Break the Barricade

I scrolled down. Hate. That's all I could see. There was so much hate on my phone. It was everywhere. My instergram and twitter was full of it. Pictures I uploaded months and months ago when I was still at college were filled with comments about how my face looks fat and how my clothes don't suit my body and how I'm just not good enough for him.
Some people were nice too. They said how we look good together and how I'll be good for him. They were being supportive and even arguing with the haters. But I wasn't focusing on the good things. You can't when so much hate is coming your way.
Look how big her thighs are.
Look how small her boobs are.
She isn't even pretty.
Rachel and Welly were better for him. Even Cara was better.
He could do so much better.
I couldn't get it out of my head. I know they're all being petty and childish. They have no right to say all of these things. But what is really worse, them saying the things, or me listening to them?
Someone sat down next to me and I switched off my phone. I dropped it onto my lap and glared down at it. Vic wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I leant against him. I rested my head on his chest and Vic leant down to kiss my head.
"You okay?" Vic asked.
"I'm fine." I lied.
"Are you sure?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked quickly.
"I don't know." he shrugged. "Have you seen anything . . . um interesting?"
"No." I lied again. "Is there anything you want to show me?" I asked brightly. I sat up and forced a grin onto my face.
"No. Nothing." he shrugged.
"Good, I'm going for a walk." I said.
"Thea?" he sighed.
"Yeah?" I asked easily.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"I just want to go for a walk." I rushed. I went to kiss him briefly and stood up. I turned and rushed out of the bus.
He never told me. Vic thinks I can't handle it. Do I really look that fragile? Either that or he doesn't want to make me angry. It's too late though. I'm already angry. I don't understand why so called fans feel they have some God given right to make me feel shit about myself just because they're behind a computer screen. I would never do that. I may not be their idea of perfect, but maybe I'm Vic's. So why would they want to take that away from us?
I walked out onto the street. I sat down on the wall and put my head in my hands. I could hear traffic around me but didn't look up. I just need time for me. That's what the therapist would tell me. When I'm feeling like this if I don't get time alone for me I'll snap. I don't want a repeat of what happened with Emma.
"Thea!" someone across the street shouted. I looked up and saw three teenage girls. They all glared at me and I rolled my eyes. I don't have the patience for this. "You're a bitch!" she called.
"You don't know me!" I yelled back.
"You're horrible!" another girl yelled. Then I heard them talking amongst themselves. I could barely hear them really.
"She's far too good for him." one of the girls said.
I stood up angrily. I could feel myself shaking. My cheeks had flushed red and my eyes were darker than normal. I couldn't see straight. Something inside me was slowly wearing. I know this feeling. This is the feeling I get before I do something horrible to someone who deserves it. I tried to take deep breaths but they were glaring at me.
I went to cross the street but felt arms wrap around my middle. "Hey girls!" they shouted. I looked up and saw Jack. He waved to the girls across the street and they started giggling. "Let's go for a walk, Thea." Jack said. He took my arm and dragged me back to where the buses were parked.
"What are you doing?!" I complained.
"Shut up." Jack rolled his eyes. He took me around the venue and sat me down on a brick wall. I crossed my arms across my chest roughly and narrowed my eyes. "What?" Jack asked.
"You just dragged me away!"
"To stop you from getting arrested, yeah."
"But they were giving me shit!"
"You think you're getting shit now?" he laughed humourlessly. Jack joined me on the wall and sighed.
"You saw."
"Yeah." he nodded. "If you go beat up three teenage fans you'll get slaughtered by everyone. You even retaliate on twitter and everyone will turn on you."
"It's stupid." I grumbled.
"I know." he agreed.
"I'm still mad at you." I told him.
"For the drunken idiot-ness?" Jack asked.
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else I can say." he shrugged.
"That you were wrong." I urged.
"I was wrong." he agreed. "I shouldn't have said any of it. I was drunk and I just didn't think about what other people are going through. I feel shit inside because now I feel like some of my friends might be going through that."
"Maybe they are." I muttered. I looked into his eyes and saw it. He was sorry.
"I'm really sorry, Thea."
"I know." I sighed. "Why aren't you being a dick? It's easier to be mad with you then."
"I'm not a dick."
"I know." I smiled a little. "If you were like this all the time maybe people wouldn't be mad with you." I reasoned.
"I'll have to try it." he laughed a little. "So, you forgive me?"
"I forgive you." I confirmed.
"I think I need to tell you something." Jack suddenly said.
"Oh no." I teased.
"It isn't that bad." he rolled his eyes. "I still like you, Thea."
"You do?"
"Yeah. But I'm happy you're with Vic. He's a really good guy and I think he's right for you. So I'll stop trying to fuck things up for you." he promised.
"Thanks Jack." I smiled. He opened his arms and I hugged him. Jack held me tightly for a moment and pulled away.
"Thea? Vic asked. I looked up and saw him standing over us. He saw us hug.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Are you okay? Your phone went off and I just wanted to check you're okay."
"I am now." I smiled.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Just catching up with Jack." I shrugged. "So, I'll see you later?" I asked Jack.
"Sure." Jack nodded. I stood up and took Vic's hand.
"Let's go back to the bus." I told him and kissed his cheek.

Notes

Hey! What did you think? This is my first Thea chapter in a while. Tell me if I did okay! Anything you guys want to see. I loved writing Thea again though! :)
- Kelci