Cold Mattresses

I groaned as I rolled over onto my side for what felt like the millionth time that night. Why the fuck won’t sleep over take me? Sitting up slightly I fished around under the covers before pulling up my usual sleep aide; a large toy turtle.

Maybe now I’ll be able to get some fucking sleep.

1:04AM.

Maybe not.

Flopping onto my back I sighed and hugged my turtle to my chest as I watched the stars on my ceiling glow faintly in the dark of my room. This was all Tony’s fault. He said those things to me today on the phone and now I can’t sleep.

I never could when we fought.

I closed my eyes as our conversation slowly drifted through my mind, with it bringing up the painful feeling I’d gotten in my chest when spoke to me the way he did. The faint sound of a door opening reached my ears but immediately brushed it off. I was used to it by now; the guys (Mike and Vic) liked to raid my fridge at night for food before crashing in my spare bedroom.

It was quiet and I could finally feel myself drifting off when I felt a dip in my bed and arms wrap around me. Opening my eyes in surprise I looked down to see whose arm it was before frowning and throwing it off me and refused to turn around.

“What do you want, Tony?”

I heard him sigh before he moved to lie on his back. “I can’t sleep when we fight. It makes me feel like shit.”

I scoffed and sat up, the covers and turtle falling into my lap and I looked down at him. “It makes you feel like shit? Seriously? I don’t know what the fuck is your problem lately. All you’ve done since I’ve been back is ignore me, hang out with Kate and treat me like shit.”

I watched as he looked down at his hands and remained quiet. I shook my head at him and turned to look over at the Singin’ In The Rain poster I had pinned to my wall. “We’ve been friends for ten years and never, not once have I ever felt more like a piece of shit than I did today. Today, of all fucking days.”

I turned to look down at Tony to see him with his eyes closed tight and a frowning mouth and I knew he was listening, I knew he was feeling everything that I felt because he knew me, knew how it felt. You don’t go ten years without learning how the other person feels.

“Do you even remember what today is?” I asked, feeling the desperation for him to completely understand what today had meant to me. I could the tears welling up as he opened his lids and looked up at me, his dark eyes shining with tears, mirroring everything I was probably showing in my own eyes.

Tony swallowed thickly before clearing his throat and whispered out, “Yeah, I do.”

I closed my eyes as soon as I heard the first words, the tears I’d held back falling silently as I nodded once. “Then you know why I really don’t want to see you right now.”

I felt Tony’s hands slid up my arms before he pulled me down to lie on top of him with my head on his chest. “It’s our anniversary,” he whispered softly into my hair and I could hear the sadness in his voice.

“Do you know how much of an asshole I felt as soon I finished saying those things to you on the phone? That’s why I hung up. I couldn’t handle it; run the risk of saying another hurtful thing towards you. When I lowered my phone and saw the date I just-” Tony shuddered and pressed his face into my hair and tightened his arms around me.

“I fucked up on the day that I cherish the most. I dragged you and the guys to something you didn’t want and left you. I left you with strangers when I know how you are around people you don’t know. I made you feel like shit when I promised you that I would never turn into one of those guys and I honestly can’t even begin to explain how bad I feel about that and how sorry I am and how much I wish I could take back every word I said to you. No one should be treated that way and the fact that I’m the one treating you this way makes me feel like the biggest prick in the world.”

I closed my fist around his tee shirt and rubbed my cheek against the soft material, trying to ignore the tears as they slid down my cheeks and into his shirt. “You are the biggest prick in the world. You said you’d beat up anyone who treated me the way you have been and I really feel like you just don’t want to be around me.”

“That will never happen,” Tony ran his hand down my hair, fingers twisting in the ends as he continued. “I need you more than you will ever be able to comprehend and the thought of you not being in my life terrifies me. I will always want to be around you, Alice. Nothing and no one will ever change that. You are my best friend, the only girl who I will love beyond forever who aren’t related to me. Without you there is no me.”

I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my lips as I tilted my head up to look at his face. “Did you just quote one your songs to me?”

Tony frowned in thought before smiling slightly. “Not intentionally. I truly mean it though, without you in my life I wouldn’t be who I am and I wouldn’t truly understand what it’s like to have someone instinctually understand and be there for me and someone who needs me to be there for them like you need me.”

I shrugged and shifted so my head was back to where it was and focused on his arm that was only a little ways from my face. “That doesn’t change the way you’ve dropped all ties with me these last two weeks.”

“I know it doesn’t, babe. And I know that nothing will ever erase this from our past but you have to understand that I will never leave you. It’s just, I’m in a new relationship and I’m still learning the ropes with it. I’m trying to find stable ground and think everything through with this one. I can’t go through another fucked relationship again. We’ve been together almost three months and I’m still not sure how I feel about her.”

“If you’re still not sure and it’s been so long then why do you persist?” I muttered as I shifted away from the wet spot on his shirt from my tears.

I felted Tony sigh, his entire torso seemed to hollow out with it as he shifted to get more comfortable on the bed before answering me. “I honestly don’t know, Alice. Fuck, I don’t even know if we even have much in common.”

That surprised me. Normally Tony put his all into learning about his girlfriends but for him to say that he hasn’t even tried is something else. He’s never acted this way before. “Why date her then?”

“I don’t even know if you can call it dating. I've been so busy. All I’ve been doing is helping the guys with the new album, helping with lyrics and trying to come up with different rhythms. Even if I wanted to see Kate it would only be for a couple hours here and there during the week.”

“And yet you’re here in bed with me right now.”

I felt Tony laugh slightly, his chest vibrating with the feeling causing my cheek to tingle slightly. “You have and always will come before any of my girlfriends. They might be with me for a short time but I’ll have you with me the rest of my life. I don’t care if I never see Kate again, but to never see you again? That would be a fate worse than death.”

I smiled slightly as his words sunk in before I lifted my head to look him in the eyes, complete sincerity shining brightly. Leaning in I pressed my lips to his cheek softly. “I forgive you for being a fucking prick these past couple of weeks.”

Tony smiled up at me while his hands shifted to move me off of his chest. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I nodded.

Tony leaned over and pressed a kiss to my cheek before he stood and pulled his shorts off along with his shirt before climbing back into the bed, shifting so he was lying on his side beside me. “Come here,” he whispered and opened his arms. I shifted closer to him to curl up in his arms; slipping my right knee between his legs and tucking my head into his chest.

It was quiet for a while as we lay together in the dark before Tony spoke up once more. “I seriously can’t believe you went to go see The Hobbit without me.”

I laughed and buried my face in his shoulder. “It was so good. I wouldn’t mind going to see it again.”

“Good because that’s what we’re doing tomorrow. Just you and me.”

I smiled and slipped my arm out to wrap it around his ribs while moving closer to him. “Good, that’s the way it should be.”

I knew we were okay. We'll always be okay and it was with that thought that I drifted off in an easy sleep, content and warm in the arms of someone who I knew would never leave.

Notes

Yay two chapters in one day. I'm more happy with this one, not as crappy and it kind of makes up for Tony being an ass in the last chapter. I hope you guys liked it. It's funny because just before the song changed to Nickelback (don't judge, I like all kinds of music) Lorde was playing and the lyrics fit so well with the ending.

You're the only friend I need (you're the only friend I need)
Sharing beds like little kids (sharing beds like little kids)
We'll laugh until our ribs get tough (We'll laugh until our ribs get tough)
But that will never be enough (but that will never be enough)

That will never be enough [x5]

On that note, I dedicate this chapter to SuchBandVeryWow because that review was hilarious and true and I hope this makes up for Tony.