“I seriously don’t get it,” Alyssa frowned, resting her head into her hand in frustration.

“No, you will get it, look,” I said. I leaned over and grabbed her pencil from her hand, showing her the right way to take a derivative of a logarithmic function.

“How do you remember this shit?” she asked in disbelief, staring at her calculus homework. I shrugged my shoulders.

“It just clicked in my head, I guess,” I said.

“When will it click in my head?” she huffed, slamming her head down on the table in exasperation.

“Just keep practicing,” I insisted.

“Can we take a break from homework?” she pouted.

“Do three more problems,” I said.

“No,” she whined.

“You’ll regret it later when you get to the test and have no idea what to do,” I said.

“Ugh, fine,” she sighed, picking up her pencil again. “I hate math, I hate math, I hate math,” she chanted under her breath as she tried a few more problems. I chuckled, seeing that she got them right.

“There ya go!” I said.

“I did it?”

“Yes, you did,” I gave her a high five.

“Finally,” she sighed. “Now can we take a break?”

I laughed. “Yeah, sure,” I said.

“Tony should be back any minute now with snacks,” she grinned.

“Nice, what is he getting?”

“I'm not sure. But it’s movie night,” she jumped up in excitement. “I’m going to change into pajamas. You should do the same,” she said.

“Okay,” I laughed, standing up to leave her room.

“Report back here in seven minutes,” she said precisely.

“Sir, yes, sir,” I laughed, rolling my eyes playfully as I walked out of her room. I returned to mine, changing out of my jeans and putting on some comfortable sweatpants.

“Hey,” I nodded to Tony.

“Movie night,” Tony said.

“So I’ve heard,” I gave him a thumbs up.

“Report to Alyssa’s room in—”

“Three more minutes, I know,” I laughed, and Tony nodded, chuckling, too.

“What are we watching?” I asked.

“Star Wars,” Tony said.

“I’ve been getting the impression that you really like Star Wars,” I said.

“Duh,” he said. “I’m going to get Star Wars tattooed on my knuckles one day, just wait,” he said. I laughed at the ridiculousness of the idea. “Do you think you’ll ever get a tattoo?” he asked.

“Nah, I’m good with a nose ring,” I said, tapping the silver object that was hooped around my nose.

“It suits you,” he shrugged his shoulders.

“Boys!” we heard Alyssa call. Tony and I looked at each other, giving each other a “she’s crazy” look.

“We’re here, we’re here,” we said as we walking into her room. Tony knelt down to stick the first movie in, and I plopped down onto Alyssa’s bed next to her. She was already digging into the grocery bag of snacks that Tony had gone out to get.

“Yes, Oreos!” she clapped.

“My favorite,” I said.

“Scoot over, loser,” Tony said. He pushed Alyssa’s shoulders, causing her to lean into me while Tony sat on the other side of Alyssa. I moved over to make more room, and Alyssa straightened back out again, sitting in the middle of Tony and me.

Alyssa and I laughed and made fun of Tony the entire time, seeing that he was mouthing the movie word for word.

“This is epic,” he hissed, completely oblivious to our giggles.

“Twizzler, please,” Alyssa whispered.

“No, I’m cutting you off,” I laughed.

“No, please! Just one more! I need one!”

“You sound like a drug addict,” I laughed. I took one out of the bag, anyway, handing it over to her. Right before she could grab it, though, I quickly pulled it away, leaving her gripping the empty air.

“Hey, that was mean!” she complained, reaching over for it.


“No, missy, you’re done,” I said, holding it in the complete opposite direction from her.

I saw her eyes dart to the other side of me on the edge of the bed, where I was hiding the bag of twizzlers.

“Oh, no you don’t!” I grabbed those, too, before she could snag them. “Nice try, though,” I smirked.

“Not fair!” she whined. “Come on!” she laughed, reaching across me for the bag. I kept them as far from her reach as possibly, blocking her with my right arm from completely crawling over me.

“Don’t make me bite you!” she threatened.

“Damn, Lissy,” I laughed.

“I’m serious,” she whispered. She stopped her efforts of trying to grab the twizzlers, and, instead, she hovered her mouth right by my arm that had been outstretched against her, previously pushing her away.

“Don’t you dare,” I whispered.

She opened her mouth a little wider and smiled devilishly, getting ready to chomp. I ripped my arm away hastily and chucked the bag at her.

“Fine! You win!” I laughed.

“See? I always get my way!” she flipped her hair sarcastically.

“You’re wild,” I shook my head.

She just smirked, taking a bite out of a twizzler.

We sat there quietly for a few minutes, watching Tony again and surprised that he didn’t break out of his trance during me and Alyssa’s little scuffle.

“Your hair curly like that is nice. You should keep it like that more often,” Alyssa said randomly, ruffling my hair. I grimaced slightly but also grinned.

“Well, thanks,” I said, putting a few messy strands in their place.

“Hey,” she said, pointing to the bedside table.

“What?”

“Your phone just lit up. I think you have a text,” she said.

“Oh, thanks,” I said, reaching for my phone.

I furrowed my eyebrows, and my body involuntarily shook.

“He’s so bad tonight,” the text from Bree read. I immediately sent her a text back, asking what she meant and if everything was okay. I started to worry obsessively, every worst-case scenario running through my head.

“Hey, you okay?” Alyssa asked softly, touching my arm gently.

I showed her the text. “This is freaking me out,” I said.

I bit my fingernails anxiously.

“You’re going to bite those to the bone, stop that,” she said, pulling my hands down. “It’s going to be okay. I’m sure it’s nothing,” she said reassuringly.

“I guess this is how she felt,” I mumbled.

“What do you mean?” Tony asked. I had forgotten that he was in the room, too.

“When I sent her an ambiguous text that one time last month, worrying her,” I reminded them.

“Oh, right,” Alyssa nodded. “It’s okay, try not to worry,” she said, smiling weakly.

“I should have known,” I mumbled, looking at the text Bree sent me for the millionth time.

He’s so bad tonight.

“Known what?”

“That everything can’t be good forever,” I mumbled.

“Aw, Vic, don’t think like that,” she said with a frown.

“It’s true, though. Things were going to well for so long,” I shook my head. “I always forget that Logan can snap at any second,” I said. I always forget that I could snap at any second… couldn’t I?

“Do you think that’s what it is about?”

“Of course it is. He hasn’t had an episode in so long, it was bound to happen. I just hope they are okay,” I said, fiddling with my thumbs.

“I’m sure they are,” she patted my arm. I shook my head again.

“Yeah, everyone has bad days sometimes. Don’t look into it too much,” Tony reassured.

“Oh, she’s calling,” I murmured, seeing her name light up on my phone. “Be right back,” I said. I shuffled up and left her room, leaving Alyssa with Tony, and went into the hallway.

“Bree? Is everything okay?” I asked.

“Hey…” her voice was sad.

“What happened?”

“Logan forgot to take his medication the other day, and it made him all disrupted. He had an episode, but everything’s okay, now,” she said.

“Oh,” I said slowly. “Are… are you okay?” I asked carefully.

“I was standing too close,” she sniffled into the phone.

“Aw, Bree,” I said softly, sinking into the wall.

“I’m okay, I promise,” she said.

“Do you need me to come over?” I asked.

“No, it’s okay. He’s asleep, now. He feels really bad, though,” she sighed.

“I’m sorry, Bree,” I bit my lip, not really knowing what to say. I was just glad she was okay.

“I’m sorry for scaring you with that text. I just felt like I needed to tell you,” she sighed.

“It’s okay,” I said. “A taste of my own medicine, right?” I tried lightly. She laughed weakly. “Are you hurt bad, Bree?”

“No, I’m okay. It’s him I’m worried about. He feels so bad. He hates doing this,” she said.

“When he wakes up, tell him that it’s okay, and that I say hi,” I said. He needed to know that we weren’t mad at him.

“Thanks, Vic,” I heard her smile a little. “I should go though, and clean up,” she said.

“Clean up?”

“Yeah… it was pretty bad…” she murmured. I would never ask, but I wondered what Logan saw that made him have these outbursts…

“Are you sure you don’t want help? I can be there really soon,” I suggested.

“Yes, I’m okay. We’re okay. I just needed to hear your voice. Thank you,” she said.

“Okay. Call me if you change your mind,” I said.

“I will,” she said. “Bye, Vic…” she said softly.

“Bye, Bree. Be safe, love,” I murmured.

“I will,” she repeated. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” she promised.

“Alright,” I said, and then she hung up. I sighed, feeling a little better after talking to her.

“Everything okay?” Alyssa and Tony asked.

“Yeah,” I said, releasing a heavy breath. “Everything’s okay,” I nodded, as if I was convincing myself.

“Goodnight, guys,” I said, giving Alyssa a kiss on her forehead and pulling Tony in for a hug.

“’Night, Vic,” they both said, smiling at me weakly as I turned away. I sighed, collapsing into my bed. My mind was worrying, but I did feel a little better. Honestly, I was nervous because it had been so long since I’ve had an episode. When would I crack again?

But I’ve heard stories where, on the right medication, people could go years without any problems. And I was faithfully taking my medication, and so far it was working. I haven’t missed a single day. Even though I felt great, I didn’t want to stop taking them. I was always conscious that I had to take them no matter how good I felt, and I didn’t want to endanger myself, Tony, Alyssa, or Bree.

I sighed, shaking my head of my thoughts. I kept my phone in my hand just in case Bree called, but I quickly fell asleep. Despite what happened with Logan, I still felt calm. Everything was okay, now. It was a small setback, and Bree knew how to deal with it. They were going to be just fine…

My mind was foggy when my eyes parted open again. I looked at the clock next to me, seeing that it was near three in the morning. I sighed, burying my face in my pillow to let sleep overcome me, again. I hated waking up in the middle of the night; I always had a difficult time falling completely asleep again.

Like I suspected, sleep never came. I sighed, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. I reached over for my phone to turn on some music—that always helped—but that’s when I saw that I had two missed calls from Bree. My eyes widened when I realized that the reason why I woke up was because I heard my phone ring, I was just too late to answer it. “Shit,” I muttered. I went to call her back, but, as I was dialing, she was calling again. “Hello?” I asked breathlessly.

“V-Vic?” my heart nearly stopped at the tone of Bree’s voice—broken, terrified, desperate.

“Bree? Are you okay?” I asked, worried.

“Oh, God, n-no,” I heard her cry, and my heart stopped while the rest of my insides crumbled around it.

“Bree, what’s wrong?” I tried to stay clam for her, but her sobs on the other end of the line were making me shudder.

“It-It’s L-Logan,” she sobbed.

I widened my eyes. “What happened?” I whispered.

“H-He… I need you, Vic… please… don’t leave me, oh my, God,” she cried violently into the phone. “Oh my, God,” she repeated. She let out a blood-curdling scream, making my insides freeze.

“Bree, just—just hold on, okay? I’m coming to see you right now,” I said hastily, rushing across to Tony’s room. Her demeanor made me rigid but also weak in the knees—what was happening?

“I-I’m s-so s-s-sorry,” she whined into the phone.

“Shh, Bree,” I murmured softly, wishing more than everything that I could be with her in an instant and just hold her. “I’ll be there as fast as possible,” I promised.

I swung Tony’s door open, hoping that he was a light sleeper.

“O-Okay,” she croaked. “I-I-I can’t be here… it’s so… so…”

“What is it?” I asked quietly as I approached Tony.

“I-I… I can’t see this…” she said, and then she screamed again.

“Bree!” I cried.

“Please don’t leave me like he did,” she cried.

“I won’t leave you, Bree,” I promised. “Are you going to be okay while I drive to your house?” I asked—not that there was really a choice in the matter.

“I-I th-think… I-I’m sorry,” she said again.

“No, Bree,” I said softly. “Don’t be sorry. I’m here for you. I’m almost on my way,” I said.

“O-Okay,” she choked out.

I took the phone away from my ear for a second, poking Tony’s sleeping face. “Tony, wake up,” I said urgently. Tony groaned a little in his sleep and rolled over, and I sighed; waking him up was going to be a battle.

“Tony!” I whispered loudly.

“Hold on, Bree,” I whispered into the phone.

“Tony,” I said at a low volume. “Tony, wake the fuck up, god damn it,” I cursed. Tony stirred quietly, and I decided that I needed to be an asshole. I jogged over to the other side of his bed and turned on the lamp that was on his nightstand.

“…what… fuck…” Tony groaned, squinting his eyes.

“Tony, I need your car,” I said urgently.

“What? Why? It’s… it’s three in the morning, dude, go back to sleep,” he yawned.

“Tone, this is serious. Something happened at Bree’s and I need to help her,” I said, beginning to feel anxious.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know!” I whisper yelled. “She’s on the phone now,” I held up the phone, “and she’s completely distraught. I'm sorry, Tony, but I have to go,” I said.

“I… uh… okay,” he finally said, looking disoriented. “Just make sure you call me when you get there,” he ordered, and I nodded furiously. He pointed to his car keys that were on his desk, and I nodded gratefully.

“Thanks, Tony,” I said, breathless.

“Thanks for not just stealing my car,” he noted, and I gave him a quick thumbs up before snatching his keys up and swiftly making my way out of the house.

“You there, Bree?” I asked as I quietly made my way to Tony’s car. I snuck out of the house stealthily and was relieved to find his car parked on the curb—that meant his mom wouldn’t wake up when I started it.

“Y-Yes,” she whimpered softly.

“I’m driving now,” I told her, putting the phone on speaker and placing it in my lap. I knew I shouldn’t talk on the phone while driving, but I couldn’t hang up on her when she needed me. “Will you talk to me? What is going on?” I tried.

“He-He’s gone…” she said the very words that I dreaded to hear.

“No,” I whispered.

“Please hurry,” she begged quietly.

“I’m hurrying, baby, I’m hurrying,” I said softly, my heart breaking as I drove as fast as I could, a few tears rolling down my face.

“D-Drive carefully,” she said.

“I am, don’t worry.”


“I’m s-so s-sorry,” she cried.

“Don’t be sorry, Bree,” I said gently.

“I don't—I don’t know what… I don’t know what to do,” she gasped, her cries now hysteric. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel, angrily wishing that we weren’t two hours away from each other. She needed me right now, but I couldn’t be there for at least an hour and a half.

“Where are you right now?” I asked.

“Th-The living room… I-I… he’s right h-h-here….” she choked out. “I can’t l-leave him…” she cried.

I swallowed back the bile that was rising in my throat, simultaneously pushing the image of whatever was going on at her house out of my imagination.

“I-It’s okay, Bree,” I started. “Why don’t you go to your room and wait for me to get there?” I suggested.

“I-I… I-I… that’s a… o-okay…” she stammered. “I-I’m g-going up… I can’t… I can’t…” she continued to gasp.

“Bree…” my face contorted in pain for her and my heart beat frantically. It physically hurt to hear her like this, and I wished that I could do something to calm her down. I pushed a little harder on the gas pedal. “I’ll be there soon, just hold on,” I whispered.

I heard her sniffle into the receiver, and I assumed that she was nodding.

“Will you talk to me?” I asked.

She sniffled again. “V-Vic… I can’t… I can’t…” she cried.

At this point, tears flowed freely down my face. She was a wreck, but I didn’t know what to do to help her.

“I’ll be there soon,” I promised.

I heard her sniff and force a light, choppy chuckle. “A-Are you speeding?”

I laughed bitterly. “A little. Don’t worry,” I said. I looked at my speedometer, seeing that I was going ninety miles per hour. I didn’t worry, though—I was in control of the car, and the roads were empty because of the time. And I definitely wasn’t tired.

“Be careful,” she whispered hoarsely.

“I am. Bree, baby, why don’t you turn on some music and close your eyes until I get there?” I suggested.

“I l-like that idea,” she responded.

“Good,” I said softly. “Do that, and I’ll be there before you know it,” I said.

“O-Okay, I am,” she said. “I can’t talk… b-but don’t hang up,” she said. “Please…”

“Okay,” I said. “I’m right here.”

“C-Can y-you sing to me, instead?” she asked quietly. My heart throbbed at her request.

“Yes, I’ll sing to you, Bree,” I whispered. “What would you like me to sing?” I asked.

“Anything,” she whispered.

“Okay,” I said quietly, and I immediately started singing random, calming things—whatever popped into my head. I kept my voice soft and unstrained, singing quietly to her. Her cries quieted down as I continued to sing softly to her, and silent tears dripped down my face. I could still hear her whimpering in helplessness, and it was breaking my heart into tiny fragments.

I somehow had managed to turn the usual two-hour drive into an hour and ten-minute drive. “I’m here, love,” I said, pulling into her driveway. I jumped out of the car and sprinted to her front door, hoping that it was already open—which it was. I took a deep breath and rushed inside. I set my phone and keys down on top of the chest in the foyer of her house.

I didn’t even consider checking out the living room where Logan apparently was. Instead, I immediately bolted up the stairs up to Bree’s room. I took three steps at a time and ran down the hallway, not even bothering to take a breath.

“Bree!” I called breathlessly. Before I reached her room, I felt something hit my chest, causing a gasp to escape my mouth and me to stagger back a little.

She threw her arms around me desperately and squeezed, sobbing hysterically into my chest.

“Bree,” I sighed in relief. I held the back of her head firmly and backed up against the hallway wall. I slid us down the wall and held onto her tightly, letting her cry.

“He l-left m-me,” she cried, her fists gripping my t-shirt tightly. She let out an agonizing scream, muffled by my chest that her face was pressed up against. I held her tightly as she shook in my arms, her breath ragged and short. I rocked her back and forth, rubbing her back.

“Shh, shh,” I cooed lowly.

“H-He’s g-gone f-forever,” she cried. She weakly pounded her fist into my chest in anguish.

“I’m so sorry, Bree,” I whispered into her ear.

“It h-hurts, so m-much,” she cried, breathing heavily.

“I know, I know,” I whispered, closing my eyes. “I’ve got you,” I squeezed her. “I won’t ever let you go,” I murmured. She sniffled and nodded, sighing. She pulled back, looking me in the eyes. “Bree…” a pained expression inhabited my face when I saw hers. Her eyes were bloodshot, her cheeks were tear stained, but what caught my eye the most was a fresh bruise on her right temple. I immediately reached out and lightly traced it with my fingertips. She cringed slightly, and more tears spilled over the brim of her eyes. I kept my hand on the right side of her face, smoothing down her hair.

“It w-was an a-accident,” she cried. “But h-he s-said h-he didn’t want to… he said h-he h-hated h-hurting me,” she tried to explain. “H-He wasn’t h-hurting m-me on p-purpose,” she shook her head and fell back into my arms, resting her head on my shoulder. “I-I t-told him it w-was o-okay, b-but h-he l-left m-me anyway,” she cried, her broken voice centimeters away from my ear.

“Oh, Bree,” I whispered.

“Th-This h-hurts m-more th-than an accidental p-punch,” she whined, shaking her head and then burying it into my neck.

I continued to hold her as she drained her tears away, tears of my own falling, too. I didn’t want to rush her, but we had to do something about this. In the pit of my stomach I knew what was downstairs in her living room, and it was weighing against my shoulders like a pile of debris from a severe storm, waiting to be dealt with.

“Do you want me to call someone?” I asked gently, even though I knew it was necessary to call someone. She nodded, but she squeezed me tightly—she didn’t want me to let her go.

“I can’t see it again,” she whispered croakily.

“You don’t have to. C’mere,” I said. I carefully stood up with her, but she was so distraught that she couldn’t stand on her own. I scooped her up into my arms and carried her to her room.

“Where are we going?” she asked, her words slurred with exhaustion.

I answered by gently placing her on to her mattress, the covers already pulled back. “Stay here while I go check it out, okay?” I murmured, pulling the blanket up and around her. She nodded, nuzzling her head into a pillow. Her eyes were already closed.

I stared at her sadly, my mouth twitching as I tried not to break down into sobs at the sight of her being so broken. I brushed back a few strands of her hair and squatted down to her level, planting a prolonged kiss on her forehead. “I love you,” I murmured lowly.

I reluctantly tore myself away from her, even though all I wanted was to crawl into bed with her and hold her forever. But I couldn’t leave the problem down stairs unsolved for much longer.

I gulped as I walked down the stairs that creaked with each step. I shivered, the house carrying an entirely different aura once I separated from Bree. I didn’t think about it before because I was so focused on her, but now I felt a cold wave of darkness rush past me. I felt this nagging in the pit of my stomach, as if the scene that I knew existed in Bree’s living room was calling out to me. I drew a shaky breath and grabbed my phone from the foyer.

I immediately dropped to my knees when I slowly entered the living room.

Everything was dark because the sun was still down and all of the lights were off, making the scene more horrifying that it would be if there was light.

I looked at the ceiling fan, first. It hung weakly off of the wall, nearly hanging by a thread. Around the neck of the fan was a thick rope, and this very rope also was tightly strung around the neck of Logan. It was Logan’s weight that was making the fan hang loosely from the ceiling. My breathing hitched as I continued to stare at his hanging body.

My eyes traveled down Logan’s body—it swayed slightly because of the instable fan, which kept resettling because of the irresistible force of gravity.

God damned gravity.

I remained in my trance, taking in the horrific sight. Logan’s wrists were completely open—the ground below him was blood soaked and trashed with multiple different blades. I then noticed how his entire body was red—indicating that he had slit his wrists first prior to tying the noose, causing his own blood to spill all over himself.

I tried to choke it down, but I couldn’t help but get physically sick at the sight of his dead body.

I gasped, pressing the heel of my palm into my chest to constrain my heart that felt like it was about to beat out of my chest.

I shook my head, refocusing. My shaking hands dialed 911, but I couldn’t break the spell that Logan’s hanging body had on me—I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the ugly sight.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

I stared, lost, at Logan’s dead, bloodless, lifeless, hanging body, the image now sketched in permanent marker in my brain.

My voice came out in a low, croaky whisper.

“Suicide.”

Notes

Aw, man.