Fresh Start Fever

I sat atop a hill, just outside the rear of the venue where tonights show was beinf held. No one knew I was back here, mainly because I slipped out before dawn and I've been here ever since. Maybe I should just go home?

I lit up what felt like the 100th cigarette I've smoked today, who knows how much it actually is. It's weird because they taste really weird over 'ere. It's the best I've got though and it helps me calm down. I definitely need to calm down after the events of last night.

Oh yes, my beloved husband is a complete and utter wanker but what's new. Since our lovely ceremony things have been completely out of hand. That was a week ago and my head was going to explode with how immature and childish he was being. He barely spoke to me and the handful of times where he did acknowledge my existence he horrible comments about me. The thing that got me really down was that he was high 80% of the time. This drug situation was getting worse but he didn't seem to care who he was affecting as long as he was getting a good high.

Stephanie and my brother were still on the fence about it all. They were angry about me being stupid enough to get married to him. Luckily Oli didn't mention the fact that I took drugs with him, which I'm extremely grateful for, even though as a whole he's an arsehole at least he isn't putting me in the shit with my brother.

Nicholls and Lee are mainly on Oli's side. Only because they think I'm a bitch for marrying him then deciding I don't wanna be with him the next day. They haven't fallen out with me they just don't care enough to help me out when Oli is being horrible to me.

Jordan was the only one who was giving me the time of day, which I was extremely grateful for. We would sneak off for smoking sessions and chat about small stuff but usually we would avoid the big problem; my joke marriage.

I finished the cigarette and lay my head on my knees and breathed out shakily. "Mind if I bum one of those?" I heard a voice ask. I looked up to see Jordan standing in front of me. I hadn't even noticed him approaching me.

"Yeah sure, if I have any left. I think I burned through 3 packs in the last hour. If it's any consolation there's a shop down the street that sells them" I pointed behind me.

"How many times have been to it?" He asked as he sat down next to me, took two cigarettes out of the packet and handing one to me. I pulled my lighter out my pocket, lit mines up and handing the lighter to him.

"Only once but by the look of it I'll need to make another trip down" I said looking through the packet to find only 2 left.

"We'll go together. I need to buy some actually" He blew out some smoke.

"Keepin' it real Jordo" I laughed. I laid back on the grass and he done the same.

"Casey, why do you have to be so attatched to him?" He asked randomly. I scrunched up my face at the question. It was a really good question actually. "I mean, from everything he's done to you, why do you keep on letting him back out. You survived for a year and a half cutting him out of your life, it's not the end of the world now is it? You could do it again" He suggested.

"I wish I knew Jordan but the thing is, that year away was the hardest thing I ever done and I honestly don't think I could do it again" I took another draw and blew the smoke out. The smoke quickly disintegrated into nothing and the sky above me looked down angrily.

"Do you honestly want things to continue the way that they are? I don't like the way he treats you. I don't think the excuses he gives are justifiable. He's a coward" Jordan sighed loudly.

I leaned on my elbows and looked at him. "I've known him for about 15 years now. The one thing I've noticed is he has became his own enemy. As sad as that seems, he needs get help. This drug situation is dragging him into the dirt" Jordan nodded and finished his cigarette.

"It's a shame because he's got a talent and a half. He just needs to lose it all to really find out what he had" Jordan shrugged and looked at the sky.

"What do you have in mind then?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

A smile spread across his face, his eyes opened and he sat up. "Make him believe you're leaving. Leave him a letter and go to the airport, be all dramatic and if he comes to stop you then it's meant to be if not, it's hardly like you're losing out since everyone has given you the cold shoulder because of something you both done" He suggested.

Maybe he's right. It was time to find out if Oli was going to man the fuck up. "Okay, well let's go to the store down there, buy some smokes and I'll get a notepad and pen. We'll write that motherfucking letter" I suggested. "Sounds like a plan batman" He grinned. I jumped up onto my feet and held my hand out for him. He took it and I pulled him up onto his feet and we walked down the hill.

"So what should I write?" I asked him.

"Just write exactly what you feel. Do you want him, like do you want to be with him?" He questioned.

"Jordan I know this is gonna sound horribly cheesy but I wanna spend the rest of my life with him. It's my only wish these days" I felt my cheeks flush red.

"Awh Case, it's alright I know that feeling" He smiled. I loved the way he got all giddy when he thought of his girlfriend.

"How is Emma?" I asked. We approached the store and walked through the door.

"She's good but I miss her. This is the first tour outside of the UK that I've done since being in the band and I'm not used to being away from her for this amount of time" He said looking at different items on the shelves.

"Yeah, it sucks but you'll be home soon" I nudged him.

"Yeah" He nodded and picked up a notepad. I picked up a pen and we both made our way to the counter and paid, not forgetting to buy cigarettes either.

We left the store and went back to our spot on the hill. "Everyone's still sleeping and I don't get it. It's like 12 in the afternoon why is everyone in this band so lazy?" He shook his head.

"They're all lazy little shits, get used to it" I laughed. Jordan laid down on the grass and relaxed while I wrote my letter to Oli.

When I was finished he took it from my hands and looked it over. "Dear Oliver, since Vegas things have been a little out of hand between us and you. Especially since I found out about your drug use. I don't judge you for it but I'm worried that it's gonna end badly for you. With that in mind I'm not comfortable with being on this bus anymore, the tension is killing me and my patience is wearing thin. I can't deal with the stress and I don't like what has become of us. We were once best friends and even in love but it has become apparent that it has been lost along the way. The best thing for us is if I just go home and begin to work on a divorce to settle this mess of a marriage. It was clearly a mistake and we need to deal with it. I'm sorry it didn't work out the way we always hoped it would, I'd say at least we gave it a shot but we didn't really did we? I'd love nothing more than for us to work out and have what we once did but it's not possible as long as you're high as kite and I don't trust you. So thank you for the memories but this is goodbye." He looked up at me with a sad look on his face. "It sounds like you mean it" He furrowed his brows.

"Maybe I do" I sighed. My phone began to buzz in my pocket so I pulled it out and looked at the screen, which had a number I wasn't familar with. I pressed answer and put the phone to my ear. "Hello" I said into the phone.

"Hello miss Kean, it's doctor Gillard calling" The male voice spoke softly.

"Oh, I thought you were waiting til I got home to give me my results" Then it hit me, must not be good news. "Oh".

"Yes, we were but I'm afraid we have to discuss some things, see the thing is..." He said.

I zoned out completely. Taking in small parts of what he said but mainly just staring at the grass, trying not to pass out. "Thank you. I will as soon as I'm home" I mumbled. "Bye" I hung up the phone and put it in my pocket.

"What was that Case?" Jordan asked. I looked at him with a look of fear.

"You can't tell anyone, alright?" I pleaded with him. He nodded and I explained everything.

Notes