I rolled over in bed. Just that hurt. Everything hurt. My head was too fuzzy for me to even think. My eyes didn't want to open and an involuntary groan escaped my lips. What did I do last night? I have no idea. I can't be doing this. It's England all over again. Thank fuck Dad's not here.
I managed to open my eyes - with great difficulty. I saw Kyle sitting in an armchair on the opposite side of my room. He watched me as I wrapped the sheet around me and sat up. "What are you still doing here?" I asked bluntly.
"I didn't know if you wanted me here,"
"You should go,"
"Okay," Kyle nodded. "Thanks for last night, Effy,,"
"Don't tell anyone," I warned.
"Your secret is safe," he nodded. Kyle went to the window, pushed it open and slowly disappeared from view.
Shit. Why did I do that? I don't like Kyle, that's obvious. He's fine. But Matt is so much better. Matt is mine and he gets me. He knows what to say and what to do. He even has the same dreams as me. He wants to make music. We're going to find a bass player and a drummer and make it big.
Not if I fuck up though. If Matt found out he'd be so pissed. As for Dad, if he found out I'd be in so much trouble. It's all going wrong since I went back to school. I think it's because Dad isn't here. I need him. I'm back into the drink and the drugs and the sex again. I'm not going to classes. I'm getting kicked out of classes. It's a downward spiral and it's all my fault.
Who do I call? I can't tell my grandparents. Or Dad, he'd probably get a plane back and I can't do that to the fans. Paris I will tell, just not now. I know she'll be blaming herself. Matt? Of course not. And I don't feel comfortable telling Jaime or Tony about my sex life. That only leaves one person. The right person.
I phoned Mike and waited for him to pick up. It was ringing a while until I heard shuffling. "Do you know what time it is?" Mike groaned.
"I need to talk to you," I told him.
"This early?" he grumbled.
"Yes," I rolled my eyes.
"Ugh, what's up then, kid?"
"I did something bad," I sighed.
"Like what?"
"Just something,"
"Want to tell me?"
"Promise you won't tell Dad,"
"I can't promise,"
"Why not?"
"Because if you tell me you've killed someone he deserves to know. . . You haven't killed anyone, have you?"
"No," I confirmed.
"Are you sure?" he teased.
"Shut up," I smiled. "So say there's a girl. Let's call her Lindsay Lohan,"
"Are we talking Lohan in the Disney stage? Or when she's having one of her breakdowns?"
"She's not in a breakdown. But she's not feeling too good,"
"Okay, what's Lohan done?"
"She went out last night," I explained.
"That makes sense. Lohan does like a good night out,"
"Yeah, that's he problem,"
"You haven't done coke have you, Ef'?" he sighed tiredly.
"No!" I exclaimed. "God, Mike,"
"Sorry. You've done weed, ecstasy," he said. "Is that it? Did you take an E again?"
"No,"
"Acid?"
"Stop guessing," I scolded.
"You'd never do acid,"
"Um . . . No," I replied.
"You have? When?!" he demanded.
"I don't want you talk about it," I mumbled.
"Okay, we'll talk about your trips when I get back," Mike said easily.
"I got drunk," I finally said.
"How drunk?"
"Not that drunk I don't think. I do have a hangover though,"
"What was your poison?"
"I don't remember," I admitted.
"It's okay. Everyone gets drunk. You don't need to feel bad about it, Effy. I'm not mad," Mike explained gently.
"That isn't why I feel bad,"
"Why then?"
"Lindsay Lohan hooked up,"
"Who with?" Mike rushed.
"I don't know, you'll have to read one of the gossip magazines,"
"Cut the shit, kid. Who'd you hook up with?"
"You know Matt?" I asked.
"The one who plays guitar? He's a good kid,"
"Yeah, well not him,"
"Oh," Mike muttered.
"One of his best friends, Kyle,"
"One of your best friends?" Mike asked seriously.
"Yeah," I sighed.
"Fucking hell," Mike muttered. "Why?"
"I don't know. It felt right at the time,"
"And now?"
"I feel awful," I admitted.
"Are you going to tell anyone?"
"Maybe Paris. Not yet though,"
"Did you. . ." he trailed away.
"What?"
"Did you use a condom?"
"Oh, I don't remember," shit, I don't remember.
"Are you on the pill or anything?"
"No," I shook my head, even though he couldn't see me.
"I think you should do a test," he said calmly.
"Shit. Shit. Shit," I hissed.
"Calm down," he soothed.
"I don't even have the money to! I'm so dead. Mike help me," I was breathing rapidly now.
"Close your eyes," he ordered.
"What?" I gasped.
"Listen to me and close your eyes," he demanded. "Today you're going to tell Paris that you hooked up and might be pregnant. You'll go to my place and take some money from my room. Then you'll buy and test and do it at my place. She'll be there to help you. Then you're going to phone me and tell me what it said. If it's negative it's okay and you just need to make sure you take care and it doesn't happen again. If you are pregnant we'll figure something out," Mike explained.
"Okay," I agreed.
"But now I want you to calm down,"
"I can't," I muttered.
"Sing the first two verses of the last song you listened to," he urged.
"Oasis?"
"If that's who it was by,"
"Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you," I sang into the phone.
"By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
"Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now," I finished. I felt better now.
"Whenever you feel sad sing that. It's your song now,"
"Alright," I agreed. "I'm ready," I told him.
"Phone me later,"
"I will," I promised.
"I love you, kid,"
"I love you too," I smiled. I hung up and put my phone down. Well shit.

Notes

Hey! Did you worry about me? I haven't been lost or kidnapped or diagnosed with a life threatening illness. Just really shitty. When I have a M.O.B (Moment of Badness) I've been writing lyrics. That's why I haven't updated. I haven't had anything to update. But I'm back hopefully!

What did you think? Do you think Effy is pregnant? What will she do? What will everyone else do? Lyrics by the ever talented Oasis! :)