Kissing Razors

*Lydia*


After we got back from Abuelo and Abuela's I headed straight to my bunk, not wanting them to see me if I had another panic attack. Seems silly that I'd have one in a perfectly calm environment but that means nothing. I had had one at the orphanage during Sunday Mass, which I hated. There was no god, not for me. Perfectly silent and I ended up freaking out like the pathetic freak I am because someone accidentally touched me. I blocked out memories of my past with some ATL, but the burning sensation on my thighs and arms was back, begging to be relieved.

Just do it. It'll make you feel good; just like it always did. Who's gonna notice anyways? One little nick, that's all it takes. You know you love it, the pain, the blood beading up and rolling down your skin.

I shook my head, trying to clear away the ghost of my mother's voice.
"No... No. I won't. I won't let your poisonous voice back in. No way in Hell." I changed the song, instead to the Murderdolls' Drug Me To Hell. I let Wednesday Thirteen sing me into a sort of trance, which took up the time that was spent driving to the next venue, three days away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was woken up by the sound of multiple people yelling at what sounded like a videogame. Slipping out of my bunk, I saw Dad, Mike, Turtle, and Hime along with six other people, all dressed in darker colors. I stifled a giggle as Hime threw the controller at one of the new guys.
"Fuck you, Chris!" He pouted, which turned into a smile as everyone laughed.
"When and where, Preciado?" The guy, Chris, smirked at him pervertedly and I couldn't keep the small laugh down, which turned all attention to me.
"She's alive!" Vic yelled, failing at being Dr. Frankenstein. I rolled my eyes at him and smiled, still feeling six- no, seven, pairs of eyes on me. I noticed a girl with long brown hair sitting on one of the six guy's laps.
"Take a picture; it'll last longer." I snapped, uncomfortable with them all looking at me. I don't know who they are, and them looking at me is... unpleasant, to say the least. They all seemed a bit shocked by my sudden outburst, but stopped staring at me, except for the one who had spiderbites and blue eyes. I walked to the kitchen area and grabbed a bottle of water, getting lost in my head.
"Hey." I snapped my head up and into the cabinet when I heard a voice.
"Motherfuckers!" I mumbled, rubbing where my head hit the hinge of the cabinet door. I opened my eyes to see Spiderbites standing in front of me.
"Holy- Are you ok?"
"Yeah. I've smacked into worse." He relaxed a little and I decided to head to the shower.
~~20 minutes~~
I pulled on my black and blue converse, straightening my blue beanie and adjusting the black Miss May I pullover I had on, pulling my belt through the black and blue, split- leg jeans. I knew I needed to apologize, so quickly applying some coverup to the few scars on my face and some mascara, I walked out to the living area again.
"Sorry for snapping at you guys earlier. I just don't like being stared at by people I don't know. I'm Lydia." I sat on the floor by Turtle, glancing at the seven people across from me. They all nodded in understanding.
"It's alright. I'm Ricky." Spiderbites Ricky, spoke up.
"I'm Devin, but I prefer Ghost." I'm pretty sure if Johnny Depp was in his 20's again, Ghost would be his twin.
"I'm Ryan and this is my girlfriend, Allie." A guy with longish brown hair smiled at me, his head on Allie's shoulder.
"I'm Brandon, but I go by Rage." He had large plugs in his ears, I'd say around 2 inches.
"Josh, but I go by Balz. Love the sweater, by the way." I tried not to laugh and actually succeeded.
"Your last name, I'm guessing?"
"Yep." He popped the 'p' and I nodded.
"And you're Chris, the guy who apparently wants to get with Hime." I pointed to the guy Jaimie threw the controller at. Everyone cracked up a little at that and Chris leaned back.
"You heard that..."
"Yup. Don't worry, I don't judge." I smirked. I actually got along pretty well with them. I got my ass kicked at about ten of the video games played, except for Battlefield Three.
"So, are you guys on Warped?"
"Yeah. We're playing the Honda stage all this circuit."
"Awesome. I'll have to check you guys out." I gave the controller up around lunch time, glad that we had restocked on food, and started cooking. I made up a batch of hot wings using my dad's recipe.
"Lunch!" I called, setting out the wings.
"Vic, I may just steal your daughter." Chris joked, getting a laugh from everyone.
"Nope, she's mine. Sorry, Chris." I just leaned against the counter and sipped at my water, laughing at them and waiting for them to finish so I could clean up.

Notes

DONE