Today Vic was meeting me at the cemetery. He has to meet his manager to discuss business, whatever that means. But I've been dealing with a dilemma for going on an hour now. What do I wear? I can't turn up to visit my baby's great grandma's grave dressed like a call girl. Not that I could pull it off anymore.
But do I wear black? Do I wear dark colours? Or do I just wear day to day clothes?
After a while I decided to black. It's respectful and shows how much I care about Vic. I left Vic's house and got into a cab that I ordered.
My phone started ringing as I drove. I got it out and saw Vic's name. "Hello?" I asked.
"Hey, where are you?" Vic asked.
"On my way. I'm in a cab,"
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I'm just down the street now," I explained.
"I'm at the gates," he told me.
"Okay, bye," I said. I hung up and saw we were on the street now. I handed the driver some bills and got out.
My heels clicked as I walked to the gates. I could see Vic facing away from me. Oh God. He was wearing black skinny jeans (the better to show off your ass, my dear), a red t-shirt and a pair of Vans. I think I made the wrong decision, clothes wise. I walked up behind him and Vic turned around.
"What the hell are you wearing?" he widened his eyes.
"I wanted to be respectful," I said awkwardly.
"Thank you," he said, a smile on his lips.
We went through the gates. Vic led me through graves to the back of the cemetery. We stopped in front of a stone and I looked down. I could hear Vic's breath hitch in his throat. He grabbed my hand and I squeezed his to try and comfort him. He was looking down art the ground.
"Do you need a minute?" I asked.
"No," he shook his head violently. "Don't leave me,"
"Are you sure you're not going to cry? I don't know how to deal with crying people,"
"Guys don't cry," he reminded me.
"I cry,"
"You're not a guy,"
"How do you know?" I narrowed my eyes.
"If you're a guy where did I shove my dick?"
"The first time or the second?"
"Third," he relied easily.
"There hadn't been a third," I frowned.
"Not yet," he reasoned.
"Stop. Be respectful," I warned and hit his arm. Vic rolled his eyes and looked at the floor again.
We stood there for a while before Vic finally looked back up again. "Let's get out of here, Zee," he told me. Vic pulled me along with him. He took me back to the gates. I looked at him and frowned. He looked so sad now. I just want to make him better. We got in Vic's car and Vic rested his head against the steering wheel tiredly.
Then I remembered. I still have my scan picture in my bag. That should make him happy . . . Hopefully. "Vic," I said.
"Hmm?"
"Here," I said and passed him the picture. He took it from me and held it gently in his hands.
"Is this from your scan?" he asked quietly. I nodded and Vic tilted his head to look at it. "It's beautiful," he smiled warmly. "I mean I can't see anything, but still," he added.
"I couldn't either," I agreed. "Keep it," I told him.
"Really?" he asked brightly.
"Yeah," I nodded. Vic kept looking at the picture and smiling like an idiot.
"Zee, let's keep it," he told me.
"What?" I frowned.
"The baby. Let's keep it," Vic said just as I had to lean out of the window and throw up on the sidewalk.

I'm lying in bed wide awake at three am. I've been thinking about what happened today. It can't be a good thing when the father to your child says he would like to keep baby for you throw up. It didn't help that some of my vomit was on his window. I cleaned it up though.
I just don't know what to do. I would make a terrible mother. I don't have a real career. Being a model isn't stable. I haven't even worked out what I'll do when I'm old and wrinkled. And I'll have to hold them when they're crying, and change their diapers, and feed them and love them. I don't know if I'm capable of that honestly. Can't someone just decide for me?
Plus, what Steph said is all wrong. Vic doesn't love me. If he did he'd just tell me. It can't be that difficult. If you love someone you just tell them.
"You're so lucky," I grumbled to the baby. "Why can't we trade places? You're all warm and protected. I'm out here with the drama," I sighed. "Your grandma and pa are getting divorced. You don't even want to meet your pa's bitch. Then there's Katelynne - she has more personalities than a schizophrenic actor. Kellin is okay, he doesn't know about your grandma's drink problem though.
"I haven't even started on your dad's family. See we're not actually together. I don't know if I like him. Probably a little bit or a lot. And there's Uncle Mike. He's about as sensible as weed. Which he smokes a lot of.
"Then there's the fans. They're all giving me hate and they don't even know Vic is the dad. Can't I join you in there?" I sighed. I held my little bump gently. "I can't give you away. You're mine," I said sadly.
I got up from bed and made my way out into the corridor. I walked across the hall and into Vic's room. He was snoring quietly. I went to his bed and leant down so I could watch him. He looked so cross when he's sleeping. His face was frowning at me. I don't remember him being like this when I snuck out that night. Perhaps it was because he'd just got laid though.
"Vic?" I whispered. He just snuggled closer to his pillow. "Vic," I said louder now. I poked him in the shoulder and started nudging him. He started stirring and his eyes opened. He looked confused to see me.
"Zee?" he asked sleepily. "Why are you in my room? Are you okay?"
"I can't sleep and I'm bored," I admitted.
"Come here," he urged. He opened his blankets for me and shuffled over. I went to his bed and lay down next to him. I pulled the blankets up to my chin and snuggled into the pillow.
"Vic?" I asked.
"Yeah?" he mumbled, half asleep. Vic took my hand under the covers. I didn't let go though. I kind of like holding his hand.
"I think we should keep the baby too," I told him. Vic smiled sleepily and used his free arm to wrap around my waist and pull me closer to him.
"Are you sure?" Vic asked quietly, his eyes already closed.
"Yeah," I nodded.
"Let's keep them then," he agreed. "Go to sleep, Zee," he told me.
"Goodnight Vic," I said.
"Goodnight Zee," he finally said and I closed my eyes.

Notes

Hey! What did you think? They're keeping the baby! Who's happy? :)