It’s been two days since Thea tried to rip the head of that girl off, Emma, and Thea apologized at least a hundred times to both Jaime and me since then. I told her it was okay. She still didn’t tell me everything, but I had this feeling that Jaime did know the whole story. I was okay with not knowing though. I trusted Thea and I knew she must’ve had a good reason for the way she acted. And knowing that was enough for me.
Tomorrow we had a day off and that meant we had a party tonight. Last time I didn’t have fun and I was planning to catch up on that. I wanted to get so drunk that I wouldn’t be able to stand anymore without someone helping. I wanted Mike to be more sober than I was. And I knew Mike wasn’t going to be sober.
I just lost the count of the amount of beers I had when Thea sat down next to me on the couch. “Having fun?” she asked, which surprised me because I became used to her asking me if I was okay as a greeting sentence.
“Yes,” I smiled. “You?”
She nodded and gave me a convincing smile. Only then it hit me how beautiful she was. Of course I had noticed it the first time I saw her too, but it was just now that I realized she was probably the most perfect human being walking around on this earth. My drunken mind wished I could make her mine. But I was sober enough to know I couldn’t. A perfect girl like her would never fall for a fuck up like me.
“What are you thinking about?” she suddenly asked, as if she was reading my mind.
“You,” I said, immediately regretting it. “I mean, I was just thinking about how great it is to have you on tour with us. I like you.” I coughed awkwardly. “As friends I mean.”
Thea smiled widely. “You’re a nice guy Vic, I like you too.” She smiled at me once again before she got up and went to talk with Jack. I tried to brush off the sad feeling that hit me. She had the right to socialize with others too.
An hour or so passed by quickly. I was talking to Jaime when I suddenly realized Thea was nowhere to be seen.
“Where is Thea?” I asked Jaime.
Jaime shrugged. “I don’t know. But she’s a big girl, she can take care of herself.”
“I’m going to find her,” I told Jaime. I got up and walked out of the Sleeping with Sirens van, in which the party was held.
First I walked back to our own van. I quickly looked around. When I couldn’t find her, even after checking the bunks, I felt a worried feeling welling up in my stomach. If she wasn’t in our own van and she wasn’t in the Sleeping with Sirens van, where else could she be? I decided to head to the All Time Low van, even though I didn’t expect her to be there. Why would she be in there anyway? I wanted to make sure she wasn’t though, so I quickly walked to the van. When I got there I first knocked on the door.
I sighed loudly when I didn’t get a reply and I opened the door. “Shit,” I cursed at what I saw inside. Thea and Jack were making out like neither of them had sex in the past six months. I felt like someone pulled my heart out of my chest and it hurt like crazy. I knew I didn’t stand a chance, but I wasn’t ready yet to have it confirmed like this.
It felt like I was standing there for hours, but I probably watched them for a few minutes at most. Then I cursed once again and I slammed the door loudly.
I ran back to my van, mad tears streaming down my face. What was I expecting anyway? Of course she liked Jack, I noticed that before. And I also knew Jack liked her back. I didn’t stand a chance and I knew, so I didn’t know why I was so upset right now.
They weren’t even coming after me. They didn’t care. Or they didn’t notice. I didn’t care.
I went in the bathroom and I didn’t even bother to lock the door. I just needed my blade right now. I had to feel the stinging pain of too many cuts. I had to watch the blood flow down my arms. I couldn’t care about Jaime discovering. Or anyone discovering. It didn’t matter anymore.
I got out the blade. Then I closed my eyes and dragged it across my arm. Thea liked Jack and Jack liked Thea. They would get together, if they weren’t already. I would have to watch this beautiful, perfect girl be together with one of my best friends and I would have to act like I was fine with it. I was such a jealous dick anyway, it was probably a good thing that Thea was with Jack. She deserved something better than me. Everyone deserved something better than me.
For every bad thought I added a cut. I wasn’t going to be able to hide this with bracelets and I didn’t care. When I finally felt like I had the amount of cuts I deserved I put the blade down and stared at my arm. It was a big mess of blood.
I was leaning against the sink with my eyes closed when the door suddenly opened.
“Vic!”
I opened my eyes and I found Thea standing in the door opening, eyes widened with shock. Well fuck.

Notes

Sorry this is so late guys. I had lots of other stuff to do but I promise I'll be in time next time.
Kelci will also update tomorrow so I hope that also makes up for it a bit ;)

- Simone