Hold on `till May
Red Roses
I looked at the ground, trembling with rage.
Drip. Drip. Drip. The crimson spilled to the floor, pooling.
"Oh Alice, I hate seeing you like this...." whispered a voice. I looked at the razor in my hands, questioning my next move.
"Do It," Said the voice. I thought about if for a moment. Would this never ending nightmare stop? And right on impulse, with the quick, swift movement of the sharp razor, I ended it all.
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"Oh, Alice! Dear God your okay!" Nana wept. I blinked, my vision blurry. My head was pounding and I was very cold, shivering even.
"Nana.....What happened? Why am I in here?" I heard the soft beeps and hums of medical equipment. Nana palled, her skin took a pale glow. She had bags under her eyes, as if she hadn't slept for days.
She quivered violently. "Y-you t-tried t-t-to kill y-yourself. Oh Alice there was so much blood.....and you were dead when the paramedics arrived......" she burst into tears. Bringing forth gut-wrenching sobs.
I looked down at my arms, and sure enough two IV`s were in my arm. One giving me medicine and the other pumping blood into my system. On both my wrists were white gauze wrapped bandages. My skin felt tight every time I tried to move them and I winced in pain.
I sucked in a breath. I remember. I was thinking about Alex. Oh my sweet baby boy. My innocent baby brother. And then how Jason fucking killed him. My heart beat faster, tremors shook me to my core, and I screamed. An unearthly animal sound ripped out of my throat. I remember seeing his swollen black and blue face. I remember his pleas for help but I couldn`t get to him. Alex.
I kept screaming. Letting all of my frustration and sorrow out. All the pain and denial. I thrashed around in the bed, tearing away from the IV`s and the heart monitor. I jumped up and ran out of my room. Doctors and nurses asked if I was all right, but I just kept running. I ran all the way out of the hospital, collapsing in the parking lot.
The alarms went off. They were probably looking for me, but whatever. I liked the cold, frigid air. Frost covered the streets and buildings. Christmas was just around the corner, and Alex wouldn`t get to be here for it. He never did have a real Christmas.
"Oh Alice, I hate seeing you like this," came a soft voice. I turned my head to see Alex sitting beside me of the cold, hard asphalt. "Alex? Oh God it`s you! It really is you!" I reached for him, but my hand ghosted through him. Alex smiled sadly and faded into nothing.
Tears spilled onto my cheeks and once again I was sobbing. I looked down at my wrists, little patches of fresh blood stained the virgin white bandages. Then something warm tugged at me, and I gladly followed. Drifting off into a dark abyss of slumber
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I woke up once again, but this time in my own bed. Nana sat next to me, sleeping. But when I sat up, she stirred and woke up.
"Alice, No more running away from your problems. I can`t lose you. So I decided to work with a therapist for your health and safety. You will be moving to the zoned school in this area and you will forget everything that happened over in your old house. I should have taken you and your brother a long time ago. Your parents were cowards. That does not make you one."
But it does. Oh how it does. I may look happy on the outside, but on the inside, I`m dying. I`m screaming and no one can hear me. No one ever could.
Drip. Drip. Drip. The crimson spilled to the floor, pooling.
"Oh Alice, I hate seeing you like this...." whispered a voice. I looked at the razor in my hands, questioning my next move.
"Do It," Said the voice. I thought about if for a moment. Would this never ending nightmare stop? And right on impulse, with the quick, swift movement of the sharp razor, I ended it all.
------------------------------------
"Oh, Alice! Dear God your okay!" Nana wept. I blinked, my vision blurry. My head was pounding and I was very cold, shivering even.
"Nana.....What happened? Why am I in here?" I heard the soft beeps and hums of medical equipment. Nana palled, her skin took a pale glow. She had bags under her eyes, as if she hadn't slept for days.
She quivered violently. "Y-you t-tried t-t-to kill y-yourself. Oh Alice there was so much blood.....and you were dead when the paramedics arrived......" she burst into tears. Bringing forth gut-wrenching sobs.
I looked down at my arms, and sure enough two IV`s were in my arm. One giving me medicine and the other pumping blood into my system. On both my wrists were white gauze wrapped bandages. My skin felt tight every time I tried to move them and I winced in pain.
I sucked in a breath. I remember. I was thinking about Alex. Oh my sweet baby boy. My innocent baby brother. And then how Jason fucking killed him. My heart beat faster, tremors shook me to my core, and I screamed. An unearthly animal sound ripped out of my throat. I remember seeing his swollen black and blue face. I remember his pleas for help but I couldn`t get to him. Alex.
I kept screaming. Letting all of my frustration and sorrow out. All the pain and denial. I thrashed around in the bed, tearing away from the IV`s and the heart monitor. I jumped up and ran out of my room. Doctors and nurses asked if I was all right, but I just kept running. I ran all the way out of the hospital, collapsing in the parking lot.
The alarms went off. They were probably looking for me, but whatever. I liked the cold, frigid air. Frost covered the streets and buildings. Christmas was just around the corner, and Alex wouldn`t get to be here for it. He never did have a real Christmas.
"Oh Alice, I hate seeing you like this," came a soft voice. I turned my head to see Alex sitting beside me of the cold, hard asphalt. "Alex? Oh God it`s you! It really is you!" I reached for him, but my hand ghosted through him. Alex smiled sadly and faded into nothing.
Tears spilled onto my cheeks and once again I was sobbing. I looked down at my wrists, little patches of fresh blood stained the virgin white bandages. Then something warm tugged at me, and I gladly followed. Drifting off into a dark abyss of slumber
---------------------------------------------------------------
I woke up once again, but this time in my own bed. Nana sat next to me, sleeping. But when I sat up, she stirred and woke up.
"Alice, No more running away from your problems. I can`t lose you. So I decided to work with a therapist for your health and safety. You will be moving to the zoned school in this area and you will forget everything that happened over in your old house. I should have taken you and your brother a long time ago. Your parents were cowards. That does not make you one."
But it does. Oh how it does. I may look happy on the outside, but on the inside, I`m dying. I`m screaming and no one can hear me. No one ever could.
11/11/13