A Light in the Dark

I enjoyed the night. It brought me comfort, it kept me sane. Too many horrible things had happened in the brightness of the sun. Too many things that I wanted to forget. Did this mean that I never went out during the daytime, no, not at all, I wasn’t some weird shut in who froze in her steps the moment she saw daylight, I just didn’t like it. I saw too many things in the light. I preferred the dark, where things could easily go unseen and you could pretend that what you saw never really happened, chalking it up to your mind playing tricks on you. You couldn’t do that in the daylight.

Everything was painfully clear and noticeable in the daylight. There was no place to hide, no place to run. Someone would find you eventually.

I took in a deep breath, smelling the ocean as I wrapped my arms around myself as I continued to walk along the dimly lit sidewalk in San Diego. I couldn’t help but laugh quietly at myself, of all the places I could go, I ended up here, in sunny California. I never planned on staying here, I had just been passing through, but something made me want to stay, something I couldn’t quite explain. I just felt at home here, for once, in my twenty four years of life it felt like something good could happen here. So I stayed.

I found a job at Lucky’s, a local bar with a festive night life. I had plenty of experience as a bartender and it had taken the bar owner all but five minutes to hire me as I had jumped behind the bar my first night in town, not even asking the struggling bar keep if he wanted a hand, I just saw the stress in his features and the people shouting their orders. I wasn’t sure what came over me as I stood up on my bar stool, stepping onto the counter and jumping behind the bar.

He had given me a worried look the moment I stood up, probably believing me to be some crazy drunk tired of waiting for her drink. To say he was a bit shocked when I immediately turned toward the crowd of swarming people and began to make their drinks, barely having to look at what I was doing as I made my way around the small space, was an understatement.

He had stood in the corner, practically shell shocked as I zoomed around, taking care of all the customers, being friendly and courteous and even making an occasional joke here and there as the drunken misfits slurred around. I had managed to calm the bar just long enough for him to reach out his hand.

“The name is Freddie Luckworth, everyone around here calls me Lucky.”

“Effie Jane.” I responded, shaking his hand.

“Well Effie Jane, I don’t know a lot about you but I have never seen someone handle a Saturday night crowd quite like that in my thirty six years of owning this bar. Please tell me you’re looking for a job.”

“I am actually.” I said, giving him a small smile.

“Well, do me a favor and stop looking because I need you.”

“Okay.” I grinned, turning around and starting on another drink.

Just like that, I had a job. A few days later I had found a small apartment; it was just a studio, not even one bedroom but it was only me and the four cardboard boxes that I had in my tiny blue jeep so it was all I needed. Working at Lucky’s was perfect, my shifts started at eight and would end at four in the morning, and I would make it home just in time for the sun to rise and I could fall asleep in the darkness of my small apartment while the sun shined and the world went on around me.

It had only been three weeks since I settled here, not even a month and I couldn’t help but feel like things were changing. I was changing. I didn’t get the flashbacks as bad as I used to anymore. Only when I word hear a certain word or see a certain event is when they would come, crashing on around me, filling my thoughts and swallowing me where I stood. I shuddered as I thought back to this morning. Last night had been my night off and I, of course, couldn’t sleep. I could never sleep at night, not anymore. So I had crawled out of my bed, putting on my shoes and I had just walked around all night, taking in more of the city since I hadn’t done much of it yet.

Before I knew it, I was almost six in the morning and the sun was starting to rise. The lack of sleep was starting to catch up to me and I decided to make my way home. I had started walking along the sidewalk when I saw two small children run out of a house along the walkway. They had been giggling and it looked like they were playing tag as they chased the other around in circles. They had been so focused on their game that that they hadn’t realized they weren’t alone on the sidewalk. They didn’t even see the plump older woman until one of them had accidentally bumped into her, causing the old woman to drop her purse.

“Oh, we’re so sorry!” the children quickly apologized, bending down to pick up the woman's purse.

The woman had huffed angrily, snatching her bag from the little girl’s hands. “Damn children, where are you parents?” she spat, stomping down the sidewalk, walking past me and her words echoed in my voice, stirring the memories I had been trying so desperately to forget.

I was gasping as I sat there, crouched down next to the dumpster. She had seen me, this was it, I was going to get caught. I heard the footsteps and I held my breath, hugging my knees tighter to my chest.

“Excuse me, what are you doing?” the gruff voice asked and I looked up to see an older woman, her hair graying on the sides and her blues eyes looking down at me worriedly. “Stand up, now.” she ordered when I didn’t respond and I immediately did as she asked, afraid of what she would do to me if I didn’t listen.

I stood, pulling my torn and battered shirt down uncomfortably as I did so. The woman looked over me, noticing my shabby clothes and messy hair. Her eyes lingered on my feet, which were bare, on the gravel and her eyes widened.

“Sweetheart, what’s your name?” she asked gently.

“Effie Jane,” I whispered, keeping my eyes on my dirty feet.

“How old are you Effie?”

“Thirteen,” I said my voice just as small as before.

“Effie, child, where are your parents?”

“I don’t know.” I answered truthfully.

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

I shrugged lamely, crossing my arms over my chest. “I woke up one morning and they were gone. They left me.”


They left me and I had been running ever since. I guess that was one of the reasons I enjoyed the night so much. It was a lot easier to hide in the dark, living in the shadows and avoiding people’s curious eyes. The night had become my friend because the morning had stabbed me in the back. In the morning there were too many people, too many unanswered questions, in the night, I was alone, my thoughts the only thing keeping me company. I was always alone. I was used to it by now, I welcomed the loneliness. I had been alone for twelve years now, ever since I woke up alone in the run down shack I used to call home. The loneliness had become my only friend.

I picked up the pace a little as the diner came into closer view. I smiled, already tasting the hot chocolate on my lips. I had found this diner on my second night here. Lucky had let me off early, the bar had been dead, the only person in there was Al, a regular and he was already passed out in the corner booth. It had only been two and I was nowhere near ready to go home and attempt to fall asleep so I had just started to walk around the dark streets of San Diego until I had stumbled upon this place. It had a rather chilly night so the first thing I did was order a hot chocolate, and let me tell you it was the best damn hot chocolate I had ever had.

After that, it had become routine for me to stop at the diner on my way home from work, either to just grab a hot chocolate or even grab a bite to eat, if you thought their hot chocolate was amazing wait until you tried the pancakes. I swear, everything tasted better after two in the morning, at least at this diner.

I pulled the door open, the neon sign that read Marty’s Diner swaying with the breeze that snuck in beside me. I nodded to the bored looking hostess, I had already become a regular in the past three weeks I had been here and took my usually booth toward the back, the one with the amazing view of the ocean. If I stayed here long enough, I could even watch the sun rise up over the sea and while I’ll admit, I don’t enjoy the daylight, there was a beauty I couldn’t deny as I would sit there and watch the sun rise, sipping on my hot chocolate as I sat in this little diner, trying to forget the past that haunted me.

“Having a good night, tonight Effie?” I recognized Darlene’s voice and turned, giving her a warm smile. It was four in the morning but Darlene never used the word morning unless the sun was up and shining.

“Every night is a good night,” I said quietly.

She smiled. “That’s good to hear. What will it be today, doll face?”

Darlene was a strange woman to say the least. She had to be about fifty but she looked no older than forty. She had long brown hair that she had constantly pulled back into a pony tail behind her head and big blue doe eyes. She was very outgoing and quite a talkative woman though she seemed to understand that I wasn’t a big talker and kept the conversations minimum though I had watched her have nearly hour long conversations with other customers so I was glad when she wouldn’t pester me. She was good at reading body language and could tell when something she said would affect me and she would quickly change the subject. I had grown a liking to Darlene, she understood me and that was something not very many people could do.

“Just the usual, hot chocolate and pancakes please.” I smiled up to her.

“Any meat today?”

“Not today, thank you.”

“You got it, sugar.” She said winking and leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I wasn’t sure how long I had been sitting there, staring out the window, watching the night sky when suddenly I had heard Darlene’s voice again, startling me.

“There must be something about this spot,” she said thoughtfully, setting down my hot chocolate.

“What’s that?” I asked confused.

She smiled. “These past few weeks you come in here every night and just stare out the window, lost in your thoughts.”

I shrugged, biting my lip. “It gives a great view of the ocean.”

She chuckled. “You sound just like him.”

“I’m sorry, who?” I questioned, furrowing my eyebrows.

She smiled crookedly at me. “There’s a young man who comes in here, sits in this same spot and does the same thing you do, sits here all night, just staring out the window. He says it’s the view, just like you but I know it’s more, just like I know it’s more with you, it don’t matter to me, you both are polite and great tippers.” She laughed, showing me she was joking. “He hasn’t been in here in a while, he travels a lot, but he’ll be back, he always comes back.”

With that, she turned, heading back toward the kitchen and I furrowed my eyebrows, confused.She returned a few moments later with my pancakes and set them down, giving me another warm smile before she let me eat in peace. I finished quickly, having been hungry from not eating anything before. Once I was done I sat back in the booth, pulling my legs up and crossing them under me. I grabbed my hot chocolate, holding it in my hand as I leaned by head back, resting against the cushion. I wasn’t sure how long I had been sitting there, occasionally sipping my cocoa when I felt two soft taps on my shoulder startling me, and I quickly turned my head.

I came face to face with a guy, maybe a couple years older than me. He had on a black hoodie, pulled up over a front facing snapback on his head. His eyes were concealed partially by the black thick framed glasses he wore and I saw the hint of a piercing just under his left eye, nearly hidden by his glasses. The thing that stuck out to me most was the bright flash of color of a tattoo on his throat and I recognized the familiar shape of wings and saw that it was an owl. I must have looked more than a little confused because he laughed lightly, giving me a small smile before he spoke.

“Excuse me, but, you’re in my seat.”

Notes

so this is an experiment with the lovely Lost in Neverland and I'm excited to see how this goes, hopefully I can keep up with her, her writing is amazing, if you haven't read any of her stories please check them out!

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