***TRIGGER WARNING***



I rolled over in my bed, taking a deep breath and I slowly opened my eyes. I was surprised when it was dark in my room and I turned slightly so I could see the alarm clock that was on the night stand. It was almost six thirty and I couldn’t help but smile when I realized that I had slept almost twelve hours and the smile grew when I realized two things, one, it was probably the most sleep I have gotten since being released from the hospital and two, it was the first time I slept where I didn’t have any memories that caused me to wake up in a fit of gasps and tears.

I sat up and saw that my door was slightly cracked open – meaning my mother had come in to check on me – and I sighed as I got up to close it all the way, being careful not to make too much noise because I still wanted to be alone. I heard the door click softly and then I flicked on the light and grimaced at my aqua colored walls, I mean seriously, what was teenage me thinking? I walked over to the desk I had by the window and I glanced around it. There wasn’t much on it and just as I was turning away – deciding that nothing would trigger anything – something caught my eye. I cocked my head to the right as I looked at small bookshelf, seeing a small piece of paper sticking out from behind I book.

I moved the book and the paper slid down falling to the desk. I realized it was a photograph, noticing the shape and seeing the Kodak label across the back but there was something else written on it as well. I picked it up and read the message that was written in unfamiliar handwriting.

What true love looks like

I hesitantly turned the photo over, afraid of what I would see. I couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped my lips as I looked at the photo of Tony and I. We were sitting on a couch in a house that I didn’t recognize and we were both looking at the other. Tony was sticking his tongue out at me, his hands were by his head so that he was giving himself antlers and he had a funny pout on his face. I was opposite him, almost glaring at him with a sarcastically amused face, my lips were pursed and my eyebrows were pushed together. My favorite part about this picture though was that I had my middle finger up, directed at Tony.

I didn’t remember this photo being taken and nothing was tugging at my brain, nothing was triggering a memory but I used my past memories I had been having and judging by how old Tony and I looked and decided this photo had to have been taken a few years after Tony kissed me in the pool which would have made us to be about eighteen or nineteen years old. I shook my head as I thought about what the message had said on the back and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was meant to be taken as sarcasm or not because Tony and I weren’t exactly looking at each other like we were in love with the other but you could clearly tell that we were.

I sighed and frowned as I put the photo down on the desk. I walked over to my bed, suddenly feeling downhearted as I realized that I apparently had a love that most people probably dreamed of. From what I had pieced together, Tony and I grew up together, were friends for a long time and then finally became more. That’s straight up romance novel shit and I couldn’t even remember a damn thing about it. I thought about Tony as I took a seat down on my bed. I just wanted to remember him, I wanted to remember what we had.

As I was staring across the room I saw another thing that caught my eye and I stood back up and began walking toward the dresser. There was a large, dark stain on the carpet that was slightly hidden behind the dresser. Something came over me and I stepped closer before I gripped the dresser and picked it up – which was surprisingly light, until I remembered there were no clothes in there – and I angled it away from the wall.

I let out a small gasp as I saw what the dresser had been hiding. Just a few feet above the stain on the carpet, up on the wall, there was a patch of faded blue on the wall – as if someone had scrubbed the wall so much that the aqua paint had started to come up. What really surprised me though was the small dent that was in the wall, in the center of the faded spot. I sat down on the floor, furrowing my eyebrows as I tried to picture what could have happened here and it wasn’t until I reached my hand out, letting my fingers gently run across the scarred wall, that my mind escaped me, taking me to another part of my life as I was swallowed whole by a dark memory.

I took another swig of the cheap bottle of red wine that I was clutching in my hand for dear life. I wallowed in the pain as the searing liquid went down my throat, swallowing loudly as I sniffled. I was glaring at my feet, at the wall, at the carpet; I was just staring blankly and angrily at anything in front of me. I brought my other hand up – which was holding my phone – and ran my arm across my cheeks, wiping away the hot tears that had managed to escape. I let out a frustrated whimper as I took another chug of the bottle. I panted as I closed my eyes tightly, trying to push the thoughts away.

I didn’t want to be here, not anymore.

I opened my eyes and leaned back into my bed. I was sitting on the floor, my back pushed up against the side of my bed with my feet folded in front of me. There was an empty bottle of Jack off to the side of me, having been downed long ago and I lifted the now half empty bottle of wine I was still holding and I smiled darkly, satisfied with the way I was drowning my sorrows.

Like father, like daughter I guess, right?

I took one more drink of the wine before I picked up my other hand and I scowled down at my phone, knowing what I had to do. I tapped on the screen, the luminous light seeming too bright in my candle lit room. I opened up my contacts and found his name – not like I needed it, I already knew his phone number by heart – and I clicked the green call button, bringing the phone up to my ear as I took another drink. The phone rang once, twice, three times and just when I was about to give up, he finally answered.

“H-hello?” he said groggily and I suddenly remembered that it was almost three in the morning and I had probably woken him up.

“Tony?” I asked, even though I knew it was him and I flinched back at the sound of my own voice that was coated heavily with tears and alcohol.

“Rori? Are you okay, you sound weird?” he asked, seeming to be waking up more with each passing second.

“I’m not okay,” I said flatly, my voice just as emotionless as my face as I continued to glare at the wall.

“Rori, what’s wrong?” he asked, now sounding fully awake.

“Am I a bad person Tony?” I asked quietly, my tone never changing.

“What? Rori, no, you’re not a bad person, what’s going on?” he said, his voice taking on a nervous tone.

“Then why do bad things always happen to me?” I whispered, ignoring his questions.

“Rori, where are you?”

“I’m breaking up with you Tony.” I stated flatly before I took another swig of wine, wincing as it went down.

“What? Rori what are you talking about, are you drunk?” he asked quickly.

“Tony, you are a good guy, you know that?” I hiccupped. “You’re a good guy and you deserve so much better than what I can give you. Don’t worry, you’ll be much better off without me, you’ll forget about me someday.” I whispered, leaning my head back into the bed.

“You’re scaring me Rori, where are you, what are you talking about?” he asked and I heard the worried desperation in his voice. “Aurora, answer me!” he suddenly yelled and I flinched – Tony never yelled and he hardly ever called me by my real name.

“Goodbye Tony.” I said, my voice still an emotionlessness drawl and I took the phone away from my ear, ignoring his shouting as I pressed the end button.

I finally released a sob as I let the phone fall to my lap and I took another long swig of wine as I felt more tears coming. I didn’t fight them as I closed my eyes and when I heard the familiar Star Wars theme music ringtone – indicating that Tony was trying to call me – I ignored it, just letting my mind wander until finally, after the third time he tried calling me I couldn’t take it anymore. I picked the phone up off my lap and I immediately whipped it across the room, using all the strength I could muster up in that moment to get that damn thing as far away from me as possible.

I didn’t even flinch as the phone hit the wall with a loud bang, echoing throughout the room and it busted open, pieces spilling down on the carpet. It was silent once again and I realized too late that that was a very bad thing. My mind was racing, spinning, yelling at me. I couldn’t take the silence and I couldn’t take the noise. I let out a strangled scream and I launched the wine bottle at the wall, right where I had thrown my phone and I started to sob as the glass shattered and red liquid coated the wall, running down it until it started to pool in the light colored carpet. I was still crying, still screaming as I stood to my feet, stumbling and falling as I made my way to the bathroom.

I needed to get away from this nightmare, I needed to wake up and I could only think of one way to do that.

I stumbled back away from the spot on the wall, scrambling backwards on my hands as I gasped and panted as I tried to hold back the sobs that were bubbling to the surface – I couldn’t lose control when my mother was in the house. I didn’t stop until I slammed into the side of my bed and I stared, wide eyed at the stain on the carpet, at the dent in the wall. I tried to calm my shallow breathing as I tried to fight the dark emotions that had clouded my thoughts. I had never felt so broken, so alone, so destructive as I did right then and I couldn’t even imagine what I had been feeling when I had actually lived that moment.

I nearly jumped out of my skin as I heard music begin to play and I swallowed the lump in my throat as I listened to the familiar tune, though I couldn’t quite place where I had heard the song before, I knew that I had heard it a lot. I waited until the music finally stopped and by then, I was calm and my breathing was back to normal. I took one more deep breath, finally letting go of the darkness that had surrounded me as I had been trapped in my past and I stood up, sitting up on the bed and I leaned back, picking my phone up off the nightstand.

I unlocked the screen and I couldn’t help but smile when I saw that I had a new message from Tony. I opened it up and furrowed my eyebrows as I read his text.

From Han Solo: hey so it’s Friday night and at 7 you should turn on channel 12 because your favorite show comes on. You would never miss it

To Han Solo: what show?

From Han Solo: just watch it you should remember it

To Han Solo: no promises but ok I’ll give it a shot

I sighed and got up, keeping my phone in my hand as I made my way to my door, quickly glancing at myself in the mirror to make sure I was presentable enough in case my mom was out there. I opened the door and shut off the light as I made my way down the hall, toward the French room.

“Rori?” I heard my mom ask as I walked by her study.

“Hey Ma,” I said as I paused.

“Everything alright?” she asked curiously, looking up from her computer.

“Yeah, I’m just going to go watch some TV, is that okay?”

“Of course sweetie,” she said giving me a smile and then turning her attention back to the computer “Oh, there’s some spaghetti in the microwave for you!” I heard her yell as I started to walk again.

“Okay, thanks Mom!” I yelled back.

I changed course and made my way to the kitchen, deciding that I should eat something. I found a bowl of spaghetti in the microwave, just like she had said and I warmed it up, nibbling on the garlic bread that had been sitting on a plate on the stove. Once the microwave dinged I took the bowl out and grabbed a fork and headed for the French room. I plopped down on the couch and grabbed the remote, kicking my feet up on the coffee table. I turned on the television and turned to channel twelve, like Tony had said, and I had just gotten there in time to see the beginning. I watched in confusion and was completely and utterly lost until the title card finally came up and I grinned.

Supernatural

I remembered. Sam and Dean Winchester, angels, demons, everything. I remembered. Damn, this was my favorite show and I couldn’t control the grin that was plastered on my face as I continued to watch it and it wasn't until about half way through that I realized it was a rerun and I actually could remember what was going to happen. I sighed and was about to get up when I suddenly remembered something else and just like that, I was being sucked into another memory.

“Tone Bone! Get your ass in here!” I shouted as I pulled my legs up to my chest, snuggling into the couch. “You’re going to miss the beginning!”

I heard a groan from the kitchen. “I’m coming, besides, you do realize that this is your favorite show, not mine right?” he asked and he came and sat down next to me. “I honestly could care less.”

“Bite your tongue!” I gasped, slapping his chest.

He chuckled. “Want me to bite yours?” he asked suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

I laughed. “Oh god, no. Not when my favorite show is on, maybe later.” I gave him a playful wink, tossing him a thumbs up as the show started and he laughed, rolling his eyes.
It was just after the opening scene and we were watching a commercial when he suddenly chuckled and I looked over at him confused, to see him looking at me with an amused expression on his face.

“What?” I questioned, furrowing my eyebrows.

He grinned. “I just realized, you called me Tone Bone; you haven’t called me that since high school.”

I thought about for a second before I laughed. “Oh my god, you’re right. Huh. I didn’t even notice.” I said with a shrug and he chuckled. “Why did I even stop calling you that? It’s such a fun thing to say, Tone Bone, Tone Tone Bone, Bone Tone, Bone me Tone.” I said the last one and smirked at him.

He laughed again. “I thought we had to wait until after your show?” he raised his eyebrows at me.

“You’re right we do, now shh,” I rushed as the commercials ended. He laughed again and I heard him mutter something about being a tease and I grinned.

It was only a few minutes into the show when I realized something and looked over at Tony, who had a bored and confused look on his face as he watched the television, no doubt still trying to figure out what exactly was happening. I laughed quietly and bit my lip before I sat up and before he even had time to react I quickly swung my leg up, swinging it over his thighs as I turned my back to the TV and sat in his lap, straddling him.

His hands immediately went to my hips as he looked up at me, a surprised yet satisfied smile on his lips. I placed my hands on either side of his face before I leaned down and pressed my lips to his.

“What about your show?” he whispered huskily against my lips, immediately knowing what my intentions were.

“It’s a rerun,” I said seductively as I started to trail my lips down his jawline.

He smirked as he pulled back and went right for my shirt, barely giving me enough time to lift my arms up before he yanked it off me and then he flipped us on the couch so that I was lying down with him hovering above me.

“Rori?”

I jumped at the sound of my name and turned my head to see my mom looking at me from behind the couch before she looked at the television with a puzzled expression.

“What are you watching?” she questioned, grimacing slightly and I looked at the television to see Dean in the middle of beheading a vampire.

“Supernatural; it’s my favorite show.” I said with a shrug and a smile as my mom grimaced again.

“Why on earth would you want to watch this Rori?” she asked her face contorting in disgust before she turned away from the screen and looked at me.

I shrugged again. “What do you mean? I like it, it’s funny.”

“Rori, that man just cut off another man’s head, how is that funny?” she asked pointedly.

I snorted. “It’s okay, he was a vampire.” I explained with a grin.

She sighed and leaned over the couch and picked up the remote. She flicked off the television and let the remote fall back down with a soft thud.

“Hey!” I whined and she put her hand up, silencing me.

“That’s enough nonsense for one night, come on now; let’s look through some old photos.” She said and smiled as she started making her way around the couch.

I groaned. “One, that was not nonsense and two, I don’t want to look at any more photos right now.”

“Rori, the doctors said that this could help you remember.” She muttered and rolled her eyes. “You do want to remember don’t you?”

I huffed angrily as I sat up, placing my empty bowl on the table. “Of course I want to remember Mom but showing me pictures of people and events that I don’t know isn’t going to help!” I nearly shouted.

“And what Rori, you think watching a goory and disgusting television show will help?” she countered with a disapproving look.

“It’s helped me remember more than what your pictures have!” I yelled.

“Oh really? And what exactly have you remembered Rori?” she questioned, placing a hand on her hip.

I couldn’t help the blush that formed on my cheeks as I thought about my latest memory.

“Does it matter? I’m remembering Mom! Why can’t that just be enough for you?” I exasperated.

She sighed. “I’m just trying to help you Rori.”

“No you’re not mom, not like you should be,” I countered, standing up from the couch and turning to face her.

“What are you talking about Rori?” she muttered.

“Mom, if you really wanted me to get better, to remember everything then why haven’t you shown me any pictures with Tony? Why haven’t you talked about him? He is a huge part of my life but you can’t get over the fact that once I finally remember everything, I’ll go right back to him!” I shouted, the words coming out of my mouth before I even processed what I was saying.

“You remember Tony?” she asked shocked, her eyes wide.

“No thanks to you,” I scoffed, reaching down to pick my phone up off the couch.

“Aurora Rose, you watch you tone with me I am still your mother,” she said sternly before she sighed. “And Rori, I am doing you a favor; Tony is no good for you.”

“That is such bullshit!” I yelled.

“I almost lost you because of him!” she yelled back at me.

“What happened that night wasn’t his fault Mom! That was me, all me! I did that!”

“I’m not talking about your accident Rori,” she said, her voice lowering.

“Neither am I, Mom,” I admitted, huffing slightly.

“You remember?” she asked sadly but I could still see the shock on her face.

“I’m starting to,” I admitted quietly before I turned on my heel and started making my way to the door.

“Rori, where are you going?” she called after me.

“I’m going for a walk, I need to clear my head, my brain fucking hurts,” I muttered, my voice starting to give away the tears that were falling.

I heard her call my name again but I continued outside and I just walked, down the sidewalk, across the street, down another sidewalk. I didn’t even know where I was going I just let the cool breeze blow through my hair as I tried desperately to clear my thoughts and just breathe. I wasn’t crying anymore but I could feel the tears close to the surface, threatening to spill over at any moment. I hadn’t even realized that I was going somewhere until my feet brought me there and I paused, glancing around me as I looked at the park in the dim light of dusk. There was a few swings and a small playground with a large slide attached to it and I couldn’t help but smile as I took in another deep breath.

My body seemed to just have a mind of its own tonight because before I even realized what was happening I had my phone up to my ear and I started walking around aimlessly as I waited patiently for him to answer.

“Rori?” Tony answered, sounding surprised.

“Hey Tone, I uh, I got into a fight with my Mom, do you think you could meet me somewhere, I need someone to talk to,” I explained quickly and quietly.

“Yeah, of course, where are you at, the beach?” he asked and I heard rustling on the other end and I assumed he was getting ready already.

“Uh, no, I’m not, hang on, I’m at some park; there’s a sign over here,” I said, pursing my lips as I took a few steps so I could read the sign. “Oh, it’s called Sunny Creek; do you know where that is?”

“Yeah, I uh,” he laughed softly – something that confused me – before he finished and I swear I could hear the smile in his voice. “I know exactly where that is; I’ll be there soon.”

Notes

sorry if this chapter was kind of long, I didn't plan that it just kind of happened but anyways please comment and let me know what you guys think :)

As always, thanks for reading <3