“Hey, Mike,” I greeted my brother’s grave, sitting down on the grass in front of him.

The first few times I have visited him, I would wait for him to respond. Now, I was used to his silence.

“I hope things are going well up there,” I said. “And I hope you are having fun haunting people,” I laughed lightly. “Er, sorry I haven’t been here in a few days. A lot of shit has happened, man. Our lives are so dramatic, I swear,” I sighed. “You probably know everything’s that happened already, but I’ll just tell you again anyway. Uh, Bree is gone. I’m not sure where, but she left a note saying it was temporary, whatever that means,” I said, a small trace of bitterness laced in my tone. “I hope she’s okay, though. I really do. And I know I say this a lot, but keep an eye out for her brother up there, will you? Logan,” I sighed lightly. “But even though she’s gone I actually am pretty happy. I have Alyssa now, Tony’s sister. She’s really great; it’s refreshing. I like her a lot, man, even though it’s only been a few days. I guess a lot of that has to do with the fact that Bree isn’t here and Lissy is, but that’s not a bad thing. It’s nice having someone who really cares, y’know. Well, I bet you know, because I know that you cared,” I sighed. “I miss you, bro. More than you probably know,” I murmured.

“But, hey! I’m writing music again. I wrote a lot today, actually. When I have something finished I’ll come back by and show you, alright? Well, I guess you’ve probably already heard them,” I smiled lightly. “I wish you were here, though. I really think we could have started a band together. I don’t really have much going for me at the moment, career wise. I’m not sure what I’m doing with my life,” I mumbled. I quickly wiped away a tear that had sneakily decided to fall. “It’ll be alright,” I murmured. “But… yeah. I’ll come by again soon, okay? Tony says that it’s unhealthy to sit here and vent to you for too long, which is probably true. I hope that doesn’t make you mad,” I grinned slightly. “See you later, man,” I stood up and patted his headstone. “Love you,” I sighed.

I glanced back at his stone only once, feeling satisfied even though it had only been a few short minutes, a few short, quickly-strung-together sentences.

I checked the time on my phone, seeing that it was nearing the time to pick Alyssa up. I smiled, feeling uplifted at the thought of seeing her. Today had been slow, but I also felt like I got a lot done considering I didn’t even have work. It was a quality day, that was for sure. I felt genuinely happy and alive.

I drove, quietly humming to myself. I pulled into the parking lot of Alyssa’s school, frowning when I saw that it was already three-ten and I was a little late. This day really went by fast, time was escaping me.

“Hey you,” I grinned when she slid into the seat next to me.

“Hey,” she grinned back.

“How was your day?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It was good, surprisingly,” she said with a short laugh. “I’m just exhausted,” she said with a yawn. I could tell that she was tired, but I wouldn’t dare say anything about it. I knew how draining school could be and how shitty it was for someone to point out obvious tiredness.

“Do you have a lot of homework?” I asked.

“I have none,” she grinned.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Fine, okay,” she laughed. “I only have calculus homework,” she grimaced.

“It shouldn’t take long, don’t worry. I’ll help you,” I reassured.

“Oh, I promise that it will take forever,” she grumbled. “I know nothing.”

“What do you do all class period then?” I laughed.

“Math just never has and never will click for me,” she shrugged her shoulders. “So I find it difficult to pay attention in class. It’s a never ending cycle.”

I shook my head and chuckled. “You sound just like me,” I said.

“Yeah? But you’re good with math,” she raised an eyebrow.

“Science,” I shook my head, cringing at the memories of broken glasses, chemical reactions gone awry, and vocabulary words that never seemed to click in my head. “Science was not a good time,” I said.

“Eh, I just can’t wait for school to be over,” she sighed.

“You graduate this year, right?” I asked.

“Luckily. If I don’t quit halfway through the year,” she muttered lowly.

“No, Lissy. You have to finish school,” I said.

“Why? I already have shit grades,” she said.

“I’ll help you. You are finishing high school. And then you are going to college,” I said matter-of-factly.

“Why do you care so much about my education?” she asked genuinely with a small smile.

“Because you have a potential future. And I won’t just sit here and let you throw it away,” I answered easily. “Both your brother and I are basically high school drop outs. I mean, I guess Tony has a better chance at a career than I do, but I don’t really have a future, Lissy. No one’s going to hire me for a decent job, but I want you to have a future. It’s just important to me because I know it’s not an option for me personally,” I said.

“Aw, Vic,” she said softly. She reached across the console and touched my elbow gently, while I continued to drive. I didn’t look at her, suddenly feeling really down. What I said was the truth. Tony had a better chance than me because he doesn't have an incurable illness that would stick with him forever. He could always go back to school and start fresh. But I had this feeling that nobody would accept me because of who I was and what happened to me. It was pessimistic, but it was true. And I didn’t want Alyssa to go down the same path as us. She deserved a lot better opportunity.

“I’ll work hard, I promise. Thank you,” she said quietly, and I smiled.

I pulled into her driveway and stopped the car. “Hey, let’s just get your homework over quickly, and then we can hang out, okay?” I smiled softly. I knew she hated school—I didn’t blame her—and I wanted to help make it easier for her.

“Alright,” she said with another soft smile, and we exited the car. I grabbed her hand and swung it back and forth in between us, shooting her a toothy grin.

“What did you do all day?” she asked as we walked into the house. She pranced into the kitchen to grab a granola bar, and I shook my head when she offered me one with the raise of her eyebrow.

“Nothing much, really. I visited my brother,” I said quietly.

“How was that?” she asked softly.

“It was good,” I smiled. “It’s always nice when I’m there… but after I kind of feel weird about it. I don’t really know,” I shrugged my shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice, hooking her arm through mine as we walked up to her room.

“It’s okay. I’m used to it now,” I said. “It’s just…” I shook my head.

“It’s just what?” she asked, tossing her backpack and calculus textbook onto her bed and then sitting on the edge of it. I sighed lightly and sat next to her, tilting my head so it was resting on her shoulder.

“I try not to think about it, but for some reason today I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” I said.

“Thinking about what?” she asked, squeezing my hand.

“What happened,” I whispered.

“Oh,” she said quietly. Both Alyssa and Tony didn’t know the exact details of how Mike died. They knew it was an accident, and they also knew that I had tried to kill myself because I let that slip when they found me beaten up and upset at his grave, but they didn’t know the entire story.

“I can’t get it out of my head, sometimes,” I mumbled.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, rubbing my arm soothingly.

“It’s just, I never really got to say goodbye, y’know?” my words came out in a sad croak, and I blinked. A tear slipped down my face, and I was angry with myself for crying in front of her. Today was supposed to be a good day, not a sad one.

I continued to talk, though. The words just bubbled up to my lips and I felt that it was necessary to get them out. “It happened so fast,” I mumbled. “One second, everything was going to be okay. I was s-sitting on the railing at the bridge a few miles away, I was about to… I was about t-to j-jump…”

“Sh, Vic, it’s okay,” Alyssa said softly. I shook my head; I wanted to keep talking. I needed for it to make sense.

“Mike stopped me. He sat next to me, and he told me that if I jumped, he would go down too. I of course was not about to jump in front of my brother, I wouldn’t do that to him. And once he said that I knew that what I was doing or what I was about to do was stupid. Everything was going to be okay, because I knew Mike was there for me. So I climbed down. And then…” I took a shaky breath, the events replaying in my head. “He went to follow, but he only got one leg over the railing before a car sped by, rattling the bridge. He almost fell. It was like a tease because for a second I thought he was going to fall there, but then he caught his balance. I relaxed, only to witness moments later the clumsy son of a bitch get his pants stuck on a fucking nail, making him loose his balance again…” I shook my head.

“Vic…”

“I just never got closure, so I guess that’s why I’m thinking about it a lot. It all happened so fast, I never got to talk to him again, unlike at Logan’s funeral, we were able to see his calm face and get some closure. I never really got to say bye to my brother, because my parents said that his body was too mangled to see. They didn’t want me to remember him by the horrible image of his broken body. So the last time I saw him was at the bridge… now when I talk to him it’s either at a varnished piece of wood or a granite stone,” I explained.

“I’m sorry, Vic,” she said quietly.

“No, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said all of that,” I shook my head.

“It’s okay,” she squeezed my hand. “You’re allowed to talk about how you feel.”

“But I feel happy,” I said.

“You do?”

“Yeah, I’m so happy. Well, not in this exact moment, but generally, yes. I have you and Tony. I can’t complain because I really do feel great,” I smiled softly.

“I’m glad that you’re happy, Vic,” she smiled back. “It’s okay to feel sad sometimes, though,” she noted, and I nodded.

“Thanks, Lissy,” I said, planting a kiss on her cheek. I felt her cheek lift up underneath my lips, meaning that she was smiling. “Enough with the sad stories, though. How about some calculus?” I grinned.

“That’s an even sadder story,” she groaned. I laughed, turning around and sitting more comfortably on the bed. She did the same, sitting with her legs crossed and her calculus textbook in her lap.

“Alright,” I sighed, adjusting my seat so I was close next to her. “What are you working on?”

She took out a notebook and a pencil from her backpack and then slid the bag onto the floor. “Uh…” she scanned her notebook. “Page one-thirty-seven, questions one through fifteen, odds,” she read off her homework assignment. “Sweet, the odd problems! The answers to the odd problems are in the back of the book,” she grinned at me hopefully, and I laughed.

“You can look at those after you try them yourself,” I poked her in her side. She grumbled, but turned to the appropriate page.

“Okay, it’s, uh, derivatives of trig functions…” she muttered.

“Ew,” I laughed. “I have to refresh my memory on this,” I said.

“They are just things you have to memorize. Like the derivative of cosine x equals negative sine x. Ugh, Vic, what’s the point in all of this?” she groaned, leaning back into her pillows and closing her eyes.

“Hey, you do know something,” I poked her cheek in encouragement. “Yeah, I know what they all are. I just can’t apply it when they add other numbers and stuff. I know things individually but then we have to do problems that require these derivatives, plus the power rule and chain rule and it’s just one big mess,” she sighed. I laughed.

“Let's just take it one problem at a time,” I ruffled her hair. She glared at me, but then she sat up to focus on some problems. “I think you know more than you actually think. Just try and do the first one without any help,” I encouraged. She nodded and leaned forward in concentration.

I stared at her while she worked on the problem, and I found myself smiling like an idiot. Her bottom lip slightly jutted out as she concentrated, and her eyebrows pulled. A few strands of her hair fell in her face, and she tapped her pencil on the edge of her notebook as she thought through the problem. All in all, she was being very adorable, and it was taking a lot of self-control to not fuck calculus, tackle her, and kiss all over her face.

“Maybe I will actually be able to finish this problem if you stop staring at me,” she murmured without even looking up from her problem, but I saw her lips tug up into a small smile.

“Sorry,” I chuckled, even though I wasn’t really sorry at all.

“Alright, I think I got it. Can I check to see if I got it right?”

“Go ahead,” I laughed. She bit her lip as she flipped the pages, and I saw her eyes gleam.

“Fuck yes!” she raised her hand, and I gave her a high five. “I got it right, Vic!” she smiled broadly, and I was amazed at how excited an almost eighteen year old girl could get over getting a calculus question correct.

“Good job, Lis!” I grinned.

“I think I can do this,” she chanted to herself, already looking at the next problem.

I patted her shoulder in support as she tried the next few problems. Much to her own surprise, she was able to do all of the problems herself. “See? You do know what you’re doing!”

“I guess so,” she scratched her neck, as if she was wondering how the hell she was able to do all of that herself. “I rock,” she grinned.

“I guess you don’t need me, then…” I said, gazing at her for a moment before starting to get up.

“No! Don’t leave me!” she laughed, and before I could go too far, her arms were wrapped around my waist and she pulled me back. I laughed as I collided backwards into her.

“You’re squishing me,” she gasped.

“Well, whose fault is that?” I chuckled, turning around so I was facing her. I propped my elbows on either side of her head to relieve her small body from some of my weight. She smiled shyly at me, and I leaned down and gave her a small kiss on the corner of her mouth. Then, I rolled off of her and stood up.

“Tease,” she muttered, and I grinned.

“Come on,” I held my hand out for her.

“Where are we going?” she asked, sliding out of her bed and taking my hand anyway.

“We are going to break into my house so I can steal my guitar back, and then I am going to serenade you with mediocre music,” I grinned.

“Sounds fun,” she laughed. “And I’m sure your music is way better than mediocre,” she rolled her eyes.

I just shrugged my shoulders. “I hope my parents aren’t home,” I sighed. “Did Tony tell you how the first time I went there, I found out that they were telling everyone I was dead?” I asked, my tone probably a little too casual for the severity of what they did.

“Shit, did they really? What the fuck,” she furrowed her eyebrows.

“Eh, I’m over it,” I said, shrugging my shoulders again. “They’re dead to me, anyway, so I don’t really care what I am to them,” I added.

“Well, don’t let them get you down,” she squeezed my hand.

“I won’t,” I said. The drive to my old house was a little too short for my preference, and, as we neared, I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. It’s been weeks since I’ve been here, and that time was unpleasant. It’s been years since I’ve been here and have actually had a good memory.

“Should I go in with you?” she asked when I pulled up to the curb.

“Sure,” I said, getting out of the car. I walked around and met her around the car, immediately grabbing her hand. For some reason, I felt nervous, and this was shown through my excessive squeezing of Alyssa’s hand.

“Fuck, I think they are home,” I muttered, seeing the top of a car through the small window of the garage door.

“Should we come back another time?” she asked.

“Nah, now it’s just a question of whether I should knock or just walk in,” I said. “Eh, fuck it,” I shrugged my shoulders, turning the handle to walk in. I heard voices from the living room, and as we took our first steps through the threshold I heard those voices stop.

“Hello?” I heard someone call out—it was my mother’s voice.

I sighed lightly, but then I decided to talk back. “Hey,” I poked my head into the room and gave a slight wave, causing both my mother and a lady she was talking and drinking tea with to jump out of their skin. I assumed my dad was at work.

“Viv, is that y-your son?” the woman asked, and I smiled to myself, seeing that I probably ruined another slice of my mom’s reputation in front of another one of her friends—well, now most likely ex-friend.

My mom looked flustered. “Don’t worry. I won’t stay long. I just have to get a few more things,” I said. I nodded to the lady and then turned around, leaving my blubbering mother to herself and pulling Alyssa up the stairs with me. I found the entire situation rather comical, while Alyssa looked horrified.

“I can’t believe she’d treat her own son that way,” I heard her whisper to herself. Honestly, I couldn’t find it within me to really care.

“Well, here’s my old room,” I said, frowning nostalgically as we entered it. It didn’t hold the most peaceful memories—hundreds of sleepless nights, and, when I did sleep, they were induced from a few too many pills or a few too many slices to the wrist. I shuddered at the memory.

“You really should make your bed, Vic,” Alyssa nudged me with a playful grin. I stuck my tongue out at her and then grinned back, scanning my room for my guitar.

“Ah,” I said when I spotted it in the corner, dusting away on its stand. “Glad to see they didn’t sell it,” I murmured, picking it up by its neck. I blew and brushed off some of the dust and searched my room for its case. I opened my closet and spotted it on a top shelf. I grabbed it and then set it down onto my bed.

“It’s beautiful,” Alyssa mused, brushing her fingertips over the guitar. I smiled at her and the way she appreciated the acoustic.

“I’m surprised that it took me this long to come back for it. I paid for it myself and everything,” I said. “This was one of the things that got me through most of high school,” I murmured, gently setting the guitar into its case.

“What were the other things?” she asked.

“My brother, and…” my voice trailed off, and I eyed my arm. Her face immediately darkened with recognition, and it almost looked like she regretted asking the question, but I didn’t mind. It would be my instinct, too, to ask that as a follow up to the ambiguous statement: “one of the things”. She grabbed my arm, her fingers tracing where my skin used to be so torn.

“Ready?” she asked quietly.

“Wait, Lis, have you ever smoked?” I asked randomly.

“Uh,” she hesitated.

I laughed lightly. “Weed. Have you ever smoked weed?” I clarified.

“Once or twice, maybe,” she shrugged her shoulders.

“Do you know if it goes bad after a while?” I asked.

“I don’t think so, why?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

I grinned. “No reason,” I said. She gave me a funny look. “I, uh, was just thinking about my brother again. He liked to smoke, and I was just curious,” I tried. She nodded. “Alright, let’s go,” I said quickly, grabbing the guitar case and then her hand. As we exited my room I paused. “Hold this for a second? I’ll be right back,” I asked, and she took the guitar from my hands. I grinned to my self and snuck into Mike’s room, ignoring the chill that shuddered over my body upon entering. I jogged over to his bedside table and opened the top drawer, and then I lifted up the several books he had in there to reveal his not-so-clever-hiding-spot. I scooped up the plastic bag of weed and slipped it into my pocket, shrugging my shoulders. I didn’t smoke much, and I wasn’t about to get Alyssa sucked into that nonsense, but I couldn’t resist the opportunity of having a little bit of fun.

“Thanks, bro,” I winked at the ceiling, and I imagined Mike looking down on me, shaking his head and suppressing a laugh.

“What were you doing?” Alyssa asked, handing me back the guitar when I reemerged.

“Uh, that was Mike’s room. I was just looking,” I said quietly, and she just nodded. I smiled softly at her and grabbed her hand again.

My mom was at the bottom of the steps, blocking out exit. Alyssa’s eyes widened in axiousness, but I remained relaxed.

“God damn it, Vic. That’s the second time you’ve done that, and that’s the second friend of mine that you’ve scared away!” she flailed her arms angrily, and I just laughed.

“Uh, that’s not my fault that you are a shit person,” I rolled my eyes.

“I’ll call the police if you step foot into this house again!” she threatened. I laughed again.

“But then the entire city will know what you did, ma. I’m dead, remember?” I tilted my head to the side, and she narrowed her eyes at me as her face paled ever so slightly. “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” I said. I continued to hold onto Alyssa’s hand and walked her down the steps with me. “We’ll be going now. See you around,” I said. My mother submitted to my reasoning, and she simply stepped aside, letting us pass. I snickered to myself and I felt her glare at me as we walked back to the car.

I carefully set the guitar case into the back seat, and then I opened the door for Alyssa before getting in myself.

“I can’t decide if that was disturbing or hilarious,” she said, her face conflicted.

I smiled at her. “I personally find it funny,” I reassured, and she smiled back.

“I mean, my mom isn’t around that often, but…” she trailed off.

“But she loves you to pieces. It’s okay,” I patted her hand and then intertwined our fingers.

“She loves you, too, y’know,” she reminded me. I smiled warmly at her. I truly wasn’t bothered with the antics of my own family, because I had all of these new people—Tony, Alyssa, their mom—who truly cared about me. It didn’t matter to me that we weren’t blood related at all.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked lowly.

“What’s up?”

“I’m just curious… it’s okay if you don’t want to—”

“Vic.”

“Okay, uh, Alyssa, where is your dad?” I asked quietly.

“Oh,” I felt her hand slack in mine, and I immediately felt guilty asking. “It’s okay. You were bound to ask eventually. I probably would have told you, too, but I never know when is the right time,” she said. “He died,” she said plainly.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry Lissy,” I gave her hand a small squeeze.

“It’s okay, really. It was seven years ago. I’m over it,” she said softly. “And before you ask, I don’t really know what happened still,” she added.

“I wasn’t going to,” I mumbled, simultaneously wondering why she wouldn’t know the means of her own father’s death.

“I have my speculations, but Tony and Mom won’t tell me. That probably means something bad happened,” she said, but she didn’t seem too disturbed over it. I had a feeling that their dad’s death hurt Tony a lot more than Alyssa for some reason, but I decided not to press the subject.

“So anyway,” I began, changing the subject. “I think today I might actually show someone a full song I’ve written,” I said.

“Oh? And who may that lucky someone be?” she grinned.

“Well, definitely not you,” I said seriously.

“Damn,” she snapped her fingers in disappointment, and I laughed.

“I was being sarcastic if you couldn’t tell,” I said.

“I could tell, thank you,” she shook her head with a smile.

“Alright, good,” I said. When we arrived back to her house, a rush of excitement flowed threw me, along with a bit of tingling nerves. I grabbed my guitar and we walked back up to her room. I took the guitar out of the case and sat on her bed comfortably with it, and she sat in front of me.

“Sorry if this sucks,” I said.

“You’re too hard on yourself,” she said, and I shrugged my shoulders.

“Okay,” I took a deep breath. The tingling nerves hit again, only because I had never sung a full song of mine to anyone besides Mike.

She smiled encouragingly at me, so I began to play, my fingers dancing up and down the neck of the guitar while my other hand strummed and plucked the strings when necessary.

“Er, this is called Wonderless,” I mumbled, right before I began to sing.

“I don’t care if your beautiful lips exist out there,
‘cause I’m wonderless why the best can’t make it in Hollywood
No more…

It’s like a long drag taken before the smoke hits the white sky,
Like the birds at night,
And it’s fake just like the movies,
Oh yeah…

And I can’t wait just to see you again,
And your two faces are locked on mine
Had the worst time chasing the thought away
No hope, Oh no home…

‘Cause maybe I’m a fake,
Maybe you’re to blame,
Maybe I’m a star,
Stumbling drunk light.
My mistakes I’ve made won’t leave me alone
Oh, no, oh, no…

And if you don’t find me on the front page
Find a way to say that you saw me
And if you don’t find me in a movie
Find a way to say that you knew me

You and I got lost along the way
But this will end some day some way

And if you don’t find me at all
Then I won’t care…

Oh, yeah,
If I could find a place for the holiday,
Maybe I would call,
You’re a payphone away
From the mess that I’ve become,
I’m destroying what I love!”

I strummed out the remainder of the song and dragged out the last word, losing myself in my own little world. When I was finished, I was out of breath and I realized that I still had my eyes closed. I opened them to see Alyssa grinning from ear to ear at me.

“That was amazing,” she breathed. A light blush crept upon my cheeks.

“Thanks, Lissy,” I grinned back at her.

“You’re really good. And you really have a way with words,” she said.

“Thank you,” I smiled. I set the guitar aside and opened my arms for her, and she shyly crawled over to me, accepting the embrace. “Maybe this is what you can do,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, shit, Vic, you’re really good. I have the chills. Look,” she held out her arm for me to see, and I chuckled when I saw that she wasn't lying. I traced my fingers over the chill bumps on her arm. “Start a band, I’m not even kidding around,” she said, and her face said that she was serious.

“No, I don’t think so,” I said softly. I pulled her closer to me and she pulled us down, so we were laying and facing each other.

“Why not?”

“Mike wanted to be in a band. We were going to do that together. It just wouldn’t be right,” I said.

“Oh… well,” she frowned slightly. “You should still think about it, maybe. Maybe in his memory. You’re so good, Vic,” she said kindly, her hand brushing some of my fallen hair out of my face.

“Thanks, Lissy. It means a lot,” I smiled, planting a light kiss on her lips. “Lissy… you’re so good at calculus. Really,” I smirked, tickling her side a little.

She squirmed and then tightened her grip around me and buried her face into my neck. I could feel her smile against my skin. “Shut up.”

Notes

Hola
Sorry No real drama in this chapter... I was going to make "something" happen but I decided I wanted more Alyssa-Vic bonding time and a little bit of Mike feels.
(Sorry in advance for the time lapse that is about to happen next chapter, but I think it’s necessary)
And the "thing" will happen next chapter **wiggles eyebrows**

And this is how I imagined how he sang wonderless: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5awpzAePJOI
(Minus the band and crowd interactions lol)
oh and if you want to cry because of how passionate Vic is when he sings watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W772j9yDgy8



And I have a question.
This story is getting very long, not that I have a problem with that.
But I have so many ideas and things to make happen, and I was wondering if I should end this soon and start a sequel as a separate story? Or should I make this one as lengthy as my ideas allow? And just continue it until I think it's done?
I don't know if I should end this soon and do a sequel, or If I should just continue this and make it the longest story in the world haha

Let me know muchachas and, if there are any of you existing on this site, then, muchachos