I've been thinking a lot recently. A lot of things have changed, but it feels like everything is the same. I'm still at home and there isn't very long left until school finishes for summer. I've been having a lot of meetings with my head teacher and they say I can go back for my senior year if I'm ready. I don't know if I will be though.
I've been seeing a psychologist. When I first saw her I didn't want to be there. I could feel her eyes on me and the wheels in her head judging me. But she wasn't. She says I have more than a few problems, but living with Dad is good for me. I also find it hard to be around people, mainly guys. I'm fine with Dad and Mike. I also okay with them touching me. I can stand Tony and Jaime, I just can't have them touch me. Dad said we're working our way to the techs.
Paris comes to see me nearly everyday. I told her after I saw the police. She blames herself for not being there, obviously. I don't know who to blame. Apparently Matt misses me. I don't know what to do about him because I used to really like him. Now I don't know if I can like him.
I was staring at his number. I've been debating for a while whether or not I should call him. My door opened and I threw down my phone. Dad was walking in my room holding a plate with a slice of chocolate cake sitting on it.
"How you feeling?" Dad asked.
"Okay, I guess," I shrugged.
"Okay enough for some news?" he asked. Dad set the plate down on my bed.
"Is that why you brought cake?"
"Chocolate makes everything better. At least according to you and Mike,"
"It does," I nodded. "Give me the good first,"
"I have three things. First Katie phoned. She's coming over in a few weeks for a few days. Staying in a hotel because I wouldn't want to kill her,"
"Good idea," I nodded, chewing on the cake.
"School phoned and they're sending some work for the summer,"
"Okay,"
"And the police called me,"
"Oh," I muttered.
"They've looked at the footage from the night club and the bouncers statement. They're taking it forward but the trial won't be for a while,"
"It'll be in England?"
"Yeah, don't worry about it now though,"
"Okay," I smiled a little. Dad left me and I turned back to my phone. My finger traced the button before I pressed call. I waited anxious, biting my lip.
"Hello?" Matt asked.
"Hey, it's Effy," I replied.
"Fucking hell! Effy, where the hell have you been?! Why haven't you been answering my calls," he rushed.
"I'm sorry," I laughed.
"So where you been?"
"Just at home,"
"How come you haven't been in school?"
"Long story, don't want to get into it on the phone,"
"Do you want me to come round?" Matt asked.
"Do you mind?"
"Shut up. I'll be there soon," he told me and hung up.
I went out into the hall and sat at the top stair. I waited a while until I heard the door bell ring. Dad went to answer it and I saw Matt standing on the door step.
"Yeah?" Dad asked.
"Hi, I'm here to see Effy," Matt replied.
"And who're you?"
"Matt. I'm her friend. We go to school together," he explained.
"She's never mentioned you," Dad said easily. Matt looks intimated. But if the lead singer of one of his favourite bands is getting all overly protective and threatening he's bound to.
"She phoned me and asked me to come round,"
"Effy!" Dad called. I hurried downstairs and stopped in front of Matt
"Hey," I smiled.
"Did you ask him here?" Dad asked.
"Yeah, is that okay?"
"Call me if you need me. Just be careful," he said and narrowed his eyes at Matt.
"Thanks," I muttered and Dad left us. I took Matt inside and he followed me up the stairs.
"Your dad scares me," he told me once we were in my room.
"Thanks," I laughed and sat on my bed. Matt copied me and looked at me carefully.
"So what's been happening?"
"Long story,"
"Give me the movie, not the book,"
"Promise you won't freak out,"
"Promise," he smiled.
"Remember Birmingham?"
"Yeah," he nodded.
"I went to a club with Paris and all my old friends. We all got really drunk and high,"
"Sounds like a good night," he nodded.
"Went to the bathroom and took some E's. Then Connor started to kiss me. And I never turn down a kiss so we went in a cubicle," I said evenly.
"Did you hook up?"
"No," I shook my head. "I didn't want to. Short version is he didn't like that I said no," I said heavily. "He pushed me down and made me give him head. He beat me around a bit. I kind of thought I was going to die," I wiped my eyes. Great, I'm crying again.
Matt looked at his hands and frowned for a while. "I'm sorry," Matt breathed. He brought his hand forward and rested it on my knee. "Is this okay? Am I going too far?"
"It's okay," I nodded.
"Can I hug you? Or would that be too much?"
"You can," I replied. Matt wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his chest.
"If I ever see the bastard that did this to you I'll kill him,"
"Get in line," I said as I pulled away.
"Um . . . Can I tell you something? No one knows,"
"Sure," I nodded.
"When I was thirteen my sister was walking back to her dorm from a lecture when she was pulled into this alley. She tried to get away but this bastard put a knife to her throat. He made her take off her clothes and fuck him. He raped her," Matt explained slowly.
"I'm sorry,"
"I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad. I'm saying it so you know I know how to act around you. I know you won't like being touched and I need to ask permission if I want to. And I know that if you're like Rose was you won't think you're beautiful. But I think you are. Really beautiful," Matt smiled.
"Thank you," I breathed.

Notes

Hey! Sorry I haven't updated, but I have loads of stuff planned for you! How was this? Does Effy like Matt? What do you think will happen? What about everything that's been happening to Effy recently? :)