my words. I smoked now as mindlessly as speaking.

“Hey, Mike. It’s Drella,” she said.

“Hey, Drella. What’s up?”

“Nothing really, Mike. I wanted to see if you could come over, maybe?”

“Why?” I raised an eyebrow. I pulled the phone away from my ear and then I sucked on my joint more, breathing the smoke out of my nose.

“Have you not been reading my texts, Mike? Your brother is really sick!” she said.

“I haven’t.”

“Why not? What is the matter with you?” she sighed, sounding frustrated. I rolled my eyes.

“Nothing’s the matter, Drella,” I said, putting emphasis on her name to catch my roommate’s attention. He looked up from rolling another joint and smirked at me.

“Is she the one?” he mouthed. I nodded, laughing silently. I haven’t talked to Drella or Vic in a few weeks—actually, the past two years I’ve kept my distance. I quit therapy but I never really got over my feelings. But they weren’t really feelings. They were horrible things that I felt that tore me up inside, keeping me from being with the people I was supposed to love.

My roommate—Jonathon—knew all about Drella. Actually, he knew of her. He didn’t know how much I adored that girl. He thought I hated her, actually. He was under the impression that Drella was the one chasing me, because every time she called he saw how my face twisted but mistook the heartbreak for hatred.

I went along with it, though. It made me feel a little better. I hated myself; I hated how I wanted to break my brother’s relationship. But I hated how I was dealing with it. It was disgusting, immature, and I couldn’t stop. So I took it out on the people I loved.

How ironic; Love made me hate.

“Mike. Vic needs you.”

“Vic’s a whiney bitch who always needs someone,” I rolled my eyes. I said that for Jonathon, but my insides crumbled with the words I didn’t mean.

“Don’t be a prick, Michael!” she gasped. I sighed, puffing out more smoke. The method behind my madness was, if I acted like I hated her, she would hate me for real. And then I would be able to stop loving her.

It wasn’t working.

It was only making everything worse; except I couldn’t stop.

I sighed roughly into the phone. “Okay, Drella,” I said blandly. “I don’t really care right now. I’m busy. I'm sure he’s fine.” I bit on my lip.

“Fuck, Mike,” she muttered lowly. “He’s your brother. All you’ve done is fuck around since mom and dad died. Do you know what he said to me? He said that he wants his mommy. He’s so sick, Mike. He needs family,” she said. That one hurt. I tried to mask the pain in my face, but it was hard. It broke my heart. They were breaking my heart in so many different ways. I knew I was being a shitty brother but at least I wasn’t trying to break him up from the love of his life.

“You're his family,” I said plainly.

“Apparently so,” she replied bitterly. She didn’t sound impressed with me, but I was glad for that—for her and Vic’s sake. It hurt so bad, though. I was supposed to be Vic’s brother and Drella’s best friend. I was pulling myself away from them for reasons that they could never know.

“I’m going to go now, Drella,” I said placidly.

“Whatever, Mike,” she huffed. But I could tell that behind her annoyance was hurt. I hurt her. “Call me back when you’re decent,” she said, and then she hung up.

“What’s goin’ on?” Jon asked before I had a time to collect my thoughts. I was grateful, though. I didn’t want to have to deal with them.

I shrugged my shoulders. “My brother is sick, I guess.” Jon’s face softened—a rare occurrence but, hey, the guy wasn’t heartless. I was, though. “He’ll survive,” I rolled my eyes and acted like I didn’t care, even though I did.

“You look like you could use something,” he observed. I glanced down at the smoke in my hand; it was out. I wasn’t even high, though. It took a lot more to get high these days.

“Fuck this,” I muttered. I slammed the finished joint down on the table aggressively, rattling the piece of furniture. Jon knew to step away whenever I got like this. I stood up and, growling, I stomped to the tiny room I almost never slept in. It had a small bed and that was it. My clothes were scattered around the place and the walls were cracked as a result of my anger.

Without even thinking, I slammed the heel of my palm into the wall, really putting my shoulder into it. “Why am I doing this?” I wailed, slapping the wall weakly. I was pathetic. I could easily change things. I could man up and be a better brother, a better friend. But, now, I let my feelings get in the way and everything was going to shit because of it. I hated feeling. It caused too many problems. I just wanted all of the feeling to go away.

I straightened out and ran my fingers through my hair angrily. There was so much inside that I’ve been trying to keep in but each passing minute more and more seethed out. I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I longed for the time when everything was simple and I only loved Drella in the way I was supposed to. But life was never simple. I hated myself for turning into this.

“Mike,” I turned my head sharply to see Jon in the doorway. His eyebrows were furrowed. “I’ve never seen you like this before. Did she say something that struck you?” he asked.

I sniffed and shook my head. “I’m a failure,” I mumbled. “I’ve fucked everything up just because I was a little butt hurt,” I said. I gritted my teeth and pulled my arm back, punching the wall. It never hurt anymore. I wish I coulnd’t feel emotional pain the way I couldn’t feel physical pain.

“I think I know how to help you, buddy,” he said. That was what I liked about Jon, though. He never asked questions. He never judged me. He was always there for me.

“What do you have?” I asked with a sigh, running my fingers through my hair again.

“I was thinking about inviting some friends over, soon,” he started.

I raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? Like who?”

“Another guy, a few girls,” he said with a wink.

Pushing Vic and Drella out of my mind, I followed Jon out of the room and we sat around the coffee table again. “Sweet,” I approved. “Are they hot?” I asked—dumb question, though; of course they were.

“The guy might be out of your league, Mike,” he teased. I rolled my eyes and laughed.

“Yeah, yeah,” I shook my head. “The girls, I mean.”

“Yeah. Fucking hot as shit. Just wait until you see. But, the other guy can’t be here long, he’s got somewhere else to go because he’s dropping shit off at other places. And I’m going to be generous and let you have the second girl,” he said with a smirk.

“You’re too good to me,” I snickered.

Jon checked the time on his wrist. “They’ll be here soon, actually.” He picked up the joint he had rolled and lit it up, while I took out a pack of cigarettes and together we clouded up the room. I stood up and walked a few feet over into our tiny kitchen. The fridge rattled when I opened the door, taking out a few beers. “Grab the whiskey, too, will ya?!” Jon called. I grunted as a response and shuffled to the counter, snatching that bottle too before returning to the small living room.

I set everything down, just in time for our apartment door to swing open. I didn’t even look at the guy who came in behind the three giggling girls. Blonde and busty, just how I liked them. I flashed them each a grin as they walked in.

“Someone’s not shy at all,” I chuckled when I felt someone jump on my back. I looked up to see one of the girls, her arms loosely around my neck and her head tilted in my direction, smiling at me.

“Here, Jon,” the man said, tossing something to Jon. “Have fun tonight, kids,” he chuckled, and, just like that, he was gone. I shrugged my shoulders and sat back, one of the ladies sitting next to Jon and the other two on either side of me. I placed my hands on both of their inner thighs, squeezing the meat a little and licking my lips.

“Yo, Mike. I want you to try something,” Joh said. “Then I’ll let you go,” he chuckled.

I leaned forward with interest. The two girls next to me leaned forward, too. Jon snickered and held up a small plastic baggy, a white powder packed inside. I wasn’t ignorant; I knew what that was. I had never used it before, though, but I wasn’t necessary against it.

“I don’t know, man,” I said, surprising myself with the small objection.

“Don’t be a goodie two shoes, Mikey,” one of the girls purred in my ear. I shivered.

“Yeah, Mike, don’t be a goodie two shoes,” Jon mocked. I rolled my eyes and huffed.

“Yeah, fine,” I said. He grinned in success and poured a little bit out, using a straight edge to make it a line. He brought his nostril down to the power and then closed his other with his pointer finger. In a quick motion, he snorted down the line. His nose twitched and he blinked several times after, but then he smiled. “Feels great. Your turn, buddy,” he encouraged.

“Don’t be nervous, Mike,” the other girl said. She crawled forward so she was leaning across my lap. The other girl to my right did the same thing, both of their faces close to mine. “It’s as easy as kissing a girl,” one cooed.

“Oh, yeah?” I chuckled.

She smirked and nodded, turning her head and her lips immediately caught the other girl’s lips. Right away they started to make out in front of me, a serious turn on. I groaned and pulled them apart. I looked down at the table and saw Jon had set up a line for me. “Save it for the bedroom, girls,” I said, and then I brought my nose to the sweet release.

Notes

Hi! I decided to update again because 1) i'm trying to get out of my homework and somehow this makes me feel productive and 2) the feedback already has been really nice :) Thanks for subscribing already and all that jazz!
Sorry this is another short one I think, but the next chapter is longer!

Thanks for reading, love y'all <3

xoxo