I kept my eyes closed because I knew that if I opened them I would be disappointed. I didn’t know how long I had been laying here for, curled up in Mike’s bed, dampening his pillow and shivering under his covers that were supposed to be warm. It could have been a few hours, I wouldn’t know. It felt like a long time, but my body clock was probably exaggerating it. I’ve never felt feelings like this before—I felt two extremes in one day. I felt love and happiness and pure bliss, ecstasy—now I was absolutely miserable, my head spinning and my heart heavy.

Mike was leaving tomorrow and we had fought for the first time. I didn’t like the idea of him leaving with us on a sour note.

But Mike’s anger was justified. Me omitting the truth that having to move out of San Diego was inevitable once my follow up appointments ended made him think I didn’t care—but I did care, I cared a lot. I cared so much that I chose not to think about the future too much because it was complicated and messy and I just wanted to enjoy the present time with him. Maybe he would be able to understand that. But it still didn’t solve the problem—what do I do? I didn’t want to leave him—and surely Phoebe didn’t want to leave Vic—but we couldn’t just become dependent on them. How would that turn out, especially when they left for tour? We would essentially be putting our life on hold while the very reasons why we were staying in San Diego were not even with us, away traveling.

My thoughts continued to spiral out of control. I loved Mike, I wanted to be with him. But what about my career? Our independent lives were dangling by a thread as we knew it and, knowing Phoebe’s character, she probably was just as not okay about that as I was. It was something we both valued. Even when I couldn’t see, Phoebe and I both gave each other the space we needed. But now everything was changing, and it was changing fast.

The chill that lingered over my skin suddenly dispersed, being replaced with warmth. A hand timidly touched my back—barely touching, the palm hovering over the surface just enough so I knew it was there. I was warmer now but I still shivered.

“Baby,” he whispered. I stirred a little; he placed his hand more definitely on my back. He must have leaned forward because I felt his breath on my cheek.

I shifted away from him, tensing under his touch. “Faye…” he sighed softly. “I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” I said. My eyes were still closed; he was right, my eyes were always closed. I could see now but I still couldn't see.

“I didn’t mean that, Faye,” he said in response to the thoughts I had mumbled out loud. “You’re smarter than anyone I know, and that’s a lot because Vic is very smart,” he said. If I had my eyes open I probably would have seen a sly smile stretch across Mike’s face. I shook my head again.

“It’s okay, Mike,” I mumbled. “But that’s not what this is about,” I said. I rolled over and sat up. I wiped my eyes with my sleeves and sniffed. Mike sat down on the edge of the bed, facing me. He pursed his lips and nodded. “I should have just talked to you about it.”

“Well I should have figured it out on my own. I mean, I guess I kinda figured that the company wouldn’t pay for your living arrangements forever, but, I don’t know,” he shook his head. He sighed and extended his arm, taking my hand into his. “I didn’t want to admit it either. But we can figure something out. We will figure something out, okay?” I nodded.

“Okay,” I murmured. Mike smiled weakly and I mirrored the action.

“You still have a bunch of follow up appointments left, right?” he asked softly. He scooted closer to my and tucked some of my hair behind my ear. I nodded. “Okay, then we don’t have to talk about it right now.” I nodded again and wrapped my arms around his neck, lazily pulling him down with me so we were facing each other.

“Where did you go?” I asked quietly.

“I went for a walk.”

“Oh,” I murmured. He bit on his lip and nodded. “What time is it?” I asked.

“Midnight-ish.” My eyes widened.

“Mike, you have to leave early tomorrow!” I scolded gently.

“I know. I don’t want to sleep, though,” he mumbled, leaning forward so our foreheads were together. “I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want you to leave me. I want to be with you always. I’ve never been in love like this before, it’s so weird but I’m not afraid of it…I thought I would be afraid and make a mistake and be an idiot but you’re so different and the only thing I’m afraid of is loosing you…” he rambled, his voice low and he was hiding his head in my neck as he spoke, as if he was embarrassed.

“Mike,” I mumbled. I tangled my fingers into his stringy hair on the back of his head. I didn’t really know what to say to him except, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said; he kissed my neck lightly and then sighed into my skin. “Go with me,” he mumbled.

“Where?” I tilted my head to the side, furrowing my eyebrows. Mike pulled away so we were looking at each other; he curled his fingers against my cheek.

“Come on tour with us,” he said softly.

“Mike,” I sighed, closing my eyes briefly.

“C’mon, baby,” he urged, an excited grin slowly taking over his features.

“You know I can’t right now,” I said. I had one appointment a week for the next few weeks, which included tests and some special therapy. He frowned but nodded, understanding.

“Maybe the next one?” he asked hopefully. I smiled a little.

“Yes, maybe.” I leaned forward and kissed him on the lips gently. “When is it?”

“Well the last date for this one is April fourth. Then we leave again for Spring Fever on the eleventh. They’re both American tours.”

“Sounds fun. But maybe I’ll wait to tag along until you go overseas,” I teased. Mike grinned.

“That’s what we can do! When you’re appointments end and you have no other reason to be in San Diego besides me of course you can just come on tour with us! It makes sense, babe!” he said, growing more and more excited as the ideas formulated in that cute little head of his.

“Mike,” I smiled a little, but it held some sadness. I wasn’t prepared to make that decision, yet. My life was changing drastically and molding into Mike’s—I didn’t have a problem with it, but it was kind of overwhelming.

“I know,” he sighed.

“Can we just not talk about it right now?” I asked.

He nodded. “Okay,” he said, looking a little defeated.

“Mikey,” I murmured. I placed my hand on his cheek to draw his eyes back to mine. “I’m not going anywhere,” I promised.

“Then why do you sigh every time the subject comes up?” he bit his lip. “I’m afraid that when we get back you won’t be here…”

“I’ll be here Mike, I promise. It’s true that this was supposed to be temporary and that I didn’t quit my job, I only took time off, but nothing is set in stone… things can change… things have changed. It was stupid of me to think that things wouldn’t change coming out here. But I think it’s for the better… besides…” I bit my lip. “I’m sure there are places here I can work…” I suggested lowly. I loved my coworkers back home, but with all my cases closed I would feel okay with possibly finding a new location out here in Southern California. I used to have a life in North Carolina but now I’ve discovered a new life out here. I had to get over the fact that I was entering a new chapter of my life. And it was Mike who was turning the page, after all.

He smiled softly. “Don’t stress out over it now, baby. We’ll figure something out. I love you.”

“Okay,” I nodded. “I love you too.” Mike’s smile widened but his eyelids drooped tiredly. I snuggled closer to him and gently tapped my fingers across his face. He closed his eyes fully and breathed in. “Go to sleep,” I urged with a yawn of my own. He nodded and wrapped his arms tightly around me.

“Goodnight angel,” he murmured.

I smiled and kissed his head. “Goodnight Mikey.” He was snoring lightly in an instant, which made me laugh a little. His arms tightened around me and I got comfortable against him, closing my eyes and happy for the peacefulness that I currently felt.

Unfortunately, though, the peacefulness didn’t last for long.

Curled up with Mike, my hands at his chest and his arms protectively drooped around me, five hours felt like five minutes. And before I knew it, he was nudging me softly, telling me that he had to go out to the bus call soon.

I yawned and peeled my eyes open. “Hi,” I murmured when I saw Mike.

He chuckled a little and places a chaste kiss to my forehead. He brushed my hair out of my face soothingly. I let my eyelids give into their own weight even though I knew I had to get up to say goodbye. But it was so early that I felt a bit delusional—delusional in the sense that it didn’t feel like he was really leaving.

His thumb brushed across my cheek gently and my eyes fluttered open. “Do you want to come down with me?” he asked.

“Of course,” I said tiredly, smiling at him. I extended my arms out for him and he chuckled again, leaning into my embrace. He wrapped his arms around me and effortlessly lifted my up into him. I tightened my arms around his neck and nuzzled my head against his stubbly cheek.

After a moment I loosened my arms around him and pulled away. I sat up and swung my legs around and slid off of the bed. I gently rubbed my eyes and yawned, stretching out. I flattened out my t-shirt and pulled a pair of Mike’s sweatpants over the shorts I was wearing, and then I ran my fingers through my knotty hair.

I turned back to Mike and grabbed his hand while we walked out of the room together. He looked exhausted, but he was cleaned up nicely in the typical Mike outfit—black skinny jeans, a cut-off tank, a vest, and a lopsided hat. I let go of his hand and reached up, twirling my fingers into his hair that stuck out underneath his hat.

“You’re very tall,” I said.

Mike let out a laugh. “Am I?”

Even though it was early, the temperature outside didn’t feel like it. Early mornings in North Carolina had a bitter edge to them but not here in San Diego—the weather was comfortable, not completely hot yet because the sun was still hiding but when you breathed in the air was warm and soothing.

Parked on the street was their tour bus, along with a trailer of equipment that people were loading things on to. I saw Jaime and Tony help carry their stuff onto the bus and the trailer. I looked up at Mike. “Do you need to help?”

He shook his head. “Nope, I’m all packed up already. C’mon, I wanna show you the bus,” he said, tugging on my hand.

“Hi, Tony and Jaime,” I said, waving at the two guys as they passed. They grinned and waved back. I looked up at Mike. “I don’t really know them that well,” I realized. He chuckled a little.

“We’ll have a party when we get back, how does that sound?” he asked. I nodded excitedly as he led me up the stairs of the bus.

“Wow,” I said, gazing at the interior of the bus. My eyes darted around every detail—the large windows on the sides, a miniature kitchen and bar area with a small table and leather couches around it on one side, more couches and a television and gaming system on the other, a hallway leading to the back of the bus that I couldn't see yet. It was a high-end bus; I couldn’t focus on one specific thing, my eyes continuously traveling around, imagining the guys living here for the next few weeks. “Amazing,” I breathed. Mike smiled and dragged me through the middle, towards the back.

We entered the next are, which revealed bunks on either side of the thin walk way. For a mobile home, they looked awfully comfortable. “This one’s mine,” Mike said, raising his arm and patting the edge of the right top one. I nodded and gazed around the area—it seemed small for four and more guys but I guess that was what made it an experience. He led me further back, sliding open a door. “And this is the back of the bus, just another lounge area,” he said.

“Wow, this is so nice. Now I wish I was going with you guys,” I laughed a little.

“Next one, I hope you will,” he said, kissing the side of my head, close to my ear. “I want you to experience this kind of living with me,” he said quietly. I smiled and bit my lip, turning to face him more directly again. I stood up on my toes and held his face delicately between my hands, kissing him on the lips.

“Don’t leave me, please, okay?” he mumbled lowly.

“Mike…” I pulled away and stared at him sadly.

“I need a girl like you in my life… I need you…” he continued, his voice low and unconfident. It seemed like the more I got to know Mike, the more layers of his personality I uncovered. And I always wondered what he meant when he said things like that—what was it about me that he needed? Why did he sound so sad when he said that?

I rubbed his cheek soothingly and nodded in understanding. “I’ll call you, okay? Just let me know when I can so I don’t bother you. And I’ll be here when you get back,” I promised. He smiled.

“You’d never bother me, Faye,” he said, turning and walking with me back to the front of the bus, holding my hand tightly. I tilted my head against his upper arm and breathed in. I was going to miss him. Even though it wasn’t that long, I was going to miss him a lot. The fact that just last night I “didn’t know” what I was going to do about moving out of San Diego seemed suddenly so ridiculous—of course I knew now! I had to come to terms with the fact that I loved Mike a lot and he was in my life now—I couldn’t run away or close my eyes any more. I had to move with it.

We exited the bus together, seeing a small group of people crowded along the curb. Vic had his arm wrapped tightly around Phoebe’s waist; the right side of her head was against the left side of his. Phoebe’s eyes were closed tiredly and Vic was talking softly to a guy standing next to them—their tour manager, perhaps. Jaime was sitting on the curb with his arms folded at his knees and his head buried into his elbows, the rise and fall of his back steady, like he was sleeping. Tony was talking to a few more guys I didn’t recognize. Everyone was talking lowly and sleepily, as if they didn’t want to wake up the neighborhood—or themselves, for that matter.

“I’d introduce you now but everyone’s cranky,” Mike said with a small grin.

“Yeah, I understand,” I laughed a little. “It’s early,” I pointed out the obvious with a small yawn.

“Alright, everything’s good and ready to go,” someone said, approaching the group.

“Great, thanks Dave,” Vic spoke up. Jaime grunted from the ground and pulled himself up. He smiled in my direction and then dragged himself into the bus, probably to go right to sleep. I laughed a little. The small group slowly dispersed—I figured that the other people were some sort of crew members, as a few of them walked towards the trailer and disappeared into the other bus that I didn’t see before.

“Oh, wait, Casey!” Mike called as an average sized guy who dressed a lot like Mike started towards the tour bus. Casey turned and raised his eyebrows.

“I want you to meet my girl,” he said. His words—my girl—stirred all sorts of butterflies in my stomach.

“Hey, I’m Casey. You’re Faye, I’ve heard a lot about you,” he said with a toothy grin.

“Nice to meet you Casey,” I smiled, gently shaking the hand that he held out for me while nudging Mike lightly.

“Faye, Casey’s my drum tech but also one of my really good friends,” Mike said.

“Oh, nice,” I said, nodding and smiling.

“Yeah, I’m special, I get to go on the bus with the band,” Casey said, wiggling his eyebrows. He started to back away, smirking at Mike and waving at me before he turned on his heels and hopped onto the bus.

“Whatta guy,” Mike said, shaking his head. I let out a small laugh. “Him, our tour manager, and our photographer all go on this bus,” Mike said. “The rest of the roadies have their own,” he said.

“Oh, that’s cool,” I said, trying to suppress a yawn but not succeeding. “I hope you have fun,” I smiled. Tony got on the bus next and then so did the guy that Vic had been talking to and some really tired looking bald guy. Vic was probably saying goodbye to Phoebe but I wasn’t worried about them—I was more concerned with the man holding my head in between his hands, Mike.

“It’ll be alright,” he said.

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, don’t even. You’ll have a blast. Good luck with all your shows. I can’t wait to see you guys play at the end,” I said. Phoebe and I were catching the last date of the tour, which was in Southern California. I loved listening to them live but I couldn’t wait to actually see them.

“I can’t wait for you to see us, too. Thanks baby.” He kissed me gently on the lips, but I kissed him back firmly, wrapping my arms around his neck. I pulled away and then pecked his lips a few times in a row.

“Bye, Mikey,” I murmured.

“Bye Faye. I’ll call you, okay?” I nodded. “I love you,” he said quietly.

I smiled and kissed him again. “I love you, too,” I said. We both smiled at each other and I loosened my arms around his neck. Behind him I saw Vic climbing into the bus. “Rock on,” I said tiredly yet enthusiastically. Mike chuckled and kissed my forehead one last time before turning away. I backed away as the door to the bus closed and the engine roared to life. Phoebe’s fingers suddenly intertwined through mine as the bus took off—I stared at the windows and even though they were tinted I had a feeling I was looking right at Mike, and maybe he had been looking right at me, too.

When the buses were out of the neighborhood, Phoebe and I sighed.

“Now I’m stuck with you,” she groaned. I laughed and gave her hand a squeeze.

“I’ve been with Mike all week, I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages,” I said. She shrugged her shoulders.

“You’ll be seeing a lot of me now,” she smiled. We started to walk back into the Fuentes brothers’ house. Phoebe had driven Vic here probably early this morning so we would just drive back to our place later.

“I’d love to cuddle with you now, but I think I’m going to Mike’s room for a little while,” I admitted. I was so exhausted, my eyes were on fire, and sleeping in Mike’s sheets with my cheek on his pillow and his scent wrapped around me sounded amazing.

“Same,” she said. “Well, to Vic’s room,” she laughed.

“Okay,” I laughed. “Get some rest buddy. You okay?” I asked.

“Yes, yes, I’m good, I promise,” she smiled. “And you?” I nodded, my eyelids drooped though, I was about to fall asleep just standing there.

“See you in a few hours then,” I said. I pulled Phoebe into a big hug, closing my eyes and burying my head into her hair. She kissed my shoulder before we pulled away. “Love you,” I said.

“Love you too,” she gently patted my cheek and then we parted ways, she going to Vic’s and me going to Mike’s.

I collapsed onto his bed, tucking my legs under his blankets and nuzzling my face into his pillow. It was still warm from our previous sleep—it felt like he was still here. It felt like he was still here so it didn’t feel like he was really gone, not yet. I was so tired that it hadn’t really hit yet.

But then I noticed that the pillowcase was dampening up and that my eyes stung. I was crying a little, tears leaking out of my eyes. I turned my head into his pillow even more. “I love you,” I murmured.

Notes

Ahhhhh

hi

Thank you so so so much to everyone who has been commenting on this! You guys are what keeps me going! It makes me stupid happy seeing other people enjoy this as much as I am! And even though I take ages to write this, I really do love writing it!

Soo whatya think about all this? I just couldn't make them on bad terms for that long, it just wouldn't work! But what do you think is going to happen? What do you want to happen? Let me knowww! :D

Lova yaaa xoxo