Break the Barricade

I felt a lot better the next day. After that talk with Mike, it felt like a lot of weight was lifted off my shoulders. Right now we were all hanging in the dressing room. We would have a show later tonight, but it would still take a few hours before sound check.
After the about fifteenth concerned look I got from one of the guys I got sick of it. They hadn’t brought it all up and I was thankful for that, but I hated to see the hurt and pain on their faces. Besides, I needed some time for myself so I could think everything over. And I needed coffee.
“I’m gonna go out,” I said, as I walked towards the door.
“Where are you going?” Mike asked. It annoyed me a little. Usually they didn’t make me tell them where I was all the time. But I guess Mike had all reason to be concerned right now.
“I’m just gonna get some coffee,” I replied, trying to hide my annoyance.
Jaime raised his eyebrows. “Alone? Should I got with you?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No thanks, I sort of want to think right now. I’ll be back soon okay?”
They nodded and I walked out. I walked towards the back of the venue, so I could avoid the mob of fans that were certainly waiting outside by now. I had to walk past the All Time Low and the Sleeping with Sirens dressing room in order to leave the venue. I still hadn’t seen or spoken to any of these guys last night and I wasn’t looking forward to that either. I knew I couldn’t avoid them forever, but that didn’t mean I wanted to face them right now.
I kept my face directed at the floor while I walked past their dressing rooms as fast as I could. The hallway was empty and I walked past without running into anyone. I sighed, releasing a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
“Vic!” I suddenly heard from behind me. Footsteps were closing in on me and I turned around. Alex was running towards me. I sighed again, this time because I had assumed I was safe too early. I closed my eyes and breathed in slowly. When I looked back up Alex was right in front of me.
He smiled awkwardly at me. “Where are you going?” he asked. What was up with everyone wanting to know I was going today?
“Getting coffee,” I told him shortly.
“Can I join you?” he asked straight away. “I uhm- I just wanted to go get coffee too.”
I thought for a second. I really wanted to go alone, but I couldn’t really refuse it and Alex would know I was avoiding him. So I shrugged and then nodded.
We were nearly out of the venue when I heard my name again. Great. I should’ve stayed in the dressing room with the guys. At least there I couldn’t run into the rest of the world.
“Hey Jack,” I mumbled to my friend that was now standing in front of me.
“Erm,” Jack murmured. “Can I just talk to you for a sec?” he asked quickly.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “Sure.”
He run his fingers through his hair and he looked at me nervously. Alex rolled his eyes.
“Just say what you want to say, Jack,” he encouraged. Of course Alex already knew what Jack wanted to say to me. They had been talking about me. It was nothing I didn’t know yet, but I still didn’t like the thought.
“Yeah okay,” he nodded quickly. “Vic, I’m sorry okay? For what I said earlier that night when I was drunk. I should’ve known better. I didn’t know. I just didn’t know. But I’m really sorry,” he rambled.
“It’s fine,” I simply said. I already forgave him for that ages ago.
He nodded. “And ehm-,” he started. “If you want to talk to me you can okay? I’m here. I hope everything will be better for you soon.”
“I know,” I nodded. “I’ll be fine.”
“Alright then,” Jack mumbled awkwardly. He walked back towards the All Time Low dressing room and Alex and I left the venue. We didn’t run into anyone else on our way out.
Our walk to the coffee shop was silent. The awkward kind of silent. I knew Alex wanted to have a serious conversation with me, but he didn’t know how to bring it up. And I definitely wasn’t going to bring it up either. So every once in a while Alex looked at me like he was about to say something, but then he didn’t.
Even after we both had our coffee and we were sitting at a table opposite of each other we still hadn’t said a word. I saw Alex glance at my arms, as if he could see through the fabric of my shirt. I nervously played with my sleeve.
“Stop that,” Alex muttered.
I rolled my eyes and let go of my sleeve.
“I guess you don’t want to talk about it-,” Alex started.
“That’s right,” I mumbled before he could finish his sentence.
“-but I just want to make sure you’re okay. Are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine I guess,” I shrugged.
Alex looked at me intently for a while. “Listen,” he then started. “I won’t tell you I understand, because honestly I don’t, but I won’t judge you either. I just want you to be okay. You’re one of my best friends. I care about you.”
“Thanks,” I said softly.
“Please try to stop though,” he pleaded. “I’ll be there for you, just like everyone else. If you need to talk all you have to do is ask. But please just try to stop.”
“I’ll try,” I promised. I would try. I just didn’t know if I would succeed.

I rolled over in my bunk and took my phone out of my pocket. I had just been relaxing, but now my phone was ringing. I sighed when I saw that it was Thea calling. Everyone had pretty much left me alone since I went to get coffee with Alex and I sort of liked it that way. I liked to hear Thea’s voice again, but I was also afraid to face her. Even if it was just through the phone. I had no choice but to pick up though.
"Hey," I said, while nervously biting my lip.
"Hi, Vic. It's Thea." She replied. It was great to hear her voice again. "How are you?"
"I'm fine," I said quickly. "How are you?"
"I'm okay. I can't wait to see you again. I'm sick of this place. Less than one week left though." she said. Less than a week. And I would have to see her face to face again. Don’t get me wrong, I would love that, but I was just scared.
"I miss you too," I just sighed.
"What's been happening there? Any tour stories?" she asked. Yeah, I had some tour stories. It just weren’t stories I wanted to tell her right now.
"Um no..." I mumbled.
"There must be something," she insisted.
"Nothing. Just on the bus, then soundcheck, then playing shows," I lied.
"Well, what did you do on your day off the other day?" she asked. Shit. I expected that question, but I just really didn’t want to reply to it.
"The guys all went out," I then told her. That wasn’t even a lie.
"Did you?" she asked this time.
"No, I stayed on the bus...” Not a lie either. “But I didn't do anything!" Okay, maybe a lie.
"Okay, Vic," she said quietly. "If you went out, that's okay. You're allowed to go to clubs."
She thought I was lying about that? Damn, I wished I was lying about that.
"I didn't," I told her. Truth.
"Oh, okay. Are you sure you're okay?” Definitely not. “You seem like you're acting a little... odd."
"I'm not,” I promised, even though we promised no lies. “Everything's fine."
"You promise?"
"Yeah."
I lied too often. I promised myself I would tell her everything when she got back.
"Remember we said no lies. I told you about me," she said. I sighed softly. I knew that. This was just too hard to tell on the phone.
"I promise." I then said.
"Okay, I should go,” she hurried. “But I love you."
"Me too," I told her. Wow, I could actually be honest too.
"So, bye," she said. She sounded upset. Fuck.
"Bye Thea." I replied. I hung up before she could say anything else. This was a conversation we needed to have in real life. I felt shit about making her feel bad, but we needed to talk this out properly. Surely she would understand after I explained everything later.
Or at least I hoped so.

Notes

Heeeeeey, this chapter is finally done ;D It's a bit longer than the others too. I hope you're still enjoying this story, let us know what you think!

AND KELCI LOVES YOU. And so do I okay :)

- Simone