Ashlynn

I sat on the countertop in the kitchen at my aunt Heidi’s house, shoveling grapes into my mouth by the handful. I swung my short legs back and forth, listening to the conversation that was taking place.

“Ashlynn Adela! Get down off that countertop. Did I raise you in a barn?” my mother, Danette, scolded me and I grimaced.

“Well…” I chuckled sarcastically and she shot me a look, her eyes daggers. “Kidding, kidding,” I held up my hands in defense and then hopped off the countertop. I took the bowl of grapes with me, walking to the table to sit down next to Delaney and my aunt Heidi.

“Jesus, Ashlynn. The entire bowl? You act like you haven’t eaten in days,” my mother tisked, and mentally, I shot her the finger. In reality, I set down the bowl on the refinished table and pushed it away from me with a sigh. My mother was quite the uptight, high strung woman.

As I tuned out the conversation that swarmed my ears, I took a glance around the entire kitchen. The room was exactly like I remembered it to be; high ceilings, modern furnishings, and neutral colors painted on the walls. When I was younger, Delaney’s parents had been together and this had been their home. Since then, they had divorced and Delaney’s younger sister, Rachelle, moved in with their dad once he got a new house. I saw a few pictures that looked like Rachelle on the fridge, but I couldn’t be too sure because I hadn’t seen her in years. I got up to look as Heidi hounded Delaney with questions.

“So how is Nathan, honey?” Heidi asked. Her voice seemed level and calm, almost as if she actually genuinely wanted to know about Delaney’s life, rather than pick on the things in it that were slightly less than perfect.

The mention of her fiance piqued my attention, and I took a glance out of the corner of my eye to see Delaney’s reaction face. Her cheeks had flushed, and she looked a bit flustered and bothered by the inquiry. I peeled my eyes from the sight and refocused my attention on the pictures on the refrigerator as I listened to Delaney’s reply.

Nathan was a subject I was very curious about; Delaney hardly ever mentioned him, and I couldn’t help but feel like she was trying not to mention all the specifics whenever his name did arise in conversation. I’m sure part of it was still her trying to grow accustomed to the fact that I was back in her life out of the blue, but I also felt that it wasn’t just me that she hid the topic from.

I wanted to know what this Nathan was like, and if he was a good match for Delaney or not. I hadn’t even seen a picture of him, so I really didn’t have the slightest idea.

“Uh, he’s good,” Delaney spoke, and I heard a rustling from her seat, presumably switching positions while under uncomfortable scrutiny.

“Where’s the engagement ring? I saw it the last time you were around,” my mother questioned Delaney and I silently pleaded for her to stop putting her on the spot. I swear, our mothers could sense our fear. It was like they fed on it.

“Oh, I must’ve forgot to put it on,” Delaney chuckled at herself and looked down at her left hand. She let out a soft, barely audible sigh.

While they continued to question her, I reached up to touch one of the pictures on the fridge. I brought it down to my eye level and squinted at it, silently cursing at myself for not putting in my contacts before we left. The picture was of Rachelle, Eli, Delaney and I and it was from Christmas my sophomore year of high school. I gulped down the lump that formed in my throat when I reviewed the picture, and assessed just how different things had been back then. Eli looked so happy and healthy, his dark hair that strikingly resembled my own was shiny and shaggy. He was two years younger than I was, so that meant that he had to have been around fourteen at the time the picture was taken. I smiled to myself when I realize that had been the phase he had where he refused to get a haircut. His blue eyes were bright and full of life, rather than dull and dreary as they had been the last time I saw him.

I felt tears sting the corners of my eyes when I thought about it. The things he had done to himself were wearing him down physically, and I ached to see him again with that glimmer of life in his eyes. The last time I had seen him, it looked as though whatever he had just shot up had sucked the life right from his irises. My heart ached for him to get better and I pushed the picture back to its original position towards the top of the refrigerator.

I brought another picture down, and this one made me smile. It was a picture of Rachelle from her most recent year of schooling, as the date was written in the bottom right corner. She was literally the spitting image of Delaney, right down to the way her makeup was applied. I had always admired how gorgeous both Delaney and Rachelle were. They both had long, dirty blonde hair that held effortless shine and natural highlights. They both had the same thick, dark lashes that cloaked milky brown irises, and the same slender, fit body, though they both ate like pigs from what I remembered. I chuckled to myself when thinking about it.

“So how about that Jaime boy? Where has he been?” my aunt Heidi pressed further, and I felt bad for Delaney. She obviously didn’t like to be questioned about it. At the same time though, it interested me, because maybe then I would get some answers as well.

“He’s been around,” Delaney laughed uncomfortably. “He’s my best friend, so he’s always over,” Delaney explained.

I decided to walk back over to the kitchen table and take a seat next to Delaney so she would have a bit more reassurance.

“Why did you two ever break up? I like him so much better than that Nathan character,” my mom added, a roll of her eyes when she said Delaney’s fiance’s name.

“Mom,” I spoke quietly, exasperated. “Stop it,” I was a bit taken aback by her lack of decency towards a subject that made Delaney uncomfortable, and made sure to let Delaney know that I was there for her by piping up.

“Oh hush, Ashlynn,” my mom batted her hand at me as if to tell me to be quiet. “What about your love life?” she questioned and I immediately regretted even saying a word.

“What about it?” I spoke casually, trying to avoid the subject as best as possible.

“Are you seeing anybody?” she elaborated and I mentally cursed, wishing I could’ve just played dead this morning when Delaney woke me up. I knew coming over here would be a mistake, and one that I couldn’t even avoid at that.

“Um,” I began and Delaney immediately turned to look at me. I caught her eyes for a moment, and they held a look that said she was just as curious as my mother and my aunt were. I had dodged this question for a very long time. I wasn’t very outspoken about my relationships, I prefered to keep them quiet. “I, uh,” I fumbled to find words, my ability to form coherent sentences suddenly leaving me and making me look like some sort of babbling idiot.

“Well, I just hope that you aren’t sleeping around with your coworkers again,” my mother stated and her words shocked me. I knew coming and enduring the brutal questioning was going to be tough, but I didn’t ever think it would be this bad.

“Stop being like this, Mom. I finally get a chance to see you and this is how you act?” I stood from the table, ready to grab my bag and keys and leave. I was enraged that she would even say such a thing.

I turned to take a gander at Delaney and my aunt Heidi’s expressions, and it was almost a mirror image. Both of their jaws were hanging open, and Delaney had a look of confusion etched into the contours of her face. I felt my eyes start to burn with the salty tears that were daring to spring from their banks, and my jaw began to tremble, a sure sign that I was about to open the floodgates.

“Alright, alright. I’m sorry, sweetheart. Let’s at least eat,” my mom sighed and folded her hands in front of her.

I sat back down hesitantly, sucking up all of the tears that were threatening to spill and trying to regain my composure long enough to sit through a meal, though I wasn’t sure if I could stomach anything else at this point.

“Let’s set out the plates, Danette,” my aunt Heidi suggested, flashing me a soft, apologetic smile before pushing her chair back and motioning to the cabinets behind where they were seated.

I was thankful for the break in conversation, as my mom and my aunt Heidi asked for mine and Delaney’s help to prepare the grilled chicken salad that we would have for lunch. Minus chicken, for me.

“So how long has it been since you’ve been a vegetarian now?” my aunt Heidi questioned, and this was a question that I actually didn’t mind answering.

“Three years,” I grinned, proud of my progress.

“AND HER VEGETARIAN MEALS ARE FREAKISHLY DELICIOUS!” Delaney exclaimed and I started laughing, my mom and aunt cracking up as well.

“Delaney eating her veggies? Since when has her diet consisted of anything other than Ramen?” my aunt laughed and Delaney pouted.

“Since I moved in!” I responded, mixing the veggies into the salad while my mom retrieved all of the dressings from the fridge and set them out neatly on the table.

“So has your job allowed you to transfer to a bank out by Delly, now?” my mom asked, and my stomach tightened at the thought.

“Yeah, I actually just finalized everything the other day. The transfer will take about a month to process, my new boss said. But other than that, it has been a smooth process,” I told them, hoping that the subject would drop after I had elaborated. Thankfully, it did.

We all sat down to eat, and there was no noise besides the metal forks clanking on the ceramic plates. It was pleasant and comfortable silence as we ate, and I was thankful that there wasn’t any further questioning at the moment. I didn’t know how many more questions my mind could handle, and I think I could speak for Delaney when I said that as well.

Delaney and I helped clean up the dishes and put away the leftovers after everyone had eaten and was full. We all sat back down at the kitchen table, and my aunt Heidi brought out some old photo albums for Delaney and I to take a look at.

While flipping through the pages of pictures, Delaney and I cracked up when recalling all of the memories that the photographs held.

We eventually came across an album that contained pictures from my brother Elijah’s thirteenth birthday. Delaney and I both cracked up when we saw his bowl cut that he somehow thought looked good that year.

“Do you remember that hoodie that he would always wear? The old A Day to Remember one that you and I both saved up to get him? He would never take it off,” Delaney giggled, pointing to a photograph that he was wearing the infamous hoodie in.

“Ah! Yes!” I laughed with her, recalling that year. He really loved that hoodie, and I remember it had made both Delaney and I very happy because it took us a month to be able to save the money for it. Thirty dollars to us back then was like gold.

I liked looking through the pictures of Eli because he looked so happy in all of them, and I couldn't remember the last time I had seen him where he was truly happy. Now, he was just haunted, constantly burdened by withdrawals and the nervous ticks he had from being an addict for so long.

I didn’t like to admit that my brother was an addict; my family tried to cover it up, in fact. At previous family functions, my mom had fed lies such as “Oh, he’s stuck working late hours” and “Car troubles”, she never told the truth about him. It made a pit form in my stomach, one that ached to have my brother back. The drugs had taken him and left us with his shell.

“Aw, I miss little Eli. Where has he been?” Delaney looked up from the photo album, turning her attention to my mother in hopes of an answer. She didn’t know the truth, either. The only ones that did were me and my mother.

“I don’t know, actually. Ask Ashlynn, I’m sure she’s had contact with him recently,” my mother shrugged, a mug of coffee resting in her manicured hand.

Her words immediately made me boil over with rage, and I wanted so badly to knock the scalding coffee from her hand and into her lap as if to give her a wake up call. Her son was an addict, for god’s sake. The fact that she just assumed that I had contact with him infuriated me. Shouldn’t she talk to her son every once in a while? At least check up on him?

“No, mother, I haven’t,” I spoke through clenched teeth, my voice seething.

My aunt Heidi looked up from the photo album she had in her hands, my change of tone startling her. Delaney cocked an eyebrow in my direction, but I ignored it.

“Shouldn’t you have contact with your brother? You did while you were away,” my mom spoke as if this meant nothing, like it was some casual conversation that we had daily.

“Shouldn’t you have contact with your son?” by now, my voice held no tone aside from absolute lividity.

“Don’t raise your voice at me, Ashlynn,” my mom scolded, standing up from her chair and pointing a finger in my face.

I scoffed, pushing my chair back hard, the legs creating a screech as they slid across the tile.

“No problem, mother. I’ll be leaving now,” I announced, my voice still holding large traces of irritation.

I’m sure this had to be confusing for my aunt Heidi and Delaney, but I knew that if I stayed in this room with my mother, that I would burst and suddenly the secret that we had kept for so long would be out.

Delaney rose hesitantly from her seat, closing the photo album that she had been looking at as she did so.

“It was very nice to see you, Aunt Heidi. I’m sorry our visit was cut short, but I really need to be on my way,” I declared, turning to my aunt and enveloping her in an embrace.

“Ashlynn, there’s no need to leave right now,” my mother tried to reason, but I tuned her voice out to the best of my abilities.

I turned and mouthed a ‘sorry’ to Delaney, and she just nodded and flashed a soft smile in response.

“Well, it was nice to see you both. Love you and drive safe!” my aunt Heidi hugged me back and kissed me on the cheek, and then did the same with Delaney before we grabbed our purses and headed for the door. My mother just huffed and rolled her eyes, shaking her head and she walked into the bathroom and shut the door rather loudly behind her.

We didn’t stay any longer than we needed to, and I felt as though we had even outstayed our welcome.

Delaney and I climbed into my car in an uncomfortable silence; I knew that she wanted to say something about what had taken place, but she was refraining.

I started up my Jeep and the engine roared to life, Incubus’s Monuments and Melodies CD picking up right where it had left off when we had arrived.

We drove in silence for a few moments, and I debated on whether or not to just tell Delaney everything.

Everything about Eli, everything about work, even everything about Tony. I felt that we needed a clean start, and that this was the first step in doing so. But for some reason, I held my tongue.

In truth, I was fearful of what the outcome would be. I felt like Delaney wouldn’t understand the half of it, and that she would criticize me for the things I had done and the current issues that were taking place in my life. That was my fear of the worst.

But I knew Delaney better than that; she wasn’t someone to ever judge. Delaney was a very accepting person, and sometimes I felt like that trait got taken advantage of by those around her.

As I was about to open my mouth and start some sort of conversation to break the tension, Delaney spoke up.

“Th-there’s no ring,” she explained, looking down to the pale sliver on her ring finger, where I could tell a ring had once laid.

I nodded in response, absorbing what she had told me.

“I’ve been in contact with my brother,” I admitted with a slight shrug of my shoulders as I paid attention to the road.

Delaney nodded exactly as I had, taking in the information. With those confessions, the air seemed to get lighter, even in the slightest amount. We both knew not to pry further with each other, and I think that’s why Delaney and I got along so well; because we were so much alike. We didn’t like information to be coaxed out of us, we both just bottled things inside and tried our best to fight off our demons with the weapons we had been given ourselves. We were both stubborn to the core, and admitting to our problems posed a challenge to both of us, and it wasn’t something we were particularly fond of. We knew that in time, we would admit things to each other. We both just had to come to that time ourselves, without the push of greedy ears.

I think that during that silence, we both came to that revelation, and that’s why neither of us pressed further about either topic. I knew Delaney didn’t want to open up about her issues just yet, and I was completely and totally understanding of her weariness, because I was the exact same way.

The rest of the drive back to the apartment we shared was spent listening to Brandon Boyd’s voice, singing along, and forgetting some of the lyrics to the song and awkwardly cracking up about it.

Once we arrived at the complex, we made our way up the steps and once we had gotten through the door, we both made beelines to our bedrooms.

I flopped down face-first into my pillows, trying to absorb everything that had taken place today. My brain was overwhelmed, and it began to hurt and I just groaned.

I didn’t have any intentions of getting out of bed until I heard my phone chime from inside my purse. I then realized that earlier, when Delaney was taking a picture of my hair, Tony had texted me and I hadn’t yet gotten around to even looking at the message he had sent.

I lazily rolled out of my bed, crawling over to my desk chair to dig around in my purse to find my iPhone. Sure enough, there were two text messages from Tony. I decided against even looking at them, and went straight to dialing his number.

It rang for a few seconds, and just as I thought he wasn’t going to pick up, he answered.

“Don’t you know how to respond to text messages?” Tony laughed on the other end. Hearing his voice instantly made me smile, making me forget what happened today for a whole two seconds.

“You don’t even wanna know about the day that I had,” I groaned, rubbing my temple with my free hand in an attempt to keep it from throbbing.

“Well, if you’ve got a little while, I’m sure I could make it a little better for you,” Tony spoke, and his statement caused me to crack up.

“What, do you think you have a magical penis?” I laughed, kicking off my heels and shoving them towards the closet with my feet as I sat on the floor.

“Something like that,” he chuckled.

“It would definitely be nice to get out for a while. And some place that doesn’t involve my invasive mother at that,” I grumbled, pressing my palm to my cheek and propping my elbow up on my knee.

“She actually just left,” Tony joked and I could hear him shut a door in the background for effect.

“Ha ha ha, very funny. I’ll be over in fifteen minutes, Mr. Magical Penis,” I spoke and didn’t even wait for his response before I hung up the phone. I slipped on a random pair of flip flops and put on some perfume before grabbing my purse and car keys again and heading out of my room.

At the same time I was heading out of my room, Delaney was coming out of hers. She had changed into a pair of black spandex shorts, and a white Nike cutoff with a dark purple sports bra underneath. She had her iPhone in her armband and earbuds plugged into it, so I figured she must be going on her daily run.

“Hey, where you going?” she asked curiously, taking one earbud out so she could hear my response.

“I, uh, I was-,” I fumbled with my response because I hadn’t expected her to ask where I was going. “I’m uh, I’m going to the grocery store. I found this new recipe on Pinterest that I wanted to try out,” I quickly made up an excuse and Delaney furrowed her eyebrows for a moment before shrugging her shoulders and continuing down the hall.

“It better be good!” she called back over her shoulder as she walked out of the front door.

I had almost gotten caught so many times today, it was starting to get ridiculous.

“You coming out or what?” I heard her call from the hallway of the apartment, and it was only then did I realize she had left the front door open for me. Smooth.

I walked out of the front door, locking the bottom lock after me and shutting it. After I had done that and started making my way down the steps, Delaney was already heading towards the street, jogging and bobbing her head to the beat of the song she was listening to.

I watched her jog away, hoping that she wouldn’t start catching on to my secrets too soon.

Notes

Ashlynn's outfit
Delaney's outfit

Hello loves! I'm sorry that I haven't posted my chapter for a while, I've been fairly distracted lately with work and school! I hope you guys enjoy this and don't be afraid to tell what you think!

Vote, comment, subscribe, the whole shabang! You know the drill.

Another chapter to be posted next week sometime (:

xoxo
-Jolee