I woke up at eleven, I was surprised my sleep schedule wasn't off due to the time change. California was three hours behind in time from Florida, so if I was jet lagged I would be waking up super early. I'm not an early riser, so it was a good thing I wasn't jet lagged.

I got up and walked into the bathroom. I did my business and brushed my teeth. I thought it would be best to take a shower and start the day feeling fresh, so I walked back into my room to get all of my showering essentials.

I didn't bother to wait for the water to heat up, I just jumped in. Showering was another excuse I used to use to 'escape'. It wasn't much, but it still helped. On nights I thought things were getting really bad, I used to go in the bathroom and just shower. I would sit on the shower floor, hugging my knees, and cry as loud as I wanted for hours on end. I couldn't hear my family, and they couldn't hear me. Eventually, the water bill was getting too high and my dad went insane and limited me to one shower a week for five minutes for about a year, along with a crucial beating. From that day forward, I had always been quick with my showers. Today I didn't have too, I wasn't home. My father wouldn't be waiting outside with a timer, angry as ever. I could shower for as long as I wanted here.

I got so lost in my thoughts and empty memories, I hadn't noticed I was showering in cold water. I turned the nob and closed my eyes as I felt the water heat up. I took my time to cleanse my body, wash my hair and shave my legs before deciding to do what I used to, and sit down. I didn't hug my knees to my chest, I just laid down and let the warm water run over me. I hadn't relaxed in so long, it was nice.

I sat up, still perched on the shower floor. I stopped for a moment and ran my hand up and down my left arm, looking at the some-what visible white lines that resided on it. I held my arm in my hand, gently caressing the scars with my right thumb. I wondered if they would ever go away, or if I would have to be stuck to carry them around for the rest of my life. It was my fault though, I put them there. It was my way of feeling something.

Harming myself was an awful habit, but it became an addiction, an escape. Something I used to turn too, when everyone else was too absorbed in themselves and their own problems. I didn't have anyone turn too, so I turned to the razor. It was an awful thing to do, and I always ended up regretting it. Having to wear long sleeves in August was the worst, and hiding it wasn't easy. But for a second, just a second, things didn't seem so bad. The physical pain that I had been inflicting on myself took away the emotional pain that was inflicted on me.

TJ found out a couple months before he died, he freaked out. I didn't blame him, it wasn't his fault, he didn't understand it. He made me promise to stop, even took my razors. He told me it hurt him when I hurt myself, which didn't really mean much to me then. I didn't put too much effort into it although I did try stopping for him, but I'm a person too, and I slip up just like everyone else. The few 'slip-ups' soon became more than a few. TJ never accused me or went crazy on me for it, but he would always be reminding me of how much I was worth and how he hurt, knowing I hurt myself the way I did. I usually ignored this.. but then he was killed.

I held my dead brother in my hands, I watched the closest thing I had to a best friend, have the life sucked from him. One of the only people I loved, was stripped from me. And that really does something to you. When you lose someone, everything they ever said to you or did for you becomes special. You would do anything you could to bring them back, but you can't. So you start to be who they wanted you to be, do whatever would have made them happy if they were still a living, breathing human being to make up for not appreciating them while they were here, for not listening to them, or cherishing them. I thought about what he said when he found out.

"When you hurt yourself like this, you hurt met Please don't hurt me."

I never thought anything of it until he passed, I was too selfish to fathom that him seeing that I hurt myself, hurt him.

The day after his death, I flushed my blades, I sucked it up, I stopped crying. I did everything in my power to be strong for him, for myself. I used everything as a distraction. I turned to music, and played guitar every night like he used to do for me. My dad got sick of the noise, and smashed it. I had so many thoughts about turning back to the blade, not just then but all of the time, it was all that consumed me for a long while. But I had come so far and it wasn't worth it, I couldn't hurt TJ anymore than I already had, he didn't deserve what had happened to him and he didn't deserve any more hurt, even if he was on the other side.

It was a bit over a year since he died, a bit over a year since I had tore myself open and drew blood. I still had scars, they were faded, but if you looked for them you could visibly see them. I wanted nothing more than to pick up the loofa, and scrub them off. They reminded me so much of how I hurt my brother, how selfish I was, I didn't want them on my body. It had been a long time since I evaluated my arm, I hated thinking about it, it made me think about TJ and how he went.

I stood up in an instant and turned the nob so that the water was ice cold. It woke me up and after all of the heat, it was refreshing. I then stepped out of the shower, dried myself off, threw my hair into a towel, and picked up my stuff to walked back into my room.

Once in my room, I threw on some grey sweatpants and a red sweatshirt. I did my makeup, applying my usual wing and mascara, along with a base and some contouring. My hair was almost dry so I just put it into a long side braid and left some strands down. I was really casual, but also very comfortable. If I ended up going anywhere or doing anything, I could easily change and perfect my hair, but I didn't really have any need for that right now.

I walked downstairs and found my mom in the kitchen, making coffee. There were no blinds opened and all of the lights were off, it was almost completely dark except for the natural light shining threw the door.

"Well hello there," just as I spoke, my mom turned around. I took a seat and looked at her, she was in her usual red robe and she looked tired as ever. She groaned and held her head in her hands before answering me.

"Good morning," she said this slowly.

"Hungover?" I assumed she was paying for her drinking yesterday.

"Yes," she groaned again. "My head is pounding, I have an insane migraine, I've already thrown up twice and all I want to do is sleep," she frowned and took a sip of her coffee.

"I guess that's what you kind of get," I didn't make eye contact with her while saying this, I knew she would've given me a death glare. I walked over to the coffee pot and poured myself a cup. "What happened to you hating alcohol with every fiber in your being?" That was something she always used to tell TJ and I. I began again. "I mean, I knew you'd come around, but I didn't think it'd be this quick," I took a sip of my coffee.

"Well, just so you know, I didn't go out and plan to get drunk," she paused. "Viv and I were going out for lunch, we went to go look around the mall when she found a bar. She begged me to join her, so I did, thinking I just wouldn't drink." She looked around. "I guess I thought wrong. We ended up having a lot of fun though, it was nice." She took a sip of her coffee again. "But all of this.. this terrible consequence, is not so nice," she rubbed her temples.

"Well, they do say the best memories come from unplanned times," I smirked. "Where's Vivian?"

"Oh, she's out cold. I wish I could just sleep this away like her," She sighed. "Anyways, how was your night? How do you like the boys?" She crossed her arms and waited for my response.

"My night was good, my favorite part was watching you and Viv stumble in and slur nonsense in your sleep." I started chuckling.

"Stella!" My mom blushed, she was embarrassed.

"You are never going to live that down, we were laughing for like three years," I walked over and sat down next to her.

"Well, I'm glad you got something out of it. Really though, how do you like the boys?" She seemed to really want an answer.

"They're fun," I gave her a simple response and nodded my head.

"Who's your favorite?" She leaned in, seeming intrigued. I rolled my eyes in a joking manor.

"Mom, I've known them for a day," I said slowly and clearly.

"Just between us, I won't tell," I slightly laughed at this statement.

"Mom, seriously," I looked her in the eyes as solemn as possible, to let her know I wasn't joking.

"Okay, fine, don't tell me," she looked around then back at me and let out a small laugh. Just then, Vivian appeared.

"Goooooood morning," She sang as she walked into the kitchen and towards the coffee pot. "Why is it so dark in here?" She turned to my mother.

"Because some of us can't handle their liquor," I said this while emphasizing the 'some of us' and looking at my mom. Vivian laughed and my mom shot me a death-glare.

"That was good," she looked over at me and took a sip of her coffee. "You'll get used to it, Terry. Hangovers aren't nearly as bad your second time," she nodded while saying this.

"Ugh, no I am not doing this again. I feel awful." She held her head in her hand once more

"How about," she walked over to the blinds and started letting some light in, but had consideration for my mom and don't let too much in. "You take a hot shower, get ready for the day and I'll make you a nice breakfast, you'll feel a lot better," she tilted her head and waited for my moms reply.

"That sounds great," my mom got up and headed for the stairs. Vivian started to get all of her ingredients out, and then spoke.

"We should do something today. When is the last time you went shopping?" She looked up at me while cracking an egg in a bowl.

"Oh no, you don't have too-" I didn't want her spending her money on me, it wasn't right.

"Stella," she looked at me with raised eyebrows. I sighed.

"It's been a while," my stuff was in good condition though, I took care of it. TJ used to give me money from work to buy myself new clothes every month or too, but that obviously came to a cease.

"I'm going to take you and your mother out, and we are going to go shopping. No if's and's or but's about it, I strongly urge you both to use at least a hundred dollars on yourselves," She smiled. "Let someone do something nice like this for you, Stella. It's my pleasure, really." She assured me.

"Okay," I nodded. It didn't seem like she was going to take no for an answer.

"Here, go get dressed and I'll make you something to eat," she said this while putting her eggs into the pan on the stove. I stood up, before going up stairs I stopped to thank her, she was so generous and thoughtful, it was the least I could do.

"Thank you, Vivian. So much." I genuinely said.

"Like I said, it's my pleasure," she smiled.

I turned around to go up the stairs. I ran into my room and changed my sweats into regular clothes. I put on some black skinny jeans with grey accents, and a grey muscle tank that said 'baddies', I threw on some accessories and then took out my hair from its messy side braid. It was wavy due to the braid it was in and it wasn't frizzy at all or tangled. I only braided my hair halfway down so the waviness was uneven. I took out my curling iron and curled the tips of my hair, so it would balance out the rest. I gently curled the tips of the front pieces and then brushed them out so they'd look natural. I finished by putting some perfume on and walking downstairs.

My mom was just finishing up her breakfast. She had dark jeans and a red tank top on, her hair was straightened and she had make up on. I can't remember the last time I had seen my mom ready like this. My mother was naturally beautiful, she even modeled some when she was younger. She had dark black hair and bright green eyes, much like mine. When she added makeup, she was even more stunning.

"Wow mom, you look fantastic," I walked over to her and started to touch her freshly straightened hair, it looked healthy.

"Thanks sweets, you don't look so bad yourself," she smirked and got up to rinse her plate off.

"Viv went to go get ready, your omelet is over there," she pointed to the table. I walked over and ate my omelet. Vivian shortly came down after I was finished.

"Ready Freddy?" She looked over at me and my mom.

We both nodded and followed her out the door. Vivian took us to the biggest mall in San Diego. It had just about every store imaginable. Spending time with Vivian and my mother was fun, my mom was a different person around her. She brought the life out of my mom, my mom was more laid back and easy-going. She was probably the best person to shop with, she told you the honest truth but always gave you compliments along the way. Vivian and my mom shopped for themselves first, while I was the judge of what they should have and should have not gotten. Then, it was my turn. I tried on tons of stuff, and found a lot of things I liked for bargains. We shopped at three or four places for me, and because Vivian knew how to bargain, we got most of the stuff half price. We ate lunch at the mall, and spent a great deal of time just talking and laughing.

When we got back to the house, it was already two thirty, which meant the boys were home. I remembered Vic telling me to meet them in the basement at one after they got out of school. I thanked Vivian for everything and ran upstairs to put all of my stuff down, then walked down to the basement.

No one was in the lounge area, but I could hear them talking from inside the music room. The door was open, but I still knocked just to let them know I was there.

"Stella!" Vic was the first to greet me as I walked over to where they were sitting.

"Hey guys," I sat myself on the empty couch across from where Vic and Tony sat.

"How goes it?" Jaimie asked.

"It goes quite well," I replied and nodded my head.

"Where'd ya go? You weren't here when we got home," Mike asked this, curiously.

"Oh, I went shopping with your mom and my mom." I paused as they nodded.

"What are you guys up too?" Vic sat with a notepad in his lap, and a pencil in his hand. Tony had a guitar in his lap, just like yesterday. Mike and Jaimie were in the position of listening.

"We're writing some songs, we've been at it for an hour now, and we can't really think of anything good," Jaimie explained.

"What are you having trouble with?" I sat up straight and crossed my legs.

"We have the music for the piece, but all of the lyrics seem to go to shit. Vic usually thinks more creatively, and we just help him, but he's got some writers block, so were all in a rut," Tony said this while tapping on his guitar.

"Well, what have you got so far?" I looked over at Vic, there was writing on the pad so I knew he had something written down.

"I only have some of the chorus so far," Vic took a deep breath and began to sing;
"The moment that's where I,
Kill the conversation,
Wrap this up, With a knife that loves to feel.." He looked up at me.
"That's all I got. Usually I think of the chorus first, and everything else just comes together but I need one more line, something for the chorus to.. mean what I want it too, you know?" Vic tapped his pencil on the writing pad.

"What was the last line of the chorus?" I asked him.

"With a knife that loves to feel," he didn't sing it, he just said the words.

"With a knife that loves to feel.." I thought for a second, then began to talk again. "How do you know how deep to go before it's real?" I didn't know how this would work out, I was really unsure of myself. I looked up, they all looked stunned.

"Yes, yes, yes." Vic furiously wrote in his pad and started to sing the chorus once more;
"The moment that's where I,
Kill the conversation,
Wrap this up,
With a knife that loves to feel, How do you know how deep to go before it's real," he looked up at me and smiled.
"That's perfect, wow. Thank you Stella," Vic started writing some more.

"That was really good. Do you write?" Tony asked.

"I used too all the time, but I haven't in a while," I explained.Writing music used to be a big part of my life, but I stopped when TJ died, it wasn't special to me anymore.

"Why not?" Jaimie looked over at me, waiting for my response.

"Yeah, what's up with all of this 'I haven't played or written music in a while' stuff?" Mike looked over at me, everyone was awaiting for me to answer.

I froze. I didn't want to lie, I've only known them for a couple of days and one lie turns can turn into a whole web of lies. What do I say?
'My brother was killed and I went through major depression because my whole life has been hell and I didn't exactly feel like writing music while my father screamed profanity and beat my mother and I. Oh and not to mention I couldn't play guitar because my wack of a dad went crazy and smashed it'?
No.

I didn't know what to say. I began to shake uncontrollably. My heart rate sped up in an unhealthy amount of time. The memories were coming back to me, the night TJ was killed, the pure look of the devil on my fathers face, the words, the screaming, the tears, everything. I was now having trouble getting air in. I felt faint, weak. I tried calming myself down by taking deep breaths, but it was making things worse and limited my breathing. I tried to pretend I was okay, but air was getting hard to take in and that was becoming more apparent.

They all looked at me with worry, disbelief. I had my eyes fixated on the floor, so I didn't have to make eye-contact and make the panic worse. The memories started flowing and I began to wallow in every horrible thing my dad ever did or said, the awful nights I endured utter torture.My heart rate was speeding up more and more, air was getting harder to take in and breath out and I needed it more than ever.

I stood up, I ran to the other room. I was overwhelmed and I was getting lightheaded. Standing in the middle of the floor, I saw Tony appear from the other room. My heart-rate slowed just a bit, as he raced over towards me and grabbed me by the shoulder. I stood there, still in shock and panic still showering me.

"Stella, look at me" He spoke in a gentle manor and it immediately took a sliver of anxiety away from me, I was still trembling and I was still faint and had troubled breathing, but it was beginning to ease. I looked at him, just like he told me too. "What's wrong?" He still spoke with tenderness.

I couldn't control myself. Tears just started to pour out of my eyes, I was still filled with panic and stress and I couldn't take it. My heart-rate was slowly going back to normal, but I was still trembling as I stood there in tears. I tried to hide it and not let myself sob in front of him, but I couldn't stop crying.

Tony brought me into a tight embrace as I continued to cry. He rested his head on my head and caressed my back for comfort. The more I tried to stop, the more tears came out. I hiccuped into his chest.

"It's okay, it's okay. Let it out," he stroked my hair all the way from the top of my head towards down my back. We just stood there, as he held me while I just cried into him.

I hadn't cried since the night TJ died, I told myself I had to be strong, and strong people didn't cry. I cried for every reason I could have, everything that had been bottled up in the past year and a half, was being let out. I felt so safe and secure in Tony's arms, it felt right even though I barely knew him. It must have been ten minutes to pass by of him just cradling me while I sobbed until I calmed down.

I slowly pulled away, and so did he. He looked at me with eyes filled with worry, and care.

"Are you alright?" One last tear shed from my eye as he wiped it away with his thumb. I looked up at him and nodded.

"I usually don't have anxiety attacks and start hysterically crying when people ask me simple questions, I'm sorry-" I whispered this until Tony cut me off.

"Don't. Don't be sorry. It's okay to break sometimes. You were triggered by something and it wasn't your fault," He spoke quietly.

"Thank you, Tony" I looked at him with sincerity, I couldn't be more grateful that he was there to calm me down.

"Hey, it's no problem," he continued. "You might not want to talk about any of this, and I'm not going to make you. But if you need someone, I'm here to listen, I won't judge you," he looked at me once more with assurance.

I didn't even respond to this, I just gave him another hug. I wrapped my arms around his torso as he wrapped his around my neck. This lasted about a minute, until I broke away.

"Thank you," I said this genuinely. I didn't give him much time to respond, I just walked away into the bathroom.

I ran cold water and splashed it on my face. I looked at myself in the mirror. All of my makeup had come off from crying, my eyes were puffy and my cheeks were flushed, my lips were extremely pink. Whenever I cried, my cheeks flushed and my lips did too, it was normal.

I walked out of the bathroom and back into the lounge. They all sat there, without saying a word while I took my seat. Eventually, Vic spoke.

"I don't know what just happened, but whatever it is, it's obviously not good. We're all here for you if you need to talk about it, Stella," the three other boys nodded and looked at me. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair.

"I appreciate it, I do." I paused. "I'm just not one to talk about my feelings , it doesn't come easy for me."

"Well if you change your mind, we're all here to listen," Jaime met my eyes and gave a small smile. I nodded.

"Did you get write any more?" I looked at Vic, changing the subject. I didn't want to talk about it anymore and I think that was apparent.

"Nope, but the part you came up with really gave the chorus everything I was looking for," Vic spoke, and I smiled at this. "You should help me out more some time," I nodded. "But right now," he stopped to put his writing pad on the desk next to him. "I am going to order some pizza, who's hungry?"

Vic stood up as the three others followed and loudly declared their hunger. Vic walked out of the room, with Mike and Jaime trailing behind him. Tony and I followed them up the stairs and into the kitchen.

Vic ordered the pizza as we all sat on the couch. Mike reached for the remote to turn the TV on.

"What do we want to watch?" Mike scrolled through listings as we watched him.

"Ooh! Star Wars!" Tony, who was next to me, sat up straight on the couch.

"No, we have seen them all like forty times," Mike groaned.

"I think we should finish the Glee season," Jaime chimed in.

"No," Mike was clearly in charge of what we watched since he was the one with the remote.

There were a few more arguments until we finally ended up watching American Horror Story, just like yesterday. The pizza came and we all sat around the TV, eating and watching. We spent a good three hours watching the show, until the season ended and there were no more episodes.

Jaime yawned. "It's only seven o' clock, the night is still young. Let's do something," He stood up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen.

"Yeah, Jaime's right." Mike sat up straight an began to talk. "I know this guy throwing this whats supposed to be, killer party and-"

Vic cut him off. "We are not taking Stella to one of your friends parties her second day here," Vic was definitely the more sensible one.

"How about the boardwalk?" Tony suggested.

Jaime snapped his fingers. "Yes, good job, turtle!"

"Boardwalk?" I was confused.

"You've never been to a boardwalk?" Mike gaped.

I shook my head. "Nope,"

"We have to take her," Vic stood up and walked over to where Jaime was.

"I'll drive," Tony grabbed his keys and we all walked out the door. It only took a few minutes to get to the boardwalk.

We found a place to park, and got out of the car. There was a pier, a beach, and then a carnival looking place. It was surrounded with many small boutiques and shops, it had a Ferris wheel and a few other rides, there were cotton candy stands and many other places to just walk around. We all walked over to the rides, we talked on our way there and while we waited in lines.

We first walked over to a ride called 'the tilt-a-wirl', it was a machine that took you about fifty feet into the air, tilted you sideways, and swung all around.

"Nuh-uh, I am not going on that, nope, not happening," I shook my head and began to back out of the line.

"Oh, come on Stella," Mike looked over at me and scoffed. "What are you so scared of?"

"Let's see, falling out of the air while whirling furiously and landing face-first to my death!" I exclaimed.

Tony and Vic laughed.

"Come on, it's not that bad." Vic said.

"Yeah, it's scary at first but once you're up there, it's fun as hell and it's all worth it," Tony assured me.

"Yeah, take it from Tony. He didn't ride it until this past summer, ever since then, this has been his favorite ride," Jaime said this and looked over at Tony, he nodded.

I stared at them with wide, scared eyes.

"Relax, you'll be fine," Mike nodded his head as we joined the line again.

As we moved up, I began to shake a bit. Tony noticed, and came over to me. He grabbed onto my hands and looked me in the eyes.

"It'll be fine, you'll have fun, I promise," I immediately stopped shaking after his calming voice spoke these words to me. I nodded and we stepped onto the ride.

We got strapped into the machine. Tony was still by my side, on my right. Jaime was on my left and Vic and Mike were to the sides of them. Before the ride started up, I looked over at Tony, still frightened. He laughed.

"Stella, you're freaking out over nothing. It's gonna be fine," he grabbed onto my hand once more, but this time he intertwined his fingers with mine, sending a calming essence over me. I took a deep breath and looked to Jaime. He also saw the fear in my eyes.

"Calm down," he laughed as well, and then looked over at Tony. He must have noticed us locking fingers, and gave Tony a look. Before he had a chance to comment, the ride started. I let out a shriek of fear as we were lifted into the air. Tony

squeezed my hand and whispered, "Relax," once more before we were all the way up into the air. My heart was beating out of my chest, as we were tilted to the side.

Jaime let out a scream of terror next to me as we were spun all around. I couldn't see anything clearly, it was all blurry from the spinning, it wasn't a bad thing though. It was freeing. I let out a scream myself and laughed afterwards, at how hysterical I sounded. I didn't care, it was fun.

The ride lasted about three to four minutes until we slowly came to a stop. I had to admit, it was upsetting when it came to a slow, because it was so fun. We came back down, Tony and I were still hand in hand.

"Was I right? Or was I right?" I looked over at Tony while he smiled and squeezed my hand once more before I let go.

"You were right, that was insane," I beamed as we all walked off the ride.

"Told you, Stella! There wasn't anything to be worried about," Jaime smiled and nodded his head.

We talked about the excitement of the ride and walked around the boardwalk for a bit longer, we got cotton candy and just talked.

"We should go on the Ferris wheel," Vic said while stuffing cotton candy in his mouth.

"No, we shouldn't. That is so lame, dude" Mike looked over at his brother and rolled his eyes.

"No, come on, it'll be fun," Jaime said to Mike.

"No, that's so dumb. What are we, eight?" Mike stuffed his hands in his pockets and continued to walk.

"Fine, you don't have to go on the ride, but we," Vic paused and motioned to Jaime, Tony, and I. "are going to enjoy ourselves on the Ferris Wheel,"

Vic started to walk towards it, and we all followed.

"Whatever," Mike muttered as he crossed his arms. "I'm gonna go find a real ride, anyone coming?" He looked over at me, hopefully. I broke eye contact and shook my head, just like the others. Mike sighed and walked off.

"Mike thinks he's too tough and insensitive for all rides that don't make you want to piss yourself," Jaime explained. I laughed a bit.

We waited in line for the Ferris Wheel for about ten minutes, until we we reached the front of the line.

"When you get to the top, you can see all of San Diego. It's amazing," Tony explained as we walked up to the cart.

All four of us were just about to enter one cart, when the person running the Ferris Wheel stopped us.

"Hey, two to a cart," he looked at us and shrugged.

Jaime and Vic were already sitting on opposite ends of the cart, ready to move. There was an empty one right above them that I noticed.

"Hey, don't worry about it. You guys stay there and Stella and I will get the next one," Tony said to his friends.

The next one came around as we crawled in. There was only one side to sit on so we both sat next to each other. The guy running the machine, closed the gate and we were up. The lights on our cart starting blinking, lighting up the Ferris Wheel. We rose higher and higher, until we came to the top. I looked off the edge.

"Holy shit, were high up," I looked at Tony with wide eyes.

"Don't worry about it, were safe." He chuckled. "Are you afraid of heights or something?" He looked over at me, still smiling. I sighed before talking.

"I don't know, to be honest. I guess," I half-laughed.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" He asked curiously.

"This is gonna sound lame, but I never went to any festivals or carnivals as a kid. I never rode on a Ferris Wheel or even a roller coaster, nothing. At least if I did, I was young and I don't remember," I took a deep breath.

"So, this is your first time on a Ferris Wheel?" He asked as we came to the bottom of the ride and started back to the top.

I nodded. He laughed a bit.

"Well, I'm glad I could be apart of it. You never forget your first anything's," he looked at me sincerely, the way he always did.

I was just about to respond as we reached the very top, and instead of going back down, we came to a sudden holt.

"What's going on?" My eyes got wide and I got worried.

Tony laughed.

"Why aren't we moving? Did it break? Oh my god what in the actual-" he cut me off, still laughing.

"Stella, calm down. This happens all the time. The Ferris Wheel is known to malfunction," he explained.

"How long are we gonna be up here?" I was still concerned with the height.

"I don't know, it can last anywhere from five minutes to three hours. It's unpredictable," he shrugged.

"So it's a possibility we are going to be stuck, a hundred feet in the air, in this extremely unsteady cart, for three hours?" I had a lot of anxiety and it came out in my voice. Tony put his hand on my shoulder and looked me right in the eyes:

."Chill out," he paused. "Come on, I mean, were right at the top. We can see all of San Diego. And we are the only ones, who can see all of it."

He turned me a bit to the side so I was facing the back of the cart, where I could see the city. His hand still rested on my shoulder, and his face was awfully close to mine, on the side. The city was breathtaking, it was lit up, and way out in the distance you could see the moon and it's own horizon of light circling the outskirts of it. We could see far out, into the mountains and a bit into Los Angeles. All of my worries and fears were wiped away, just looking at the indescribable beauty of San Diego.

"Wow," I said in a breath.

"Isn't it amazing?" Tony continued to look out into the city. I nodded.

"It is, it's astonishing," I whispered this, almost as if my voice would interrupt the admiration of the scenery.

Tony sat back in his seat, and I followed after a few more minutes of appreciating the view.

"San Diego is so big, it seems like there's so much to it," I didn't make eye contact with him while saying this, I just looked in front of me, although I felt his eyes on me.

"You're right. I've lived here for seventeen years and there's still places I haven't been and places that I go that seem to surprise me. You think you figure it out, and then it just comes back and proves you wrong," Tony nodded as he said this, talking with his hands.

"People can be like that too," I scoffed. He looked over at me, he didn't stop until I looked back at him.

"You're right," he continued to look at me in a strange way, I didn't break eye contact, I was trying to figure out what his intense stare meant.

"Okay, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Nothing. It's just-" he paused, looking for the right words. "You say these things that are completely out of the ordinary and random, but make so much sense at the same time. It's enticing," he half-laughed. "It makes me want to listen to you just talk for hours," he finished.

"Well, thanks." I laughed a bit. "But in all honesty, I don't know why my remark was so surprising. People can do that," I stopped, waiting for him to talk. He didn't, so I continued. "You think you know someone, you trust them with everything you have, you put so much consumption and time into them, and it turns out they weren't who you thought they were,"

"They leave," he agreed. He knew exactly what I was talking about, he understood.

"Or die," I whispered this, I didn't intend for him to hear me fully, but he did. He looked over at me with some concern, but decided to continue on.

"You love someone, or think you love someone, and it just ends up going to shit, because they just walk out of your life" he looked around then back at me.

"Honestly, I don't believe in love," I paused. "I mean, yeah. I love my mother, and I love cats and I love tropical fruits, but other than the simple love you have for a family member or a friend, or even certain object. Real love, it doesn't exist,"

"Why do you say that?" He awaited my response.

"Everything dies out, especially feelings. You may think you love someone, but you just have extremely strong feelings of affection towards them, but it doesn't last. It simmers down, it fades away, it's just like anything," I paused. "Or, the person you love may walk out of your life unexpectedly, and you're forever with a piece of you missing," he listened carefully as I continued. "Love isn't real," I shook my head.

"Huh, I think I agree with you," he went on. "I mean, no ones proved me wrong, and I think that was the most accurate thing I've heard," he nodded.

Suddenly, a strong wind blew and it instantly got cold. It went from feeling sixty degrees, to forty in three seconds. I grabbed my arms and hugged my body, I was wearing a muscle shirt and I was now freezing. I brought my knees to my chest to keep myself warm.

We could hear Jaime yell, "HOLY FUCK!" as the wind came and brought the chilly breeze. Tony and I laughed, my laugh was shaky since I was shivering.

"Does this happen a lot?" I looked over at Tony who didn't seem cold at all.

"Yeah, San Diego is known for its sudden temperature changes. It could be ninety degrees one minute and then fifty the next, it's crazy," he sat up straight in the seat.

"Here," he moved closer towards me, and wrapped his arms around my huddled together body. He rubbed my arms to create friction so I would feel warmth. Tony's body heat kept me warm, and I felt snug buried into his chest.

"How are you so damn warm?" I looked up at him, he still cradled me, keeping me warm. He was wearing regular sleeves, so I was surprised the rest of him wasn't cold.

"I don't know, I guess my body just generates a lot of heat," he laughed, as did I. "It's my Latin blood," he joked. I laughed again.

The temperature change lasted, and it only got cooler. Tony continuously made sure I was warm. I can't remember how long it had been since I was this closed to a guy, but I didn't mind too much. I knew he wouldn't try anything with me. I felt secure and safe, and for some reason, I trusted him. Tony and I talked more, we found out more about each other. I learned that he loved Star Wars, he had an unhealthy obsession with Turtles, it was even his first tattoo. His grandpa taught him how to play the guitar, his favorite color was blue. We talked and laughed and even bickered for the next hour, the Ferris Wheel still wasn't moving, but I was alright with that. There was an incredible view, and it was fun talking to Tony and finding more out about him. He made me feel like I was okay, like I still had some hope. He made me laugh, and I mean really laugh, which is something I hadn't done in years. It had only been two days since I came to California, but for the first time in a long while, I felt extremely lucky.

Notes

Stella's outfit;
http://www.polyvore.com/untitled/set?id=100625328


Hello lovelies! You're all so sweet, your comments literally made my day bc I'm usually so unsure of myself, especially when it comes to this. Continue to leave feedback on what you think! I want to know if you have any suggestions, anything that would make this any better. I'll update very soon!
stay wonderful :-)