‘Won’t you tell me more about your brother?’ she asked. For a moment there, I got distracted by the way her angelic voice formed the words, the way the question slipped quietly and sweetly through her perfect lips, but then realization struck me. I forgot about her beauty and kindness—rage, terror, and pain overtaking every rational part in my brain.

‘No!’ I yelled. ‘No! I will not!’ I screamed, tears flowing freely down my face as I repeated the negative word. I was seconds away from thrashing my arms in objection, but then I realized that we were just talking here. She wasn’t going to force me to talk about anything I didn’t want to talk about.

A worried look struck her face. ‘I’m sorry, Vic. Calm down, please. It’s okay,’ she said, her voice shaking, as if she was nervous. I immediately snapped back into sanity, ashamed for almost breaking down in front of her. ‘We don’t have to talk about your family if you don’t want to,’ she said, sounding genuine.

‘I’m sorry for yelling,’ I mumbled. The worried look on her face disappeared as soon as I calmed down. My heart rate was still escalated, though, making me feel a little dizzy.

‘Come on,’ she said gently, standing up and holding her arm out. I tentatively took it, standing up, as well. It felt good to walk around a little. I spent so much time wasting away in bed that my legs were really weak.

‘Mike’s a good brother,’ I told her, even though she didn’t ask. I just felt like it was necessary to say. ‘He had his fuck ups. He ignored me most of senior year, but deep down he loved me and cared for me, just like I did for him,’ I added. She nodded understandingly.

‘Where are we going?’ I asked as she continued to lead me down the thin hallway. I closed my eyes and used her as support to walk, not wanting to see the hallway. It reminded me too much of my time at school.

‘We are going outside, if you’d like,’ she said sweetly. ‘I think you need some fresh air,’ she added. She probably had noticed my dizziness.

‘I’d like that,’ I smiled, yearning to feel the breeze on my face and the sun on my skin.

‘Vic, I’m sorry if I struck a nerve earlier,’ she said quietly, regret embedded in her tone.

‘Please don’t be sorry,’ I said, giving her arm a kind squeeze. ‘You didn’t do anything wrong,’ I told her. ‘I’m the one at fault,’ I added quietly, referring to a lot of other things with my words.

She was quiet for a moment, and then the atmosphere around me changed. My skin tingled at the sudden change of feeling. I opened my eyes, knowing that it was safe to do so because by the chirping of birds and rustling of leaves I knew I was outside.

‘Do you feel better?’ she asked as we walked further into the courtyard, and I replied with a simple nod. For a moment there, I forgot everything bad as I admired the change in scenery. But peaceful moments like this didn’t last forever, and soon my slight smile turned back into a frown.

‘Can I try something?’ she spoke again, and I nodded. Without warning, she took my hand and held it carefully in hers. ‘Is this okay?’ she asked, her eyebrows slightly knitting as her thumb drew circles on the back of my hand. I nodded again, not being able to find words for my heart now inhabited itself in my throat.

She gently dragged me over to a nearby tree, sitting down in the grass. I followed suit, sitting with my legs crossed in front of her. ‘This is more relaxing, isn’t?’ she asked, a smile as warm as the sun radiating off of her face.

I nodded, feeling this weird, bubbly sensation fill my chest. I couldn’t stop the words from flowing from my mouth: ‘Why does it feel like my insides are dancing?’ I asked. As soon as the words came out, I knew they were wrong. I sounded like a seven year old—not a nineteen year old. My cheeks burned as I further reflected on my word choice and how innocent and childish I must have sounded to her.

But she only chuckled lightly. Continuing to brush her thumb over my hand, she replied: ‘You’re happy,’ she said excitedly. ‘Will you tell me about a time when you were really happy?’ she asked.

I smiled. ‘Believe it or not, I ended up being really happy the same day Shane harassed me.’ Her face twisted in confusion for a moment, but then it softened as I began to continue my story.

“Hey, listen, Vic,” I turned on my heels to see my brother, rubbing the back of his neck nervously and avoiding eye contact as he stood in my doorway.

“What is it, Mike?” I asked with a sigh. I didn’t snap at him, though.

“I just wanted to apologize,” he mumbled.

“I appreciate that, Mike, but a simple apology won’t just excuse you from ignoring me the entire year,” I mumbled back, turning away from him.

Mike froze, pain striking his face. “I didn’t know,” he whispered.

“Of course you didn’t,” I said emotionlessly.

“No, Vic! I’m serious! I’ve been so caught up in shit in my head that I didn’t even notice that I was neglecting you,” he said with a frown. I frowned, as well. I hated the way this made me seem! I was the older brother. I was the one who should be taking care of Mike, not the other way around. I had barely any dignity, but I didn’t want to waste away the last shard by admitting that I needed my younger brother to protect me.

“It’s more than that, Vic,” he frowned again, and I realized that I had spoken my thoughts out loud. “It doesn’t matter that I’m younger and you’re older. If you need protecting, I should be there for you. Especially because I know you’d do the same for me,” he said. “And I was supposed to be your friend,” he added regretfully.

My frown did not dissolve. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to be my friend, Mike,” I said angrily.

“That’s not what I meant!” he stuttered quickly. “I want to be. I want things to be like they used to be,” he said, his voice hopeful. I nodded; his words sounded extremely genuine, and, frankly, I wanted things to be like they used to be, too.

I immediately stepped forward, wrapping my arms around his thin frame. I was short, so my arm span was short, too, but Mike was skinny, so my arms were able to reach around him completely.

“Mikey, I can’t believe you do drugs,” I pulled away after a few moments, frowning at him again.

“Oh, so now you’re pulling the big brother card on me? Where were you four months ago?” he snickered. My jaw dropped at him.

“I’m kidding, buddy. Sorry,” he laughed lightly, ruffling my hair.

“In all seriousness, though: stop doing drugs,” I glared at him.

“Oh, relax. I don’t do any hard drugs. I just smoke weed,” he said.

“Oh,” I said, even though that hardly made a difference to me. “As long as you’re not hanging around the wrong crowd,” I scolded lightly.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he rolled his eyes. I made it a point in my head to make sure I kept an eye out for Mike, to make sure he wasn’t in a bad place. Mike was a smart kid, though; he might be attracted to Mary Jane now, but he still had his common sense.

“Do you want to do something tonight?” Mike suggested. I shrugged my shoulders. Yeah, I guess it was nice talking to Mike again—I wasn’t really sure what triggered this sudden interest to be my friend—but I was still depressed. I still didn’t really want to do anything. I’d much rather be asleep, cuddling with my collection of razor blades in order to have a dreamless slumber.

“Hello? Anybody home?” Mike waved his arm in front of my face, and I blinked, unaware that I had zoned out for a minute.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. I liked having Mike in my life again, but I was also scared. I was scared that he would just leave me again. I was afraid that this would be a one-time thing, and tomorrow he would carry on ignoring me. I mean, he went a really long time with out speaking to me, and we lived under the same roof. It was difficult for me to trust that he was back, for good, now. Maybe I was just too sensitive.

“Er, hold on,” I mumbled to Mike, a sudden urge erupting inside of me.

“Where are you going?” he asked as I turned away, and I hissed in pain when he grabbed my left arm. My fresh cuts stung under his grip. And he noticed.

“Vic, pull up your sleeve,” Mike ordered, carefully releasing his grip on my arm.

“No,” I said plainly.

“Vic, damn it! Show me your wrist!” he demanded. Tears welled up in his eyes, and that’s when I knew that Mike was being genuine. He really did care…

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, rolling up my sleeve and looking down in shame when the angry red lines were exposed.

“Vic…” Mike said sadly, tracing the lines carefully with his fingertips. “I’m so sorry,” he said, tears rolling down his face. I fought back the urge to cry.

“It’s not your fault. I’m just fucked up,” I muttered.

“No, Vic. It is my fault. If I hadn’t of been so self-centered I could have prevented this,” he said sadly.

“Mike,” I addressed him lowly as he cleaned them out with hydrogen peroxide. “Even if you had been more present, you wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it,” I said truthfully.

He wrapped bandages around my arm. “Thanks,” I mumbled when he pulled my sleeve back down.

“Please don’t do it again,” he begged. I shook my head.

“It’s not that easy, Mike. I can’t make any promises.”

“Well I can. And I promise never to leave your side again,” he said, throwing me into another hug.

I smiled as we embraced, extremely happy for the first time all year because I finally had my brother back.

“So, let’s do something fun, okay?”

I nodded, agreeing that I needed the distraction. Besides, when was the last time I did anything entertaining?

~~

“I’m tired, man,” I whined, flexing my hands. We had just played five lengthy games of Fifa Soccer. I’ve never been much of a gamer, so Mike won easily. It was still fun, though.

“Me too,” he sighed, flexing his sore hands, as well.

“You kicked my ass in the video game version of soccer, but I bet I would demolish you in real life soccer,” I challenged with a smirk.

“Oh, really?” Mike narrowed his eyes at me. My inner competitive boy ignited, making me feel fiery with adrenaline, replacing my before mentioned sleepiness. Mike perked up as well. “Your on, brother,” he said with a devious smile.

Even though the sun was setting quickly, we still managed to play soccer for thirty minutes. We used our shoes to mark goals, and we ran around barefoot on the soft grass.

“Dummy!” I laughed as I poked the ball between Mike’s lanky legs and used my quickness to maneuver myself around him to meet the ball at my feet again.

“Noo!” he groaned when he realized what had happened, waving his arms in the air in defeat as he saw that it was too late—I had already dribbled the ball into the goal.

“Winner!” I grinned.

Mike sighed, falling down onto the ground. “Congratulations. You beat me in real life soccer,” he conceded with a chuckle. I bent over, my hands on my knees, as I tried to catch my breath again.

"I'm more Mexican than you," I taunted with a laugh.

Mike stuck his tongue out at me, and I plopped down on to the grass next to him, my legs crossed. A smirk played on Mike’s lips as he dug around for something out his pocket.

He pulled out an already rolled joint and a lighter. “It’ll be fun,” he sang. I couldn’t help but laugh. I already felt like I was on a high—I haven’t felt this happy in months. But I didn’t want to come down from it any time soon, so I figured, why not?

She looked at me disapprovingly when I mentioned my use of illegal substances. I managed to crack a bittersweet smile.

‘What? It was fun,’ I said innocently, shrugging my shoulders. She shook her head at me, her face contorted in a manner that made it look like she was fighting the urge to let out a giggle.

‘Anyway…’

“This is fun. We should do this more often,” Mike said.

“I agree,” I sighed, feeling a hundred percent better. It was amazing how much happier good company made me. I didn’t feel like my normal, depressed self. I felt like an actual teenager. An actual, rebellious teenager, smoking pot and chilling out.

“Woah!” Mike exclaimed breathlessly, bursting into a fit of giggles.

“What is the matter with you?” I rolled over in the grass, analyzing Mike carefully to see what he was pointing at.

“It’s an unidentified UFO!” he screamed, his eyes wide at the sky.

“Where? Where?” I asked frantically, trying to follow the path of his pointing finger. I focused hard, but I couldn’t tell where he was pointing because as I followed his gaze, my eyes got lost in the millions of stars.

“Right! There!” Mike emphasized, widening his eyes. I squinted my eyes carefully, and then I saw it!

“Ah! Mike! An unidentified UFO!” I squealed, looking at the moving orb of light in the sky.

“Should we call NASA?”

“We should call someone,” I agreed.

“What’s NASA’s number? Three-one-one?”

“Nine-one-one!” I corrected him.

“No! That number is for emergencies only!” Mike whined.

“This is an emergency!” I realized, tensing up at the thought of the orb of light sucking us up into the space ship.

“No one will believe us,” Mike sighed in defeat. I sighed as well.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Hey Vic?”

“Hi, Mike.”

“We are stupid,” he said. I smacked his arm.

“Don’t say that!”

“No, we are. We just freaked out because we saw an unidentified unidentified flying object,” he giggled. I giggled too, realizing our mistake of the repetitive words.

We were silent for a long time, occasionally giggling randomly. We had finished the joint by sharing with each other, and now we were both high as fuck, probably stuck on the ground.

“Can’t… get… up…” I groaned, laughing simultaneously.

Mike didn’t respond, and I laughed at how stupid his face looked. Even though they felt like jelly, I pressed my arms into the ground, somehow figuring out how to stand up. I wobbled for a moment before I kicked Mike lightly in the side.

“Mm… what?” he sighed.

“Time to go to bed I think,” I said.

“Bed time already?” he frowned as he struggled to wake up.

“Yes,” I said blandly. Mike stumbled up, and, given that he was higher than me, I supported him all of the way up the stairs and into his room. It probably took twenty minutes.

“’Night, Mike,” I said as he collapsed into his bed.

He responded with a grunt and a sloppy wave, and I rolled my eyes as I slowly walked across the hall to my own room.

Before I passed out, I reflected on my day. Sure, school was rough. But Mike and I really needed this one on one time together, and I haven’t felt happier. Knowing that I had Mike’s support made school a little more sufferable.

That night, instead of reaching for a blade, I rolled over in my bed and hugged a pillow before falling into a very exciting and high dream state.

‘So, Mike made you happy?’ she asked thoughtfully. I nodded, a knot forming in my throat.

‘Yes,’ I managed to choke out.

‘Vic, what’s wrong?’ she asked, enclosing my shaking right hand in both of hers.

‘He doesn’t make me happy anymore, though,’ I said lowly. ‘Now, he makes me sad.’

Notes

Yay, Chapter 2!

Sometimes I don't really know what to say in the notes section haha

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