I didn’t want Mike to know that. That was the one thing I was hoping to keep from him—that his older brother had gone crazy and spent several months in a mental hospital, basically starting a chain reaction of the destruction of his life as he once knew it.

My jaw dropped after my mom snarled those words. They hit me so close to the vital part of my heart that I thought I was going to die. How could she say that to me? Couldn’t she see the pain I was in?

I felt someone gently touch my arm. It was Alyssa. “Vic…” she whispered softly in a warning. She probably could tell that I was becoming more and more angry at the situation. It was probably really easy to see that my limbs were shaking with rage.

Mike said nothing, though. He was probably too surprised to hear that his own brother had been severely mentally ill, that his own brother had succumbed to such weakness.

“Fuck you,” I whispered hoarsely to the evil woman before me. I glared at both of them, my anger reaching an entirely new level. I pushed them back angrily, but it was a sloppy hit so they didn’t really move. I could almost see the snicker in my father’s eyes. That only fueled my anger more. I put more force into the push, jamming the heels of my palms into her right and his left shoulder. They stumbled back, alarmed.

“I’ll fucking kill you both,” I snarled dangerously. My eyes must have turned black, because the woman who dares to call herself my mother shook in fear. I took an offensive step closer, staring them down like they were my prey. I was as good as dead to them, so they were as good as dead to me. And I wanted them to actually be dead.

I wanted to kill them myself.

I took another step forward and growled at them. “You’re dead.”

Their eyes widened even more, and I took yet another step forward. I was now a mere foot away from them. They shuddered, as I stood tall over them, a smirk on my face.

It would be so easy. All I had to do was quickly reach to the right of them, open the drawer and take out a knife. It would be so easy to grab one and stab it through their abdomens. They probably had no idea that I had cornered them next to the knife drawer. It would be so easy…

So that’s what I did.

I hastily reached forward, ripping open the cabinet. The taste of victory was forming on my tongue when one of my fingers reached the handle of a knife. I grabbed it from the drawer and my mother shrieked. Before I could impale one of them with it, though, I hit my head on the ground.

Dazed, I looked up. “What the fuck?” I spat at Alyssa, who had knocked me over before I had a chance to murder the couple who I couldn’t call my parents. My left hand was sprawled away, the knife still in my hand.

I was out of control. I knew Alyssa was just trying to help, but I couldn’t think straight. I looked once at her, and then I eyed the knife in my left hand. It glistened invitingly, begging to be smeared with red. My eyes flickered back and forth from her to the knife until I mindlessly acted—I pushed her roughly off of me, not even caring to see where she ended up before I tightened my grip on the knife and jumped up, lunging to my “parents.”

“Vic, stop!” Mike and Alyssa screamed. I cursed angrily when they moved out of the way, making me stab the wooden cabinet instead. I didn’t bother trying to rip the knife out of the wood, so I grabbed a new one from the drawer. I smiled when I saw it was bigger.

My parents stared at me wide-eyed and tried to scuffle away. From the corner of my eye I saw Alyssa still on the ground holding her head and Mike crouching over her. For a split second, I was calm—worried about her, yet calm. But then I saw my parents try to leave the room from my peripheral, and all of the feelings of anger and hatred refilled inside of me. I cursed again and stared threateningly at them, walking violently towards them, the knife outstretched.

“Stop this, son,” my dad pleaded desperately. They were backed up against a wall, frozen in fear.

“The nerve you have to call me your son,” I spat, lunging forward again. I swung my arm dangerously, hoping to at least slice one of them. All I wanted was blood. Their blood. I wanted to cut them completely out of my life, because they were the source of all of my problems. Everything was their fault. They deserved to die. And I knew that I deserved to kill them.

I screamed angrily when someone grabbed my arm tightly, holding my wrist and keeping me from following through with the swinging motion of the knife. “No!” I screamed angrily. “Let me go!” I tried yanking my hand back, but that only increased Mike’s grip on my arm. “Let me kill them!” I snarled. I tried to shove him away, but then I saw his free hand come flying towards my face, leaving a burning sensation on my cheek.

“You’re out of control Vic! Snap out of it!” he yelled. He gripped my wrist even tighter, and I yelped in pain, dropping the knife.

“No!” I cried. I decided to forget the knife and aimed to assault my parents with my fists, but Mike wrapped his arms around my waist tightly from behind and yanked me back. I gasped as he roughly ripped me away, my body crashing into the wall behind us with the amount of force he had used. He let go of me and I slumped to the ground, whimpering in pain. “Fuck,” I muttered, dazed.

“Alyssa, try and get him out of here,” I heard him mutter. I shook my head, blinking slowly.

“Vic, c’mon,” she said. Her voice shook in a way that made it sound like she was crying. I flinched away from her. I didn’t want her to see me like this.

“It’s okay, Vic. Just, let’s go, please?”

I sighed roughly, sitting up. “You’re bleeding,” she sighed, touching my forehead. “Just a small cut,” she murmured. I turned around, seeing the spot in the wall where Mike had thrown me. It was cracked.

“Sorry,” I whispered. I looked up and saw Mike ushering our parents away. I looked to my left and saw Jaime. I tried not to look at Alyssa, because I felt guilty. I had pushed her—I had probably hurt her. I wasn’t apologizing for trying to kill my parents… I was apologizing for pushing her roughly.

“It’s okay. Come on,” she held her arms out, and I gulped, falling into them. She helped lift me up and my cheeks burned in shame.

“I want them dead,” I said through clenched teeth. I could feel myself begin to lose control again. My body was shaking with adrenaline. “Get away from me Alyssa,” I said, taking in a sharp breath.

“Vic, stop,” she said calmly. She grabbed my shoulders and shook them. “Stop this,” she said.

I shifted my gaze to her. She had a visible bump on the top of her head. My eyes widened and my anger disappeared completely.

“No…” I whispered.

“I’m fine, Vic. It’s okay,” she said.

I shook my head. “No,” I pushed her off of me—cursing when it was too rough, yet again—and backed away in horror.

I was just like Logan.

But, what was worse was that I was hurting the one I loved while I was completely sane—I wasn’t having an episode, yet I was letting my emotions control me. I hurt Alyssa… I was hurting Alyssa…

“Vic,” she pleaded.

“Fuck,” I muttered, shaking my head. “God, I’m so sorry, Lissy,” I said.

“It’s okay, just, please, calm down,” she whispered. I shook my head again.

“I have to go,” I whispered.

“No!” she yelped. “You’re not going anywhere like this,” she said.

I had to go. I was just going to keep hurting her because I was so riled up. I needed to be alone so I could calm down.

She took a step closer to me.

“Lis, please, don’t,” I closed my eyes briefly. She took another step anyway. “Please don’t come any closer, Lissy,” I begged. I saw her eyes flicker to Jaime—they were going to corner me, they weren’t going to let me get away.

Sobs built in my throat when she took yet another step. I didn’t want to, but I couldn't stop myself from extending my arms out again. These weren’t my arms, I thought to myself. These arms would never push Lissy like that. But they did. They did, and my Alyssa stumbled backwards, luckily being caught by a quick Jaime.

My eyes widened even more, but I decided not to stick around to see the after math of the storm I caused.

I sprinted in the opposite direction, hastily climbing into the car. Without even thinking, I sped away, tears blinding my vision and heavy breaths clouding my head.

I drove and drove and drove, not paying attention to my directions. I let my subconscious take me where it wanted me to go.

I was genuinely surprised, though, when it led me to a place I never thought I would have to go again: the bridge that started it all.

Notes

violence

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