It had been two weeks since I got to meet my friends all over again. Two weeks and I still didn’t remember. Two fucking weeks and I was still no closer to knowing who Tony was. In these past two weeks, I had gone to the doctor three times, though Tony only knew about one of them. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was tired of not knowing about the man I shared a bed with at night. The doctors ran tests after test, asking me a million different questions and even getting opinions from other doctors around the area and no one could explain any of it. No one knew why I couldn’t remember because in a medical sense, my brain was perfectly normal. The accident hadn’t caused any permanent damage at all and all functions were normal.

Things weren’t normal though, not at all. I was living with a man who was in love with me, who cared about me, and the only thing I knew about him was his name. Yes, I mean, I have had quite a few memories of him but I didn’t remember who he was. He may as well just be a boy in my dreams. I had been trying so hard, doing anything and everything to help me remember. I watched what used to be my favorite movies, I ate my favorite foods but nothing triggered anything more than a flash of a life I had once lived – and had no recollection of. It’s like when you would watch an old home movie from when you were younger, far too young for you to actually remember giving a puppet show for your mother but you could see clearly that that was you on the screen and there was no denying it. At one point, you had given a puppet show with a ratty old stuffed dog and your mom probably laughed at you the entire time.

At one point, I had loved Tony Perry with all of my heart but neither one of us were laughing. I had actually started to distance myself from him a little, trying not to push anything too hard. It wasn’t that I felt uncomfortable or wanted to get away from him, I was just so damn guilty about getting his hopes up. At this rate, I wasn’t sure if I would ever remember him. Sometimes, I would catch him staring at me, his eyes slightly glazed over, watching me intently as his eyebrows furrowed and I couldn’t help but wonder what he thought of in those moments where he got lost in his thoughts. I wondered if he had his doubts as well.

Let’s be honest here, we couldn’t continue with this routine for much longer. Eventually, something was going to happen, either I would remember or I wouldn’t and I think both of us were too scared to admit that the possibility of me never remembering him was getting higher and higher with each passing day. He tried to help me, always being understanding and supportive whenever he would tell me a story of something we had done before or taking me out on night drives when my thoughts were getting to be too much and he would just drive around, his hand on my knee as I stared out the window, neither of us saying anything.

I still felt this odd feeling of comfort whenever I was with him – odd because I felt more comfortable with a man whom I still hardly knew anything about rather than my best friend Sam who I actually remembered a lot about. I was kind of distancing myself from everyone now that I thought about it. I hardly left the house unless Tony convinced me to and even then I was highly unwilling to do so. I wasn’t eating a lot, my appetite seeming to disappear with the memories and I was still having trouble sleeping. Granted, those first few nights being back home with Tony I had actually been able to sleep, my mind not constantly throbbing with my scattered thoughts but as the days progressed and my feelings for the man lying in bed next to me did not, I was starting to panic.

I stopped giving Tony a kiss goodnight – something that I was sure he noticed but never brought up – even though I desperately wanted to. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, to have his hands tangle in my hair and to have his skin on mine but it still felt wrong in a way. I felt like the more I continued to do that, push myself in hopes of finally remembering him, I was just leading him on and Tony didn’t deserve that. He deserved to be loved and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do that. I was holding on to what little emotions I had for him for dear life. That was the only reason why I hadn’t left yet, because I knew, deep down, somewhere buried within me, I loved him. I just couldn’t find that part of me and bring it to the surface.

I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t see the looks he stole though when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. I couldn’t pretend that he was avoiding the very obvious possibility that we might never have what we had before. I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t see the sadness in his eyes. I couldn’t pretend that there was a chance that while I spent this time slowly trying to remember how to love him, he could slowly be falling out of love with me. Maybe Tony and Rori just weren’t meant to be in love with each other anymore. Maybe our love wasn’t as strong as we had thought; maybe this was supposed to happen.

Maybe this was a sign. Maybe that was why I continued to slowly push him away. Maybe that was why I stopped telling him when I would have flashbacks. Maybe that was why I was lying to him, telling him no, I did not remember that his favorite animal was a turtle and that I didn’t know his birthday was February 25th. I was lying to him because it absolutely pained me to see the way his face would light up and his eyes would gleam whenever I remembered something and then I would watch that hope disappear, crashing and burning in his eyes when he would mention something to me, something I didn’t remember, and I would very quietly remind him that I didn’t know what he was talking about. It was better letting him believe that I was remembering nothing then to let him know that I was remembering loving him but I still didn’t actually love him.

At least that was what I had convinced myself.

I sighed softly as I leaned back into the couch, frowning down at the phone in my hands. Tony was gone, having to go over some stuff with Jaxin – who I finally remembered as being one of his really good friends, mine too apparently, and they were partners for their clothing lines – and even though he invited me to go with him, I once again decided not to join him. Instead, I had been spending the day sitting here, causing my brain to hurt as I tried relentlessly to just remember.

I sighed again and got up from the couch, tossing my phone down on the cushions – deciding to ignore Sam’s request to go to lunch – and headed for the hallway. As usual, I stared at the various photo collages that were lined along the hall as I passed them, hoping to spark a memory of some sort. And as usual, nothing happened. I continued walking until I reached the end of the hall, stopping at the last door on the left. I took in a deep breath and let it out in a huff as I pushed open the door.

I smiled as I stepped in, glancing around at all of the Star Wars paraphernalia and turtles. There were guitars and amps and various other musical equipment that I didn’t know the names of along the walls and on their respected stands. There was a large flat screen television and tons of gaming supplies that I once again, knew nothing about. A stack of movies and cds were scattered along the small coffee table that sat in front of a giant leather couch. This was Tony’s “man cave” as he had playfully called it when he had given me a tour of the house when I had moved back in and even though I knew he wouldn’t care that I was in here – being as there was a handwritten note on the door with the words ‘No women allowed – except Rori’ that seemed to have been there for a long time – I still felt like I was intruding on his space.

I continued to glance around though, using the time that he was out of the house to hopefully trigger a memory or flashback of some sort. I let out another sigh – something I seemed to be doing a lot of lately – and ran my fingers along the top of the couch as I passed it. I walked over by the window and stopped at the bookshelf that was positioned just to the right of it, which was ironically lacking a library of books. Instead there was more of the childish things that really shouldn’t be in a twenty-eight year old man's “man cave” but I had come to the conclusion that Tony, and everyone else in my life, which also included me, hardly ever acted their age and probably never would.

My eyes fell upon the shelf that had various little toy figures on the shelves. I recognized it as a set of Star Wars Legos and I chuckled softly as I saw how the tiny characters were placed strategically along the shelf, appearing to be in a battle of some sort. Just as I was about to turn away something caught my eye in the back corner of the shelf. I squinted my eyes at the small white storm trooper that was partially hidden behind a large looking ship type thing but it wasn’t the storm trooper that had caught my attention. It was the diamond ring that had been in his small toy hands.

I gasped and my mouth dropped open as I recognized the ring from my flashbacks. It was my ring, my engagement ring. I wasn’t sure why, out of all the places Tony could have put the thing that it was currently being “protected” by a storm trooper Lego but I didn’t really care as I felt the tears forming and I quickly spun on my heel and made a beeline for the door, swinging it shut behind me as headed back down the hall toward the living room. I gulped back the lump in my throat and blinked away the tears as I took a seat on the couch once again. I wasn’t upset that I had found the ring or anything – I remember Sam had mentioned that she knew Tony still had it here – but I was more upset that even seeing that didn’t cause me to remember anything at all.

I took in a deep breath, telling myself that I needed to relax, that I would remember, that it would happen eventually. Just keep holding on. I released my breath and slumped back into the couch, picking up my phone beside me and I unlocked the screen and began to aimlessly tap around as I glanced up at the television that I had left on from earlier. When I looked back down at my phone I noticed that I had accidently opened my Instagram app and I let out a surprised gasp when I saw how many notifications I had. I hadn’t been on any social media sites since my accident, not wanting to have to tell the fans too much, at least until I was ready and I certainly wasn’t ready.

So far, the only things the fans – mine and Tony’s – knew was that I had been in a serious car accident and even though I was okay, I just needed time to recuperate. At least that was what I had thought. As I continued to click around, skimming through all the notifications and seeing some of the comments I was mentioned in, I suddenly realized that I was wrong. Somehow, in some way, the fans had gotten word of my condition. My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach as I looked down in shock at all the messages. Some were supportive, some fans even giving me little blurbs of times they had met me and they went on to say how they had seen the way Tony and I looked at the other, how we acted around the other and how we talked about the other, saying that there was no way a love like that wouldn’t be able to find its way back, that my memory would return and that they were still super excited for our wedding.

Those weren’t the comments that made the tears I had held back only moments ago return with force that I was soon reading the blurred words as I couldn’t control the way they pooled over my eyes and began to trail down my cheeks.

“does this mean Rori and Tony are FINALLY done?!!” “wow how the hell could she forget Tony?” “can Tony leave Rori and be mine now?” “wait, is Tony still with her? WHY??” “hahahahahaha wow” “she was never good enough for Tony anyway” “I cant believe rori is putting Tony through this” “poor tony” “rori should just do tony and everyone else a favor and LEAVE”

There were so many hurtful, negative comments. I wiped my hand across my cheeks and threw my phone down on the ground. I stood up from the couch and began to pace around the room, still crying. How could people be so mean? They actually enjoyed this. They were happy that I didn’t remember my life. They were okay with the fact that I was slowly breaking down, crumbling as I tried desperately to just find my way again. They were glad that Tony “finally had an excuse” to leave me. What the hell was wrong with them all? It suddenly occurred me though, in all my rambling and pacing that they were right.

Why did Tony stick around? Why was he so willing to stay here and love me when he could go and be with any girl he wants? He didn’t owe me anything and hell, we’ve been together since we were kids, whether or not he loved me, I couldn’t help but imagine that he had to be curious, what it would be like to be with someone else. I didn’t remember him, I barely remembered myself. I couldn’t love him the way that he deserved, I couldn’t be there for him when he was in pain; I was the one causing that pain. I didn’t remember him, I couldn't remember him. I might never remember him. What will happen then, what will happen when it finally registers in everyone’s brains that I am broken?

My mind has literally betrayed me, leaving my life in shambles and ruins and I left Tony there to pick up all my broken pieces. He has been nothing but kind, nothing but loving and caring and I couldn’t help but realize that I didn’t deserve that, I didn’t deserve him. Maybe his fans were right; maybe I wasn’t good enough for him. Maybe I should do him a favor and leave.

I jumped as I heard the front door slam shut.

Tony was home.

Notes

I'm so sorry for disappearing guys!! This has been my first day off work in six days....

(That being said, this update was brought to you courtesy of bluberry redbull, nicotine, and golden oreos so yay for lack of sleep and poor health choices!)

Also, sorry for the lame filler, as you can probably imagine, next chapter will be intense....so yeah, leave me thoughts, let me know what you think.....I will try and have another update up soon, like I may or may not be writing it right now but I won't make you guys any promises..

***Also, I have a new/old story that I decided to reupload so if you have not already checked it out, please do! Updates will be a little weird until I finish this story but it will soon be one of my main focuses again :)

Here's the link:

Run For Your Life


Thanks so much <3