Rise & Rise Again

After two hours of sitting in the tree between our yards, I finally decided to go inside and go to sleep. Now when I say sleep, I mean sitting on my bed and peeking out the window every few minutes to see if Victoria's bedroom light had gone off yet. It stayed on until around three, but was only replaced by the soft glow of the TV. She couldn't sleep with the TV on.
When I woke up the next morning and I checked my sidekick that lay on the small table, I had three messages from Victoria. Before I had the opportunity to open them, someone was pounding on my bedroom door.

"I'm up! I'm up!" I yelled in response to what I thought was my mom making sure I was awake on time to go to school. The doorknob opened and in she walked.

"Get up, brush your teeth and get dressed. You're driving us to school in my car, Vic needs yours to go to work his won't start." By the end of her sentence she was back out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Letting out a groan, I rolled out of bed and my feet landed on the floor beneath me. It's not that I didn't want to be around her, but it IS very difficult to be around her when she's angry with me. She's cold, silent, and has no desire to communicate any more than she has to. It's unbearable. I pushed my thoughts out of my mind while I grabbed a pair of sweats and a t shirt and changed before walking to the bathroom. Toothbrush, water, toothpaste, water, brush, spit, rinse. Once my toothbrush was back in the mug next to the sink, I stared at myself in the mirror and tugged the edges of my beanie down a little. Sighing, my hand covered the doorknob and turned it, letting myself out of the bathroom. I started down the stairs a little faster than I should have apparently because by the time I got to the fourth step, my sock slipped down the front of it and rode my ass down every step after until I got to the bottom. I walked through the living room to grab a banana to eat on the way and then back towards the front door, looping my key ring with Victoria's spare onto my finger as I passed the table by the front door.

"Let's go, little" I said as I walked out the front door.

Vic yelled something from the couch about not falling down another flight of steps and I stuck my middle finger up at the last second. I heard the storm door closing behind me as I unlocked Victoria's car, signalling that she was trailing behind me slowly. My left foot pushed down on the clutch as I turned the key in the ignition, Victoria climbing into the passenger seat as I did so. My right hand went behind her head rest while I turned to back out of her driveway. My foot went down again as I shifted into first gear and listened to her fumble with the CD's in her lap before putting one in the player, and turning the volume up so I wouldn't talk to her. I pushed the buttons on the steering wheel to lower the volume a little bit and she glanced over at me with a flash of anger in her eyes.

"Why did you turn it down? I like that song," She said referring to And Love Said No by HIM.

"Listen to me for a second, I'm sorry I was late last night, I should've, I should've been there on time and I should NOT have asked you to heat up leftovers for me after that."

"I don't care"

"Well obviously you do, you've been basically ignoring me all night and all morning," my eyes rolled as I pulled into the parking lot and parked in the first spot I could find.

"You're not my boyfriend. It really does not matter." Victoria seethed while starting to gather the things she had on the floor by her feet.

"Oh really? I bet this whole thing is just an excuse to get rid of me so you can start fucking dating Tone," I laughed bitterly, letting my anger getting the best of me. Her hand fumbled with the door handle for a second before she got it open and stepped out.

"Fuck OFF!" She screamed after ducking her head down to make eye contact with me. She slammed the car door shut and started walking across the field towards the front doors. I sighed and shook my head at my own words before getting out and jogging after her.

"Stop doing this , please. Can we just talk? Is me smoking weed seriously the problem?" I mumbled to her quietly, still at a slight jog to keep up with her.

"Maybe if you weren't high ALL the time it wouldn't BE a problem!" She was getting loud now, and people had started to stare.

"Can we not do this in front of the entire fucking school?"

"What's wrong Mike? Don't want the entire school to know how much of an asshole you are? How you showed up to dinner with my grandparents high out of your fucking mind? Not to mention almost two hours late."

"I don't see why it matters, we're not even together, right?" The words felt like poison as they passed over my tongue. She stopped walking and turned to look at me, I could see tears the tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. She had said it to me in the car but, this was in front of probably one hundred people that we had to see every day until graduation. "Oh god Victoria I didn't mean that!" I desperately tried to backtrack and reached for her, trying to give her a kiss.

"Get the fuck off of me," she spat, "I fucking hate you, Michael. Don't ever talk to me again."

She ripped her arms from my hands, spun on her heels, and started heading towards the building again. I stood where I was until a little after the bell rang, making myself late. As I navigated through the day, I felt worse and worse. We had at least five classes together and sat next to each other in most of them.

On my way to my fifth period class, which we did not share, I saw her talking to Casey by her locker, flailing her little arms around angrily, probably explaining what was going on because I hadn't spoken to anyone since this morning. Casey's nosey so I'm sure he asked what my problem. I made it to my own locker and put my books away, I had Algebra this period, but truly just planned on sleeping the entire time because the teacher has been so sick of my shit since she failed me my freshmen year and preferred I 'didn't interrupt the rest of the class'. I continued down the hall and made the right towards the classroom. My seat sat empty in the back corner of the room, which is where I headed. I sat and pulled my head atop laying it on my arms, falling asleep until the bell signaled lunch.

When I walked out of the classroom again Casey was leaning against the lockers adjacent to the door, waiting for me. The look on his face was clear, he wanted to talk about whatever Victoria had told him.

"You wanna eat here or go out?" Casey asked as he followed me to my locker.

"We might as well stay here, if we go out and don't take Vicky with us she'll get mad regardless of the fact that she doesn't want to be around me," A chuckle rose from my throat and he nodded in agreeance with a smile on his face.

"Alright so-"

"I'm assuming you already got the inside scoop," I said as I pushed the cafeteria doors open and made my way through the small crowds that had already began to form. I felt Marilese's eyes following me as I walked, but paid her no mind.

"Well yeah dude, You literally live next door why wouldn't you just show up on time and smoke after you left? You know she wouldn't have cared, she probably would've wanted to go for a drive anyway. You know how she gets after interacting with family for too long."

I listen to Casey as we walked through the food line, grabbing pizza sticks, fries, and a chocolate pudding as I went. He was right, but that's not what I did. I was selfish in that moment and I can't do much about it now.

"I know, I can't do anything about it now, I just have to wait until she calms down or she's just never going to talk to me again like she said. I handed the lunch lady my money and waited for Casey to pay for his food as well before we started walking towards an empty table near the window lined wall. As we sat down I saw a head full of red hair smacking itself on one of the tables outside. I knew that hair color too well. "Oh what the fuck is she doing," I sighed and hung my head in my hands.

"Tone went out there and stopped her," Casey said, obviously still watching.

"Well that's just fucking great," I groaned and peeked between my fingers to stare at the interaction. The two of them sat and talked, while I watched, not being able to hear a word they were saying. Eventually I stopped watching and poked around at my food, wishing I was the one that went out there. As the end of the lunch period drew near, she stood and started walking towards the building again, but stopped and called his name. The two of them ran to each other and kissed while she cried a little bit. "Even fucking better."

The bell rang for the next period, Casey and I got up from our seats and threw out our garbage before returning our trays to where they belonged. This next period I shared with Victoria, sitting right next to her on top of it.

"Good luck dude, don't be completely nasty because you saw them kiss. Deep breaths man, and remember, you still have to be neighbors," he laughed as he said the last part and I flipped my middle finger up at him in response than walked in the opposite direction. When I got to our English class, she was nowhere to be found which was probably better off anyway. I made my way to my seat and took it, thankfully someone was already in hers. Fifteen minutes passed before she slowly opened the door and crept into the room.

"Welcome to class Miss. Giorianni, where were you?" The teacher said as she shuffled across the room and into the only seat left.

"I had an issue at home I had to take care of at home. I lost track of time, I'm sorry," she responded sheepishly before the teacher continued what she was saying.

Victoria's eyes were pink and puffy from crying and she was spaced out for the rest of the period, very clearly in her own head, having a conversation between herself and her conscience. When the bell rang she looked over to me quickly and back away as she collected her things. I got up and left the room as fast as I could, not wanting to talk to her after what I saw at lunch.

"Hey," she said awkwardly as she caught up to me.

"So is forever like five hours now or what? How does that work?" I responded flatly.

"I don't wanna fight right now" she mumbled and reached for my hand. I stopped in my tracks and looked down at her puffy little face.

"Me either" I sighed, giving into the sad look that was painted across her face.

"Can we talk on the way home?" She pleaded, as if I would ever have said no.

"No we can never talk," I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Of course you goof, what time does Dany come in tomorrow?"

"Five, you still wanna come with me to pick him up?" she questioned as we got closer to our class.

"Mhmm"

"Okay but you have to leave when we get home because I need time with that loser before you guys get to pry into my New Jersey life," she chuckled, but was clearly being serious.

We walked into the classroom and took our seats in the back of the room. All we did was sleep in this class, I had no idea how we were even passing at all. I scooted my desk over to hers so they were side by side and laid my arm across both desks, resting my head on top of it. She placed her arm curled up over mine and laid her head down too. The next thing I knew, the bell to end the day had gone off and I had to shake Victoria to wake her up.

"No I don't wanna," she grumbled.

"Let's go short stack we've got things to do today" I laughed as I spoke, out of amusement and anxiety for the car ride to come.

"Like what?" she said as she stretched her little body out.

"Like not being here hellooooooo" I waved my hands around the classroom as I spoke, earning a laugh from the teacher in the process. " And I have band practice so you get to see me destroy on the drums today."

"I'm not ready for all that noise, I just woke up," she groaned and leaned against the wall of lockers as I opened my own.

"Noise?" I laughed as I put all my books in my locker. "You mean beautiful music! No but seriously we just finished a song you have to hear it."

"Okay okay, right now?" her eyebrows went up as she pulled a cigarette out of her pack and walked out the front doors.

"Yep right here right now," I laughed and plopped myself down in the middle of the field we were walking through and started drumming my hands against my thighs.

"Mike c'mon! I need to talk to you, " her hand gripped my own and she started to try and pull me up off of the grass, the cigarette hanging from her lips. She was really struggling and barely had my butt off the ground. "Mike!"

"If you can get me up I'll go," I pouted and crossed my arms over my chest.

"But I can't! You're like a full foot taller then me! If I even got you off the ground I wouldn't be able to get you ALL the way up," she complained.

"Alright you big baby whiner," I smirked and pushed myself off the ground. Her face flashed a brilliant smile across it and she skipped the rest of the way to her car, her wavy hair bouncing around her. I watched as she did so, taking her in completely, entranced by her movements. "You driving?"

"Yup! Keys please!" she responded from the drivers side of the car.

I tossed my set over the roof of the car, which she caught and hit the unlock button in one swift motion. I ducked down into the passenger seat after moving the seat back while she moved hers forward. Her pink manicured nails reached for the lighter in her cup holder, then moved it to her mouth after flicking it twice. I took it from her as she went to return it to its spot and lit my own cigarette after her. A trail of smoke left her mouth and headed straight for my face, making me scrunch my face up.

"You said you wanted to talk, goober. We're almost home," I laughed when she stopped at a light a few blocks from our houses.

"Yeah," she mumbled.

"So?..."

"I talked to Tony at lunch today."

"Great, how'd that go," I rolled my eyes, remembering how I saw them kiss at lunch.

"Don't give me an attitude or I'll punch you in the side of the head, Mikey" she responded. She took another drag of her cigarette and peeked over at me with a smile on her face.

"What did you and Tortuga talk about?" My eyes rolled in their sockets again and I flicked my cigarette out the window.

"Well, I was outside by myself freaking out about what happened this morning," she started
"Then it got to the point where I was just thinking about everything, I didn't know what to do about the whole situation with you and Tony, so I just started banging my forehead on the table. Then Tony comes out of no where and put his hand under my head, stopping me. And I just started pouring everything out to him, he told me to go find you, and fix what happened this morning. He said I wouldn't be able to live without you. Then it hit me Mikey, I realized how much I need you. You're the only person I want, everything about you if amazing to me. I told Tony that too, he just said he knew the whole time. He told me to go find you again, to tell you too. I ended things with Tony."

I sat quietly for a few seconds, then opened my car door and got out. I made my way around the front of the car with a smile plastered across my face. I saw her put her head against the steering wheel and her shoulders started to move like she was crying. My smile was gone in an instant and I yanked her door open, pulling her out of the car immediately after.

"Baby why are you crying?!" I said as I leaned her against the car and cupped her face in my hands.

"You didn't say anything," she sniffled "You don't want me. I don't blame you of course, I'm fat and ugly. I've got this horrible panic disorder that I can't even deal with. I look like a slob all the time in yoga pants and t shirts. I'm a huge nerd, all I want to do is watch Star Wars and read Harry Potter. There's nothing good about me. You'll just want someone like Marilese again. I'm not worth it Mikey."

"Stop that," I smiled and shook my head before placing my lips over hers. " You are not fat. You've got a wonderful body, just because you're not a twig does not make you fat. You are fucking gorgeous, do you understand me? A bottle of water, a piece of fruit, and someone to hold you is all you need to control your anxiety, and I don't mind giving you any of those things. I'm glad I'm the one who can calm you down. You are a nerd, yes, but I love that about you. I love how you can watch all of the Star Wars movies in a row and never get tired of them. I love how you get so into Harry Potter, because you know what? I do too. Everything about you is absolutely perfect Victoria and I don't want to hear you say those things ever again, okay?" I could see in her eyes that she understood, but she was losing control of her anxiety.

"Mikey-" she tried to choke out a sentence asking for help, but was cut off by a sob.

"Stop it," my voice was soft as I tried to calm her down and I pressed my lips against hers. I felt her breath hitching in her throat behind her lips.

"Mikey I need- I can't breathe- I have to-"

"Okay baby, it's okay," I breathed to her while I swept her legs up in my arms and carried her towards her house. I balanced her against the railing and used her keys to unlock the door, carrying her inside and through the living room to the kitchen. Her tears soaked the shoulder of my shirt before I placed her on the counter gently.

"Mikey," Victoria cried when I let her go, breaking my heart at the same time.
I hated seeing her lose control of herself like this, there was really nothing she could do about it. I swung the fridge door open and searched for something to give her. My left hand reached for a bottle of water while the right slid open the fruit drawer and grabbed at a grapefruit. When I got back to her side of the kitchen I took the cap off of the water and placed it in her hands.

"I'm coming babe I'm trying," My own hands took on the task of peeling the grapefruit over the garbage can, keeping my eyes on her as I did so. I chuckled internally at the thought of her eating the piece of fruit like an orange, and put it on the counter beside her before wrapping my arms around her waist, watching her once again. Her breathing slowed as she ate and her body relaxed into my arms. "Better bubby?"

"Yes," she squeaked and nuzzled her face into my shoulder. "Mikey?"

"Yes baby," I smiled at the sound of her saying my name and kissed the side of her head softly.

"Thank you," she sighed.

"Anything for you," I smiled and moved my palms to her cheeks before leaning forwards and placing a kiss on her lips. My feet stepped to the side so she could hop down off the counter and steady herself.

"Where's practice?"

"Home, we've got everything set up in the garage, my dad made us a little studio kind of thing. Are you okay to go over there?"

"I think so, just give me a few minutes to change, okay?"

"No problem babes," Victoria headed upstairs and I made my way to the front door to wait for her, checking my MySpace on my sidekick as I waited. She came bouncing down the stairs a few minutes later, her hair down and sweats replaced with a pair of shorts, wearing a pair of red Vans on her feet. "Are you just gonna keep that shirt?" I laughed, weaving our fingers together as we walked out the front door and across our front lawns.

"Are you just gonna keep my Atreyu shirt?" she fired back. I could hear the smirk in her voice.

"Yep," I popped the 'p' as I turned the corner on the other side of my house and walked toward the garage.

"Then yes, I am keeping your Pantera shirt."

"Poophead," I mumbled quietly while I opened the side door of the small building.

"Buttface," Victoria retorted.

"FINALLY!" my brother yelled over everything when he saw us enter hand in hand.

"THAT!" Jaime screamed, pointing at us. "What is that?!"

"Love," I smiled and leaned down to place a kiss on the lips of the girl beside me.

Victoria made her way to the couch that was against the far wall of the garage while I took my seat behind the drum set, tapping my sticks on the rim of the snare. Vic started singing first, then the rest of us joined him. I saw my girls head shoot up at the sound of his voice, keeping her attention through the whole song, her smile getting wider and wider. I would never get enough of that smile, as long as I'm the one who puts it there.

Notes

don't fuckin drag me for updating six years later lmaoooo