My head was pounding when I woke up. I looked at my phone for the time and I realized it was already nearly afternoon. I bit my lip as the memories came flooding back to me. My arm stung badly. What the hell had I done? And Thea had to put up with me. She said she didn’t think I was a freak, but she was probably only saying that because she felt bad for me. Just like she said she didn’t like Jack. Of course she liked him, she just didn’t want to tell me at that time. She probably thought I was too weak to handle it. And she was right, I had my arm bandaged to prove it.
Yesterday I couldn’t care less about how I was going to hide it, but now I did. It was a hot day today, how was I going to explain the long sleeves? I sighed as I realized there was no way I could hide this. I wished I could spend all day in bed, so I didn’t have to face the guys. But that would make them just as suspicious.
I sighed again before I went to the bathroom to shower. I got rid of the bandages before I got into the shower, the cuts had already stopped bleeding ages ago anyway. The cuts stung as a result from the hot water streaming over them, but I embraced the pain. I was done showering way too soon and I dried myself carefully, to make sure I didn’t rip any cut open. Then I put my clothes on. I wore a long sleeved shirt anyway, even though I knew it wouldn’t be any use. One of the guys would certainly ask me about it. They knew me too well.
I slowly walked into the front lounge. I’d never been this self-conscious in my entire life. The guys were all already sitting there. Thea was nowhere to be seen. I figured she was probably still sleeping. I tried my best to act normal.
“Good morning,” I greeted them and I mentally slapped myself when I realized my voice was trembling.
Mike raised an eyebrow. “Vic, what’s up?”
“Nothing, I’m tired.”
“You know what?” Mike suddenly shouted. “I’m tired too. Tired of you telling us you’re tired six times a day. While all of us can fucking see your eyes look dead. God damn it Vic, let us in for once.”
I just stood there, staring at my brother who was screaming at me only seconds ago. Mike never screamed at me. He was always so patient. Jaime gave me a sympathetic look and Tony was looking the other way, clearly not wanting to get involved.
Then Mike suddenly got up and before I knew it he grabbed my arm, pulled my sleeve up and exposed my fresh cuts.
“Fuck,” he swore. “I fucking knew it. God damn it, you said you would let us know if you felt like this. You fucking promised Vic. You said you were doing fine.”
He shook his head violently. In his face there was a combination of hurt and anger. I didn’t dare to look him into his eyes, afraid of what I’d find there. Tony and Jaime were both staring at us. Tony looked shocked, scared even. Jaime’s usual happy face was replaced with sadness. Maybe he felt guilty for not telling the others. Maybe he felt like he should’ve seen this coming. But he wasn’t to blame. I was the only one to blame here.
Then Jaime got up and he wrapped his arms around me. “It’s okay Vic,” he told me quietly. “We’re here for you and we always wi-”
“It’s not okay Jaime!” Mike snapped. “What fucking part of this is okay? He’s hurting himself and with that he’s hurting all of us. Look at what he’s doing to himself. He cut his whole arm to pieces.”
His words stung. He was right though. I was so selfish. This tour was supposed to be a good time for all of us and I had to go and fuck it up. I always fucked everything up.
Jaime sighed. He was still holding me. I don’t think he dared to speak up against Mike. When Mike gets like this there is no way you can talk to him and Jaime knew it.
“Mike, you’re being unreasonable,” Tony suddenly said. He looked at me and gave me a sad but reassuring smile. “It’s not like Vic does this to hurt us. It’s an addiction Mike and you know it.”
Mike turned around and even though I couldn’t see his face I could imagine him glaring at Tony. “I don’t care if it’s an addiction or not. He has to tell us. We want to help him but he won’t let us. I’m his brother, do you have any idea how frustrating that is?”
“Fuck you Mike!” I turned around to find Thea standing in the door opening. “You’re acting like it is his fault. He can’t help it, why don’t you realize that? You’re only hurting him more.”
Mike shook his head. “I’m not hurting him, he’s hurting himself. He’s hurting me. He’s hurting us.”
This became too much for me. They were talking about me like I wasn’t even there. And Mike was right, I was hurting everyone. No matter how harsh Mike was putting it, I knew he meant it. The others probably thought the same way as he did.
I pushed Jaime off me and I headed to the door. The van was standing on some sort of parking lot and I had no idea where we were at, but I didn’t care. I opened the door and I ran outside. I didn’t know where I was going, I just knew needed to be away. Away from Mike. Away from the people I was hurting. Away from the pain.

Notes

Do you guys hate Mike as much as I do at the moment? Seriously, he's being a complete dick.

AND MY CHAPTER IS IN TIME FOR ONCE haha

- Simone