Lonely Girl

So I haven't been on for awhile. On October 30th til November 7th I went on tour to see every Bring Me the Horizon and Pierce the Veil show in the UK. I swear it was the best week of my life. I met them so many times and I got to see This Is a Wasteland and ahhh. If you got any questions about the tour or the documentary then feel free to ask! :) ill be back to regular updates now! Enjoy thia chapter!

I quickly got changed into the clothes that Hayley gave me then went back downstairs. Elisa was playing with Mike and Jaime while Tony sat on the other couch with Jenna. I feel sorta jealous that they have such a perfect relationship. Stupid me and my crap relationship issues. "Auntie Jenna" I heard a small voice squeal which brought me outta my daydream.

"Baby girl" Jenna smiled at Elisa. "What's up?".

"You're dry now" Elisa pointed at her clothes. She turned around to me. "You too" She giggled.

"Yeah, we got changed into dry clothes" I smiled down at the little girl. My heart sank looking down at my daughter. Her eyes were wide and the more I looked into them the more I could see myself in them. I guess the realisation that she was my child was finally hitting me.

"Daddy" She said reaching her arms out for me to pick her up. I bent down and picked the girl up and hugged her. She wrapped her tiny arms around my neck and hugged into me. I walked over to the couch and sat down with her in my arms. Tony turned on the TV and Elisa lay in my arms watching Spongebob Squarepants.

After about 20 minutes Taylor came through and told us dinner was ready. "Come on Elisa. Dinner time" I whispered. She looked up at me and nodded. I stood up and walked into the dinning room. Hayley had put our dinners out on the table.

"Dig in guys" She smiled. I seen her look up at me and stuck her tongue out at Elisa. "You know where to sit baby" She said to Elisa who climbed out of my arms and into a chair.

After dinner we all sat around the living room talking about the past 3 years. Catching up mostly. Hayley seemed really happy when talking about her time with Elisa, which made me really happy. "Mommy, I'm tired" Elisa spoke up.

We all looked at the sleepy girl. "Let's go to bed" Hayley said standing up.

"I want you and daddy to read me a story" She said looking up at us. I looked at Hayley, she just nodded.

"Okay, come on baby" She said and held her hand out for Elisa to take.

We walked up the stairs and went to a room with pink princesses on the door. I smile as I realised this is where my little girl slept. "My room" Elisa said looking up at me with tired eyes. I smiled down at her as Hayley opened the door. I sat down on the small princess covered bed as Hayley got Elisa into her pyjamas. I stood up after a few minutes and helped Elisa climb into bed. "Tell me a story" She smiled up at me.

"What story?" I asked.

"About you and mommy" She sighed, closing her sleepy eyes.

"Okay..." I tried to think for a minute then it hit me. "Once upon a time there was this princess. She had long, orange hair and beautiful porcelain skin. Everyone thought she had the voice of an angel so she decided to start a band with her friends. They toured the world until she met this other band, who had a prince in it. She fell madly in love with the prince, there were some complications and they lost touch once the tour ended. The princess was really sad but somehow one day she found the prince again. They were reunited and lived happily ever after. The end" I said softly down at the half sleeping child next to me.

"Are you and mommy happily ever after?" Elisa asked. I frowned a little but realised she would have seen my sadness.

"Me and mommy are happy" I said softly. Elisas eyes slowly closed.

"Night" She mumbled as she slowly fell asleep.

I stood up and walked out of her bedroom and closed the door. I noticed Hayley sitting in the hallway floor. She looked up at me and smiled softly. "Hey" She said softly.

I sat down next to her and replied "Hi".

She looked at me for a brief second "How are you coping with this?" She asked quietly.

"I'm dealing okay. It's big but I guess if this was gonna happen with anyone, I'm glad it was you" I said looking up from staring at my hands. Her eyes stared into mine, something about the way she looked made me feel nervous. I blinked a few times and tried to look away but her eyes were enchanting.

"That's good then. I'm glad" She smirked a little.

She stood up and then held her hand out for me to help me up, which I took. Her hands were so soft that I didn't want to let go ever but I did, I had to. We stood awkwardly staring at each other. "What time does she usually wake up at?" I asked.

"Around 7am" She shrugged.

"Ouch" I laughed a little.

"I'm used to it, remember I've lived with her for 3 years" Hayley smiled.

I laughed a little and then the laughter died down. I stared into her eyes again and I felt the best I have felt in years. Her smile grew wider the longer we stared. I closed my eyes and when I opened them Hayley had moved closer to me. I blinked a few times to check that she had actually moved closer, my eyes had no decieved me. She had. She reached her hand up at me and fixed my hat. It must have been sitting funny. Her hand lingered as she touched my hair, not that I'm complaining. Wait, I have a girlfriend. I reached up to pull her hand out of my hair but as our skin touched it felt like electricity sparked between us. My eyes widened as Hayley reached up and placed her lips on mine. My breath caught in my throat as reality crashed down on me. I didn't know what to do but my body responded for me by kissing her back. Our lips moved against each other in sync. Her hands slipped around my neck and she began playing with my hair. I wrapped my arms around her small waist and pulled her closer to me. One of my hands found their way to her neck and I held onto it as I kissed her with so much passion. "Hayley do you kno- oh never mind" I heard from behind Hayley. We torn apart in time for me to see Tony standing at the top of the stairs.

"No, wait" I called out as Tony turned around and ran down the stairs. I looked at Hayley and the realisation hit me. "Shit" I moaned.

I pushed past Hayley and ran down the stairs. When I got to the livingroom everyone looked mad. "Vic" Jenna said shaking her head. "You have a girlfriend. If you wanna make out with Hayley, breaking up with your girlfriend first" She shook her head.

"Whoa, wait a second. You guys need to chill okay. Leave me alone, I'll do what I want. I swear to God. You call yourselves my friends? You say I should break up with Rachel because she's a horrible bitch but now you are so angry because I kissed the one person you all hate me for fucking things up with. Make your God-damn minds up" I blew up. Everyone really is beginning to get on my nerves. "You guys should leave. Come back when you finally pick a side" I stormed off into the garden.

Who the hell do they think they are. I know I'm no saint here but fuck them. I am so angry right now. I kicked a few toys laying around until I had nothing else to kick. "Vic, calm down" I heard from behind me.

I spun around. Hayley stood infront of me looking sad. "How can I?" I groaned. I'm such a massive fuck up Hayley. She looked at me with concern.

"How are you?" She asked. I looked at my feet. I could feel the tears building up. Not now. Fuck.

"If I just called you back, all those years ago. It would be us living here, together. Possibly married and happy but no. I fucked up. From day one I fucked it all up" I said fighting the tears about to fall. "For so many years I wouldn't care about where my life was going until I met you and it all became clear. I guess that fucked me up a little because even though I knew what I wanted, it seemed as though I went in the opposite direction" I cried, a few tears finally falling. "I loved you so much it physically hurt me to even look at you" I fell to the ground on my knees. "All I wanted was to make you happy but I couldn't do that. Now I'm with a girl who makes me physically sick, I can't stand her and you know what" I said looking up at her. She walked over and kneeled down with me, holding my hands. "I wish my mom was here to tell me what to do" I said and began sobbing.

I sobbed and sobbed until my throat hurt. It's sorta hilarious how I'm a 35 year old man, sobbing my eyes out in my ex girlfriends garden. Hayley wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. "It's gonna be okay" She whispered.

After 10 minutes of me crying I finally stopped. I wiped my eyes and sat up. Hayley smiled softly at me. "That's the first time since my mom died that I properly grieved about it" I whispered.

"Well maybe it helped" She held onto my hand. I looked down at our hands and smiled, the first real smile I had smiled for years.

"Yeah, maybe it did" I looked up at her.

Notes