Break the Barricade

I woke up to find the blanket had rolled off of me. It was entirely covering Vic who was clinging onto it. I ruffled my hair and went to search for my clothes. I could only find my underwear and Vic's shirt from last night. I slipped it on and smiled down at Vic. I crawled over to him and went to kiss him. But he'd rolled over. The blankets were all tangled now. I pulled it back to straighten it for him and gasped. All up and down each of his beautiful arms were healing cuts. They looked so angry and dangerous.
I sat back and sighed. All of those horrible phone calls. All of those times I wanted to touch him and see him and he wouldn't let me. That's what he was hiding. How obvious was he trying to make it? What happened? The second I left he thought oh I don't have to try anymore. He couldn't even stop for me. Why did I try to keep calm and control myself when the first chance he got he cut. Would he even care if I cut? At least we wouldn't be even then.
I threw the blanket over Vic and got down from his bunk. I saw Jaime, Mike and Tony all in the front lounge. I walked in with my arms folded angrily across my chest, not caring I was hardly wearing anything and all my scars were showing.
"Did you know?!" I demanded of them.
"Thea, go get some clothes on." Jaime rushed and went to stand in front of me.
"No! Vic - did you know?" I spat.
"Thea." Jaime sighed.
"Well?"
"I-" he tried but go on.
"Vic, he-" Tony went.
"He what? He gave up the second I was gone? So it was my fault."
"No, no of course not." Tony said gently.
"Everyone knows." Mike said quietly.
"What?"
"Sleeping with Sirens. All Time Low. They know. We all walked in on it." Mike muttered.
"Did no one think to tell me?" I asked, my voice between high and hysterical. "Don't I matter to any of you? I know let's all keep it from Thea me see how long it takes before she figures it out." I mocked.
"It wasn't like that, I promise." Jaime said.
"What's going on?" Vic asked sleepily. I turned around and shook my head. He'd taken time to put on a long sleeved shirt and jeans.
"Nice of you to join this perfectly light and happy conversation," I said flatly. "I don't know why you're covering your arms though, they'll heal quicker in the open air." I spat.
"How?" Vic started to panic.
"I woke up next to you, how do you think?" I sneered. "I can't believe you, any of you."
"I never meant-"
"To hurt me? Too late," I shook my head. "I... Was it my fault?" I asked him.
"No, it was me." Vic rushed.
"Isn't that something that all cutters say? So it was just a coincidence that you cut when I left?"
"I- I don't know." Vic sighed.
"I can't believe you, I really can't." I hissed angrily. I backed away and started walking around the front lounge in circles. Jaime grabbed my arm and I glared at him. "Let me go." I said through gritted teeth.
"No, you need to calm down." he warned.
"I said let me go." I repeated, even angrier. Jaime looked down into my eyes and I felt his fingers leave me.
I looked back to Vic and saw him with Mike and muttering. He looked so sad and close to tears. But I didn't care. Why should I? "Fuck!" I screamed. I cleared the table of papers and cans and sent them flying to the floor. Then I grabbed a bottle of beer and threw it across the bus until it smashed on the opposite wall.
My legs gave out and I fell into a heap on the floor. I covered my face with my hands and let out a sob. I sat there and cried for a moment until I felt arms around me. I looked and saw it was Vic who was holding me. I pushed him away and stood.
"Don't fucking touch me," I spat. "If you can't trust me to tell me about your relapse when every single person on this tour already knows then I can't trust you to hold me."
"Thea." Vic tried desperately.
"I don't even care that you cut yourself." I said. "The thing that hurts me is that you didn't trust me enough to tell me. You lied to me. Why did you lie to me?"
"You were sick. I didn't want to make you worse."
"I was sick?" I mocked. "What do you think you are, Vic?"
"Thea."
"No, you need to take a good hard long look in the mirror and think about why you lied to me. It wasn't for me. It wasn't to protect me. You selfishly did it to benefit yourself, this is what it's all about. You wanted to make sure you were clean, but it's just a shame your skin wasn't." I rushed.
"It wasn't for myself!" Vic yelled to me.
"I really wish I believed you." I shook my head.
"Then tell me what I can do to make you believe me!" he said desperately.
"There's nothing," I shrugged. "Think about what you should have with your girlfriend. If you can sleep with me but not tell me the truth we have a real problem." I sighed.
"I'll tell you everything, I will!"
"I don't want to hear it," I looked down. My fists clenched and I breathed hard through my nose. Everyone in the room was looking between us, but it was like it was only us two. "I think we should break up." I finally got the courage to say. Then before my eyes I watched Vic break. It was to painful when I loved him so much. I couldn't watch, it was wrong and brought tears to my eyes. So I did what Vic usually does best, I ran right out of the bus and away from the hurt.

Notes

Hey everyone! Wow, it's been ages. What did you all think? Simone and I were planning the entire story the other night - and it is good. Loads of drama and love and all of the good stuff. Thank you to everyone who wrote such lovely things and words of encouragement to me. I love you all and I promise whatever you're going through you can get through this. Stay strong and root for us!

- Kelci