Believe You Me
But who could love me, I am out of my mind
I slipped on my clothes quietly while Austin snored lightly, still covered under the blanket.
We had been sleeping for a few hours before my phone went off in the other room, waking me up. I slipped out of bed quietly and answered it, seeing that it was Jaime who was calling.
"Evelyn, where are you? I've tried calling you a dozen times." Jaime said after I answered.
"I'm with Austin, I left you a note." I explained quietly.
"Yeah, you said that you were going out of breakfast. It's nearly 4pm, breakfast doesn't last that long." Jaime said, his voice filled with uncertainty.
"I'm an adult Jaime, I can do whatever I want with whoever I want for as long as I want." I accidentally snapped.
"Sorry Eve, I didn't mean it like that... We were just trying to call you to let you know that we were going to see Vic. We've already been there and back though, so sorry you missed out on that while spending time with Austin. I'll let you two be." He said, sounding incredibly hurt before hanging up.
"Jaime, I-" But it was too late, the line was already dead. I sighed and dropped my phone, hanging my head.
I finished pulling my shirt on and walked back over to the bed where Austin was still sleeping. I kissed him on the cheek and he stirred, his eyes opening slowly and a smile spreading across his face when he saw me standing in front of him.
"I've go to go, Austin. I'm sorry." I smiled softly, placing a hand gently on his cheek. He brought his hand up to mine and intertwined our fingers, kissing mine softly.
"It's alright, don't apologize. Will I be able to see you again before you leave?" He questioned.
"Of course, I wouldn't leave this town without saying goodbye to you. I'll text you later. And thank you for helping me get my mind off things." I lied smoothly, bending down and pecking him on the lips lightly.
"Anything to make you happy. I'll see you soon." He said with smile, and with that I turned to walk out the door. I grabbed my stuff and exited the apartment, walking out into the dreary weather. Clouds had rolled in while we slept, and rain clouds loomed in the distance. Luckily I was only a few blocks away from my destination of the hospital. I took out my headphones from my purse and plugged them in, starting my playlist and heading towards the hospital.
******
I hopped off the elevator and strode down to Vic's room. I knocked on the door and entered quietly after hearing a weak "Come in." I walked in and saw Vic lying there, looking as tired as ever. When he saw me standing there, his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.
"Eve, you're here!" He said, sounding surprised.
"Of course I am. When I found out that I missed coming with the guys earlier, I knew I had to come down and see you. I've missed you Vic, nothing is the same." I wrapped my arms around his frail body, giving him a soft squeeze. I pulled back and grabbed a chair near his bed, pulling it up to the side of the bed and taking a seat.
"Yeah, it shocked me to see that you weren't with them when they came. Jaime said something about you being out with Austin?" Vic asked while absentmindedly playing with the IV in his hand.
"He texted me this morning and asked me if I wanted to go out to breakfast, and I agreed." I stated simply.
"From the way Jaime put it, you'd been gone for hours. What happened, Eve?" Vic eyed me suspiciously, and I caved almost immediately.
"I slept with him, Vic..." I looked down at my hands, my voice trailing off at the end of my sentence.
"Evie... I'm not going to yell at you or anything, because you're an adult. You make your own decisions. But I don't understand.. I thought you didn't feel anything when you kissed him the other day?" I sighed deeply,
"I didn't, but... Damn Vic, I don't know how to explain it. With everything that's going on, I just needed to get my mind off of things, and Austin was there..." I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, uncertain of what he was going to say.
"You didn't need to go to Austin, darling. You've got all of us and you know that. They need you just about as much as you need them, Eve, especially Jaime. He might seem like he's keeping himself together, but he needs you more than he'll ever admit... and I think you need him too." He grabbed my hand and gave me a weak smile. I frowned and drew my hand back from him.
"Vic.... I need to tell you something. You know how I crawl into bed with Jaime sometimes when I'm upset, right? It's a comfort thing, it always has been." He nodded his head, not wanting to interrupt. "Well lately it's just been... different. I don't do it for comfort anymore, I do it because... well... because I just want to be near him. I want to feel his arms around me, and I want to hear him whisper sweet things in my ear while I fall asleep. I've never wanted this before, and I'm not even completely sure that I want it now... but when I see him looking at me, like I'm important, like I actually matter, it breaks my heart." My breathing picked up and my voice was unintentionally getting louder, but I didn't stop. "I don't want these feelings, Vic, I never did! I didn't want to think of him as anything more than a best friend! I know what these feelings are, and I'm pushing him away because of it. That's why I slept with Austin! Jaime deserves so much better than what I could ever be for him." I began to trail off slowly. "I don't want this, Vic. I don't want to feel this way towards him." I went to lay my head in my hands, but Vic's frail hand stopped me, cupping my chin and looking me in the eyes.
"Evie, you listen to me, and you listen to me well. You would be the best thing to ever happen to Jaime. You're an incredibly beautiful girl. You know, somebody said once, 'A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever'. Maybe this is your time. Maybe it's temporarily. If you don't do anything about it though, it'll be too late, and you'll never know if it's forever. You need to talk to him and tell him you're feeling. If you don't, then you'll never know." He gave me another sad smile and let his hand rest on my cheek.
"I don't know how good of an idea that is Vic... I just don't know. Honestly... I need to get away." I sucked in a breath before continuing. "I think... I think I'm going to go visit my parents in Orlando for a little bit. I really need to get away from everything, you know? I just... I just need some time to myself." I saw the disappointment in Vic's face, and I felt it shatter my heart. I didn't want to leave the state with him like this, but I felt like I was hurting myself more by being here than anything else.
"I'll call you everyday to check on you, I promise, and when they find a donor, I'll fly back immediately. I love you Vic, I do. But I just need this, you know?" He sighed and dropped his hand, going back to playing with his IV.
"I guess I understand, and I don't blame you for it... but just promise me one thing?" He made eye contact with me again, and a look I've ever seen before formed across his face. "Just talk to Jaime before you leave. At least try. I know it'll be hard, but... just at least try, okay?" He said rather sternly. I nodded my head and stood up from my chair, picking my purse back up.
"I need to go, I just wanted to come see you since I missed out on it earlier." I bent down to hug him, wrapping my arms around his neck and holding on for as long as I could. "I love you Vic. I'll be back before you know it." I whispered in his ear. I pulled back and gave him a small wave before walking out of the room and leaving the hospital.
*********
I walked in the front door to find Tony sitting on the couch, dozing off to some show that was on in the background. I smiled to myself before setting my bag down and walking into the kitchen. The whole house was silent. I grabbed a water out of the fridge and jogged up the stairs. I stopped at the second floor and walked quietly to Jaime's door. I raised my arm to knock on it, but stopped immediately.
"Oh, Jaime!" A girl's voice came through the door, muffled. I gasped and raised my hand to my mouth, tears threatening in my eyes. I dropped my water and ran up the stairs to my room, crying. I didn't have any right to be angry when I had been doing the same exact thing hours ago, but Christ, it still hurt me.
I opened my door and grabbed my laptop, searching for the next flight to Orlando. I found one that left in three hours, and that was perfect. I purchased it and shut my laptop, throwing it and it's charger in it's case. I gathered the rest of my things and packed them quickly. Ten minutes later, I had everything packed and ready to go. I took my bags downstairs and set them by the door. Tony was sleeping soundly still, and I smiled sadly at him with tears in my eyes. I sighed and grabbed my bags, walking out the door and shutting it quietly behind me.
We had been sleeping for a few hours before my phone went off in the other room, waking me up. I slipped out of bed quietly and answered it, seeing that it was Jaime who was calling.
"Evelyn, where are you? I've tried calling you a dozen times." Jaime said after I answered.
"I'm with Austin, I left you a note." I explained quietly.
"Yeah, you said that you were going out of breakfast. It's nearly 4pm, breakfast doesn't last that long." Jaime said, his voice filled with uncertainty.
"I'm an adult Jaime, I can do whatever I want with whoever I want for as long as I want." I accidentally snapped.
"Sorry Eve, I didn't mean it like that... We were just trying to call you to let you know that we were going to see Vic. We've already been there and back though, so sorry you missed out on that while spending time with Austin. I'll let you two be." He said, sounding incredibly hurt before hanging up.
"Jaime, I-" But it was too late, the line was already dead. I sighed and dropped my phone, hanging my head.
I finished pulling my shirt on and walked back over to the bed where Austin was still sleeping. I kissed him on the cheek and he stirred, his eyes opening slowly and a smile spreading across his face when he saw me standing in front of him.
"I've go to go, Austin. I'm sorry." I smiled softly, placing a hand gently on his cheek. He brought his hand up to mine and intertwined our fingers, kissing mine softly.
"It's alright, don't apologize. Will I be able to see you again before you leave?" He questioned.
"Of course, I wouldn't leave this town without saying goodbye to you. I'll text you later. And thank you for helping me get my mind off things." I lied smoothly, bending down and pecking him on the lips lightly.
"Anything to make you happy. I'll see you soon." He said with smile, and with that I turned to walk out the door. I grabbed my stuff and exited the apartment, walking out into the dreary weather. Clouds had rolled in while we slept, and rain clouds loomed in the distance. Luckily I was only a few blocks away from my destination of the hospital. I took out my headphones from my purse and plugged them in, starting my playlist and heading towards the hospital.
******
I hopped off the elevator and strode down to Vic's room. I knocked on the door and entered quietly after hearing a weak "Come in." I walked in and saw Vic lying there, looking as tired as ever. When he saw me standing there, his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.
"Eve, you're here!" He said, sounding surprised.
"Of course I am. When I found out that I missed coming with the guys earlier, I knew I had to come down and see you. I've missed you Vic, nothing is the same." I wrapped my arms around his frail body, giving him a soft squeeze. I pulled back and grabbed a chair near his bed, pulling it up to the side of the bed and taking a seat.
"Yeah, it shocked me to see that you weren't with them when they came. Jaime said something about you being out with Austin?" Vic asked while absentmindedly playing with the IV in his hand.
"He texted me this morning and asked me if I wanted to go out to breakfast, and I agreed." I stated simply.
"From the way Jaime put it, you'd been gone for hours. What happened, Eve?" Vic eyed me suspiciously, and I caved almost immediately.
"I slept with him, Vic..." I looked down at my hands, my voice trailing off at the end of my sentence.
"Evie... I'm not going to yell at you or anything, because you're an adult. You make your own decisions. But I don't understand.. I thought you didn't feel anything when you kissed him the other day?" I sighed deeply,
"I didn't, but... Damn Vic, I don't know how to explain it. With everything that's going on, I just needed to get my mind off of things, and Austin was there..." I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, uncertain of what he was going to say.
"You didn't need to go to Austin, darling. You've got all of us and you know that. They need you just about as much as you need them, Eve, especially Jaime. He might seem like he's keeping himself together, but he needs you more than he'll ever admit... and I think you need him too." He grabbed my hand and gave me a weak smile. I frowned and drew my hand back from him.
"Vic.... I need to tell you something. You know how I crawl into bed with Jaime sometimes when I'm upset, right? It's a comfort thing, it always has been." He nodded his head, not wanting to interrupt. "Well lately it's just been... different. I don't do it for comfort anymore, I do it because... well... because I just want to be near him. I want to feel his arms around me, and I want to hear him whisper sweet things in my ear while I fall asleep. I've never wanted this before, and I'm not even completely sure that I want it now... but when I see him looking at me, like I'm important, like I actually matter, it breaks my heart." My breathing picked up and my voice was unintentionally getting louder, but I didn't stop. "I don't want these feelings, Vic, I never did! I didn't want to think of him as anything more than a best friend! I know what these feelings are, and I'm pushing him away because of it. That's why I slept with Austin! Jaime deserves so much better than what I could ever be for him." I began to trail off slowly. "I don't want this, Vic. I don't want to feel this way towards him." I went to lay my head in my hands, but Vic's frail hand stopped me, cupping my chin and looking me in the eyes.
"Evie, you listen to me, and you listen to me well. You would be the best thing to ever happen to Jaime. You're an incredibly beautiful girl. You know, somebody said once, 'A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever'. Maybe this is your time. Maybe it's temporarily. If you don't do anything about it though, it'll be too late, and you'll never know if it's forever. You need to talk to him and tell him you're feeling. If you don't, then you'll never know." He gave me another sad smile and let his hand rest on my cheek.
"I don't know how good of an idea that is Vic... I just don't know. Honestly... I need to get away." I sucked in a breath before continuing. "I think... I think I'm going to go visit my parents in Orlando for a little bit. I really need to get away from everything, you know? I just... I just need some time to myself." I saw the disappointment in Vic's face, and I felt it shatter my heart. I didn't want to leave the state with him like this, but I felt like I was hurting myself more by being here than anything else.
"I'll call you everyday to check on you, I promise, and when they find a donor, I'll fly back immediately. I love you Vic, I do. But I just need this, you know?" He sighed and dropped his hand, going back to playing with his IV.
"I guess I understand, and I don't blame you for it... but just promise me one thing?" He made eye contact with me again, and a look I've ever seen before formed across his face. "Just talk to Jaime before you leave. At least try. I know it'll be hard, but... just at least try, okay?" He said rather sternly. I nodded my head and stood up from my chair, picking my purse back up.
"I need to go, I just wanted to come see you since I missed out on it earlier." I bent down to hug him, wrapping my arms around his neck and holding on for as long as I could. "I love you Vic. I'll be back before you know it." I whispered in his ear. I pulled back and gave him a small wave before walking out of the room and leaving the hospital.
*********
I walked in the front door to find Tony sitting on the couch, dozing off to some show that was on in the background. I smiled to myself before setting my bag down and walking into the kitchen. The whole house was silent. I grabbed a water out of the fridge and jogged up the stairs. I stopped at the second floor and walked quietly to Jaime's door. I raised my arm to knock on it, but stopped immediately.
"Oh, Jaime!" A girl's voice came through the door, muffled. I gasped and raised my hand to my mouth, tears threatening in my eyes. I dropped my water and ran up the stairs to my room, crying. I didn't have any right to be angry when I had been doing the same exact thing hours ago, but Christ, it still hurt me.
I opened my door and grabbed my laptop, searching for the next flight to Orlando. I found one that left in three hours, and that was perfect. I purchased it and shut my laptop, throwing it and it's charger in it's case. I gathered the rest of my things and packed them quickly. Ten minutes later, I had everything packed and ready to go. I took my bags downstairs and set them by the door. Tony was sleeping soundly still, and I smiled sadly at him with tears in my eyes. I sighed and grabbed my bags, walking out the door and shutting it quietly behind me.
Notes
Feel free to yell at me for this, because I know it's awful. I'm sorry, but I still love you guys. <3 It'll work smoothly soon though, I promise!Anyways, on a more personal note, when I got home from college this past weekend I came home to find out that my parents bought me tICKETS FOR THE PANIC! AT THE DISCO SHOW IN KANSAS CITY! I can't even begin to describe how excited I am over that. I've never been to a concert before and it'll be my first. I'm so excited.
Anyways, I'll try to have another update up by Thursday, but I'm not going to promise anything. Leave me feedback guys, tell me how much you hate me for this. Oh and also, follow me on tumblr! mattnichollsdimples.tumblr.com Love you all!
Title credit: She Had The World- Panic! At The Disco
Please update
3/9/14