Break the Barricade

Vic is insecure. I know he is and I can tell. But I'm starting to notice even more since I made up with Jack. He's constantly questioning things. I'm sure he thinks I'll eventually get bored of him and leave him for Jack. That could never happen. Vic is perfect to me. He's mine and I don't ever want to change that. I wish I could just open up his head and take out all of the stupid insecurities.
I'm the one that should be feeling that way. I'm not like Vic. I'm not a nice person. I can't explain it but lately I've been so angry. Sometimes it drives me insane. When I get the hate I practically have to restrain myself from replying. If some of the 'fans' holler at me I have to walk away. If I don't I'll get to angry and snap. I feel like I used to. I've tried using the calming techniques. But they don't work. I can't tell anyone though, if I do they'll get upset. Even if I did promise Vic no more lies.
Vic is looking at me like he's concerned again. I don't know how to tell him I'm fine. Everyone was sat outside on fold up chairs. I walked over to Vic and pulled a chair up to sit by him. I took his hand and he smiled back at me.
"Are you okay?" Vic asked me.
"Didn't that used to be my line?" I teased. Vic raised his eyebrows at me. "There's nothing wrong."
"Hmm. . . Okay." he finally nodded.
"Is the interrogation over?" I asked playfully.
"For now." Vic grinned. I squeezed his hand and leant closer to him.
"You're so good for me." I told him.
"I am?"
"Definitely." I replied lightly. I leant in and Vic's lips met my own. He kissed me back. I wished it could get deeper. When I'm kissing Vic I feel so calm. I don't feel angry when I'm touching him. But everyone was sat outside with us. I forced myself to pull away. I kissed his cheek once before I sat back in the chair.
"We have a meet and greet in a minute." he told me.
"Fun." I teased.
"Do you want to come?"
"And do what?" I asked. I took out a cigarette from my pack and popped it into my mouth. Vic waited for me to light up before he replied. I took a drag and looked back to him.
"You could just hang out. I want to show you that there's people that like you." he tried.
"You like me. Isn't that enough?"
"Please." he urged.
"Fine." I muttered. Vic grinned and kissed my cheek. I raised my eyebrows at him while I took another drag. I finished off my cigarette and stomped it out with my heel.
I stood up and started walking inside the venue with the others. They were leading me into a large room. There was a table with four chairs. The guys went to sit down while I stood off to the side. Vic smiled happily to me and I smiled back. I'm only doing this to make him happy.
The doors opened and fans started pouring in. They were letting so many in at a time. I stood watching them. They didn't look angry. They were beaming at the guys. This was there moment. It's hard to believe that they're the same people that send me death threats.
"Excuse me?" someone asked. I looked up and saw a girl standing in front of me. She was thin, blonde and looked no older than seventeen.
"Yeah?" I asked. I was a little unsure.
"You're Thea, right?" she asked.
"I am." I agreed.
"You're dating Vic." she stated.
"That's right." I nodded.
"Wow, can I have a photo with you?" she asked excitedly.
"A photo? Why?" I asked stupidly.
"Because you're Vic's girlfriend. I think you're really cool." she told me.
"Um okay." I agreed. The girl took her phone out and came to stand by me. She held it in front of us and I smiled. The girl looked at the photo and grinned.
"Thank you so much, Thea." she told me.
"No problem." I smiled.
But I looked out of the corner of my eye. I could see girls standing the side now and watching me. They were talking quietly between themselves and looking me up and down, glaring.
"Don't pay attention to them! You're way prettier than them." she told me.
"Thanks." I mumbled. "What was your name?"
"Oh, sorry. I'm Sally." she introduced herself.
"It was nice meeting you." I said.
"You too." she beamed back. "Bye Thea." Sally said happily before he hurried away.
I know there are fans that support me, but ones like 'them' make me forget that. How I've been feeling lately isn't being helped my them. It would be too easy to just go over. I'm considering it. I couldn't resist glancing over. When I did it just made things worse. I bit down onto my lower lip hard. My hands were wringing together. I tried taking deep breaths. Why isn't it working? My body started to shake.
"Thea." Jaime said in my ear. I looked up and he took my arm. "Don't." he warned.
"Don't what?" I mumbled.
"You know." he sighed. He dragged me away and out of the room. He took me into the green room where they would be staying later tonight. Jaime shut the door behind us. I walked up to a chair by the wall and kicked it. Jaime watched as it fell. He cautiously came over and took my hand. He gently led me to a couch to sit down. "Breathe." Jaime ordered.
"I'm trying." I muttered.
"Come on." he urged. "Copy me. In and then out." he told me. I copied his breathing but it didn't help much. I glared at my feet and put my head in my hands. "It's getting worse. It's getting bad again." he stated.
"Yes." I replied plainly.
"What can I do?" Jaime asked.
"Nothing," I shrugged. "there's nothing anyone can do." I mumbled. The sad thing was that I believed it.

Notes

Hey! What did you think? Thea is having some issues. What do you think will happen? Will things get worse before they get better? I was supposed to upload this earlier tonight but forgot. Shhh. Don't tell Simone, she might shout at me. Any suggestions?
- Kelci