Quarter Life Crisis

Chapter One
“College will be the best four years of your life,” someone told me once.
Naïve at the time, I can’t believe I actually believed them.
Long story short, college itself had so far been one of the absolute worst experiences of my life. They tell you once you enter that you can choose whatever major you want to, and that you’re in charge of your own life, or whatever.
But, if you’re me, you’ll actually listen and choose something you love. In my case, I started out as a music major, but then became increasingly depressed as more and more people told me that it was a waste of my time- I was never going to find a job after school with that degree, so why bother?
My own mother even frowned upon the idea of me becoming a music major. Then again, she frowned on almost everything I did. She hated the fact that I wanted to study theatre, she hated the fact that I liked to dye my hair black, and she absolutely hated the fact that I was openly gay.
I was in my junior year of college, and I was getting ready to inform my mother about yet another thing that would disappoint her- I was dropping out of school. Between the work load, and the lack of motivation to succeed, my grades were disastrous and I was more or less kicked out.
“I can’t do it,” I told my best friend, Zoe, as I went to dial her phone number. Zoe was an angel, and I loved her like she was my sister. She had long brown hair and an adorable British accent. We had met when we were both freshmen, and had been going strong since. This was beneficial to me because she was allowing me to crash on her couch while I searched for a job and my own place to live.
“Kellin, stop being a baby, you have to tell her,” she sighed, as she sat down next to me on the couch in her living room.
“She’ll yell at me,” I whined.
“Yeah, well, she’s the one paying for you to be in college, so I think she needs to know,” she explained, which made me feel kind of guilty. I sighed and finally hit my mom’s speed dial number and waited anxiously as the phone rang.
“Hello?” my mom’s shrill voice came over the phone.
“Hey, mom,” I breathed. She exchanged greetings and ‘how are yous’ and then proceeded to ask me why I was calling her. I rolled my eyes. “Well, mom, I have to- ah- tell you something.”
“Yes?”
“I … “ I glanced nervously over at Zoe, who was mouthing at me to just say it, so I closed my eyes and- “Mom, I flunked out of school.”
“Kellin, this better not be some joke,” she said, sternly.
“Mom, it’s not, trust me-“
Click.
I pulled away from the phone and gaped at it incredulously.
“What happened?” Zoe asked.
“My mom hung up on me!” I shrieked. I moaned and slid my phone back into my pocket. “I knew it was a bad idea.”
“What was a bad idea? Flunking out of school?”
“That, and telling my mom about it,” I sighed, sitting down on the couch next to her. “What am I going to do?”
“Aw, Kells,” she said, empathetically pulling me into a hug. “It’ll be okay.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I sighed, feeling like the biggest loser on the planet. I couldn’t do anything right. I wasn’t in school, I didn’t have a job, I didn’t have a boyfriend, and I was currently living on my best friend’s couch because even my mom didn’t want to talk to me.
“No, trust me, you just have to be optimistic about this,” she sighed. “Just think, at least you aren’t stuck in school being all unhappy.”
“I’m still unhappy,” I pointed out.
“Be patient, just give it a few days- try looking for jobs,” she shrugged.
“That doesn’t sound like it will make me feel any better- it sounds boring,” I sighed. “I know I’m going to have to settle for something that I hate.”
“No, don’t do that- you’re free to be as picky as you want,” she said. “You can stay here as long as you need to.”
I thanked her, even though I was actually extremely jealous. Zoe was an only child, and her parents were wealthy business owners, so she had college paid for right along with the apartment she was living in. She was used to living a comfortable lifestyle. I mean, my lifestyle was pretty comfortable back home, but I had to share. I had two younger twin sisters, Kasey and Kayla, who were still in high school, and my mom always seemed to favorite them over me. I was the disappointing child.
I mean, yeah she and my dad were paying for me to go to NYU, but I was convinced they only did it to get me out of the house. See, I had come out as gay in my senior year of high school. I was never brutally kicked out of the house or verbally assaulted, but I knew they didn’t like it. My mom especially hated it. At the time, I was deciding between NYU and an in-state school and all of a sudden they were pushing for NYU. I didn’t object, because I really wanted to go there, but at the same time, it hurt that they didn’t want me there.
I think she was also mad at me because I insisted in majoring in music rather than something practical, or something that was easy to make money off of. But apparently doing what I loved wasn’t good enough. It was really depressing.
“Thanks, Zo, it means a lot,” I sighed. I told myself that I would start looking for jobs tomorrow, also that I would text Kasey later and find out what mom was saying about me dropping out.
“Don’t mention it, it’s the least I can do,” she sighed. “Plus you can keep me company now and I don’t have to live by myself.”
“Can’t Alfie keep you company?” I joked. Alfie was Zoe’s on-again-off-again boyfriend that was currently ‘on-again’. She rolled her eyes and playfully pushed me away.
“Be nice to Alfie,” she pouted.
“Hey, I didn’t say anything about him,” I chuckled.
“You’re thinking things about him,” she accused. I was guilty, of course.
I couldn’t stand Alfie, and she knew it. He was a baseball player at a community college and thought he was the shit. I didn’t know why Zoe was so into him, but she assured me that it wasn’t something she knew how to explain. I hated seeing a pretty girl like Zoe, so infatuated with a guy who barely seemed to notice her.
“Guilty,” I shrugged.
“No, he’s not bad all the time, I swear,” she whined.
“Mhmm,” I said, nodding sarcastically. “I’m teasing.”
“Yeah, you just be quiet, mister,” she said. “When was the last time you’ve had a boyfriend!”
“Um … “I mumbled, thinking about it. To be honest, I hadn’t been in a relationship since my freshman year of college. It was my second boyfriend, and it hadn’t worked out because he wasn’t the most faithful person… Since then I had some slight trust issues, so no relationships for me. “It’s been a while.”
“Kellin, I’m teasing,” she said, rolling her eyes and trying to imitate me.
“You’re weird,” I chuckled.
“You’re weirder,” she said. “Now go get a job.”

Notes