I watched as Tony pulled away from me and headed toward the other swing beside me and I couldn’t help but smile as I thought back to that first day. He started to sway, just dangling his feet like I was and looked over at me with a small smile.

“Okay,” I said with a sigh. “Um, where do I even start…I guess, well, I mean, do I have any friends?” I asked with confusion as I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

He laughed loudly, obviously not expecting that to be my first question. “What exactly do you mean by friends?” he asked then, the amusement still in his voice.

“Oh god, am I one of those weird people whose only friend is their boyfriend or girlfriend, I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with that I mean, whatever, I guess I could get used to that, but I mean, I just haven’t heard anything from anyone and my phone has been all but silent and I can’t remember anything and my mom hasn’t showed me anything or said anything, like I said, she hasn’t even said anything about you and –“

“Rori, calm down,” Tony said suddenly, cutting off my rambling with a laugh.

I sighed and looked over at him with a worried expression. “Sorry.”

He smiled. “It’s okay, and yes, you have friends, a lot. I just meant that most of your friends you met through me so I wasn’t sure if you meant like childhood friends or anything, I’m kind of the only one you kept in touch with after high school for uh, obvious reasons.” He scratched the back of his neck nervously.

“Oh, right, I mean, not so obvious right now but I understand.” I muttered.

His eyes widened. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean –“

“Tony, it’s fine, I mean, I remembered a few things I know that we were, um, together.” I said quietly.

He sighed. “Right, I’m sorry though, I didn’t,” he sighed again and shook his head back and forth. “Oh, and no one has been trying to get in touch with you because I asked them not to. At least not until I had a chance to explain some things to you, I didn’t think it would be a good idea if they all tried calling and texting you and asking to hang out when you don’t remember them.”

“Thank you, that actually makes sense and yeah, I don’t think I would have handled that well.” I agreed with a small laugh.

He grinned. “You know, they all really miss you and whenever you feel up to, I can take you to see them,” he said, his tone turning unsure as he waited for a reaction from me.

“Oh, okay,” I answered, my voice shifting higher than usual. “I’ll remember that.”

He laughed softly. “It doesn’t have to be anytime soon, just, whenever you’re ready and it doesn’t have to be all at once either, maybe just one person.” He shrugged.

I nodded. “Okay, I’ll let you know but right now, you’re really the only person I’ve gotten flashbacks about.” I said quietly.

He smiled, seeming to like that answer. “It will come back to you Rori,” he said and I couldn’t help but notice how his voice had a hopeful tone.

“Actually,” I said suddenly, remembering this morning. “Do I know someone named Vic?”

He grinned and nodded his head. “Yes, you do.” He said, his voice a mix of happiness and shock. “Do you remember him?”

“Not really, I mean, I remembered his name, that was about it. This morning, when I tried going to sleep I turned on that music you told me to listen to, um, Pierce the Veil, I think, and I just remembered thinking that I liked Vic’s voice. Is he the lead singer?” I asked, unsure.

He nodded his head again. “Yeah.”

“So, I know someone in a famous band?” I asked in wonder.

Tony chuckled and shook his head.

“What?” I questioned, starting to feel embarrassed as he continued to laugh.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t, I’m sorry,” he repeated and then smiled at me, calming himself. “Yes, you know someone in a famous band but you know more than just Vic, you know a lot of people in famous bands.”

“Really?” I asked.

He nodded and his face turned solemn. “Yes, really.” He said and he frowned, looking down.

I suddenly realized something. “Shit, you’re one of them, aren’t you? I’m sorry.” I said quickly, cursing myself internally.

He looked back at me and smiled, though it didn’t seem to reach his eyes. “It’s okay, I didn’t expect you to, I mean,” he sighed heavily and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, I know this is hard on you and I’m trying but it’s hard, you know?”

“Rori?” he asked when I didn’t respond but I was already drifting away, getting lost in my thoughts.

“Tony, shouldn’t we be getting back? Your show starts soon,” I said, trying to keep up with his fast pace as he practically dragged me up the stairs.

“Don’t worry, we have time,” he assured me, looking back and grinning at me.

We stopped in front of a heavy looking metal door and pulled it open and I guess we were just going to ignore the signs that said AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY because he pulled me through the door and we walked outside. I immediately felt the cool breeze against my face as I stopped and Tony let go of my hand, picking up a rock and placing it in the doorway so that we wouldn’t get locked out. He grinned at me before he stood back up and took my hand once more and pulled me along the roof until we were stopped just a few feet from the edge – two wide metal poles wrapping around the entire roof offering the only safety.

He took a position behind me, standing so close that I could feel his body pressed against mine as he wrapped his arms around me, causing me to lean back into him. I smiled and brought my hands up to hold onto his arms as we looked out at the setting sun, the New York skyline offering a breathtaking view.

“It’s beautiful,” I murmured, my eyes roaming across the scenery in front of me.

“Yes, you are,” he said, his lips brushing against the top of my head as he placed a kiss in my hair.

I shook my head in amusement. “Always the charmer.” I teased.

He chuckled, his body moving against mine and I closed my eyes, trying to savor the feeling of him pressed against me. As if he could read my mind, he spoke up.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he whispered.

“I don’t want to leave,” I assured him. “But I can’t stay here for the rest of the tour; I have a job.”

“I know,” he sighed. “I’ll miss you though.”

I smiled. “I’ll miss you too, you dork.”

“Hey, no name calling, I’m already sad.” He whined playfully.

I giggled and then turned around in his arms, bringing my own arms up and hooking them around his neck. “I’m sorry,” I said and placed a quick kiss on his lips. “I love you Tony.”

He smiled down at me. “I love you too Rori.” He responded and he leaned down, catching me in a not so innocent kiss.

“Tony!”

We pulled apart at the sound of his name and he sighed.

“Come on dude, you’re on in five!”

“Come on baby,” he said and grabbed my hand before we started to walk quickly toward the door.

He kicked the rock aside as we went through the entrance and he made sure it slammed all the way shut before we started down the stairs, both of us practically running. We finally reached the hall and the both of us took off at a jog as I let Tony lead the way, being as he knew this place better than I did. We ducked through another door and we slowed as we made our way over to the guys who were all talking excitedly. They all greeted us and made a few snide comments which Tony and I laughed off – we were used to the teasing – before he made his way over and picked up his guitar, swinging it up over his neck and positioning it in front of him.

There was another time call and I quickly walked over to him. He didn’t see me approach and I caught him off guard as I leaned up on my toes and grabbed his head in my hands, immediately connecting our lips in a heated kiss. He was smiling as we pulled away and he shook his head at my sudden move. I just grinned and backed away as he went and stood next to the other guys. He looked back at me and winked before they all made their way onto the stage.

I grinned and made my way closer to the stage, a loving smile never leaving my face as I watched Tony play his heart out, and I couldn’t help the way my own heart would skip a beat whenever he looked over at me.

“Rori?!”

I opened my eyes with a gasp and looked up to see Tony standing over me once again, a worried look on his face.

“You’re crying,” he said softly, bringing his hands up and I closed my eyes as I felt his fingers gently brush across my cheeks.

“Just another memory,” I explained sadly, opening my eyes.

“A sad one?” he asked, his face still worried.

I shook my head. “Not at all. It was about you, I was at one of your concerts, New York I think, you took me to the roof and we watched the sunset.”

He furrowed his eyebrows before he gave me a small smile. “I remember that, you flew out for a few days to visit on our last tour.”

I nodded. “You play the guitar.”

He laughed softly. “I do.”

I looked down and sighed.

“Why were you crying?” he asked.

I shrugged. “It happens sometimes when I get these flashbacks, I can feel all the emotions and experience the hurt or pain or happiness and when I come back from them, it just overwhelms me. I don’t mind these flashbacks though, they’re better than the other ones.”

“Other ones?” he asked confused.

“Yeah, there are these flashbacks, the ones where I’m happy and things are okay but then I get these other ones, darker ones. I feel awful and scared and almost always I come back from these sobbing and shaking and these awful thoughts float around in my head.” I explained quietly.

“Oh.” He said quietly and I could tell from his tone that he knew something.

“You know what it means, don’t you?” I questioned, looking up at him.

He nodded and I was surprised when a pained look flashed across his face. “Your life wasn’t always easy Rori, you had some hard things happen, things that really affected you.” He explained sadly.

“In my most recent memory, I remembered something that I think explains some of it but, I’m almost scared to ask you.” I admitted.

He took a deep breath in. “To be honest, I’ll probably be scared to tell you.”

I nodded my head slowly and I noticed Tony shift uncomfortably in front of me, awaiting my question. I finally took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

“What happened to my dad?” I asked quickly.

I knew immediately by the look on Tony’s face that it was the one thing he didn’t want to talk about. He sighed and closed his eyes. He shook his head slightly before he looked back up at me and he frowned before going to take a seat at the swing again.

“Has your mom talked about him at all?” he asked, stalling.

I shook my head. “Not really, she’s pointed him out in a few photographs but she doesn’t go any further than that.”

He nodded his head and bit his lips, obviously trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to say.

“Your dad,” he said and then stopped and sighed. “Your dad wasn’t the best dad Rori but he did love you. He loved you a lot. He just loved drinking a little more.” Tony explained quietly.

“What happened to him?” I asked timidly.

Tony sighed. “He drank himself to death, literally. His liver eventually gave out. You were eighteen.”

I closed my eyes. “What happened after that?”

“Rori, I think that’s enough for one night.” He said, standing up from the swing and coming toward me.

I slumped my shoulders but nodded my head. I still had so many questions but I knew he was right, I didn’t want to overwhelm myself.

“Come on, I’ll drive you home.” He said, holding his hand out to me.

“I don’t want to go there,” I said quickly, gripping his hand tightly as I stood up.

“Where do you want to go then?” he asked understandingly.

“I want to go home,” I said quietly and he gave me a confused look. “I want to go to our home.”

Notes

Hey guys, sorry for taking so long to update and sorry for the shitty quality at that too. :(

I just wanted to let you guys know that I've been having some personal problems recently and I've been losing inspiration to write a lot although that probably has to do with the fact that my dad likes to make stupid comments and joke about if this "writing thing" I do all the time is going to make me any money and let me just point out that I usually write to clear my head and to just kind of get lost in another world for a little bit and I don't plan on ever making a future out of it but it just kind of sucks when my dad makes jokes like that so I've kind of been in a glum mood and I apologize that it's affecting my writing. And that's also why I deleted a few of my other stories as well, in case any of you were wondering or even noticed. I had way too many and I was overwhelming myself with trying to update, so I'm sorry about that.

Anyways, sorry for my sob story that I know isn't even that bad compared to other people out there but I just wanted to give you guys a little explanation on why I haven't been updating like usual so I'm really sorry and I just want to say thank you, so much because your guys' comments and support are always comforting to read and you make me feel so much better about my work so thank you and and once again, I'm sorry but I will try to update as much as I can :)

Lots of love,
monica<3